Am I reading too much into it?

[alandru]

Hi all.

 

I know that the following story is not that much of a break-up but seeing that I really like this girl, I'd be curious to get another perspective...

 

- Met (alias) Christine about 6 months ago

- Christine lives in a city where I go and stay a month, then go away and come back again after one month. (working in another city)

- First month when we met, I wasn't really interested, as I was still recuperating from my previous relationship. We saw each other, talked, kissed, but nothing happened, it was quite cold

- Third month I went back we went out again, but I got a really bad winter cold that lasted 3 weeks so again nothing happened

- As soon as I left, I had a chat with my ex and I was finally free of the emotions, for good now (took a year..). Then I said, ok, now I should talk more with Christine

- I then told her I want to see her again because in the beginning I was not really involved and I do like her and want to try the proper way now. She says ok, we can see each other

- We started talking more, however, she told me she has a new strong crush on someone at her work. They've sort of fell for each other. The thing is, the guy has a girlfriend. So she feels really weird and bad because she never did a thing like that. Sometimes they meet all 3 together and it gets awkward and makes her sad.

- We start talking a bit more by text, sometimes on the phone. she laughs at my jokes, it seems ok

- We see each other. She does not want to kiss me. She's into the other guy. I said ok its not meant to be, I'm really nice to her, we spend a nice evening together at my place, didn't do anything. She eventually gets very emotional about the other guy so we say our goodbyes. Basically that other guy keeps postponing breaking up with his girlfriend. So it makes her hate him sometimes. It was a very open honest moment we had and we shared a lot

- Next day she says she wishes she would have stayed over. So as you can imagine we started talking, and talking

- One month of talking, making jokes, she keeps asking when I'm coming home. We connect. She gets jealous sometimes. We talk on the phone more and she wants me to call her all the time. I send her flowers and she gets super excited. (You are perfect, she says) She even sends me provocative pictures, nothing nude or anything but you know, provocative. We make plans for going somewhere together.

- 6th Month. I finally go home and see her. She comes to my place. We kiss but that's about it. I cant even lift her blouse up, she wont let me. Shes keeps diverting. I get a bit frustrated, because it's been so long since I've been waiting for this, plus I was getting all the signals and taunts for 1 month now. She sees that I'm upset, so she tells me something along the lines of 'We are not in a hurry'. We stay together a bit more but she can tell that I'm upset, for the love of god I could not hide it. I was a bit shocked honestly.

- She doesn't spend the night and goes home. I send her flowers and tell her I'm sorry for being an immature prick. She didn't want them but accepts them anyway

- Two days follow where she barely replies to my usual messages

- Third day I finally insist and I call her 3 times. She answers and I spat out like 2 mins of I'm sorry and that i like her a lot

- 4th day she texts me saying :

Her: I don't want you to feel guilty, it's not anything you did. 80% it has nothing to do with you. But it's true, you did act like a child that cant have his exact toys, I cannot accept that and it does make me not feel close to you.

Me: I know I was a child, but I'm trying to change and I really feel bad because I really like you a lot. Also I hope you have not changed your opinion about me and still want to see/talk to me

Her: It's not about my opinion about you. But in the context where you want something and I have no Idea what I want, it's not fair to you that we talk or see each other anymore.

Me: Yeah, if I had not insisted previously for 5 years for someone else who was going back and forth, I would have fought with all my strengths now. But I'm tired.

Her: ok take care

Me: You too. And you know... send me a message someday

 

 

I know I have to move on. But I fell for her hard and I feel like we were very comfortable with each other. Same type of thinking, same interests, honest with each other. She also made me feel like she liked me.

 

So for anyone who read this wall of text...

 

Is it crazy of me to think I should give her some space, a few weeks and then text her to see how she is? I'm hoping to start talking to her. Even though I'm afraid of becoming her bff instead of her boyfriend. Like giving her what she isn't getting from the other guy..

On the other hand In my naivete, I'm hoping she will forgive me and maybe move on from the other guy.

 

My common sense is saying... move on. the problem is my heart is saying do everything you can so you can feel again how you felt being with her.

 

Thank you for reading.

Edited April 11, 2017 by alandru

[alandru]

After reading my post, It only confirms my feeling that I'm the biggest prick on the planet.

Edited April 11, 2017 by alandru