Frc Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 Hi, first of all, thank you for reading this post, I am already a bit sick of this story but I just want to hear your opinion, I am going to try to tell this story from a neutral point of view. So, me and my ex dated for 3 year and everything was normal until september of 2016 when college began. She went to college and spent her days doing nothing with her friends in the garden, and when I would invite her for lunch and she would always refuse and said that she was studying and when I would offer a ride home she would always say no, we only spent litle time in the week-ends togther. During this period, when she was with her friends, she met a gay girl (my ex was her whole life straight) and they have started to talk and to be friends (now I know that the first time that they met, the gay girl used the lesbian handshake). As I trusted my ex, I was ok with the fact that they were friends, and during that period, they were toghter smoking, going out at night (my ex did not tell me of this), and at the end of November (one day, my ex said that they maked out in a bathroom but then said that she was kidding), I was really felling the last of her priorities, I tought that she had someone else, so in december, I told her and she said that we needed a time, not for her but for me and we went no contact for 19 days, when I finally called her and I have tried to solve things, but then she did not wanted, I was till the 26 of February doing my best to save our relationship and she was ignoring me or would only talk to me when she was alone or something. Than in they started dating and I am triyng to do no contact for almost a week, trying not to care as she said that she is in love and I dont want to ruin it for her ( I was the first person to tell her to follow her heart). But they are certain things that make me think like: She told me that she only started to feel atraction to this girl because all her friends said that they were toghter; We tried to be friends, but every time we were togther, she would talk about her girlfriends and the things that they were doing, like going out to parties, She was said that she made my life bad (it was not true) She never told me that she liked to go to parties, and I would always invite her for a drink and she would ALWAYS refuse ( I tought that she was only doing this with her college friends and I tought it was peer pressure); The last thing she told me was that she doesnt want to be alone. So I think, will she ever come back? I really like her, she was my best friend in the whole world, and I used to say to her that she was my sister, not my girlfriend. I want to be happy and I want her to be happy, I would always feel something special with her, but I think I have to move on... I have asked her if we have a chance and she said no and said that she doesn't love me anymore. I do belive that she is trying to convince her self... I have posted this before in the wrong section, sorry for that. Thank you for your time and I wish you the best!
ExpatInItaly Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 Perhaps I'm getting old, but what in the heck is "the lesbian handshake"? I have never heard this one before. Never tell a girlfriend that she is like your sister. Those are two entirely different categories and should not be likened; that sends the message to the girlfriend that you don't view her in a romantic way. I'm sure you meant it as a compliment, but most girls will not take it that way. I don't feel this in any way changed your ex's feelings, but just a suggestion for the future! All of that aside, I doubt she is coming back, OP. I'm sorry as I know that's not what you want to hear, but I don't see much possibility of a reconciliation. She is going through a very exploratory phase of her life, both given the fact that she's just started college and that she is now dating another girl. She obviously had some unexplored curiosity about women, even if she never acknowledged it to you or even to herself. She is still young and figuring out who she is. You would be best to move on. Easier said than done, I realize. It's not really fair of you to assume she's trying to convince herself that she doesn't want to be with you; she knows her own heart and mind better than you do. All you can do is take her at her word that she doesn't see a future together and work on letting go. 1
Author Frc Posted April 12, 2017 Author Posted April 12, 2017 thank you for your answer, at this point, I dont think that she is comming back, it is just that she was my best friend, I want her to be happy. what was told to me by her, is that the lesbian handshake is when you tinkle your finger in the palm of the hand of the other woman while handshaking. It sucks...
PegNosePete Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 I have asked her if we have a chance and she said no You answered your own question right there. No, there is no chance whatsoever. She has ended things and begun a new relationship. I do belive that she is trying to convince her self... No, it's you who's trying to convince yourself that you have another chance. Sorry, you need to wake up and smell the coffee here. It's over, forever.
d0nnivain Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 That handshake is something people do but it has nothing to do with being a lesbian. Lesbians do not have a secret handshake as far as I know. Although certain sorority & fraternities do. That particular handshake is or at least can be a sign of sexual interest but it crosses gender lines. Yours is simply another young relationship that did not survive the transition to college. No I don't think your HS GF will come back to. She is discovering a whole new world on multiple levels in college. You are part of her past. As much as it pains you, it's time to let go. Grieve the loss of a relationship that had been precious to you but focus on healing.
Author Frc Posted April 12, 2017 Author Posted April 12, 2017 I know that you are right. It is just that I feel 'angry?' sometimes because I still like her, this is her 3rd year in college but since the first that she began to change. It is just that I want her to be happy, I really do but I feel sad because I only have fellings for her, I don't feel like I want anybody else, and that is pretty bad. I have tried to be a good boyfriend, I did everything I could and now this, all my plans for the future gone. I am trying to work on myself ( and I dont feel sadness anymore) it is just I want so much for this to go away... Thanks for your reply.
d0nnivain Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 The pain, anger, sadness & frustration will go away in time. It's sweet that you want her to be happy. You sound like a good guy. Hang on to that. Try to remember that your EX is not the only girl in the world. Give yourself time to grieve but do keep yourself busy & surrounded by upbeat friends.
Altair0770 Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 The amount of times I've seen people break up because of the transition to college... sigh. So glad I didn't date at that age. To answer your question of "should I move on", the answer is always 100% YES. Even if you think 99% chance she'll come back, it's always a yes. You only get them back when you move on. But that doesn't mean you always do. Seems to me she's more interested in living a single life and experiencing the college life than settling down for a future. I'd go NC and heal. Maybe she'll come back, maybe she won't. But asking random people on the internet for an answer is about as useful as asking a wall. We know nothing of your relationship besides a brief description.
fromheart Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 [quote=Frc;7283449 She told me that she only started to feel atraction to this girl because all her friends said that they were toghter; This is probably the most stupid thing I've ever heard. Personally I would tell her that and move on for good. A girl like this is good for fun, not much else really. She's been doing things with the gay girl for sometime I'm afraid. Don't get emotionally attached to women like this, they are not developed enough to be in a relationship.
Author Frc Posted April 12, 2017 Author Posted April 12, 2017 In our relationship I was always trying my best, some days I was really pissed oof because she would tell me that she someked weed while I was wprking my ass off in college, sometimes I was sad because I felt that she wasn t saying everything and when we had to do something toghter she wouldn't put any effort into it, after a while I accepeted everything, I wpuld make her dinner every time she went to my house but I didnt even met her family nor went to her house in 3 years...
fromheart Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 Don't just accept everything, don't be someones doormat. This lacks self respect. Try and put yourself and your own need first. She hasn't been meeting your needs for sometime. Move on and continue with your work, you'll meet a better girl who is also a hard worker like yourself. 1
Author Frc Posted April 13, 2017 Author Posted April 13, 2017 Dont you think that this might be a phase?
DontBreakEven Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 what was told to me by her, is that the lesbian handshake is when you tinkle your finger in the palm of the hand of the other woman while handshaking. What in sam hell are you talking about? I am a lesbian and this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Are you 12?
preraph Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 Look, the lesbian thing doesn't really matter. The big picture is she lost interest in you some time ago and didn't bother to break up properly. She's more interested in making new friends and exploring and it doesn't really matter what sex that is all that much. She's quietly drifted away from the dock and isn't likely to come back in any substantial way that would have meaning to you. I'm sorry. People grow up.
Author Frc Posted April 13, 2017 Author Posted April 13, 2017 I agree, but i just don't know if it might be a phase.
preraph Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 Even if it is a phase, it doesn't mean that she's done exploring in general. She is young and at the age a person isn't even fully mature yet and needs to explore. I just suggest you do the same.
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