LotusAvx Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 This is probably one of the weirdest things that have ever happened to me while dating. I met this guy after talking on a dating site/texting for a few days. We had a great first meeting, I thought there was lots of chemistry and I really liked him. He asked me out on a second date (which was today). We went for dinner and a movie, and we had a great time it seemed. I was really comfortable around him and there was no awkwardness at all. He dropped me off and we kissed a bit. We had openly talked about and texted about sex and what we liked and stuff like that. When he got home from dropping me off, he texted me and I casually said that I have a feeling we're going to have really good sex whenever we do (we had openly talked a lot about it, so I didn't see this as a problem). Then all of a sudden he texts me and says "I don't feel the potential for me to fall in love with you", goes on to say how he thinks I'm awesome and wants to be friends... Then he told me how when we kissed it wasn't good, he can tell I'm young (he was 10 years older) and I am boring to talk to.. which I can't believe because we both talked so much with no awkwardness or boring. I just thanked him for tonight and wished him luck, and he blocked me on Instagram for some reason. I guess I am just feeling rejected, it's usually me who lets the guy I am not into down, in a much gentler way. I am also confused, because he wanted to see me again. How do I deal with this rejection feeling? I really liked him and I liked his personality, I feel like that is hard to come by. 1
Tressugar Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 Damn! I'm sorry that happened to you. It just wasn't a match. He didn't have to overboard by telling you the conversations were boring. That was rude! I don't get the blocking from his social media or wanting to be friends after the fact. In the end he did you a favor.
minou23 Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 Why would you feel rejected?? He did you a favor! He sounds like a jerk. He's not a jerk for not having feelings for you, but for the way he told you he didn't. He could have done it in a nicer way and didn't have to block you. I don't date older guys anymore because they seem to be more childish than men my age. And they never change. They're set in their ways. You're not hurt over him, you're hurt over your ego. You'll be ok after a few days. Cut your losses, (more like his loss, your gain) and focus on the possibility of meeting someone crazy about you. 2
Zahara Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 I think he's probably married or has a girlfriend. The talk of sex probably jolted him into reality and a 180. Felt extreme guilt and quickly cut it off with you with all sorts of reasonings he could conjure up to justify a quick exit. 2
Kamille Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 That's a harsh way to break up with someone! There's something wrong with him. He was hurtful which makes no sense. Either he doesn't get how to relate to people or he was purposefully toying with your emotions. I know it's easier said then done, but don't let it get to you. This guy is a pretentious ass-wipe with no clue how to relate to women. It's about him and has nothing to do with you, your maturity, conversation or kisses. You handled the rejection gracefully. Feel the anger that should come from this situation. And then get back on the dating horse. There's way better out there.
basil67 Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 The problem is him - not you. And if you're younger than 30, stop dating old guys. 5
coolheadal Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 This is probably one of the weirdest things that have ever happened to me while dating. I met this guy after talking on a dating site/texting for a few days. We had a great first meeting, I thought there was lots of chemistry and I really liked him. He asked me out on a second date (which was today). We went for dinner and a movie, and we had a great time it seemed. I was really comfortable around him and there was no awkwardness at all. He dropped me off and we kissed a bit. We had openly talked about and texted about sex and what we liked and stuff like that. When he got home from dropping me off, he texted me and I casually said that I have a feeling we're going to have really good sex whenever we do (we had openly talked a lot about it, so I didn't see this as a problem). Then all of a sudden he texts me and says "I don't feel the potential for me to fall in love with you", goes on to say how he thinks I'm awesome and wants to be friends... Then he told me how when we kissed it wasn't good, he can tell I'm young (he was 10 years older) and I am boring to talk to.. which I can't believe because we both talked so much with no awkwardness or boring. I just thanked him for tonight and wished him luck, and he blocked me on Instagram for some reason. I guess I am just feeling rejected, it's usually me who lets the guy I am not into down, in a much gentler way. I am also confused, because he wanted to see me again. How do I deal with this rejection feeling? I really liked him and I liked his personality, I feel like that is hard to come by. We all can't handle rejection so well. This guy told you his feelings already and you can't change his mind. "he's not feeling it with you" another way of saying he's done with you. He shouldn't say 10 years difference doesn't mean squat today. What did he talk to you about when you met in person? Was he more leaning on SEX than to get to know you better? If you can remember what he said when you were together would tell you why he acted like that at the end to reject you. This is your hint to guys like this so you don't get involve with. Two type of men today those who just want sex and short term relationship and those just want to get to know you and love for a long term forever relationship. So your goals and what you want wasn't his plan. He put you in the friends-zone after your date. Not good that's not what you wanted so now you move on and block him as he started to block you. Now to cope with this rejection you move on and find another guy but this time you don't go after the same sort of man. SEX will come in time you really should think what's more important In love SEX is a lot better than Just like/love SEX is not the same type of SEX. Or those that just come over to have SEX and then leave for the next SEX session. Those are more causal SEX they are there for one thing only SEX. Figure out what you want you can get over this guy your haven't known him that long so think about something else and start looking for someone to fill the void and never mention this other guy to your next date. That will not work out. Focus on the next guy 100% or until you find one you like to be with..
Gaeta Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 This is probably one of the weirdest things that have ever happened to me while dating. I met this guy after talking on a dating site/texting for a few days. We had a great first meeting, I thought there was lots of chemistry and I really liked him. He asked me out on a second date (which was today). We went for dinner and a movie, and we had a great time it seemed. I was really comfortable around him and there was no awkwardness at all. He dropped me off and we kissed a bit. We had openly talked about and texted about sex and what we liked and stuff like that. When he got home from dropping me off, he texted me and I casually said that I have a feeling we're going to have really good sex whenever we do (we had openly talked a lot about it, so I didn't see this as a problem). Then all of a sudden he texts me and says "I don't feel the potential for me to fall in love with you", goes on to say how he thinks I'm awesome and wants to be friends... Then he told me how when we kissed it wasn't good, he can tell I'm young (he was 10 years older) and I am boring to talk to.. which I can't believe because we both talked so much with no awkwardness or boring. I just thanked him for tonight and wished him luck, and he blocked me on Instagram for some reason. I guess I am just feeling rejected, it's usually me who lets the guy I am not into down, in a much gentler way. I am also confused, because he wanted to see me again. How do I deal with this rejection feeling? I really liked him and I liked his personality, I feel like that is hard to come by. Your story is a testimony of your inexperience with dating and men. What are you looking for online? If you are looking for a man to date seriously then you need to stop that sex talk. When you talk sex online before meeting those men all you are doing is scrapping the bottom of the barrel and you end up with dirt on your hands. I casually said that I have a feeling we're going to have really good sex whenever we do who says that? not a woman that wants to be taken seriously There is no reason for you to feel rejected, you only saw him twice. I agree he was probably married and chickened out. If you want to survive online dating you have to see this as a bank of contacts for an interview. You have the initial interview, the second interview and the 3rd one. Do not put any hope, expectation into a man you have not dated for at least 6-8 times and it's time to talk exclusivity. 4
Author LotusAvx Posted April 10, 2017 Author Posted April 10, 2017 I really just dont understand why he wanted to hangout a second time after our first meeting..woundt he have known then he wasn't into me? I also don't get why he is saying the conversations were boring when we both had really good conversations and seemingly good chemistry. He said "he knows what he likes and he known right away" - why did he ask me outa second time? Just to mess with me it seems he also said all this "future talk" ..about us going somewhere or something..and I don't get why guys say those things if they're not into me..
CptInsano Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 I really just dont understand why he wanted to hangout a second time after our first meeting..woundt he have known then he wasn't into me? I also don't get why he is saying the conversations were boring when we both had really good conversations and seemingly good chemistry. He said "he knows what he likes and he known right away" - why did he ask me outa second time? Just to mess with me it seems he also said all this "future talk" ..about us going somewhere or something..and I don't get why guys say those things if they're not into me.. You will probably never know. He changed his mind for some reason and said these things to make a clear cut. I have no idea how much of what he said was true, but I wouldn't try to analyze what he said too much. His actions speak very loudly.
Gaeta Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 I don't know how old you are or him but if he's an older man he probably wanted to have conversation about other things than how you'll bang his brains out. You may have been under the impression you had good conversation but they might have been boring for a man 10 years older. 2
kendahke Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 This is probably one of the weirdest things that have ever happened to me while dating. I met this guy after talking on a dating site/texting for a few days. We had a great first meeting, I thought there was lots of chemistry and I really liked him. He asked me out on a second date (which was today). We went for dinner and a movie, and we had a great time it seemed. I was really comfortable around him and there was no awkwardness at all. He dropped me off and we kissed a bit. We had openly talked about and texted about sex and what we liked and stuff like that. When he got home from dropping me off, he texted me and I casually said that I have a feeling we're going to have really good sex whenever we do (we had openly talked a lot about it, so I didn't see this as a problem). Then all of a sudden he texts me and says "I don't feel the potential for me to fall in love with you", goes on to say how he thinks I'm awesome and wants to be friends... Then he told me how when we kissed it wasn't good, he can tell I'm young (he was 10 years older) and I am boring to talk to.. which I can't believe because we both talked so much with no awkwardness or boring. I just thanked him for tonight and wished him luck, and he blocked me on Instagram for some reason. I guess I am just feeling rejected, it's usually me who lets the guy I am not into down, in a much gentler way. I am also confused, because he wanted to see me again. How do I deal with this rejection feeling? I really liked him and I liked his personality, I feel like that is hard to come by. You deal with the rejection by always keeping your expectations aligned with what the reality of the situation care bear. I think the text about sex with him in the future was a bit too much for a second date, even though you two have been talking. At most, it's been, what? 2-5 weeks that you've been communicating with him? I don't even think he wants to be friends with you since he's blocked you on instagram--he probably doesn't want you to see him with the girl he eventually does get with. While he may not have felt you were a fit for him, that doesn't mean you're not a fit for someone else. He may be too picky in the extreme and he sure doesn't have a working filter between his brain and his mouth. All he needed to say was "I don't feel a connection with you", and leave it at that.
Author LotusAvx Posted April 10, 2017 Author Posted April 10, 2017 I'm 22 and he's 31. We honestly had great conversations it seemed..I am a sociology major so we talked about education and walked around a book store for an hour. The conversations were very mature and we just happened to be open about sex and what we like. I don't see how just talking about sex is a problem, I find it to be just another topic to discuss.
kendahke Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 I really just dont understand why he wanted to hangout a second time after our first meeting..woundt he have known then he wasn't into me? he wanted to make absolutely sure of his decision that you weren't a fit. He went along with it, but you didn't know you were being evaluated like that. Generally speaking, you are. I also don't get why he is saying the conversations were boring when we both had really good conversations and seemingly good chemistry. He said "he knows what he likes and he known right away" - why did he ask me out a second time? Just to mess with me it seems he also said all this "future talk" ..about us going somewhere or something..and I don't get why guys say those things if they're not into me.. They may have been good until the reality of his life landed on his head with that comment about future sex. He sounds as if he's already in a relationship and was looking for some side action. When you began talking as a single, uninvolved person talks, he ran scared because he's more than likely not single and uninvolved. He makes you out to be the one who is wrong when chances are, he's the one who was up to no good. Guys (and girls) who have no investment in you whatsoever are known to say whatever they feel they need to say for their purposes. Your job is to not live in the future or allow future talk about anything--you need to shut down future talk this early in an involvement. Live in the now--the future isn't promised to any of us. 1
kendahke Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 (edited) I'm 22 and he's 31. We honestly had great conversations it seemed..I am a sociology major so we talked about education and walked around a book store for an hour. The conversations were very mature and we just happened to be open about sex and what we like. I don't see how just talking about sex is a problem, I find it to be just another topic to discuss. Understand this: these conversations were great to you. It's apparent, they weren't to him. He just went along to get along. It's a topic to discuss when you know the guy far better than you knew this one. Things were fine until you went there later on. Or you can keep doing this and keep getting the same result. It's your youth you're squandering. Edited April 10, 2017 by kendahke 1
Gaeta Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 I'm 22 and he's 31. We honestly had great conversations it seemed..I am a sociology major so we talked about education and walked around a book store for an hour. The conversations were very mature and we just happened to be open about sex and what we like. I don't see how just talking about sex is a problem, I find it to be just another topic to discuss. You may find that sex is just another topic but on a 1st date it sends the wrong message to men, at any age. You did not only speak about sex as a general interest, you turned it into a personal suggestion or invitation when you said you think him and you would have great sex together. You probably thought it's a cool thing to say to an older man, a way to impress him with your open mind, or a way to seduce him. It had the opposite effect. Believe it or not at 30 + a man does not need that type of talk to be interested in you. 2
Miss Spider Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 I'm sorry that happened. I think it's pretty rude to tell someone they're boring. I hope he didn't use that word. You aren't boring, it's just a difference in interests or manner of communicating, so it wasn't a match for him. There's someone who will find you fascinating. Get out there again and have fun.
LoveIsMyReligion Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 (edited) We had openly talked about and texted about sex and what we liked and stuff like that. Once you start talking about sex openly and what you like to do the chase is over in his mind. Not only that, we wonder, hmm... if she is so open about it I wonder how many other guys she has slept with on the first or second date. #JustKeepingItReal Edited April 10, 2017 by LoveIsMyReligion 1
minou23 Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 I don't know how old you are or him but if he's an older man he probably wanted to have conversation about other things than how you'll bang his brains out. You may have been under the impression you had good conversation but they might have been boring for a man 10 years older. Doubt it! All men, any age, want that conversation! Haha. Older men think they'll have hot wild sex with a younger woman. Don't they know women reach their sexual peak in their 30s??
minou23 Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 People on here can be kind of harsh. And make it seem like YOU said or did one thing wrong that changed it all. Please don't overanalyze what you said or did. If you do that now, you'll only keep doing it and you won't be your authentic self. You'll make sure you don't say this, or make sure to say that. And you would only want someone to want you for your true self right? And don't buy into the whole "chase" crud. While it is true to an extent, what a lot of people are saying is that men only want sex and that's not true (yes, some do, but a lot don't). And if they did, they would leave as soon as they got it, so it doesn't matter if it's right away or three months away. Men want a chase in the same way everyone wants what they can't have. Be sexy, but be mysterious. Don't give away too much of your time and affection right away and don't be too available. That's basically what it's about. Have sex, talk about it, whenever you want. A real man would never judge you for wanting the same thing he wants! And why be with a guy with double standards in the first place? I would just chalk it up to him being boring. And you can't click with everyone. One thing I'm learning is to let go of my ego. Because if I keep holding on to why they didn't like me and everything seemed great then that's because I'm just inflating how cool I think I am. I am cool, but not everyone can see that and I'm ok with it! And it's just holding me back from moving on and meeting someone better. 2
kendahke Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 Don't they know women reach their sexual peak in their 30s?? That's a myth... a woman reaches her peak when she feels it with the right man. I'm 57 and I've been on this summit for some time now. 1
morrowrd Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 The common denominator for all of us who have explored and navigated the world of online dating, are the confusing let-downs. Meet a person and the whole thing seems like it has potential, texting, dates, and even sex, and then it abruptly ends. I have had it happen to me, so I know how you feel. This is a patience game, if you haven't discovered that yet. Try, try, again.
minou23 Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 I don't know. I don't need a man to bring it out in me. It's said that women reach their sexual peak in their 30s because of high hormone levels. My original comment was sarcastic anyway...
preraph Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 Well, ouch. He just sounds like a bitter man with a vendetta against women who mostly just enjoys taking shots at them to make them feel bad and make himself feel superior. I'd write back, "I was just about to tell you the same thing! At least we're on the same page." and then block him. 2
Author LotusAvx Posted April 10, 2017 Author Posted April 10, 2017 Once you start talking about sex openly and what you like to do the chase is over in his mind. Not only that, we wonder, hmm... if she is so open about it I wonder how many other guys she has slept with on the first or second date. #JustKeepingItReal I though the chase was over when you actually have sex... now it's when you talk about it? He was the one who brought it up, I never would have if he didn't 1
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