Overthebreakup Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 Hi all! i am looking to get some advice. I have looked through some threads and it's lovely to see how everyone is coming together to support each other. Anyway, I have recently broken up with my boy friend of 4 years, love of my life and we lived together for 6months. Things had happened in the past and I forgave him for it, but before we broke up he did something which reminded me of the past. We argued about it and now we have broken up. As things have gone on, I know it's for the best and that our relationship wasn't meant to be. The problem that I have right now is that because I love him very much I will find it very difficult to move on, I have got into my head that we have finished and that there is no going back or getting back together, but my heart is saying otherwise. I have nightmares at night about our breakup and tbh it's draining me so much. I am talking to other people to help me forget about it but it's just not working. I think subconsciously I am scared that I will not be able to move on. It's not fair because I want to, but don't know what to do. If anyone could help that would be great. How can I get my head and heart to think the same way?!
mikeylo Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 The only way to move on is to go complete no contact and that means no checking on them , no accidental bumping, no poking on social media etc etc. Give yourself time and you will get over.
todreaminblue Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 your head thinks it is for the best and your heart doesnt..thats a dilemma........can i ask in particular what from your past that made you break up with him...so you kept the past in your relationship..the bad stuff........was that your head?...and your heart actually wanted to forgive and give the new guy a chance and not make him take on your past bad happenings......?
jorgeg3d Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 (edited) I will never understand why people would rather go through heartbreak than try to solve their problems as a team/couple. Unless theirs real deal breakers, I just don't get it. If you truly love someone, you don't let them go. Its that simple, that should be the last thing on your mind. I'm sure he didn't know your last argument reminded you of a past experience you had or how it made you feel. Guys are not mind readers, and to walk on eggshells for someone because you don't know if a past experience hurt someone or not is not fair either. Edited April 10, 2017 by jorgeg3d 2
Author Overthebreakup Posted April 10, 2017 Author Posted April 10, 2017 Thank for the reply guys. Well he spoke to girls behind my back and sent pictures. Then recently I saw a message off a girl and it reminded me of it. Of course I didn't want to break up or I wouldn't have forgiven in the first place but, I forgave him and he promised to never do it again. When I saw the message I panicked, it was like my nightmare coming true. He even brought up the past so he knew what I was thinking in my mind.
jorgeg3d Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 If he's a cheater, or an attention whore than I can see how you had to leave. Good luck to you on that. I know its hard either way.
Author Overthebreakup Posted April 10, 2017 Author Posted April 10, 2017 Yeah it's just going to take time.
Corsican1 Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 I know it's for the best and that our relationship wasn't meant to be. The problem that I have right now is that because I love him very much I will find it very difficult to move on, I have got into my head that we have finished and that there is no going back or getting back together, but my heart is saying otherwise. QUOTE] Ièm guessing your probably in your 20,s or so... I find your situation interesting as your dilemma is exactly the opposite of what I recently encountered. She broke with me and her brain was torn to stay and fix things but somehow in her heart she just "KNEW" that I wasn,t "THE ONE". Mind you that the 1st 6 years I was so definitely "THE ONE". As the old addage goes, they say go with the heart... the heart always knows... it,s supposed to be your true self shouting out to override your logical brain in times of indecision. So do you really have a dilemma at all ? People are immature sometimes and make mistakes some big and some small. My advice would be that if you do choose to try and fix things... pay close attention to what your heart is screaming at you going forward. Good luck to you...
d0nnivain Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 Breaking up is painful. That is the reality. You are grieving & you have to go through the process. It will take time but have faith that you will get through it. I'm sorry about the nightmares but as time does go on they will fade. You do have to look at this objectively. He was disrespectful & bordering on cheating. That can't stand in a heathy relationship. You were right to end things. In the short run do the following: 1. Go NC. Don't talk to him or interact with him. 2. Box up all his stuff & return it. Put away any mementos including pictures. If you can't delete them at least put them on a memory stick & put the memory stick away so you're not constantly looking at it. 3. Rearrange your living space so it does not remind you of him. 4. Cut or restyle your hair. I don't know why this helps but it does. 5. Make some lists of all his bad points; all the reasons you are better off without him; and all the things you would like to accomplish with your new found time. Re-read them often.
Author Overthebreakup Posted April 10, 2017 Author Posted April 10, 2017 Thanks everyone. I just don't think it's healthy to be breaking up and starting again. As much as I do love him and would absolutely love it if we could get back together, I just think that what he did in the past is there. I'd love a relationship where there was no history of hurting one or the other. like they say it takes years to build trust and seconds to crush it. As i finally felt I could trust him again, my trust for him got crushed when I saw a message. I hope that I can move on and hopefully find someone who loved me as much as he did but not hurt me aswell. 2
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