Is she mad because I went NC

[marksaysay]

I was dating a girl for about 3+ months and had recently gone NC because I felt as though she was just stringing me along. I took her on a date to see her favorite comedian 3 weeks ago.

 

The next day, she texts me this long list of things she loved about me. I respond with a similar text concerning her. I told myself I would no longer initiate anything further if she didn't respond. She didn't and neither have I. My only regret about going NC was that I didn't tell her why I was doing so but I'm not sure it matters anyhow. That was 22 days ago.

 

Today, I had to go to her place of employment for business purposes and I was a little nervous knowing I might bump into her. After I concluded my business, I was heading towards an exit when I saw her about to enter another set of doors. I gave her a half-hearted wave but I kept going. She actually looked away as if to try to avoid making eye contact.

 

I actually chuckled because she actually looked agitated or kinda bothered. What's that all about? Heck, I should be the one with the chip on my shoulder.

[Knix]

Games games games.

 

 

 

 

Why can't you just talk to her? And why can't she just talk to you? All the "I'm not talking to her because she's not talking to me" is immature and you're going to miss your chance.

 

 

She's being told on her end to play hard to get, not be so available, let the guy make the moves etc. etc.,

[jamili]

I always thought NC to be a way to get over a breakup... not a way of breaking up with someone, or a way to take a casual relationship to the next level.....

 

 

Basically, what I'm reading here is that you ghosted this girl??? So you essentially "dumped" her, by just disappearing. Man, she is totally in the right to be pissed lol, no wonder she's upset. You can't dump people like that, or "test" people like that to see if you get a reaction.

 

At 3 months, if you guys still haven't had that "relationship discussion", then something is wrong. Women typically prefer that men bring it up and talk about exclusivity and all that, you can't just wait around for her to do it if you want that, you have to communicate your intentions and feelings.

[whatnot]

I told a woman it felt as if she was stringing me along for the last 3 years of a seven year relationship. (she gave just enough to keep me from leaving). It wasn't until she began telling me of her new love interests that I'd had enough. I told her it was over. I went NC and haven't gone back. That was a year ago.

 

I should'a left years earlier....

 

Man...was she ever mad when I finally did leave.

Edited April 11, 2017 by whatnot

[marksaysay]

I always thought NC to be a way to get over a breakup... not a way of breaking up with someone, or a way to take a casual relationship to the next level.....

 

 

Basically, what I'm reading here is that you ghosted this girl??? So you essentially "dumped" her, by just disappearing. Man, she is totally in the right to be pissed lol, no wonder she's upset. You can't dump people like that, or "test" people like that to see if you get a reaction.

 

At 3 months, if you guys still haven't had that "relationship discussion", then something is wrong. Women typically prefer that men bring it up and talk about exclusivity and all that, you can't just wait around for her to do it if you want that, you have to communicate your intentions and feelings.

 

I left out a bunch of details that led to this but here is some to put it in context:

 

We began going out in December. We talked/texted all the time. Due to her hectic schedule (school, part-time job, & 3 kids), we only got to see each other sparingly. I understood. After about 1 1/2 months, she felt comfortable enough to introduce me to her kids. We had a lot of sex.

 

As time went on, I admit I began to make all the classic mistakes of being needy & clingy, talking about relationships, etc and she said she was beginning to feel pressured. We continued seeing each other but I started to sense I was putting way more into the relationship than she was.

 

I began initiating most of our conversations and she began to only speak in short, concise statements. A week prior to our last date was Spring Break for her (I didn't find out until it was almost over). During that week, we spoke but didn't spend any time together. On my off day, we made tentative plans to get together for lunch. She said she had to get brake work done on her car so I said to let me know. She went unavailable for about 3 hours (I sent a text but she never responded). After waiting, I ended up eating alone.

 

She later sent a picture of her car on a lift. To me, it was like she was trying to provide an alibi but I could be wrong. Later she posted a pic to her FB page of her all done up. I asked if that's what she wore to get her brakes done. She said yes, because she knew she was gonna see me....but she didn't see me. So who did she see?

 

Before our last date, which was paid for 2 weeks prior, I'd all but realized something had changed with her, the way she communicated, the amount of contact she initiated, her request for privacy when we weren't together, her not wanting to talk about a "relationship", and the list goes on.

I made up my mind that I wasn't gonna continue to put forth any effort to progress things with her. I told myself I wasn't gonna continue to initiate anything if she wasn't gonna do so, either.

 

On our last date, which was on a Friday, we had a great time. We even had sex in a remote location prior to making the 1 1/2 drive home. I responded to her text on Saturday. She never replied back and I refused to continue to initiate. I believe she was just stringing me along and was already in hot pursuit of some other guy.

 

That was 22 days ago and she still hasn't responded to my last text!

[goingcrazy101]

Time to move on. Sounds like she had 1 foot out the door the whole time. Give it a few weeks/months next time you see her just be friendly and see how it goes. I wouldnt call or chase her. If she has not contacted you then she prob feels the same way.

[marksaysay]

Time to move on. Sounds like she had 1 foot out the door the whole time. Give it a few weeks/months next time you see her just be friendly and see how it goes. I wouldnt call or chase her. If she has not contacted you then she prob feels the same way.

 

I surprisingly feel pretty good! I'm an analytical. I want to know "why" about everything. I don't regret doing what I did...AT ALL!

 

I'm just curious because it would seem if anyone should be mad or bothered, it would be me. And that's the thing, I'm not. But she is. Lol.

Edited April 11, 2017 by marksaysay

[marksaysay]

Time to move on. Sounds like she had 1 foot out the door the whole time. Give it a few weeks/months next time you see her just be friendly and see how it goes. I wouldnt call or chase her. If she has not contacted you then she prob feels the same way.

 

After the encounter on Monday, I've began to gain a little clarity on a few things. I was tempted to write her an email to explain why I just ghosted her, but I thought better against it. Doing so would seem as if I'm trying to win her back. At this point, I'm starting not to really care anymore. In that aspect, NC has been good for me.

 

I have no desire to call or do anything like chase her. We go to church together so it's inevitable that we'll be seeing each other. At this point, she's simply back to being another face in the crowd.

[fromheart]

I was dating a girl for about 3+ months and had recently gone NC because I felt as though she was just stringing me along. I took her on a date to see her favorite comedian 3 weeks ago.

 

The next day, she texts me this long list of things she loved about me. I respond with a similar text concerning her. I told myself I would no longer initiate anything further if she didn't respond. She didn't and neither have I. My only regret about going NC was that I didn't tell her why I was doing so but I'm not sure it matters anyhow. That was 22 days ago.

 

Today, I had to go to her place of employment for business purposes and I was a little nervous knowing I might bump into her. After I concluded my business, I was heading towards an exit when I saw her about to enter another set of doors. I gave her a half-hearted wave but I kept going. She actually looked away as if to try to avoid making eye contact.

 

I actually chuckled because she actually looked agitated or kinda bothered. What's that all about? Heck, I should be the one with the chip on my shoulder.

 

 

What do you mean by stringing you along?

 

If a woman reaches out to you after a date, your only job is to make arrangements for the next date, which you didn't do. Hard to tell without actually being there, but it does sound as if she served you the ball and you didn't serve back.

 

Her compliments were basically her way of saying she felt good about the date, and was receptive to another one. Why didn't you make the date?

[fromheart]

Just read the whole thread, sorry.

 

Getting needy and clingy is indeed a turn off, and it's better if its the woman who brings up the idea of a relationship.

 

Your job is simply to make dates when she reaches out to you, and have fun. Generally, it turns the woman off when the man starts talking about feelings first.

 

Her way of reacting was a bit harsh, she blatantly blew you out on the lunch date because of this. Insecure women tend to get cruel when they feel the man is not being the man. Based on that, it would probably be best to maintain NC, I certainly would.

 

However, you did go on a subsequent date and her reaction was positive, though for whatever reason you didn't build on that by arranging the next date.

 

Check Corey Wayne on youtube.

[marksaysay]

What do you mean by stringing you along?

 

If a woman reaches out to you after a date, your only job is to make arrangements for the next date, which you didn't do. Hard to tell without actually being there, but it does sound as if she served you the ball and you didn't serve back.

 

Her compliments were basically her way of saying she felt good about the date, and was receptive to another one. Why didn't you make the date?

 

I highlighted much of what I meant by being strung along in a response earlier in this thread so please read it to get a better idea. And I did serve back. I responded to her text, although I didn't try to set up another date. I listed to her many of the things I liked about her. She never responded back.

 

At this point, I'd all but began sensing she was losing attraction and had already began pulling away and I wasn't gonna continue chasing her. We'd been seeing each other at this point for about 3 1/2 months and I now recognize her loss of attraction for me was due to my being needy and too available. It was also due to the pressure she said she felt because of my "relationship" talk.

 

I made a lot of mistakes with her but I'll chalk it up as a learning experience and will make sure I don't commit the same mistakes with anyone else.

[marksaysay]

Just read the whole thread, sorry.

 

Getting needy and clingy is indeed a turn off, and it's better if its the woman who brings up the idea of a relationship.

 

Your job is simply to make dates when she reaches out to you, and have fun. Generally, it turns the woman off when the man starts talking about feelings first.

 

I found Corey's videos and book after I'd already "ghosted" her so it was too late for me to go back, IMO. If I had to do it all over again, I would have told her on our last date something along the lines of "Although we have a great time when we're together, it's apparent that you're not interested in more than just a friendship at this point and that's not what I want. If and when you're interested in taking things to the next level, give me a call some time. You have my number."

 

Her way of reacting was a bit harsh, she blatantly blew you out on the lunch date because of this. Insecure women tend to get cruel when they feel the man is not being the man. Based on that, it would probably be best to maintain NC, I certainly would

.

 

I'm not sure what you are referring to regarding her reaction being harsh. What I do know is that because she's a beautiful girl, she has tons of other options, I'm sure. And I'm pretty certain she was already entertaining other men. I don't have any desire to break NC. If she wants to be with me, I'll let her initiate. She knows where I stand. Or maybe she doesn't because I just disappeared. Either way, the ball's in her court.

 

However, you did go on a subsequent date and her reaction was positive, though for whatever reason you didn't build on that by arranging the next date.

 

Check Corey Wayne on youtube.

 

Again, I found Corey Wayne's stuff after these events. If I'd found them before, I would've definitely handled our last correspondence a little differently. Unfortunately, I can't go backwards. My only course of action is to simply keep moving forward and that's what I plan to do...with or without her.

[ChatroomHero]

It sounds to me like OP was putting in the effort and he was the last thing on her mind unless he reached out and pushed for things. That gets old really fast.

 

 

OP did nothing wrong really, he just decided to put in as much effort in maintaining communication as she did. If he kept going, it would be one-sided. He would have to initiate and when he wasn't initiating she could care less about him.

 

 

She probably is bothered because she felt she had the high position in the relationship and enjoyed the benefit without having to make any effort herself. Once OP stopped initiating she realized maybe her position wasn't as high. Frankly if I was seeing someone and they were chasing me and I hadn't heard from them in a couple of weeks, I'm smart enough to know I hadn't initiated with them either and really wouldn't blame them.

[preraph]

She's just wishing like crazy she didn't have to keep running into you, that's all.

[marksaysay]

She's just wishing like crazy she didn't have to keep running into you, that's all.

 

I'm not sure this is it because we go to the same church.

[marksaysay]

It sounds to me like OP was putting in the effort and he was the last thing on her mind unless he reached out and pushed for things. That gets old really fast.

 

It wasn't always that way but I realize I made the mistake of being needy and clingy, etc. I was too available, therefore, causing her attraction to slowly go south.

 

 

OP did nothing wrong really, he just decided to put in as much effort in maintaining communication as she did. If he kept going, it would be one-sided. He would have to initiate and when he wasn't initiating she could care less about him.

 

Yea, that's kinda how I felt so if she didn't care, what was the point in me contacting her and trying to initiate anything. I didn't tell her I was going to stop. I just stopped.

 

 

She probably is bothered because she felt she had the high position in the relationship and enjoyed the benefit without having to make any effort herself. Once OP stopped initiating she realized maybe her position wasn't as high. Frankly if I was seeing someone and they were chasing me and I hadn't heard from them in a couple of weeks, I'm smart enough to know I hadn't initiated with them either and really wouldn't blame them.

 

I'm sure she's come to that conclusion at this point.

[basil67]

I found Corey's videos and book after I'd already "ghosted" her so it was too late for me to go back, IMO. If I had to do it all over again, I would have told her on our last date something along the lines of "Although we have a great time when we're together, it's apparent that you're not interested in more than just a friendship at this point and that's not what I want. If and when you're interested in taking things to the next level, give me a call some time. You have my number."

 

If you had to do it again, don't make the mistake of telling her what she thinks or wants. It's arrogant. And the perfect way to start an argument.

 

Stick with talking about how you feel.

[marksaysay]

I will have to admit running into her on Monday didn't really bother me as much as her reaction did. I didn't expect she would be excited to see me. I also didn't expect she would ignore me.

 

I know. I shouldn't be bothered either way. I have a bad habit of overanalyzing things and trying to interpret every thing. I've got to work on that.

[preraph]

I'm not sure this is it because we go to the same church.

 

How is that relevant? Did you expect her to stop going to church on account of you? Most people aren't going to let you just disrupt their entire life and, as they say, run them off the playground.

[marksaysay]

How is that relevant? Did you expect her to stop going to church on account of you? Most people aren't going to let you just disrupt their entire life and, as they say, run them off the playground.

 

I wasn't expecting for anything to be disrupted. It just seemed like the emotional roles would've been reversed. I seemed to act more unbothered and under control. She seemed agitated. She basically, through her actions, showed me I wasn't important to her so I stopped talking to her. Shouldn't she be more unaffected since it's what she wanted anyway?

[marksaysay]

Since it's been awhile I thought I'd update:

 

On April 13th, I sent her an email hoping to gain clarity. She responded shortly after to reveal her "last straw" moment. It was really a misunderstanding, which I explained in my reply, but nonetheless, I'm pretty aware I'd done plenty at that point to cause her to want to cut the string, so to speak...neediness, clinginess, lack of confidence, etc. The discussion ended with my reply which contained no begging or pleading. I wished her well and said "Take care".

 

I overheard some people discussing taking their college finals this week. I thought of her since she's also a student and sent her this text:

 

Hey. I know it's been a minute but I overheard someone talking about taking finals and you popped in my head. I'm sure you aced yours. Anyhow, hope all is well!!!

 

Yesterday, we had our first interaction since March. We ended up having to pass directly by each other at church so to avoid any awkwardness, I spoke. She smiled and responded in kind. She then said something I didn't catch, thinking she was talking to her son. She then speaks again and says, "Did you hear me? I said I liked your tie." I simply said "thanks" and walked away.

 

OAN, I've definitely been attracting a lot more attention. I'm up about 18 lbs of muscle since the end of February (was 162, now 180) and it definitely shows as people comment daily. Many of my clothes are starting to shrink, too...lol. I catch girls turning their heads quite frequently which puts a smile on my face. I've really started feeling a little more confident...ok...a lot more confident. And I do believe the attention due in part to my physical appearance, but also because of a different "vibe" I may actually be putting off. Whatever it is, i like it. I'm slowly seeming to get back to a healthy frame of mind. I've got a ways to go yet but things are definitely getting better.

 

One sign of some progress to me is the fact that I normally would come here, especially after today's interaction, and ask you all what does her actions mean? Why did she compliment me? Etc. Not this time. Truthfully, it doesn't really matter.