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All of her other actions suggest interest, but I do feel like I'm the backup plan

fmfan08

By fmfan08
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fred123 Established Member

fred123

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She did end up replying, but guess she was busy at the seaside. She said "Only amazing golf players get rock :p any good? x". I'll reply later as I have work. If the conversation goes into tomorrow I'll bring it up but if it ends tonight and we both say goodnight, then I'll wait until tomorrow night for her to bring it up.

 

I dont meqn to be harsh but i dont think you get it. If she doesnt bring it up without you prompting her means her interest is low. Even if u prompt her and u end up going out on a few dates or so she will dump u anways and ul be wondering why and we will say from the beginning shes not inter3sted.

Its over. I wouldnt even wait until wed that is rude of her to say that anyways. She is not acting how a interested girl acts

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Danger Member

Danger

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There's a possibility she might have plans with family. She is already on holiday within the country (renting out a cottage for four days) with her close friends so if she is busy I'd be guessing it's family. Her photos from her holiday so far show drinks, etc anyway.

 

But then again everyone acts different. She might not want to prioritise too early on a guy she's just met.

 

She could be playing hard to get too. I mean she gets back to me, jokes and asks a question. Maybe being the social girl she is, she's been told not to act too keen and trying to keep me on my toes. Guess I'll find out soon enough.

 

 

You are trying too hard to justify her behavior.

 

Not trying to make you feel bad, but your texts are also rather beta.....You should work to improve your game as it will help greatly at retaining interest.

Titanll Established Member

Titanll

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What am I missing? You're not sure if she's into you??? Sounds to me like she may should wonder if you are into her...

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fmfan08 Established Member

fmfan08

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You are trying too hard to justify her behavior.

 

Not trying to make you feel bad, but your texts are also rather beta.....You should work to improve your game as it will help greatly at retaining interest.

 

Beta, like how? What should I be saying? I don't like to converse much over text so I aim to just tease, make them flirty/jokey and aim to ask the girl out.

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fmfan08 Established Member

fmfan08

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What am I missing? You're not sure if she's into you??? Sounds to me like she may should wonder if you are into her...

 

Why should she wonder? I asked when she's free, she said she thinks she's free friday and saturday but would know for definite on wednesday.

 

I made my interest clear by asking to see her again.

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fmfan08 Established Member

fmfan08

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I dont meqn to be harsh but i dont think you get it. If she doesnt bring it up without you prompting her means her interest is low. Even if u prompt her and u end up going out on a few dates or so she will dump u anways and ul be wondering why and we will say from the beginning shes not inter3sted.

Its over. I wouldnt even wait until wed that is rude of her to say that anyways. She is not acting how a interested girl acts

 

Well it can't hurt to bring it up again. If she says she can't and that's all I get I can jump to the "That's okay, maybe some other time" line and just leave it altogether. Not everyone has a great memory, especially if she's on holiday, some guy she's known for a week is gonna be her last priority right now. What's the worst that can happen? She says no or gives an excuse, at least I have closure and can leave it. Persistance can't be a bad thing, she'll show her disinterest by refusing a date or using some bull**** excuse :p

Danger Member

Danger

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Beta, like how? What should I be saying? I don't like to converse much over text so I aim to just tease, make them flirty/jokey and aim to ask the girl out.

 

 

 

"Morning So how about you beat me at bowling on Friday at 6, then we can get some drinks after? If you're still free"

 

This feels cringeworthy beta to me.

 

It's full of uncertainty and low confidence. On top of that it is yet ANOTHER attempt at getting her time when she hasn't even committed to wednesday yet.

 

You really need to back off and find other plates to spin.

act00 Established Member

act00

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The woman is on vacation with her friends. She may have had plans for the weekend, although tentative, prior to meeting the OP. It's Easter weekend. I don't know about you, but I need a day to decompress from my vacation and may not be up for a date the very next day, plus getting ready for work the following week, and the family shin-dig on Easter. If there were no family things over the weekend, it would be easier. I don't want to say to a guy I met only once, and someone that I'm interested in, "I'm way too tired and just want to become one with the sofa" because I wouldn't want him to think he's unimportant, but I would need some down time after a busy week, but that's just me. What would the OP think if this woman said something like that to him? Now, I would make time to meet up, but I might say, "Can we meet for a drink and maybe some dinner? I'm way too tired for bowling. We can do that later, but I really want to see you. Would that be okay?"

 

Let's also keep in mind, this woman may be fretting every bit as much as the OP. Do I text? Do I not text? I don't want to seem too eager and clingy or desperate. I don't want to scare him off.

 

Plus there are different communication styles - some text a lot, and some don't like to. When and how often has a wide range of opinions here at LS.

 

OP, play it by ear. From your first post, she seems interested (to me). She only met you in person the one time, just as things were getting really busy in life. She's every bit as nervous as you are. If things don't settle after the weekend, and she's always "not sure" and she'll "let you know," then it's time to consider moving on, but consider getting past the holiday weekend first before you toss in the towel.

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fmfan08 Established Member

fmfan08

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"Morning So how about you beat me at bowling on Friday at 6, then we can get some drinks after? If you're still free"

 

This feels cringeworthy beta to me.

 

It's full of uncertainty and low confidence. On top of that it is yet ANOTHER attempt at getting her time when she hasn't even committed to wednesday yet.

 

You really need to back off and find other plates to spin.

 

I could have worded it different, but I have Friday evening filled with other plans now. She said she'd know for definite on Wednesday if she could, she never said SHE would message me to let me know so I just asked and I got my answer.

 

I see I shouldn't have said "if you're still free", but I had to ask when her schedule was free so I could see if she offers an alternate date that works with my schedule and I'm not working/out with friends. If everyone backed off so easily, you'd never get anywhere with a woman. I haven't harrassed her for a date or double texted. I've played it cool and made my interest in seeing her clear and I've let her respond in good time.

 

You say "another attempt" but it's only the second time I've asked for her schedule and I asked her on the day she told me she would know. And she did.

 

Sometimes it helps to persist, as long as it's not in a needy/desperate way. I do have plans for Friday with a friend I've not seen for a while, so I would have had to have re-arranged the date with her anyway. If she says she's busy and doesn't offer an alternate time then I'll walk away, but she didn't.

 

Anyway, I sent the last text which I guess didn't need a reponse, so I'll go silent now and let her reach out to me.

 

BUT I see your point about spinning other plates. I'm messaging other girls on POF right now to focus myself elsewhere so I don't get too wound up about this. I'd rather leave her wondering where I've gone, but at least she'll see on Facebook that I'm tagged out in locations doing cool stuff.

Edited by fmfan08
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fmfan08 Established Member

fmfan08

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The woman is on vacation with her friends. She may have had plans for the weekend, although tentative, prior to meeting the OP. It's Easter weekend. I don't know about you, but I need a day to decompress from my vacation and may not be up for a date the very next day, plus getting ready for work the following week, and the family shin-dig on Easter. If there were no family things over the weekend, it would be easier. I don't want to say to a guy I met only once, and someone that I'm interested in, "I'm way too tired and just want to become one with the sofa" because I wouldn't want him to think he's unimportant, but I would need some down time after a busy week, but that's just me. What would the OP think if this woman said something like that to him? Now, I would make time to meet up, but I might say, "Can we meet for a drink and maybe some dinner? I'm way too tired for bowling. We can do that later, but I really want to see you. Would that be okay?"

 

Let's also keep in mind, this woman may be fretting every bit as much as the OP. Do I text? Do I not text? I don't want to seem too eager and clingy or desperate. I don't want to scare him off.

 

Plus there are different communication styles - some text a lot, and some don't like to. When and how often has a wide range of opinions here at LS.

 

OP, play it by ear. From your first post, she seems interested (to me). She only met you in person the one time, just as things were getting really busy in life. She's every bit as nervous as you are. If things don't settle after the weekend, and she's always "not sure" and she'll "let you know," then it's time to consider moving on, but consider getting past the holiday weekend first before you toss in the towel.

 

You speak a lot of truth, if she'd have said that I'd have thought she couldn't be bothered making an effort. It's definitely bad timing, her just coming back off a holiday and straight into Easter weekend.

 

I sent the link of what she said in a couple of posts above, but she basically confirms what you said that she wants to spend this weekend with family and she offers two days she's free to see me. Whether or not she cancels that rescheduled day nearer to the time, I guess we'll find out. But if she does I'll move on :p

ChatroomHero Established Member

ChatroomHero

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You speak a lot of truth, if she'd have said that I'd have thought she couldn't be bothered making an effort. It's definitely bad timing, her just coming back off a holiday and straight into Easter weekend.

 

I sent the link of what she said in a couple of posts above, but she basically confirms what you said that she wants to spend this weekend with family and she offers two days she's free to see me. Whether or not she cancels that rescheduled day nearer to the time, I guess we'll find out. But if she does I'll move on :p

 

 

I'd be interested in what happened, if she canceled or not. From her texts what I saw was something I don't always think is a good thing. She said she was open tues or weds and then you said ok, weds at 5pm (or whatever), and her response was she thought that would work.

 

 

I have never had much luck with women when they say "I am free Friday" and I say, "Good, I'll pick you up at 7" and their response is, sure...maybe. It's like, what do you mean maybe? You just said you are free? I always took it as her on the fence or just not having a good excuse at the moment.

 

 

Hope it worked out, give us an update.

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fmfan08 Established Member

fmfan08

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I'd be interested in what happened, if she canceled or not. From her texts what I saw was something I don't always think is a good thing. She said she was open tues or weds and then you said ok, weds at 5pm (or whatever), and her response was she thought that would work.

 

 

I have never had much luck with women when they say "I am free Friday" and I say, "Good, I'll pick you up at 7" and their response is, sure...maybe. It's like, what do you mean maybe? You just said you are free? I always took it as her on the fence or just not having a good excuse at the moment.

 

 

Hope it worked out, give us an update.

 

Forgot about this.

 

Well just after Easter Sunday at 3am she sent me a drunk text saying "You haven't text me all day :( I'm drunk and wanted at least a good morning beautiful text xxx" so I teased her about it.

 

She never cancelled and we ended up having the second date. We went to bowling and this cool new restaurant which she loved. She did a lot of playful hitting on my arm and touching me, our conversation flowed. I did ask if she wanted to catch a movie or a rematch of golf after that, when it was 8pm, but she wasn't keen on doing that so I thought it was best to walk her to her car (we kissed) and I thought maybe that was a negative like she didn't want to spend extra time. So I expected the worst..

 

But she continued to text me the same way after, like 4-5 lines, etc. She kept flirting, joking over text, responding quickly even if I took 20-30 mins to reply if I was busy.

 

She keeps reaching out to me most days, however I did on the day of the date, but mostly it's her. She initiated again tonight and I asked when she's free. She told me because she's back from Easter teaching at school it would have to be an evening date and that it would be better for her to work around me so we're meeting Tuesday. I said the day and time, she told me she wants to watch this film at the cinema with me (funnily enough it's the one I mentioned to her on our date that it was my favourite one).

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fmfan08 Established Member

fmfan08

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She's also a HUGE fan of Harry Potter. Would it be worth getting her a small harry potter keyring when I next see her? It's not an expensive gift and it's the third date, but don't want to come on too strong.

ChatroomHero Established Member

ChatroomHero

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She's also a HUGE fan of Harry Potter. Would it be worth getting her a small harry potter keyring when I next see her? It's not an expensive gift and it's the third date, but don't want to come on too strong.

 

If you are planning it without an occasion like a birthday etc., it really is a form of trying to buy her affection. I wouldn't, it won't really endear her to you anymore than if you have a good date. I think you posted about this elsewhere. It's kind of lame if you ask me, but won't cause any harm either way. I just don't think it will make her want you any more so what is the point?

 

 

If you were exclusive, you can buy her gifts all the time and she might love it. In the initial stages of dating it is just trying to buy affection.

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