TaylorZ Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 Hey guys I'm new here. First off all sorry for my English. I've been in a LTR for a while. I'm single now and I quickly realised that I'm not really into this texting thing. I've had this pattern a few times now: For example I ask a girl a genuine question on Facebook about school for example (I'm new in this class and just know some girls because they are friends of friends, but never really talked properly). She responds, I'm like oke thanks for helping me out. Then she starts asking some random question or making a random comment about her life. So we start talking. I get a lot of emoticons and also some questions back. Honestly I'm not really thinking much of it. So most of the time I end the discussion after a few days. The reason is that before being with my ex I really got sick of texting and Facebook, like for example I had 2 girls like texting me almost everyday. They were initiating like the majority of the time and I was always the one to end the discussion. One was even giving me compliments when she met me in real life, but I heard from friends that she got dumped and wasn't over her ex and the other one had a crush on a guy that was playing her. So ultimately I just quit the texting thing and ignored them. I'm not someones plan B or penpal. I just really don't like the fact that I can't distinguish who is interested and who is just looking for a penpal. What signals should I look for and what are red flags? Also most girls I know are from university. I know some people will say I should ask them on a date if I'm interested, but honestly I don't feel like it, because even if she was interested I prefer to hang out as friends before considering that I could be interested.
d0nnivain Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 Texting is not really a medium for good communication. If you like the woman, ask her out. Your proposition that you "hang out as friends first" before asking her out misunderstands the nature & purpose of an early date. A date is not a commitment. A date is that prescheduled meeting to spend time together to determine future compatibility & whether you want to be in a relationship. translation: those "hang outs" you describe are actually dates. You are simply trying to avoid the label. Don't. Because the minute you mention hanging out as "friends" future romance may be off the table & you will be friend zoned. You don't have to use the word date. Since you are young & still in school you can use the awful phrase "hang out" which is awful because it is so ambiguous but if you want any prayer of one of these hang outs to later turn to romance do not use the word friend initially. Simply be silent on the subject rather than foreclose the future possibility of a relationship by mis-labeling it & being unnecessarily coy about your intentions. 2
Kamille Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 I think suggesting a hang out works in this context, especially since you're not sure you want to date these friends. Plus, as far as I understand it, that's still the scene on university campuses: people hang out, sometimes hook up and every once in awhile find someone they really like and want to date more seriously. As to the texting, I hear you. I'm also not a fan of text conversations. May I suggest you cut off the conversation within the hour instead of within two days? As in, have a brief exchange and then excuse yourself. 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 As to the texting, I hear you. I'm also not a fan of text conversations. May I suggest you cut off the conversation within the hour instead of within two days? As in, have a brief exchange and then excuse yourself. ^^^^^ This. 1
Author TaylorZ Posted April 12, 2017 Author Posted April 12, 2017 Thanks for your answers guys. I agree with what you said d0nnivain, but in my university campus it's more like Kamille said. Guys only ask girls on a proper date if they already hang out and there is some chemistry and most of the time they already kissed or had sex. Yeah it's the other way around I know. I think you've got a point there Kamille, but what do you think is the best way to do this?
Kamille Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 Thanks for your answers guys. I agree with what you said d0nnivain, but in my university campus it's more like Kamille said. Guys only ask girls on a proper date if they already hang out and there is some chemistry and most of the time they already kissed or had sex. Yeah it's the other way around I know. I think you've got a point there Kamille, but what do you think is the best way to do this? I end conversations by saying something like : "I have to get back to ______". (Work, studying, cleaning, getting ready, the gym). That usually prompts my interlocutor to say goodbye in some form and then I just say goodbye/talk later / have a nice evening, etc. 1
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