How do you move on from getting ghosted?

[Redhead14]

Is it normal to just disappear after three months of dating?

 

For a bit of background, I met him about 3 months ago online. We went on dates and hung out for the past three months, not too often but whenever we had time to do so. I wouldn't say that it was perfect or amazing, but there weren't any signs that he wanted to end it.

 

So, about texting games... Sometimes he takes hours/days to respond to my text, sometimes right away, but he has never ignored any of my text before. He obviously initiated most of the texts in the beginning, but recently I felt comfortable enough to initiate too. I think he and I were initiating messages about the same amount of time. Then about 10 days ago, we were casually chatting and I said something like, "Oh, then what did you end up doing instead?" as a response to his text.

 

Ever since then, he disappeared. My own rule in any conversation is that if it ends with a question, it needs to be answered, no matter how short/lame/obvious/stupid the question is. So I let it stand hanging there until he responds, but now I am fretting as it is getting up to nearly 10 days now. Does this mean that he is over and moved on? Should I move on or ask him if everything is ok?

 

Ghosting is completely normal in online dating these days, but I've never seen it after dating a few months in. I've disappeared on guys too, but it was only when we never met in person. If it's after at least one legitimate date, I clearly tell them straight that it's not going to work out. It might be harsh, but I say it politely and I think it is much better than completely ignoring them. So I feel like I want to know and be treated as I treat other guys. I don't care about his reasons but I just want to know whether he wants to end it or not. Is this legitimate/rational way of thinking? Should I text him for his answer or treat his silence as a rejection already? I am so confused by this.

 

Should I text him for his answer or treat his silence as a rejection already? -- After 10 days, you should assume he's not interested.

 

I just want to know whether he wants to end it or not. -- End what? There's nothing to end. It doesn't sound as though you had "declared" a relationship with him. So, it's just two people who have been casually dating. You don't owe each other anything.

 

Should I text him for his answer -- Actions speak louder than words. And, even if you get "words" from him, you're aren't going to feel any better.

 

I just want to know whether he wants to end it or not. -- At this point, it shouldn't be about what he wants. After 10 days of silence/ignoring, you should want to end it/let it go. There's no point in chasing him.

 

Yeah, it's a crappy way to end, but it just shows you "who" he is. If he does contact you again, ignore him. Block/delete.

 

After 10 days, I wouldn't reach out for an "answer" -- the writing is on the wall. I wouldn't set myself up for a "duh" moment -- you contact him and ask what's going on and he's thinking "duh, she's slow on the uptake, but now that she's reached out, I'll just keep her on the back burner and see if she'll continue to string herself along".

[BetterLateThanNever]

Thank you for all the replies. I am glad I decided to post about my confusion here and share my circumstance with you all. Every single post was helpful. As an update, this silence is counting on its record and I am fully aware that this silence will only continue.

 

After reading through all the comments here, I decided to let it go, stop waiting or wondering what all this means, and simply move on. But this is easier said than done, like many other things in life. Whenever my phone turns on for a new message, my brain just naturally wonders whether the record has stopped breaking itself. So this is harder than I thought, but I am trying to let go by posting a follow-up post here. I hope this would clear my head.

 

Some may say I got played, used, or lost dignity. While this could be very true, I refuse to see it that way. I still got a lot out of this 3-months dating and I am happy that I got to meet him after all. I don't appreciate how he probably dated multiple girls while telling me the otherwise, and ghosted me in the end. But it was still fun to get to know him and learn from his character. He was a proactive and positive person, that it sort of taught me how to let myself open up to new things and be more explorative in life. I learned how to be happier in my life in general. I don't think I was used either, because I wanted sex as much as he did. It wasn't necessarily the best thing I've ever had, but it was one of the enjoyable ones. I mean, women want sex as much as men do! I am not sure what he got out of all this since there is no way for me to check with him anymore, but I certainly got some valuable things out of it. I had good times, learned some important lessons, and this hopefully will turn me into a better and mature person. At least I will know how to sympathize with those who got ghosted by their ex's better now. If it wasn't this experience, I also would not have found this forum to meet a group of supportive people. So, yes, I made mistakes, but I just wanted to list things I got out of and keep this experience positive. What is the use of staying bitter (even though that's exactly why I got back to this thread LOL)? His actions weren't cool, but I won't let what he's done to me get in my way.

 

Well, as a closing mark, I have a good news to all "true" single gentlemen out there. This ambitious, thoughtful, patient, and generous woman is available and back into the dating market! And "true" gentlemen meaning not the guys who think they are one because they open doors for their ladies, but who have the courage to speak up what they have in mind instead of ghosting.

Edited March 18, 2017 by BetterLateThanNever

[Curiousroxy86]

Is it normal to just disappear after three months of dating?

 

For a bit of background, I met him about 3 months ago online. We went on dates and hung out for the past three months, not too often but whenever we had time to do so. I wouldn't say that it was perfect or amazing, but there weren't any signs that he wanted to end it.

 

So, about texting games... Sometimes he takes hours/days to respond to my text, sometimes right away, but he has never ignored any of my text before. He obviously initiated most of the texts in the beginning, but recently I felt comfortable enough to initiate too. I think he and I were initiating messages about the same amount of time. Then about 10 days ago, we were casually chatting and I said something like, "Oh, then what did you end up doing instead?" as a response to his text.

 

Ever since then, he disappeared. My own rule in any conversation is that if it ends with a question, it needs to be answered, no matter how short/lame/obvious/stupid the question is. So I let it stand hanging there until he responds, but now I am fretting as it is getting up to nearly 10 days now. Does this mean that he is over and moved on? Should I move on or ask him if everything is ok?

 

Ghosting is completely normal in online dating these days, but I've never seen it after dating a few months in. I've disappeared on guys too, but it was only when we never met in person. If it's after at least one legitimate date, I clearly tell them straight that it's not going to work out. It might be harsh, but I say it politely and I think it is much better than completely ignoring them. So I feel like I want to know and be treated as I treat other guys. I don't care about his reasons but I just want to know whether he wants to end it or not. Is this legitimate/rational way of thinking? Should I text him for his answer or treat his silence as a rejection already? I am so confused by this.

Well if y'all are not exclusive I say move on. If y'all are exclusive you best believe imma be like um babe is everything ok? So 3 months is a bit of time but y'all status to me should be the determining factor. Cause if y'all are allowed to date other people within that 3 month time frame then I'm to assume that's more than likely what he doing....

[BetterLateThanNever]

Well if y'all are not exclusive I say move on. If y'all are exclusive you best believe imma be like um babe is everything ok? So 3 months is a bit of time but y'all status to me should be the determining factor. Cause if y'all are allowed to date other people within that 3 month time frame then I'm to assume that's more than likely what he doing....

 

Yup I am moving on. Won't even consider going back even if he gets back.

[Curiousroxy86]

Yup I am moving on. Won't even consider going back even if he gets back.

 

Good for you!

[Miss Spider]

Yup I am moving on. Won't even consider going back even if he gets back.

 

First, great attitude. You are a catch and it's this guy's loss and your fortune. Any person who ghosts someone after 3 months of dating is not a person anyone wants as a partner. At least until that selfishness and immaturity changes. It IS easier said than done to move on, because unlike when things officially end, you have so many questions and continue to wonder. I suggest just blocking and deleting from your phone so it's out of your mind and you won't be tempted to take him back if he ever comes back with a sorry excuse or like it never happened

 

May I ask if you guys were "not exclusive but not seeing anyone else"?

 

(Or at least supposedly)

 

Anyway, best wishes on your dating journey. I'm on one of my own:D

Edited March 19, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[BetterLateThanNever]

First, great attitude. You are a catch and it's this guy's loss and your fortune. Any person who ghosts someone after 3 months of dating is not a person anyone wants as a partner. At least until that selfishness and immaturity changes. It IS easier said than done to move on, because unlike when things officially end, you have so many questions and continue to wonder. I suggest just blocking and deleting from your phone so it's out of your mind and you won't be tempted to ever take him back if he comes back with a sorry excuse

 

May I ask if you guys were "not exclusive but not seeing anyone else"?

 

(Or at least supposedly)?

 

Thank you for your encouragement. It really helps me to feel better about myself.

 

Yup. That sounds about right. It wasn't at the serious stage of the relationship, very casual, but we talked about how we shouldn't date others. He actually brought it up pretty early, I think about after two weeks into dating. I was a little confused because it was still early, but I was like, yeah why not. And that was why I was ok it being super casual because as long as he wasn't seeing other girls, I was ok. I am currently not looking for something super serious anyways. But I might have been wrong about this condition of not seeing anyone else, after reading replies here. I try not to care since it's over, but it hurts still.

[Miss Spider]

If you guys had an agreement not to see others, by a lot of people's definitions you were exclusively dating. You did nothing wrong...you took someone at their word. The only thing I might suggest is what others did and not let them drag you through the 'exclusive but not a official relationship' thing too long (if you want an official rship with them) because they usually do that to keep their options open (THEIRs) while you are focused on them. Sorry you ran into him. Hope you meet a great guy soon.

Edited March 19, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[BetterLateThanNever]

Long story short, I got ghosted by a guy I've been dating for a couple months. It wasn't a serious one and I wasn't necessarily surprised by the radio silence at the end, but I am surprised how much I'm invested in him. It's been a month since he stopped talking to me, but I still have a hard time moving on.

 

I tried dating new guys, exercise, hangout with my friedns and have a really good time. I try to do reading for pleasure and listen to my favorite music when I'm alone. But it seems like none of these is working. There are times I feel like I'm almost getting over, but it takes only a day to be swamped back into feeling emotional towards him. I miss him and it's a lonely battle fighting the urge to text him. It's very odd that I got invested in someone I dated very casually for such a short period of time. Got any advice?

[Bromeo]

Long story short, I got ghosted by a guy I've been dating for a couple months. It wasn't a serious one and I wasn't necessarily surprised by the radio silence at the end, but I am surprised how much I'm invested in him. It's been a month since he stopped talking to me, but I still have a hard time moving on.

 

I tried dating new guys, exercise, hangout with my friedns and have a really good time. I try to do reading for pleasure and listen to my favorite music when I'm alone. But it seems like none of these is working. There are times I feel like I'm almost getting over, but it takes only a day to be swamped back into feeling emotional towards him. I miss him and it's a lonely battle fighting the urge to text him. It's very odd that I got invested in someone I dated very casually for such a short period of time. Got any advice?

 

Ive been ghosted several times. Most of the time its been short term flings. One, a doctor, ghosted me, looked me back up, and then ghosted me again. My pride prevents a third ghosting, call me crazy.

 

The award winning example was the woman I'd invested 18 months with. She had lived with me for three months, and whose saga brought me to this forum. Needless to say, I didn't appreciate her ghosting me, and her theory of "why didn't I just go away."

 

I felt hollowed out, unloved, and abandoned, especially when I was willing to address her concerns.

 

Simply put, its the cowards way out, and there is no other way around it. Mature men and women communicate their concerns.

 

If I had been strong enough emotionally, I would have walked away from the aforementioned lass. Did I mention she ghosted three separate times?

 

Looking back now, it was a very twisted control mechanism, designed to get me to chase, as opposed to the immature ghosting of the online dating, "hit and quit" culture.

 

I have fallen out of touch with people before, but I have yet to ignore one who was reaching out to understand why things weren't working.

 

To close, I have now dated women who communicate clearly, and its been extremely illuminating. I would argue you must go through several small ghostings, or in my case one nuclear one, to enhance your discipline, look for red flags, and value yourself first.

 

I'll never go through that again.

 

Be safe.

[DontBreakEven]

Long story short, I got ghosted by a guy I've been dating for a couple months. It wasn't a serious one and I wasn't necessarily surprised by the radio silence at the end, but I am surprised how much I'm invested in him. It's been a month since he stopped talking to me, but I still have a hard time moving on.

 

I tried dating new guys, exercise, hangout with my friedns and have a really good time. I try to do reading for pleasure and listen to my favorite music when I'm alone. But it seems like none of these is working. There are times I feel like I'm almost getting over, but it takes only a day to be swamped back into feeling emotional towards him. I miss him and it's a lonely battle fighting the urge to text him. It's very odd that I got invested in someone I dated very casually for such a short period of time. Got any advice?

 

I don't have any advice, other than to say that I'm right there with you. I guess I didn't get ghosted, per se, because she actually informed me that she was going to stop talking to me, but then she actually did. She just clear dropped out of my life, without any real explanation other than "it's confusing". So I mean, I was basically ghosted. When I tried to reach out one last time she seemed very pestered by it all. Total flip of the switch. One minute we were texting, laughing, planning on seeing each other that weekend, next minute she freaks out and says she thinks we need to stop talking.

 

It was a casual arrangement as well, and I too am very shocked at how invested I realized I actually was after the fact. I thought I was very cool about the whole thing, until that happened. Then I got severely depressed and I miss her, bad. It's been a month since we've spoken (can't believe it's already been that long because I'm STILL struggling with it almost as heavily as day 2).

 

You're not alone or crazy in this.

[allybaba789]

I have a good news to all "true" single gentlemen out there. This ambitious, thoughtful, patient, and generous woman is available and back into the dating market! And "true" gentlemen meaning not the guys who think they are one because they open doors for their ladies, but who have the courage to speak up what they have in mind instead of ghosting.

 

Love your attitude!!! I second what a lot of people have said on this forum - he has shown his true colours and you should not ignore them. Excellent communication in my opinion is one of the most important things in a relationship and you seem to have dodged a bullet.

 

I have never been ghosted by someone I've been seeing but I've had guys disappear who I've been speaking to online. It's so confusing. My best friend at the moment hasn't heard from someone she's been seeing for 3 months, so it's a very similar situation to you, and she is finding it really hard. I think its unfortunate result of the fact that people have so many more 'dating options' due to the internet. Also, some men are just pathetic and would rather ignore someone than have a tough conversation. NEXT!

[BeautifuLie]

Maybe im weird, but i try not to make assumptions. Something could have happened to him. Not impossible .

[whatnot]

Long story short, I got ghosted by a guy I've been dating for a couple months. It wasn't a serious one and I wasn't necessarily surprised by the radio silence at the end, but I am surprised how much I'm invested in him. It's been a month since he stopped talking to me, but I still have a hard time moving on.

 

I tried dating new guys, exercise, hangout with my friedns and have a really good time. I try to do reading for pleasure and listen to my favorite music when I'm alone. But it seems like none of these is working. There are times I feel like I'm almost getting over, but it takes only a day to be swamped back into feeling emotional towards him. I miss him and it's a lonely battle fighting the urge to text him. It's very odd that I got invested in someone I dated very casually for such a short period of time. Got any advice?

I do. I don't wanna know if you slept with this man or not. Just know, and this goes for anyone reading this, if you believe there is such a thing as "casual sex"....someone is going to get hurt.

 

this place is full of heartache....

 

no one knows why but everyone has the answers

 

If by "very casually" you mean bowling and coffee....it just means you really liked the guy