avoforastig Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 I've been out with a woman 4 times recently, and she is just a terrible kisser. I really want to say something about it but I'm afraid it won't go well. We had a rather lengthy make out session that just felt awkward. Her kisses are super aggressive and she ends up suctioning on my upper lip excessively, it's actually somewhat uncomfortable and left a mark. How can I address this tactfully?
kendahke Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 I've been out with a woman 4 times recently, and she is just a terrible kisser. I really want to say something about it but I'm afraid it won't go well. We had a rather lengthy make out session that just felt awkward. Her kisses are super aggressive and she ends up suctioning on my upper lip excessively, it's actually somewhat uncomfortable and left a mark. How can I address this tactfully? Tell her you're not into hickeys anywhere on your body, including your lip. She learned from somewhere that kissing like that is sexy, but it's not sexy or comfortable to everyone. I hate that type of kissing, myself. It's rank amateurish, in my book. You're going to have to stop her and tell her to let you kiss her and to follow your lead. She's going to have to be taught how to kiss you. Some people don't come with that modification--you have to download that app. 1
Author avoforastig Posted April 10, 2017 Author Posted April 10, 2017 Tell her you're not into hickeys anywhere on your body, including your lip. She learned from somewhere that kissing like that is sexy, but it's not sexy or comfortable to everyone. I hate that type of kissing, myself. It's rank amateurish, in my book. You're going to have to stop her and tell her to let you kiss her and to follow your lead. She's going to have to be taught how to kiss you. Some people don't come with that modification--you have to download that app. I don't wanted be offensive but it's a pretty big turn off actually, despite her being super physically attractive. So just stop her then?
kendahke Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 I don't wanted be offensive but it's a pretty big turn off actually, despite her being super physically attractive. So just stop her then? Yes, unless you want to walk around with hickeys on your lower lip and chin. She's been able to just bank on her looks to get her over and never took the time to learn how to be a better kisser. Trust me, I know nothing is worse than someone who can't kiss worth a damb... it's a complete turn off to me. If she had bad breath, what would you do? If she had body odor, what would you do? If she had a booger in her nose, what would you do? All of these are turn offs, unless they're your fetish. Her trying to suck your skeleton out of through your mouth is a turn off to you. You need to pull back and tell her to follow your lead. If she won't, then you've got two alternatives: put up with it or demote her to the friendzone. 3
Tressugar Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 If I had experienced this no matter how cute the person is I would just bow out gracefully. It isn't in my nature to tell someone I'd just met how to kiss me. Either we have that connection or not! 1
caringsister Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 (edited) It would be pretty awkward to just outright say something so early on... maybe you could try something like in the midst of making out with her simply ask her for a kiss like (insert the way you like to be kissed) ex: slow and gentle. If the kiss is to your liking let her know that it turns you on to be kissed that way. Maybe she'll let you lead and she'll slow her roll and follow. It's worth a shot Edited April 10, 2017 by caringsister
smackie9 Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 Been there done than. Bad kisser=no relationship. It's a compatibility issue. You can't force or create a better kisser out of anyone....it's either they have it or they don't. Stop wasting your time and move on. 2
Gaeta Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 I remember at the begin I felt my BF was kissing too aggressively for my taste. When we kissed and he got going I just told him 'in a kind way' to slow down then I'd kiss him softly the way I like. He got the message pretty quickly. 2
Author avoforastig Posted April 10, 2017 Author Posted April 10, 2017 Been there done than. Bad kisser=no relationship. It's a compatibility issue. You can't force or create a better kisser out of anyone....it's either they have it or they don't. Stop wasting your time and move on. I don't believe that humans are totally fixed in their ways. I think most people respond to feedback. If they don't, then it's an issue. If you were a bad kisser, wouldn't you want feedback to improve? 1
Larryville Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 It's a compatibility issue. She's been able to just bank on her looks to get her over and never took the time to learn how to be a better kisser. She learned from somewhere that kissing like that is sexy, but it's not sexy or comfortable to everyone. I’m sorry you can’t get more jacked up than someone who is unable to kiss. You would have to be seriously out of touch in any relationship you have ever been in to screw kissing up and besides it is a sign of selfishness and someone who does not know how to communicate with their partner. Kissing is intimate and anyone who does not get that has bigger issues. 2
Kamille Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 People can learn to kiss better. I think I was an agressive kisser back in my late teens. And then I met my first boyfriend who suggested we play a game where we taught each other how we like to be kissed. It was sweet and playful. Perhaps you could try something like that? 1
smackie9 Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 If you were a bad kisser, wouldn't you want feedback to improve? Maybe if I was 15, but not when I'm an adult. I feel you two are just not a match...she might be crappy to you but might be a total delight for someone else. I'm too old to be teaching some guy to kiss better, blah! 1
RecentChange Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 You can teach some people. Just like "good sex" isn't the same thing for all people, being with a new person is about learning what works and what doesn't with them. What I have done in the past.... Stopped them and said "let me kiss you". Kinda held their face in my hands and kissed them the way I like to be kissed. If they are too agressive pull away and restart Any one who isn't completely tone def should get the hint. Reward good behavior "mm I love it when you kiss softly like that". Make the bad behavior difficult, pull back, "lead the dance" etc. Yes it can be like training an animal 2
preraph Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 It's real hard to say anything without really embarrassing a person to the point of no return. About all you can do is positive reinforcement. Wait until there is a brief second of her doing it gently or right or something close to right and then tell her, "Oh, that was nice. That's how I like it, soft like that." But I warn you, it's like trying to train a puppy. There may be a long time before they do something right to compliment them on and it may only last a split second. This is similar to how it feels to women being attacked like men see it done in porn.
Larryville Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 Reward good behavior "mm I love it when you kiss softly like that". Make the bad behavior difficult, pull back, "lead the dance" etc. Yes it can be like training an animal Maybe if I was 15, but not when I'm an adult. RC yes while that may be true (and you are obviously more forgiving and patient than I would ever be) Like Smack pointed out, if you are teenagers yes, you grown into romance. But if you are a freaking adult, let’s say 25 or older and you suck at kissing something is wrong with you or you simply don’t have intuitive human interaction skills. I’m in my 50’s and if I came across someone my age who could not kiss, I’m thinking did you just come out of freaking cryogenic hibernation!? I had a great teacher... when I was in 4th grade she was in 6th grade, Sandra W. She MADE me kiss her everyday (yes she would have kicked my @$$ if I refused) several times a day. An awesome educational experience 1
Author avoforastig Posted April 10, 2017 Author Posted April 10, 2017 It's real hard to say anything without really embarrassing a person to the point of no return. About all you can do is positive reinforcement. Wait until there is a brief second of her doing it gently or right or something close to right and then tell her, "Oh, that was nice. That's how I like it, soft like that." But I warn you, it's like trying to train a puppy. There may be a long time before they do something right to compliment them on and it may only last a split second. This is similar to how it feels to women being attacked like men see it done in porn. It's really unusual I have to admit. I tried to manuever around the situation but she always opens her mouth really wide and steers her upper lip above my upper lip then seemingly latches on. Usually I feel like the lips are aligned for the most part when kissing. It's kind of bizarre, never experienced anything like it before.
Jj66 Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 I don't usually give a lot of slack on kissing. It's one of my tests for whether there will be a relationship. I didn't like the way my previous girlfriend kissed me the first time. But she asked me to stay at her place that night and I REALLY liked the oral sex she gave me. Damn. It was good. It's like she sucked two years of my life out of me and it was worth it. I decided it would.so be worth the effort to teach her what I liked and didn't like when kissing. We figured it out pretty quickly because she was very interested in pleasing me. 1
SoThatHappened Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 It's not hard to improve or change in that department. My current girl wasn't a good kisser in the beginning. I have been told by every person I've been with that I was the best kisser they ever experienced. Even after some of these women got married. Anway, you can change how a person kisses by doing it the way you like. After 3 months, my girl is a MUCH better kisser, and it just took me taking the lead on kissing and "showing" her how I like it. 2
Miss Spider Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 It's not hard to improve or change in that department. My current girl wasn't a good kisser in the beginning. I have been told by every person I've been with that I was the best kisser they ever experienced. Even after some of these women got married. Anway, you can change how a person kisses by doing it the way you like. After 3 months, my girl is a MUCH better kisser, and it just took me taking the lead on kissing and "showing" her how I like it. That's interesting... I've always seen kissing like rhythm... more innate than learned.. All 3 people I've kissed had their own unique 'style' and the one I was most compatible with kissed the best. So I dunno, I'm with smackie on the compatibility thing. In kissing style. Not necessarily compatible in every area just cuz that was my experience.
preraph Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 It's really unusual I have to admit. I tried to manuever around the situation but she always opens her mouth really wide and steers her upper lip above my upper lip then seemingly latches on. Usually I feel like the lips are aligned for the most part when kissing. It's kind of bizarre, never experienced anything like it before. Just try to catch her at a point before she's doing the over the top stuff and tell her you like that. Then of course cut it short when she's doing the other stuff. I hate to admit it but incompatible kissing was kind of a dealbreaker for me on someone I otherwise liked sex with, and I just stopped kissing him and was lucky he didn't ask why. I don't think it was his fault, but the way his mouth was shaped and not padded well.
todreaminblue Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 i love playful lip nips...never left a mark or drawn blood......but if a guy i was with didnt like it ...then so be it i wouldnt do it....wouldnt want to do it.... most guys try to shove their tongue to touch my tonsils i keep telling them look i have no tonsils and i have an aversion to drinking a guys saliva..... ..if they dont listen....i dont date them...im a good kisser .....and ill show a guy who is with me what i like i will guide them.....but if they dont listen there's nothing i can do .french kissing to me is where you touch tongues and slide and slide softly...lol...just had an image of tongues as caressing hands........not into tongue boxing.....i think it should be give tongue take tongue and gently does it with otu a towel needed after.....but thats me..... i listen to what a guy likes ...and i try to accommodate.....hoovering my upper lip sounds like a cartoon.....not into cartoon kissing....i would let the guy know if it was painful......i have really sensitive facial skin...so i prefer clean shaven guys.....and i would as i said guide him.....the lips are i think the most sensitive part of the body......the skin most fragile.....so you let her know what you dont like.....if she listens she cares......be gentle when you tell her... if she doesnt listen......or forces kisses that arent pleasurable to you..then there is a significant issue in a lack of respect.kisses whther passionate o rfleeting...need to still have respect for the person adn a desire to make it a pleasurable experience for both...not caring about your partners wishes in regards to kssin gand what is ok and what is not........ shows disregard .kissing to me is often i find a more intimate an daffectionate an experience than straight sex........best wishes...deb 1
mortensorchid Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 Bad kisser = lousy in bed One I've been off and on with for the last 3 years is like this. I keep going back because I am lonely and he's wishy washy. 1
curiouslysearching Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 Been there done than. Bad kisser=no relationship. It's a compatibility issue. You can't force or create a better kisser out of anyone....it's either they have it or they don't. Stop wasting your time and move on. I am with Smackie on this one. Too rushed, not sensual, too sloppy are not good things in my book
Tressugar Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 I'm real curious how this is going to play out. Op, keep us posted. My guess and bet would be this one is a done deal. Dated a bad kisser and a person with serious funk breath...no bueno! Three strikes and you're out! You can't change ppl.
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