choyhtya Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 Basically my ex GF (19) dumped me (21) on weds and these days have been brutal. The first two days I was begging her to recomsider and take me back. I was even suicudal because these last few months have already been extremly difficult. My mom passed away in october. As well as my dog being hit by a car in Dec. I've had an extremly difficult time processing all of these events. I met my gf in jan and she did much to help me through hose times just by being there. I've been through around a dozen relationahips, but I don't think I've ever loved someone as much as I loved this girl. I always had trust issues, and untill the last 4 weeks I didnt have any during this relationship. We had so much in common and our personalitys meshed so well. I honestly thought that she was my soulmate, but never said anything about it during the relationship. I guess she just lost attraction to me. We became more distant and saw each other less. I knew something was off but I didn't know what. She always indicated everything was fine. Apparently it was the opposite. She had all kinds of greivances that she never actually brought up to me. She brought them up to her freind who simply told her to dump me for weeks. I was appalled at the lack of communication. I do want this person back, but I know she doesn't want me and thats hard to swallow. I want to preserve what dignity I have left after all of this. The culminaion of thhese events actually made me suicidal 2 days after and she was the one to talk me out of it. My lifes just been nothing but misery, I was actaully going to. But after that I resolved to go NC to try to preserve some dignity. I even went as far as to have sex with someone off the internet and am already talking to people but its not helping me move on like I want. I still want to reconcile and fix this but I know that this person doesn't want me. I'm startkng to doubt if I can ever find someone. Yesterday she texted me asking why I unadded her on socail media and in a nutshell I told her I was extremly hurt by what happened and that it was best for my sanity. I also told her that if she ever wanted tk take baby steps and reconcile I'd be open but I couldn't just take her back with open arms. After that I haven't talked to her. How do I prevent myself from breaking NC? This is the first time I ever tried NC and sometines its hard to not breakdown and message her. I've hung out withmy freind, gone to the mall, anything to keep my mind distractes but the thoughts always pop up. How did you guys meet the persob your with today. It seems I keep meeting people who I either end up dumping, or get dumped by.
Marc878 Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 This isn't as much of the end of the world as you think. You're young and it happens. Crying begging and pleading only pushes them farther away. You keep contact it just prolongs and keeps you where you are now. Do no be friends. Period!!!! Don't answer any text or phone calls. You were right to have blocked her on social media but should not have responded. Time and NC is what you need. 2
Marc878 Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 Join a gym workout, pursue hobbies, get some classes, education. It will get better. She's not a special snowflake.
ImComplicated Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 You met this girl in January of this year? So it wasn't even that long of a relationship, although she caught you at a super vulnerable time, given the recent death of your mom and dog (both extreme losses). I get it. IDK dude, what were her grievances about you? Like what didn't she like?
Author choyhtya Posted April 10, 2017 Author Posted April 10, 2017 Yeah I told her that I wasn't willing to be freinds. She wanted to but it seemed like she wanted everything to be similar except that there was no commitment or responsibilty. I guess the only reason I replied was to hope that she would want to reconcile.
Author choyhtya Posted April 10, 2017 Author Posted April 10, 2017 She said that I was clingy/trustissues which was true toward the end of the relationship because we weren't seeing each other as much and we talked less. She was really upset that I was rude to her dog (really). Plus our work schdeules conflicted. Also did'nt like the fact that I live 40 mins away. There were a couple others but I'm blanking.
Author choyhtya Posted April 10, 2017 Author Posted April 10, 2017 (edited) Part of me is confused on why exactly I'm so distraught. I was actually thinking about dumping her because she didn't make any time for me. I just really wanted it to work I guess. Another of the reasons she left is because she thought that I loved her lower body more than her. Like are you kidding me? She couldn't bring that up during the relationship. I don't grt why it's so hard to communicate. Edited April 10, 2017 by choyhtya
ImComplicated Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 She said that I was clingy/trustissues which was true toward the end of the relationship because we weren't seeing each other as much and we talked less. She was really upset that I was rude to her dog (really). Plus our work schdeules conflicted. Also did'nt like the fact that I live 40 mins away. There were a couple others but I'm blanking. yeah...being clingy and accusatory is never attractive, but it's especially unattractive in a man. when ppl act clingy and accusatory, it stresses their partner out and so they start to sort of dread dealing with you. but honestly, from the sounds of it, you were already inconvenient, anyway - you live 40 minutes away, work schedules conflict - and to top it off, the relationship was very new, so if there's any issue that bugs someone, big or small, it's tempting to end it, bc from their POV, there's no real history and nothing particularly amazing to you about this person that makes you feel like it's worth it to be inconvenienced to be with them, so the relationship just becomes a hassle. that's probably why she didn't bring any of it up - she probably felt like, due to all of the above, it wasn't worth it. easier to just end it.
Author choyhtya Posted April 10, 2017 Author Posted April 10, 2017 (edited) ImComplicated, you're probably right. I guess I just chose the wrong person to be with or something. It's kind of embarassing because I tried to mive it slow in the begining to avoid this outcome, and now I'm at this outcome so I'm starting to feel like I'm failing at relationships, and that I should just give up. It's just a brutal cycle. I just don't know if I'm fit for relationahips because almost every time I try to not be a player and work on a relationship kt just blows up in my face should I just give up? I'm honestly sick of getting hurt every time I see a future, it just shatters. And then I have to start from scratch. On top of all the other problems in my life. I really hate my life so much lol. Edited April 10, 2017 by choyhtya
Sweetfish Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 ImComplicated, you're probably right. I guess I just chose the wrong person to be with or something. It's kind of embarassing because I tried to mive it slow in the begining to avoid this outcome, and now I'm at this outcome so I'm starting to feel like I'm failing at relationships, and that I should just give up. It's just a brutal cycle. I just don't know if I'm fit for relationahips because almost every time I try to not be a player and work on a relationship kt just blows up in my face should I just give up? I'm honestly sick of getting hurt every time I see a future, it just shatters. And then I have to start from scratch. On top of all the other problems in my life. I really hate my life so much lol. This point of time you should not be trying to be in a relationship. You should be working on you.
Author choyhtya Posted April 10, 2017 Author Posted April 10, 2017 (edited) This point of time you should not be trying to be in a relationship. You should be working on you. I definatly have been. I started going to school to pursue my dreams last year, but coincidently, on the day my ex dumped me I found out that I was past due $3000 for school. So thats on hold. In addition to that I may lose my job that I started last year because I had to call in sick since I was depressed about the breakup and school, they dont have sick das. In addition to all the emotional stuff from last year with my mom and dog. I don't think that I'm overpriortizing relationships but in light of the fact that 1 freind, and my car are the two best things about my life, it should'nt come as a shock that I'm suicudal with so much BS going on, that I can't do much about. Sorry about the rant but my life truly is awful, and will probaly get worse or stay awful for a long time. Edited April 10, 2017 by choyhtya
Sweetfish Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 I definatly have been. I started going to school to pursue my dreams last year, but coincidently, on the day my ex dumped me I found out that I was past due $3000 for school. So thats on hold. In addition to that I may lose my job that I started last year because I had to call in sick since I was depressed about the breakup and school, they dont have sick das. In addition to all the emotional stuff from last year with my mom and dog. I don't think that I'm overpriortizing relationships but in light of the fact that 1 freind, and my car are the two best things about my life, it should'nt come as a shock that I'm suicudal with so much BS going on, that I can't do much about. Sorry about the rant but my life truly is awful. I too went thru everything you posted above and more. I had my dog died, family member died, school debt, no place to stay, my power cut-off, debt collectors calling me. The list goes on.. Just move forward the best you can
Author choyhtya Posted April 10, 2017 Author Posted April 10, 2017 I too went thru everything you posted above and more. I had my dog died, family member died, school debt, no place to stay, my power cut-off, debt collectors calling me. The list goes on.. Just move forward the best you can Hah I'll make an attempt but no promises. 1
Altair0770 Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 My condolences to you man. So sorry to hear about what you're going through... I couldn't imagine. I'd recommend seeing a therapist if you haven't already. They do help. I don't know where you live, but the crisis center is always an option. If one is in your area, it's 100% free (state pays for it) and 24/7. Please call them if you ever have serious thoughts of suicide. Also be open to your friends. I know all about the trust issues, but if you've got a buddy you trust, this is the time to lean on them.
Author choyhtya Posted April 10, 2017 Author Posted April 10, 2017 My condolences to you man. So sorry to hear about what you're going through... I couldn't imagine. I'd recommend seeing a therapist if you haven't already. They do help. I don't know where you live, but the crisis center is always an option. If one is in your area, it's 100% free (state pays for it) and 24/7. Please call them if you ever have serious thoughts of suicide. Also be open to your friends. I know all about the trust issues, but if you've got a buddy you trust, this is the time to lean on them. That might help me. I'm just amazed that so many things can collapse all at once. I did lean on my buddy a bit but I don't want to overstay my welcome plus I don't really have the raport with my family to lean on them tko much. Thank you for your kind words.
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