PeachBlossom Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 He is sweet to you, adores you and is fully devoted to you, but he is arrogant and he belittles other people. 1
rushed Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 I've learned that people who are nice to you but treat other people pretty crappy will eventually treat you crappy, too. 12
OatsAndHall Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 I suppose you'd need to provide more specific examples of him being arrogant and belittling people. I am sarcastic and cynical and I can come across as judgemental and arrogant if my sense of humor is taken in the wrong context.
LurkerXX Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 No for two reasons: I do not like being around bullies and jerks. This (the condescending treatment from him) will be in my future. 2
Redhead14 Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 Peach, how long have you been dating him? If it's not long, I would pay attention to that behavior. That is usually a flag that the person is narcissistic or abusive. He may be on his best behavior with you right now but over time, this behavior may come across to you. Just sit back a little bit here and observe. 2
Lilyana76 Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 someone who belittles other people, is going to belittle you at some point. So stick around if you don't mind being belittled or emotionally abused... I would run for the hills 1
Author PeachBlossom Posted April 11, 2017 Author Posted April 11, 2017 I've learned that people who are nice to you but treat other people pretty crappy will eventually treat you crappy, too. Do some people change as they grow up? Can they possibly change and become better?
curiouslysearching Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 I've learned that people who are nice to you but treat other people pretty crappy will eventually treat you crappy, too. I agree....the way he treats others will more than likely manifest itself in your relationship. 2
basil67 Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 Hell no. You've just described one of my dealbreakers. 3
Gaeta Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 Do some people change as they grow up? Can they possibly change and become better? As they grow up? are you dating a child? People that changes do so over decades, not over a couple of months or couple of years. The common denominator of people that have changed is that they wanted to change and seeke professional help to change. Other than that, no people do not change just because they age.
Art_Critic Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 I learned a long time ago that how they treat other people is exactly how they will eventually treat you, given enough time he will belittle you too. No...I wouldn't put any time into someone like that. 3
Spring23 Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 Do some people change as they grow up? Can they possibly change and become better? How old is this man you're writing about?
Gr8fuln2020 Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 I'm trying to be happy and surround myself with positive people. No chance I'd date someone like that. Of course, we all probably know people who do and use the excuse "but, he's (or she is) so good to ME." Like others have said, you are spared the arrogance and belittling UNTIL you are on his 'naughty' list. Jerk is right. Such people will eventually suck your soul one way or another. And it is especially depressing when you have to use all your energy to keep in check your own suppressed dismay (provided you are not as equally jerky).
todreaminblue Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 no .......i fa guy i was dating belittled others or was arrogant to them ...like wait staff or counter staff... i would be constantly working doing damage control.....everyone deserves to be treated with respect and i dont want to have to cheer people up from encountering the guy i am going out with...or feel i need to apologize for him because he is too arrogant to apologize himself.... .i would not enjoy being with someone who put others down all the time..considered himsefl superior....i would feel that from him..its a turn off.....i like confident guys not arrogant........i am 100 per cent not the right girl for that guy who is arrogant and rude.......no matter how he treated me...i would feel the way he treated others by how they felt from his actions...or words.......i would feel extremely uncomfortable anxious....and sick in the guts honestly........i would prefer not to date that kind of guy........deb
curiouslysearching Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 To me, the way a person treats another boils down to the overall character of the person. Why would they degrade or demean another? Cause it makes them feel superior? Cause they are seemly mean spirited? None of the reasons are attractive and as mentioned previously, these insults might come your way eventually.
OatsAndHall Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 Maybe this guy is a total a-- and everyone's advice is dead on: don't date him. However, that's a pretty vague description based on her opinion. My ex-wife had three old friends that would leave ditch their kids at home over the weekends so that they could hit the bars. They were irresponsible drunks and druggies that I couldn't stand. They continually asked me wife to join them and my ex-wife was considering it a few nights.. I was going to be home watching the kids (which I loved doing) but she would be out until the wee-hours of the morning with women who pop pain-killers and go on drinking binges. I knew my ex-wife wouldn't be popping opiates or drinking heavily but I was visibly upset that she was actually thinking about associating with these people. And, I finally told her that I wasn't impressed with the fact that she kept these people in her life. From there it turned into a huge fight: I was "arrogant" because I "didn't know these women" and was judging them. Yes, I will openly judged these women as they were poor parents and they made bad choices. I had spent one evening at a social event with them and that was enough for me to want to stay away from them. I was "belittling" them when I referred to them as bar flies, drunks or druggies. And I was "belittling" my ex-wife because I was upset that she was choosing time with these women over time with her family. Everything is relative. 2
reeseyummy Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 Just wait till the honeymoon phase is over, he'll be trying to treat you like shi* too. You can always see the real him by how he treats other people. Another tip is to ask how did they break up with the last relationship. And are they still on good terms with the ex? If they are not, and if it was a really bad breakup, and he holds grudges, be careful, that might happen to you too. 1
BaileyB Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 He is sweet to you, adores you and is fully devoted to you, but he is arrogant and he belittles other people. No, absolutely not. This is a significant character flaw. It may change as he gets older and gets feedback from people that this kind of behavior is unacceptable, but he is likely to tend toward is behavior. And yes, I think it's only a matter of time before he starts to treat you this way... So, absolutely no - I would never date a guy who is arrogant and treats others badly.
Author PeachBlossom Posted April 12, 2017 Author Posted April 12, 2017 30 years old. He is mostly responsible and disciplined about work, health and life. Things that are annoying about him - to name a few: He would say (in public): look at that baby, so ugly. At a friend's house (not joking): wow, your house is so much smaller than mine. You need to check out my awesome place! His stories were often like: my group went out together. We had some problem. I was the only one who figured out how to solve it. I don't know why everyone else is so stupid. As for previous breakups. He got dumped by a girl because she was annoyed by him being jerky and selfish. After that, he started insulting her publicly and privately. He said she was bossy to him to begin with. I did not meet her so I don't know the truth. He got dumped by another one who had a boyfriend when they were dating. He said he was just using her so he did not care about the fact that she had a boyfriend. He seems to have recognized his own jerky behavior lately. I can't tell it's a change of heart, or just a change of words. He does seem to get upset when he does not get to take advantage of people. So I fear he is just pretending to be nice, not being nice for real. 1
curiouslysearching Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 WHO SAYS THAT ABOUT A BABY????? I read enough after that one....what a TOOL
OatsAndHall Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 30 years old. He is mostly responsible and disciplined about work, health and life. Things that are annoying about him - to name a few: He would say (in public): look at that baby, so ugly. At a friend's house (not joking): wow, your house is so much smaller than mine. You need to check out my awesome place! His stories were often like: my group went out together. We had some problem. I was the only one who figured out how to solve it. I don't know why everyone else is so stupid. As for previous breakups. He got dumped by a girl because she was annoyed by him being jerky and selfish. After that, he started insulting her publicly and privately. He said she was bossy to him to begin with. I did not meet her so I don't know the truth. He got dumped by another one who had a boyfriend when they were dating. He said he was just using her so he did not care about the fact that she had a boyfriend. He seems to have recognized his own jerky behavior lately. I can't tell it's a change of heart, or just a change of words. He does seem to get upset when he does not get to take advantage of people. So I fear he is just pretending to be nice, not being nice for real. Yeah, he's an a--hole, I'd move on if I were you. Either that or tell him he's an a--hole and then move on.
Spring23 Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 30 years old. He is mostly responsible and disciplined about work, health and life. Things that are annoying about him - to name a few: He would say (in public): look at that baby, so ugly. At a friend's house (not joking): wow, your house is so much smaller than mine. You need to check out my awesome place! His stories were often like: my group went out together. We had some problem. I was the only one who figured out how to solve it. I don't know why everyone else is so stupid. As for previous breakups. He got dumped by a girl because she was annoyed by him being jerky and selfish. After that, he started insulting her publicly and privately. He said she was bossy to him to begin with. I did not meet her so I don't know the truth. He got dumped by another one who had a boyfriend when they were dating. He said he was just using her so he did not care about the fact that she had a boyfriend. He seems to have recognized his own jerky behavior lately. I can't tell it's a change of heart, or just a change of words. He does seem to get upset when he does not get to take advantage of people. So I fear he is just pretending to be nice, not being nice for real. At 30 years old his personality is formed. When he's about 60 he'll probably mellow out. You should keep dating him till he's 60 and then he might be nice. Seriously, he just sounds like an idiot.
Popsicle Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 30 years old. He is mostly responsible and disciplined about work, health and life. Things that are annoying about him - to name a few: He would say (in public): look at that baby, so ugly. At a friend's house (not joking): wow, your house is so much smaller than mine. You need to check out my awesome place! His stories were often like: my group went out together. We had some problem. I was the only one who figured out how to solve it. I don't know why everyone else is so stupid. As for previous breakups. He got dumped by a girl because she was annoyed by him being jerky and selfish. After that, he started insulting her publicly and privately. He said she was bossy to him to begin with. I did not meet her so I don't know the truth. He got dumped by another one who had a boyfriend when they were dating. He said he was just using her so he did not care about the fact that she had a boyfriend. He seems to have recognized his own jerky behavior lately. I can't tell it's a change of heart, or just a change of words. He does seem to get upset when he does not get to take advantage of people. So I fear he is just pretending to be nice, not being nice for real. Dear God, no. I'd cut him loose. You're in trouble, girl. How did you not notice this in the first few days of meeting him?
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