Sandwoman Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 This only happens when I'm smitten by a guy. This guy I met for five times in two months (I initiated three of the dates) and slept with already. I think he isn't that into me because he doesn't initiate much contact (about once or a week? So I mirror his behaviour) or earnestly making plans but he seems very attracted during the dates. I usually have many pursuers but I alway go for the most difficult/unavailable one and stress over it. He hasn't texted me for almost two days. I initiated the last texting. I don't want to date other people because I'm infatuated...I know...it's pretty bad. I'm so anxious I can't sleep and am obsessed with googling answers for this kind of situation, can't work properly, mood swings...What's wrong with me? What do I do about it? I'm thinking of blocking his number just so I can stop the obsession...it's affecting my mental health... 1
Chilli Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 (edited) Just one more reason l always say the girls shouldn't do the asking. lf a guys truly interested he'll find a way of doing that but if she does it he may well just go with it for convenience but she too often just gets this sorta thing sooner or later even if it's 15yrs later and leaves the marrage, because it just wasn't strong enough for him in the first place. Ya gonna have to suck it up and let him be, see if he does any of the work. But don't be surprised if you get a call in a few wks when he's got nothin else on or feels like some fun. Think you'll have to go with one of your other many pursuers Edited April 12, 2017 by Chilli 2
Tressugar Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 I think you need to pace yourself. Date other men or become involved in an engaging after work/weekend activity to gain balance in your life. By doing this it will make you less available to focus on one person. Don't forget the nugget of truth...scarcity creates value in a person. We all like a little mystery 1
Author Sandwoman Posted April 12, 2017 Author Posted April 12, 2017 Just one more reason l always say the girls shouldn't do the asking. lf a guys truly interested he'll find a way of doing that but if she does it he may well just go with it for convenience but she too often just gets this sorta thing sooner or later even if it's 15yrs later and leaves the marrage, because it just wasn't strong enough for him in the first place. Ya gonna have to suck it up and let him be, see if he does any of the work. But don't be surprised if you get a call in a few wks when he's got nothin else on or feels like some fun. Think you'll have to go with one of your other many pursuers Thanks for the advice! yes I've done enough and time to sit back and expect nothing...if it's meant to be he will make things happen. The 15 years later is damn scary...
Author Sandwoman Posted April 12, 2017 Author Posted April 12, 2017 I think you need to pace yourself. Date other men or become involved in an engaging after work/weekend activity to gain balance in your life. By doing this it will make you less available to focus on one person. Don't forget the nugget of truth...scarcity creates value in a person. We all like a little mystery Thank you for your advice! I need to chill and distract myself with all kinds of things... it's crazy to get obsessed over someone you barely know, I thought it could a sign that we are not compatible. But it's like drugs...it's overwhelming and totally irrational 2
d0nnivain Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 That initial dizzying feeling can be addictive. It's fun to fall in love & you like a challenge, which is why you go for the elusive ones. The key to them is confidence. You have to behave as though you are the best date ever & your life is & will remain fabulous whether they are in it. Be the bright, shiny new toy they want to play with. 1
BaileyB Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 It sounds like you have a pretty good idea of the problem. Perhaps, next time you need to pick differently - do you pick these guys because you like the excitement of it all or because you know they are virtually "unattainable." You also need to have more realistic expectations. Either way, what you are describing doesn't sound very healthy and likely won't help you to find a lasting, long term relationship (if that's what you want). I would suggest counselling to try to determine why you have this self defeating pattern... Good luck! 1
shrah25 Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 This only happens when I'm smitten by a guy. This guy I met for five times in two months (I initiated three of the dates) and slept with already. I think he isn't that into me because he doesn't initiate much contact (about once or a week? So I mirror his behaviour) or earnestly making plans but he seems very attracted during the dates. I usually have many pursuers but I alway go for the most difficult/unavailable one and stress over it. He hasn't texted me for almost two days. I initiated the last texting. I don't want to date other people because I'm infatuated...I know...it's pretty bad. I'm so anxious I can't sleep and am obsessed with googling answers for this kind of situation, can't work properly, mood swings...What's wrong with me? What do I do about it? I'm thinking of blocking his number just so I can stop the obsession...it's affecting my mental health... Hi @Sandwoman Thanks for your message. What you're pointing out can actually be applied to many areas of our lives - that is, when we are completely attached to an outcome, we often repel the very thing we want. In addition to this, we put ourselves under enormous pressure as well as the emotional impact that it has on us. Hence, it's really important for you to try and detach from it. Otherwise it will drive you absolutely nuts and create a situation that will lead to a love life that is way less than you deserve. Also, the obsessive nature that you are describing is often a theme across a number of different areas. Is this something that you struggle in other areas of your life at all? Thanks
Gaeta Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 How to get over an infatuation. Delete his number Head to the nearest home-depot get everything needed to repaint your place, that should keep you busy and help you sweat him out of your system.
reeseyummy Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 Pace yourself. Trust yourself. Trying thinking about yourself only. Would you like to continue with this guy if you are the only one doing the work? Do you think you would be happy? Would that be good for YOU? Recognize what's best for YOU. I know it's hard when you're obsessing, but try to think if a friend asked you the same question, would you be happy that she continued this so-called relationship? I doubt she would. I get super obsessed over guys sometimes, and I try to train myself to think this way too. It's hard, and it doesn't always work, but I'm working on it! If only you have the strength to say NO to things you don't feel good with, will you start really meeting the guys that are good for you. 1
curiouslysearching Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 so much for taking it one day at a time.....wow
Miss Spider Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 Do stuff that makes you happy! A spa day. Shopping with friends. A walk in the woods. Paint a picture. Go to the movies. Go to the humane society and hang with animals. Or just watch cute animal vids on YouTube. These are just mine but do whatever makes *you* happy and a lot of it 1
curiouslysearching Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 Do stuff that makes you happy! A spa day. Shopping with friends. A walk in the woods. Paint a picture. Go to the movies. Go to the humane society and hang with animals. Or just watch cute animal vids on YouTube. These are just mine but do whatever makes *you* happy and a lot of it Keep yourself busy like Cookie suggested Idle time is probably not advisable
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