snowgirl75 Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 I am just wondering when did dumping someone via email become socially acceptable behaviour?!?!?!?!?!?!? Anyone else have an opinion on this?
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 I personally didn't think it was.. I think that if you have any dignity then dumping should be done in person.. The person you had feelings for deserves the respect I have been dumped by answering machine and a text message once.. and of course the cowards telephone choice once or twice Sorry about it .. the person is an as*
Author snowgirl75 Posted July 29, 2005 Author Posted July 29, 2005 Thanks for your response. I share the opinion that he is an A$$. I only asked the question because in the last 10yrs, this was my 4th email dump. And I think it is completely inconsiderate and I would never do it myself.
cosis Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 wow thats rough, a phone call even beats an email dump. Think an email shows the persons maturity level.
katty Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 What a di**khead. I am so sorry. That is such a cowardly way to do it. How come guys have a problem letting you know its over, I have known some that just disappear, stop calling, etc. and never tell you why, etc. Talk about immaturity. I think everyone in a rs should have the courage to dump their partner face to face, no matter how hard it is. I have had to dump a few in my time and I always always make sure I tell them face to face, I even had to drive 11 hours one night to tell a guy it was over but I just couldn't tell him on the phone. You are better off.
westernxer Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 I've been dumped by e-mail, but we only went on one date, so oh well. I never responded.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 I dated a guy for 5 months once who dumped me via email. And recently my ex of one year dumped me on the phone. I consider myself lucky for not still being with these cowardly bastards. A real man would never do something so disrespectful.
butterfly29 Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 Originally posted by A Fly onThe Wall and of course the cowards telephone choice once or twice Thanks fly. So it's not just me, my ex is a coward... A few of my friends told me so as well for doing it over the phone.
whtelightn Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 It seems the majority of all this is women were dumped by men. Well not all men are bad and will tell you face to face. What about women. Why women cannot face males? My ex who did it over the phone and since we worked together I came up to her and did a face to face and then she still could not even look at me and fell totally apart after I told her HER LOSS NOT Mine. Yes some guys are cowards but some women also cannot do it in person. I believe in meeting with the person face to face and not the coward way out. I can understand if it is one date yes but together for at least 3-12 months should be face to face. That is my two cents on this.
smile95 Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 look at the positive side....better than a text and better than him just dropping off the earth like mine did!
cole Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 I was dumped via email after a year and a half. It's a cowardly way to sever ties with someone, and it says a lot about the person - none of it good! What hurt the most was that one of my parents had just died 6 months earlier, while we were dating. I understand that some people struggle with experiencing heavy emotions and all, but using an anonymous, disconnected, electronic medium like email or text has the unfortunate effect of negating the importance and meaning of the emotions that we experienced as a couple. I will always have the memory of my mom's death tainted by the memory of an ex that obviously was never there for me and didn't respect me as a person whatsoever. If he had dumped me face-to-face and just dealt with the emotions the situation may have brought up in him, I doubt I would still feel such resentment towards him. Unfortunately, he couldn't handle a fraction of the emotional maelstrom that I had been strong enough to allow into my life and learn from. I hope I never become the coward that he is.
francis Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 My ex dumped me by email after two years together...and ended it with 'take care'... ha ha...Its not funny but I just cringe when I even think about it... We were LD, maybe that makes it more acceptable??!!!! Isnt a phone call, however hard, a step up from an email??!! But an email just says one thing...coward. It's insulting and repulsive and I have absolutely no respect for him...two years of love, and intimacy, and planning a future together wiped out with a single email signed 'take care'... nice going man! This reminds me of an episode of SATC when Berger dumps Carrie with a Post It note...he he
Author snowgirl75 Posted August 5, 2005 Author Posted August 5, 2005 francis, that's too funny that you mention the SATC comment, cause I keep reminding myself "atleast it wasn't a post it note"
shamen Posted August 6, 2005 Posted August 6, 2005 SnowGirl, I feel your pain. It's totally ridiculous why people do this! I was voice mail dumped this year... which ended with, "Have fun." Ugh, worse than "Take care." I can't tell you how many of my friends said the same thing to me about the post it note!
Author snowgirl75 Posted August 6, 2005 Author Posted August 6, 2005 ck_guy that was very well written! I think you summed everything up quite nicely. I originally posted this wondering if I was the only one getting the email dump. Apparently not. This most recent email dump, I wasn't really hurt it was a fairly short relationship, but I thought it was very wrong the way he ended it. I have however received the email dump from someone that I dated for well over a year and I thought it was very tacky and inconsiderate. I spoke with this ex about 3 months after the split and he told me he did it via email cause he couldn't bare to see me cry. Extremely cowardly! Once again, very well said.
smile95 Posted August 6, 2005 Posted August 6, 2005 I would have preferrred the email dump! After 3 yrs....mine just decided to do the silent treatment and I was supposed to figure it all out on my own! I think that he does this to me so that he does not have to explain and so that he can come back and say..."I never dumped you?" Well, that is just my opinion from his past. I think that the silent treatment is cowarldy too!
GL 44 Posted August 6, 2005 Posted August 6, 2005 Snowgirl, there is a worse and more cowardly way to be dumped. It's the silent treatment Beth just posted about. I had this happen to me about 6 wks ago. There's no closure whatsoever. Obviously as time goes on you know it's over. But to not have the decency to even say anything...that's a hard pill to swallow. Say's alot about the person. So, yeah, you deserved better at the end than an email. But it could have been worse.
ForsakenSoul Posted August 8, 2005 Posted August 8, 2005 I sent a letter to my ex saying goodbye. She had to "take a break" from everyone that "hated her ex husband" including me, her parents, and her sister. Two weeks into it, after calling her to ask her how she was doing, and if I could see her soon, she said "when I have time". I asked her then if I could call her later that night. She said "you can try". She wouldn't talk to me, she wouldn't reply to my emails, she blocked me on IM. After those two weeks of going nuts, I sent her an email saying how much I loved her, and I cared for her, but that it felt like she was pushing me out of her life, and I had to accept it, if that's what she wanted. I then said if this is truly goodbye, well then, goodbye. Thanks for the best few months of my life, and I'll always miss you. I wanted to discuss things with her, but she left me no choice. During this "break" she posted on her blog about how she was "uncomplicating" her life. I may have broken up with her by email, but she started the breakup by BLOG. Now THAT'S a ****ty way to go... If I ever hear "I need a break" again, from a girl... Oh yeah.. she'll get a break. Complete and utter NC, Red Alert, Shields to Full, Self Preservation mode enabled. -FS
A Fly onThe Wall Posted August 8, 2005 Posted August 8, 2005 Originally posted by ForsakenSoul I sent a letter to my ex saying goodbye. She had to "take a break" from everyone that "hated her ex husband" including me, her parents, and her sister. You had the power and you gave it up and now she has the power.. Kinda a wimpy thing to do.. She could smell your fear.. Unless this brings you closure.. But something tells me it won't
ForsakenSoul Posted August 8, 2005 Posted August 8, 2005 Oh, I don't think I ever had any power in that relationship... I was used as a fling and a rebound. And I got my closure last time I broke NC. Here's what she wrote to me... "Please don't email me, call me, or contact me again. You can throw away the key, since I had my locks changed when you didn't give it back. You called it off with me in an email, which was cold and callous. Then the next day you change your mind and call me on the phone in a panic. That was the last straw. I can see why you hadn't been in a relationship in years. You're still into high school mind games, you don't take care of yourself, and you're overly emotional and paranoid. You remind me of a very painful time in my life, one which I choose not to relive, and that's why I don't want you to contact me. I should never have let things go as far with you as they did. You used drugs. You didn't take care of yourself at all. You didn't have the faintest idea how to save money, and you made 3x the amount I did in a month, yet my savings were nearly double yours. I was blinded by your sheer eagerness, the flowers, the gifts, and I didn't stick to my rule of looking at hard facts before getting involved. Once everything started to sink in, I realized that I'd made a mistake, and at this point in my life, I don't need to take care of another adult when I have two boys I need to devote time to. Whoever I get involved with next is probably going to be the father to my children. Since I don't want to put my boys through the confusion of meeting many different men, I just don't get involved. I'm all they have right now, and I'm all they need. The three of us are getting along just fine now that I've uncomplicated my life, and now that their relationship with their father is healthy. So please, forget about me, and don't contact me again. I don't wish to hear from you, I don't wish to see you for any reason, and I want to move on with my life. I still live alone with my boys. Tonight would have been my 12th wedding anniversary, but I spent it watching shows with my sons. So make of that what you will. You trying to contact me doesn't boost my ego. Your friends again butt in where they shouldn't, but that doesn't matter. I don't care who you give your body to. You tell me things about your current relationships that I really don't have any desire to know about. I really just wish you wouldn't contact me again. I thought I told you that in plain and simple terms a couple of weeks ago when you sent me a text message. I don't know how much more clear I can get, but let me try. YOU REMIND ME OF A PAINFUL TIME IN MY LIFE WHERE I WAS VULNERABLE AND MADE BAD DECISIONS. Please, leave me alone." Pretty much a 600 pound roll up door worth of closure there. And the ex-husband? The guy that emotionally and physically abused her? The guy that hurt her so much, left her and filed for divorce? He moved back in Aug 1. And the door was slammed shut on that portion of my life for good. -FS
A Fly onThe Wall Posted August 8, 2005 Posted August 8, 2005 Originally posted by ForsakenSoul Pretty much a 600 pound roll up door worth of closure there. Whew !! You got that right...
A Fly onThe Wall Posted August 8, 2005 Posted August 8, 2005 Originally posted by ForsakenSoul And the door was slammed shut on that portion of my life for good. Sometimes the best way is when that type of closure happens.. I've been in the boat before where they never tell you to go away and you have to create closure your way.. But younger and more foolish the days where..
Marshbear32 Posted August 8, 2005 Posted August 8, 2005 I never had a g/f dump me by email but I had a good friend end our friendship via email. When I tried to talk to her about it she wouldn't talk. I got over it but it was a very cowardly thing to do and is very disrespectful. It means that you cared nothing for the person if you can't even face them and explain. Always end relationships and friendships face to face. Both parties deserve the truth in person.
ForsakenSoul Posted August 8, 2005 Posted August 8, 2005 Yeah, it's for the best. I was never able to really hold onto the bad. I always remembered the good with her. I loved her very much, and it hurts to think that I won't ever get to talk to her again, as (yes you've all heard it before) she became my best friend. I quit smoking pot for her. I quit smoking cigarettes. I wanted to be the father to her boys. I wanted to be there for her. And for three months, she was happier than I'd seen her in such a long time. But as she started letting the ex husband back in, she started pushing me out and distancing from me emotionally. I'll always love her, and I miss her, but thank God the pain is finally gone. I'll have a couple days here and there where I'll be sad a bit, like today, but I know it's for the best. She cut me off cold, and never explained why shy wouldn't talk to me, and I had to find out what was going on in her blog. Sigh... Those were some really good times, before the ex came back and decided he really DIDN'T want to divorce her. At least I was able to give her something she really wanted before she cut me out of her life... The man she really loved... Ok, I'm getting close to tears again, and I swore I'd never shed a tear for her again. I know I'll find someone to have that connection with again, but I sure wish I could've been her. We were so damn compatible. Ahh well. Live and Learn -FS
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