Mixed race couple- how to deal with differential treatment?

[alphamale]

I'm Asian-indian and have brown skin.

 

 

One day I was grocery shopping and this old white lady started asking me where the pasta section was. I told her this isn't the jim-crow south and I don't work here.

 

 

Many times white women walking towards me will grab the strap of their purse because they are sure that I will either molest them or steal their purse.

[SevenCity]

I'm Asian-indian and have brown skin.

 

 

One day I was grocery shopping and this old white lady started asking me where the pasta section was. I told her this isn't the jim-crow south and I don't work here.

 

 

Many times white women walking towards me will grab the strap of their purse because they are sure that I will either molest them or steal their purse.

 

I've had people assume I worked a store a few times when I was dressed down and I'm white as can be.

 

Don't automatically assume it's because you are darker skinned.

[Shanex]

I've had people assume I worked a store a few times when I was dressed down and I'm white as can be.

 

Don't automatically assume it's because you are darker skinned.

 

In this case I think it has more to do with the fact that @alphamale was young then (assuming he was though) and the older lady assumed he worked there. I've been mistaken for the clerks or cashiers a number of times too. By older white people and being white myself.

[grays]

I had an understanding wife who was a little on the “social justice” warpath sometimes, so she was not totally clueless. However I don’t expect white people to ever “get it” it simply is impossible for many to clearly comprehend it.

 

Im a white woman and I agree that we can never totally get it, BUT I do think we have a responsibility to try to get it. Just as people who interact with other people in this world we should be working on it. But if we have a loved one who is a person of color, then I think its even more important. I cant imagine how you could be a gkod partner to a POC without really being open minded and willing to think hard about how your partner is being treated by and experiencing the world.

 

When Ive been out in the world with black men, not only do I see that theyre being treated differently than white guys Ive been with but I get treated differently when Im with them. Kits screamingly obvious. I feel like white people have to be very obtuse, maybe purposefully obtuse, not to see it. And to deny it, imo, is a racist act/attitude in itself.

 

So we white people might not get every nuance of the problem, but only a moron or someone really committed to their racist beliefs can claim they dont see any problem or differential treatment.

[babybrowns]

Im a white woman and I agree that we can never totally get it, BUT I do think we have a responsibility to try to get it. Just as people who interact with other people in this world we should be working on it. But if we have a loved one who is a person of color, then I think its even more important. I cant imagine how you could be a gkod partner to a POC without really being open minded and willing to think hard about how your partner is being treated by and experiencing the world.

 

When Ive been out in the world with black men, not only do I see that theyre being treated differently than white guys Ive been with but I get treated differently when Im with them. Kits screamingly obvious. I feel like white people have to be very obtuse, maybe purposefully obtuse, not to see it. And to deny it, imo, is a racist act/attitude in itself.

 

So we white people might not get every nuance of the problem, but only a moron or someone really committed to their racist beliefs can claim they dont see any problem or differential treatment.

 

Thanks, yes it is important that our eyes are open to this aspect of so many societies. My boyfriend is kind and caring and is willing to help me now that he knows it means a lot to me, it's just difficult because he's a very logical person who thinks there must be a 'logical reason' for the different incidences we have experienced. I am his first partner of colour and he's just not used to getting different treatment to his gf because of race, thus leans towards making excuses for the people and assigning the differential treatment to 'other possible causes'. I just have to wait till he's seen it enough times to fully appreciate it.

[NTV]

I guess I don't understand what you want from him. He can listen and sympathize but as others have said it's unlikely he'll ever understand without a sex change and some massive plastic surgery. He can't control what others do. You could develop a code word for when it's happening and you want him to defend you but that's just a bandaid.

 

Talking about it with him won't really help your relationship much and could hurt if he feels like you're putting him in a spot where he's helpless to do anything.

 

I'm not saying that kind of treatment shouldn't bother you. I'm not saying how you feel is not valid. Your feelings are your own. I guess I'm just saying. ... what do you expect from him? Because you should be very clear up front with those expectations.

[Miss Spider]

Today I learned tall white men never experience racism

Edited April 15, 2017 by Cookiesandough