joel Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 recently met a girl through social circle of friends. she came to my house to meet my parents. we been hanging out 2 xs this week. my parents been haggling me to find a gf and long term relationship and hopefully marriage. they met this girl and didnt say they like her or dislike her. well today my dad told me if i dont really like her then dont date her, and another time he said well she might be using me for conversational english and wastng my time. her english isnt that good and she works at a supermarket as cashier. he also previously mentioned how her ford fiesta was cheap and area she resides coq,bc in is cheap apartments he says. he previously have said the girls who dated were just using me finacially and be careful but this recent girl we go halves on our dates and shes ok with that. shes very fair ,but now he has an excuse or making assumptions she might be dating me for sole purpose of language english conversation. other times he made assumptions the girls dating me just because of car rides(i pick and drop them off) isnt that what most guys do since some girls i met had no car. this girl go halves and has her own car but english isnt good so hes making language excuse. my parents also wanted me to date this other girl but she wasnt really interested in me and i found her unattractive but dad like her since she had a good job. i think if she like me he would make also an excuse oh she ummm just looking for someone to do yoga with lol
Knix Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 Well you can't base your major life decisions on what your parents want. . When your parents say she's using you for language, question them further. And let's say she is learning better English by being around you, is that bad? If all she really wanted was to learn better English she could take a class, she doesn't need to be in a relationship. It must also be a terrible blow to your self esteem when they constantly tell you a reason as to why someone is with you, rather than just because you're a great guy. 2
basil67 Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 Your parents seem very involved in your dating life. Is it cultural?
WaitingForBardot Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 Just a little story for you to think about OP... In my wife's culture many of the marriages are arranged and her brother had a similar problem as you. Their parents never liked a single girl he was interested in and were always foisting their choices on him. Finally he relented and let them fix him up with someone. After dating for 6-8 months, with marriage on the horizon, all of a sudden his parents started wondering whether she was the right choice after all and began bad-mouthing her and her family just as they'd done with every girl he had picked for himself. A classic case of nobody wants to belong to a club that would have them for a member. So they broke up and he found a girl he wanted; they've been together 20+ years now. My suggestion would be for you is to at least consider doing the same... 1
kendahke Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 recently met a girl through social circle of friends. she came to my house to meet my parents. we been hanging out 2 xs this week. my parents been haggling me to find a gf and long term relationship and hopefully marriage. they met this girl and didnt say they like her or dislike her. well today my dad told me if i dont really like her then dont date her, and another time he said well she might be using me for conversational english and wastng my time. her english isnt that good and she works at a supermarket as cashier. he also previously mentioned how her ford fiesta was cheap and area she resides coq,bc in is cheap apartments he says. he previously have said the girls who dated were just using me finacially and be careful but this recent girl we go halves on our dates and shes ok with that. shes very fair ,but now he has an excuse or making assumptions she might be dating me for sole purpose of language english conversation. other times he made assumptions the girls dating me just because of car rides(i pick and drop them off) isnt that what most guys do since some girls i met had no car. this girl go halves and has her own car but english isnt good so hes making language excuse. my parents also wanted me to date this other girl but she wasnt really interested in me and i found her unattractive but dad like her since she had a good job. i think if she like me he would make also an excuse oh she ummm just looking for someone to do yoga with lol Do you live with your parents? Do you come from money and that's why your dad is being crass with the money talk? If so, then you're going to have tolerate them weighing in on who you date because you're bringing them into their home. If not, then stop bringing dates around to meet them. And tell them to get off your back--that you'll sort out your romance life on your own without their input. Perhaps your dad needs to date these girls he's pushing onto you and leave you out of that mix?
Author joel Posted April 10, 2017 Author Posted April 10, 2017 Just a little story for you to think about OP... In my wife's culture many of the marriages are arranged and her brother had a similar problem as you. Their parents never liked a single girl he was interested in and were always foisting their choices on him. Finally he relented and let them fix him up with someone. After dating for 6-8 months, with marriage on the horizon, all of a sudden his parents started wondering whether she was the right choice after all and began bad-mouthing her and her family just as they'd done with every girl he had picked for himself. A classic case of nobody wants to belong to a club that would have them for a member. So they broke up and he found a girl he wanted; they've been together 20+ years now. My suggestion would be for you is to at least consider doing the same... well my parents have set me up and also used an agency to set me up. i met a lot of girls but lot didnt like me or vice versa. im a quite guy and dont talk much and i been told that too. my social skills arent great plus my job isnt good. i got a job but not a career. so could be factors why. some of the girls my mom set me up with werent my type physically attractive. so ummm no. they made good house wives but no physical attraaction.
Author joel Posted April 10, 2017 Author Posted April 10, 2017 Well you can't base your major life decisions on what your parents want. . When your parents say she's using you for language, question them further. And let's say she is learning better English by being around you, is that bad? If all she really wanted was to learn better English she could take a class, she doesn't need to be in a relationship. It must also be a terrible blow to your self esteem when they constantly tell you a reason as to why someone is with you, rather than just because you're a great guy. yea he says same with my guy freidns too. they hangout with you since they assume i pay for their movie tickets or we drive to seattle since one more person means buy more things. make lot assumptions that friends and girls are hanging out with me for purpose of using me and wasting my time .
smackie9 Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 Well maybe you should take a good look at your situations. If no one is offering to drive or pay their way, and they are looking at you to take care of that, then ya it's a no brainer you are being used. Me and my friends.... it's even steven all the way. If someone drives, everyone else pays for gas. The food/booze bill gets split, or the cost is recovered at another time, etc. 2
kendahke Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 (edited) well my parents have set me up and also used an agency to set me up. i met a lot of girls but lot didnt like me or vice versa. im a quite guy and dont talk much and i been told that too. my social skills arent great plus my job isnt good. i got a job but not a career. so could be factors why. some of the girls my mom set me up with werent my type physically attractive. so ummm no. they made good house wives but no physical attraaction. Stop using your parents as your dating app. This is your decision, not theirs. yea he says same with my guy freidns too. they hangout with you since they assume i pay for their movie tickets or we drive to seattle since one more person means buy more things. make lot assumptions that friends and girls are hanging out with me for purpose of using me and wasting my time . Are you the one paying or is this an assumption on your dad's part? Why would he say that you're doing this if you're not? Not that you need to justify anything to them *if* you're not living with them. Which brings me back to the question I posed upstream: Do you live with your parents? Do you come from money and that's why your dad is being crass with the money talk? Edited April 10, 2017 by kendahke
preraph Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 Well, I'll start by saying your dad sounds pretty intolerant. But I'll remind you that parents always think their kid deserves someone way better than they actually do. You can't date the person they would want to date, so when they bring up anything like that, say, Well, Dad, if you want to date her, be my guest, but I'm not interested. 1
Knix Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 yea he says same with my guy freidns too. they hangout with you since they assume i pay for their movie tickets or we drive to seattle since one more person means buy more things. make lot assumptions that friends and girls are hanging out with me for purpose of using me and wasting my time . That's really hard to deal with. My mom does the same thing to me sometimes, everyone I bring around isn't good enough or has ulterior motives. I don't think that most parents want you to hurt or feel bad and lonely, but also don't realize what they're doing and how detrimental it can become. At least you are aware of your parent's pattern now, so that when you have a good girl in front of you, you can laugh off their comments and know that ultimately they are being ridiculous.
Lilyana76 Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 They are your parents... they are NEVER going to think anyone is worthy of their child.. EVER. You just have to prove that the one you want makes you happy. After all, it is YOUR relationship. Over time your parents will come to love whoever you love.
Jammer25 Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 They are your parents... they are NEVER going to think anyone is worthy of their child.. EVER. You just have to prove that the one you want makes you happy. After all, it is YOUR relationship. Over time your parents will come to love whoever you love. Pretty much. It's especially true for my mom. After any breakup I've had, she would always say some version of, "You can do better. Only your family will love you when it gets tough." I get it, she's my mom and I'm the baby of the family. But it's kind of "in one ear, out the other" because I know she's only looking at things from a motherly perspective.
Rouik Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 At the end of the day you have to date the girl that you want to, there is nothing wrong with seeing what your parents think of her and getting their opinion but its your choice to make. Good luck and best of wishes as you move forward.
fromheart Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 If your parents aren't happy with the girls, tell them they should choose better girls for themselves.
elaine567 Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 Your Dad is looking at this long term. Relationships can often turn serious pretty quickly and he is trying to nip this one in the bud. He sees a girl in a low paid job who can hardly speak English with few assets, living in a poor area. She, as far as he is concerned, is not good daughter in law material. What does she really bring to the party? Does he really want his grand children living hand to mouth and you both struggling along on poor wages? Love doesn't fill the fridge. YOU don't have a good job and neither does this girl, your father, like many parents, wants his child to have an easy life. He, therefore wants you to date up not down.
Recommended Posts