palmsand Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 Women I had been messaging on OLD a couple of months ago, actually asked her out. From the start I wasn't excited because we seemed to have almost nothing in common. She's a country girl, to put it simply. And I'm really a tech guy. As we were planning the date, it was tough as busy as she was. When she said she couldn't do sunday because she was in church all day, I gave it up and just stopped responding. I have nothing against people's religious views, but it was just another mark of incompatibility. At the time I wasn't sure if she just wasn't interested or if the excuses she made were legit, so assuming the former I felt ok to just stop talking instead of pointing out why I thought we weren't a good match. Fast-forward a couple months and she messages out of the blue. Just saying hey there or something friendly. Now I'm intrigued. If she was really into me, why wait so long and risk rejection again? Surely she's seen other people all this time. Anyway, I figured if she is still interested, I might as well meet her. So I planned another date, which she was enthusiastic about, making sure to avoid sunday. She was hesitant saying she's pretty busy but agreed, only to bail out at the last minute. Soooo, what now? Make plans again? I really feel like if she wants to meet me, then I shouldn't pass it up. But she doesn't make it easy.
d0nnivain Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 You were lukewarm at best. She bailed. Ball's in her court. Let her pick the date, time & place next. If it works for you, go. Otherwise forget this.
Larryville Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 You were lukewarm at best. She bailed. Someone help me understand. This is exactly why so many people start threads about ghosting and wondering why someone disappeared. Why go out with someone if you don’t have a “good” feeling about the meet? Do people just get so bored that they will simply piss away time and go out with anyone? Are people so careless with their time, or don’t value their time and money going out with someone they are “lukewarm” about meeting someone. And please don’t say to me that “it’s good practice…” From the start I wasn't excited because we seemed to have almost nothing in common. Find someone with whom you have something in common…
d0nnivain Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 This is exactly why so many people start threads about ghosting and wondering why someone disappeared. Why go out with someone if you don’t have a “good” feeling about the meet? Do people just get so bored that they will simply piss away time and go out with anyone?… I can only give you my experience. IRL it was always easy for me to tell if I wanted to date someone. Past my teens, I was able to say no thank you to the first request for a date or better yet, make it non-verbally but abundantly clear that the Q should not be asked to spare us both the pain of me having to say No. With OLD -- even as a successful professional woman in my late 30s, I found it much more difficult to assess someone from OL alone. So against my better judgment I accepted 2 dates from 2 guys that I was lukewarm about. They were nice enough guys "on paper." They seemed intelligent & polite on the phone but neither got my motor running. I convinced myself that dating at middle age was different & I wasn't a hormone driven superficial teen anymore. Both dates were bad. Yet, I felt like I had to try. I had been hoping that the men would be better in person than they were OL. One was just an abject disaster. The other -- the guy seemed more relaxed then he had been on the phone; I truly believe I met his best self & he was genuinely a good guy. Problem was I simply wasn't attracted to him. Until I met him, I did not have confirmation that things wouldn't work. For me, shortly after those 2 dates my 90 day OLD subscription expired. Realizing OLD wasn't for me, I let it lapse. In my case I was simply trying to give guys the benefit of the doubt. Is that wrong, Larryville? 1
spiderowl Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 You don't seem very interested in her. Some things make for incompatibility - if she shoved religion down your throat for example - but people having different attitudes is not a dealbreaker in itself. She may be a lovely person and great company. Instead of assuming you and she are incompatible, why not see what you can learn from her? If you are going to judge her before you meet though, it is best not to bother.
Larryville Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 With OLD -- even as a successful professional woman in my late 30s, I found it much more difficult to assess someone from OL alone. So against my better judgment I accepted 2 dates from 2 guys that I was lukewarm about. They were nice enough guys "on paper." They seemed intelligent & polite on the phone but neither got my motor running. I convinced myself that dating at middle age was different & I wasn't a hormone driven superficial teen anymore. Both dates were bad. Yet, I felt like I had to try. I had been hoping that the men would be better in person than they were OL. One was just an abject disaster. The other -- the guy seemed more relaxed then he had been on the phone; I truly believe I met his best self & he was genuinely a good guy. Problem was I simply wasn't attracted to him. Until I met him, I did not have confirmation that things wouldn't work. For me, shortly after those 2 dates my 90 day OLD subscription expired. Realizing OLD wasn't for me, I let it lapse. In my case I was simply trying to give guys the benefit of the doubt. Is that wrong, Larryville? No I don’t think you were “wrong” and I get many more people are more willing to give some humans the benefit of the doubt. We are all wired slightly differently… Maybe it is my character flaw, I don’t give people the benefit of the doubt, while yes IRL you can make a better determination on whether or not someone is worth the time or effort or money to go out with, I can instantly process things about someone’s character or personality either visually assessing or reading their words, how they phrase things, what they reveal and what they don’t, how they communicate. I overthink, over process and I do know because of this I’m far more likely to stay permanently single than the average dude.
SwordofFlame Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 I'll admit I can be guilty of going on dates or "first meets" with women that I haven't been too enthusiastic about after chatting through dating apps. If I'm free and she's free too, why not? You never know if you'll click and have chemistry with someone until you meet them in person anyway.
Larryville Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 I'll admit I can be guilty of going on dates or "first meets" with women that I haven't been too enthusiastic about after chatting through dating apps. SOF - I did this too right after my divorce because I just wanted someone or something to cloud the brain and help me pass the time to get accustomed to the new (but not happy) single life. I’m certain I missed out on some decent women because I was not in a cool state then. I am now better at reading these clues (in profiles and initial conversations) to avoid those who were in a similar mental state. There are some people who just want someone to pass the time with and are absolutely in no way looking for a “real” relationship.
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