Apple1977 Posted March 21, 2017 Posted March 21, 2017 I’ve been with my partner for 3 years last summer she made the mistake of sleeping with someone else while working at sea to which she confessed to me in jan this year some 5 months later in between this period in sept I visited her for a stay in Spain where she was placed in a ship yard working to where she was raped by a worker but there was a story behind it to that she invited him ack to her cabin for communal sex but in the morning he raped her when she refused more sex so I guess she cheated twice and got raped. Now 3 weeks ago I said shall I come and visit you for a few days because I hadn’t seen her since November 8th as she was working at sea again. To which she told me don’t I dare come over to visit when there is only 6 weeks left to which I then said why and she then said just **** off and I said your cheating which was my first thought given the past…. So at this point she breaks off the relationship knowing I have bought a engagement ring and was about to propose in April this year. So to make this simple I’ve begged and begged for 3 weeks so fare all to nothing other then we are over I don’t want to be with you etc etc. this has gone on for 3 weeks nearly I asked did she love me did she miss me and can she forgive me all she said yes to apart from forgive me for name calling her a cheat and a lier. So she said the other day I don’t want to talk to you for my last 4 weeks but ill message when I get home if you want me to and she also said if you want to meet for coffee we can but just because we are meeting doesn’t mean we are going to sort this I can’t be with you and I don’t want to be. she's said she doesn't want to talk to me for 4 weeks but when she is home she will talk to me and meet for coffee but I shouldn't take it that this means we will get back together What can be the problem and what can I do ?? Its been constant me begging for the first 2 weeks then I stopped and then she said I won't text you or message you know for 4 weeks until im home and that was 13 days ago then out of the blue she texts me at midnight saying this Look, stop messaging me, stop emailing me, stop contacting my friends. I've told you I don't want to be with you and I don't want to speak to you, that is my choice. If you carry on I will contact the police, this is harassment! Stop now, I don't ever want to see you again. this was all because I contact one of her friends that I thought was my friend to to ask could he help me what do you guys think ??? as much input as possible would be great please she's due home in 9 days for 3 weeks you think she will get bored and contact me when she's home to have more fun with my heartbreak
PegNosePete Posted March 21, 2017 Posted March 21, 2017 She has told you exactly where she stands. Your relationship is over. I'm not sure what you're looking for here. Sorry to say you just have to accept that it's over. Don't talk to her again. 2
salparadise Posted March 21, 2017 Posted March 21, 2017 You have to take her at her word, that she's done and doesn't want to hear from you. She's banging somebody else now, maybe several. She's pissed because you called her a cheat and a liar, and you're begging forgiveness, for her to come back, and wondering if she'll contact you for the purpose of further humiliation? You have to grow a pair or else you'll just be miserable forever. You need to get into therapy I think. Your instinct for self preservation isn't functioning correctly. 3
Author Apple1977 Posted March 21, 2017 Author Posted March 21, 2017 Im more trying to understand why a person would do this I get the moving on im fine with it but struggling with the instant cut off
PegNosePete Posted March 21, 2017 Posted March 21, 2017 For her... it's not instant. She has been sleeping with someone else. She has been having an affair or more likely multiple affairs, probably for a long time. It seems instant to you but it's not instant for her at all. 2
Author Apple1977 Posted March 21, 2017 Author Posted March 21, 2017 thanks Pete is that why its so easy for her to not contact talk etc etc .... she im the lucky one then hey I guess ?? cause it does seem like it was her excuse she was looking for hey by her pushing me kind of into saying she's a lier and a cheat
Author Apple1977 Posted March 21, 2017 Author Posted March 21, 2017 I think a few weeks ago she did say I don't want to hurt you but I can't be with you and I don't want to be .... that kind of breaks down into im with someone else etc etc right and I mean the cut off of communication for her last 4 weeks at sea and then she will message when she's home kind of reads leave me in silence so I can't get disrupted and then we can talk once im away from the other person and the ship right ?
PegNosePete Posted March 21, 2017 Posted March 21, 2017 Yes exactly. She lost all feelings a long time ago so it is easy for her to be pragmatic about it. Whereas you still have feelings so her actions seem mean and cold. They aren't necessarily intended as such, she's just doing what she thinks is best for herself. She has no feelings for you and doesn't want you bothering her, and probably her new bf doesn't want her ex sniffing around and begging for her back...
ExpatInItaly Posted March 21, 2017 Posted March 21, 2017 It's over, OP. She broke up with you and clearly does not want any further contact from you. She probably told you she'd get a coffee with you once she's back to get you to stop bothering her. When she realized you weren't going to lay off, she cut it off altogether. Look, she is able to do all of this because she isn't into you anymore. That's also why she was able to cheat - she doesn't care about your feelings or the relationship you had, unfortunately. You need to let this go. She's done. And please, do not contact her friends or anyone else associated with her.
Author Apple1977 Posted March 21, 2017 Author Posted March 21, 2017 yes maybe she did this to break up the relationship to by telling me about it thinking id go nuts and leave her ? and when that didn't go t plan for her 4 weeks later she caused this fight and then got her chance ?
PegNosePete Posted March 21, 2017 Posted March 21, 2017 yes maybe she did this to break up the relationship to by telling me about it thinking id go nuts and leave her ? and when that didn't go t plan for her 4 weeks later she caused this fight and then got her chance ? Maybe. Maybe not. You can talk all day about "what ifs" but it won't change one thing. The fact is it's over and there's nothing you can do about that now. No amount of analysis or thinking about her motivations or schemes will change that. Thinking about this stuff will just drive you crazy.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 21, 2017 Posted March 21, 2017 yes maybe she did this to break up the relationship to by telling me about it thinking id go nuts and leave her ? and when that didn't go t plan for her 4 weeks later she caused this fight and then got her chance ? Could be. Ultimately, it doesn't matter too much how or why she ended it. All that matters is that she doesn't wish to be together anymore. When someone cheats, they're already over the relationship. People who are in love and invested don't cheat. You should have let her go right then and there. Begging is also very unattractive. Never reduce yourself to that. I don't think it would have made any difference here if you hadn't begged, mind you, but you would have preserved your dignity a little more.
Author Apple1977 Posted March 21, 2017 Author Posted March 21, 2017 yes you are right Pete ... but like people say once a cheater always a cheater hey and if she's in a realtionship on the ship which is based only in the USA then he's in for a shock to because in 9 days she's home for 3 weeks then goes back to uni for 6 months lol so it will be his turn to get cheated on as she's the only female in her group lol paybacks a bittttccchhh lol ? what you think haha
Author Apple1977 Posted March 21, 2017 Author Posted March 21, 2017 hi expat. yes I think your right lucky for me I have cut off all contact now before she sets me up to fail ... I won't give her that because im not about that im a good person who just been screwed over and it now looks like she's trying to make it my fault to cover her backside ...I won't give her that she knew I was going to put a ring on her finger to next month I paid 2000 pound for a Dimond ring which I had to return yesterday very upsetting and humiliating.. I already bought her a Dimond promise ring last august when she came home that she accepted knowing she had cheated which she called a mistake ? isn't a mistake made once not a few times ?
teddyzain Posted March 21, 2017 Posted March 21, 2017 She's a horrible selfish person who has no concern for those she hurts including you. It's all about her, believe me. In the long run you are better off. For now you'll have to weather the pain until it passes. Definitely don't contact her anymore because her threats to contact the cops are probably real and she couldn't care less. 3
Author Apple1977 Posted March 21, 2017 Author Posted March 21, 2017 hi yes I think this is right because I said to her I don't want any trouble with harassment and she said im not that type of person I wouldn't do that ... and I said yeah ok but your right she's becoming dangerous so im going to take my hard earned cash and buy a motor home and travel Europe 1
Satu Posted March 21, 2017 Posted March 21, 2017 Sorry you're hurting. If someone tells you not to contact them, you have to respect that. If you don't, it could be seen as harassment. You need to adapt to your newly single status. Invest your time and energy into other things. You'll be ok. Take care. 2
Author Apple1977 Posted March 21, 2017 Author Posted March 21, 2017 thanks satu ... its like the others have said I guess for her maybe it was done a few months ago and she just carried on for what reason im unsure ?? but she was very good at covering it all up 1
Author Apple1977 Posted March 21, 2017 Author Posted March 21, 2017 at xmas she started doing strange things as well like going out without underwear on etc etc this is odd for her she said she tried it but didn't like the feeling sorry for this im just trying to see what you guys think about her actions the guy she made the so call mistake with on the ship was also there during this contract because he was calling her and harassing her shouting at her one min being nice the next she changed her phone etc etc or so she told me of course I wouldn't know if this is true ... basically this is just a very sketchy women hey ?? and I should be glad of the escape ??
ExpatInItaly Posted March 21, 2017 Posted March 21, 2017 OP, just a suggestion to make your posts more readable - please punctuate your sentences. You will get more reads and thus more responses if you make your posts more reader-friendly. Back to the topic at hand: cheating even once isn't a mistake. A mistake is forgetting to pack your lunch. Not having sex with another person. Yes, she's a questionable character indeed. But you also have to acknowledge that you went along with that until she ended it. Now would be a good opportunity to ask yourself why you chose to attach yourself to someone who you knew wasn't behaving honorably, months ago. 3
Author Apple1977 Posted March 21, 2017 Author Posted March 21, 2017 hi expat im sorry about my sentences, I didn't know she had cheated on me until late jan this year so I think it only lasted about 4 weeks after that. but yes she's no good hey
keiji Posted March 21, 2017 Posted March 21, 2017 I agree with Expat. She's done what she's done, and she's spoken very clearly too. She knows what she wants and what she doesn't want, and she doesn't care whether you hurt or not. However, what you need to ask yourself is why you put up with her infidelity in the first place and, more importantly, why you wanted to marry a woman who's cheated on you several times. This is way more relevant than finding adjectives and motives for her behavior.
Author Apple1977 Posted March 21, 2017 Author Posted March 21, 2017 hi yes I agree shocking behavior from her I wish I could blame myself for something just a very odd situation she's put me in.
Recommended Posts