JHop1 Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 Background: Dated for 2.5 years roughly, we met and instantly hit it off. We both fell in love. We were best friends, everyone of my friends looked at us as "goals". She had a best friend named Kris, Kris had a huge crush on my teammate/roommate/best friend in college named Justin for this story…. Junior Year/Senior College: We started dating. She is a beautiful, down to earth, funny, smart, and embarrassing all at the same time, I always had a smile on my face around her. We would go out all the time and have a great time at the bars, Kris would hang out with Justin while we were dancing and they hit it off. Everything good in the hood. I graduated, she graduates this may (year apart) Her Senior Year: Where the problem began, me and her were amazing until about a month into her senior year. Around that time Justin started to see someone else, ended up dating her and Kris was visibly upset for awhile. (They never even were FWB for 2 years!).After this at the bar, we danced less and she would try her best to hook her friend up with any guy for the night, if she succeeded she would basically rape me in the bar by grinding, kissing me, and so on but very rare. This happened every time and we began to fight because she would flirt with guys to help her friend; her friend was more than capable of doing it herself. Not insecure but don't want to be standing in the middle of the bar holding my d**k ya know. We fought a total of 8 times in 2.5 years (amazing right), every fight was bc of the same thing. We dated and were good until about 2 months ago, she was up her friends ass and was being manipulated by her (honestly think she was, Kris was very dominant, she was very passive and was forced to go out with her and whatnot). She started to distance herself from me, I feel like Kris over time was getting into her to leave me to be single with her. As if Kris was jealous I was taking time away from being with her best friend. She never ever cheated on me, I have best friends at both schools that pretty much are with her 24/7 and she hates the idea of cheaters. I know the signs and tricks bc I was one in a past relationship (not proud of, still feel like crap for doing it). Maybe this is Karma? A month after the breakup I saw her (this past weekend), she ran up to me hugged me along with her best friend and I shrugged it off and keep moving on to be with my friends. She texts me yesterday saying she is sorry for distancing herself and being stand offish at the bar. She says I was really important part of her life. Yet she "needs that distance to move on"… Caught me at a weak moment, and I said to give me a second chance and how things would be different (1 message total, not like back and forth) I would give her time to be with her best friends and whatnot. She responds saying it is not my fault and she had been "pulling away for a little bit" and her "feelings changed a little" and "I need to be single for myself." I respond saying "oh, ok I'm sorry." That was it. I was doing NC until that weak moment, and back on NC, I am now avoiding going to the same bars bc of that and my old teammates are stopping too. However, I think about her day and night, other girls text me but I still miss her. I treated her so right (bought her beautiful things, flowers, was a gentleman, and took her out on perfect dates) for this to end just like that. She comes home in a month from today, she recently moved 2 min away from my house and has no friends within a 45 mile radius. She will have nothing until she starts cybersecurity courses for a government job in July, even then it will be Tuesday and Thursday only until December. She will have 2 months of being crammed in her house, she is a lazy person to be honest. Kris will only be an influence to her by text, she WILL get lonely just because none of her girlfriends are near her and she'd never go out alone. I would consider getting back with her if she said and did the right things or grow up to be blunt. It is not a guarantee I will hear from her but I believe it is a very high possibility. What actions should I do now, if she contacts me, and so on. We follow each other on social media, this drop dead beautiful girl is coming home in May as well that is texting me (women are very freaking aggressive once a man becomes single!), I could move on and start to begin a relationship with her but not rush things, can use her as bait to show her I can move on and she is losing me to this girl, or do nothing and wait to see if she reaches out. How would you handle this situation or have you ever been in this situation where a friend manipulated your gf essentially. Did they reach out to you and so on? Thank you, much love, sorry for long post haha! PS. when she broke up she was hysterical and said she "never wants to lose me" but she needs to be selfish for some time.
whatnot Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 Stop making excuses for this person's behavior. Painful as that may be.
Marc878 Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 You need to go your own way. Quit being played. She's like a cat playing with a mouse. You chase they move farther away. Always!!!!
ExpatInItaly Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 Stop making excuses for this person's behavior. Painful as that may be. Exactly. This isn't Kris's fault. Unless your ex is as impressionable as a child, she has a lot more ownership in this break-up than her friend ever could. If she was flirting with other guys, it's because she wanted to. She used her "poor" friend Kris as an excuse, but it was still your ex's choice. My feeling is that she is being honest that she doesn't want to commit right now. She wants to be be out having fun with no responsibilities. That is something only she can decide, and I think that even if you reconciled right now, it wouldn't last. She isn't ready.
smi11ie Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 She doesn't sound ready for a serious relationship. I would concentrate on finding someone you like who wants a boyfriend.
breadbin Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 First of all don't use the new beautiful girl as 'bait', that's just not fair. I'd agree with the rest of the posters and move on. Your ex doesn't sound like she wants to be tied down. By you at any rate. Sometimes we want what we can't have and if you're too nice to them, they take you for granted. I've read hundreds of stories on here about the same thing. Seemingly nice blokes wondering where they went wrong. Doing everything right, treating their GF's with respect, devoting themselves to them, buying them stuff and what not, only to be dumped. I include myself in this gang. Dumped with no right reason. Just the usual - I need space or it's not you, it's me line. Your ex knows she can have you whenever she wants so she is happy with that. She can go off and try out other guys, you'll always be the safe option. Until you meet the next girl of your dreams and you don't want your ex sniffing round. And then she will realise she let a good man slip through her fingers. She might regret it for the rest of her life but you have to look after #1. Forget about your ex, she hurt you, move on from her.
Author JHop1 Posted April 13, 2017 Author Posted April 13, 2017 I read all of the posts and I sat back and thought of it, I do agree with everyone here. I think I placed this person on a pedestal and just ignored it thinking it would change once she was away from her friends. If she contacts me saying Happy Easter or something do I respond saying thanks you too or continue NC? I am going to focus my time on this other girl, we were childhood friends that started to turn romantic before I went to Texas and she went to Cali for school, and talk as if we haven't skipped a beat so there is definitely chemistry.
preraph Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 You gentlemen have got to stop blaming the best friend for causing the problems you encounter with your girlfriend. She probably is a whole lot like her best friend in many ways and probably concurs with her on just about everything, because women are close like that. No best girlfriend is going to get away with anything the girl doesn't want to happen. She has a mind of her own. She is perfectly capable of making this choice for herself. She is perfectly capable of telling Kris "no" or distancing herself if she wanted to just like she has told you "no" at times and is distancing herself because she wants to. By blaming her friend, you are simply offering up hopeful excuses for the decision your now ex-girlfriend made regarding staying in the relationship with you. By offering excuses, you are enabling her to continue doing that without blame, which won't do you any good, because she has moved on. She moved on because she wanted to. She probably just enjoys being single. Maybe that will change some day years from now, but for the next few years, that's probably how it's going to be, boyfriends who don't last very long and then move on. I'm sorry you're hurt and miss her. But get real about this. It's not Kris's fault. You discredit your ex by inferring she doesn't have the brain to make her OWN decisions. Don't ever let her get a whiff of THAT.
fromheart Posted April 14, 2017 Posted April 14, 2017 Ok, so when she's flirting with other men for her friend(yeah right) this was turining her on and thats why she was grinding up to you afterwards. Its not a good idea to continue with a woman emotionally when she acts this way, unless this is your thing and what you're into as well. Clearly it isn't, and the point where you ended it should have been where she is flirting with the other men 'for her friend.' Bear in mind, this was what was happening in front of your face. Behind your back it could have been more extreme. 'Needs to be selfish for sometime,' don't accept this nonsense and bad behavior. Your response should be, 'sorry, but selfish anytime doesn't do it for me.' Your gf wasn't manipulated, she chose to act the way she did. You've got a month till a drop dead gorgeous girl comes into town, life moves on to better things. Try and use the next couple of weeks to let go of the dead weight past and move on.
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