I don't understand what's next

[butterly26]

Hi, I've been reading a lot on this site recently and kind of just wanted to put my story out there. I'm not really looking for any advice besides what people did in similar situations. I know I need to move on for now, I know I can't put all my hope into things right now, I just am confused.

 

So me and my boyfriend started dating almost a year and a half ago . We were originally FWB but quickly caught feelings and started dating. We always had an amazing time when we were together. I was his first everything. I had dated before but never on this level. Everything was great all of senior year of high school.We were going to different colleges but they are very nearby so it didn't worry us too much because we didn't go to the same high school either. First semester was great. Fast forward, we spent the holidays together and I really felt secure with him and where we were. Second semester things started changing. He was busier and had less time to talk but that was normal. Everything was fine on the outside. We were making future plans and everything. He was becoming a bit less talkative but he said he was stressed with school so I just tried to comfort him as much as possible and be there.

 

The breakup happened out of the blue.

The day before we spent the whole day together at a dance workshop and was happy. Dinner was quiet but we were both exhausted so it wasn't strange. I had to go to work and he left, everything was normal. The next morning he wasn't responding. After a couple of memes, he finally did. I asked him what was going on and he apologized then after a while, sent the text. I immediately called him and we cried trying to talk. We texted a little after in which he said he needed to have more experiences and live life so he could love me completely with everything on the table and to not have thoughts of other people. Then he went NC for a week or so (only breaking it when his best friend made him send a text apologizing and saying he needed time before talking). A couple weeks later he called me after my friend harassed him about it. We talked and he apologized for how he did things but he said he was just scared that he had some doubts so he wanted to deal with them now. He told me just to be happy for now. We've been in LC since, just random 5-6 text conversations or a meme every week or so.

 

I was devastated to say the least. I really saw (and still see) myself being with him for the long run. We've always had an amazing connection that I can never put into words. My love for him is true as time hasn't changed anything. I really love him unconditionally. Our mutual best friend is telling me to have faith that he will return. They are very similar people and he feels fairly positive about it working out well (not certain, just positive). I feel that college and young age is what's the issue. It is completely out of his nature to do something like this. I know we both need to grow on our owns but I don't understand why he didn't think it was worth it to stay. I asked if he could've waited till the summer but he said if he waited till then, he would've stayed regardless. Plus there's already another girl somehow involved. I'm sure if it's anything, its just a rebound and his friend doesn't think too much of it but it hurts that all of this came at once. I think this is him just trying to figure "by himself". I know I have a lot of work to do as well. I've been depressed for the past year or so and have had a tough year with just life (sickness, injury, moving). I really want to show him me at my best, and I just really want the chance to show that. I've starting going to therapy since and really relied on friends and family because everyday is a struggle. I think of him everyday and I don't think that's going to change all that much.

 

I'm just really scared of losing someone as amazing as him. He will always be my one that got away if he doesn't come back.

 

Has anyone gone through something similar or offer some insight. Thanks~

[Knix]

So you say that the breakup was out of the blue? Do you think that this girl has been in the picture longer than you think?

 

 

My first boyfriend and I were together for 2.5 years but he ended things out of nowhere and I found out he was cheating.

[d0nnivain]

Alas I think yours is but another young romance dashed on the rocks of college. Even close by colleges are still too far away because you are not just across campus.

 

 

He's sowing his wild oats. Do not expect that he will come back. He may try to date you over the summer but you will be right back here, him wanting freedom, come fall.

 

 

Explore your own campus & the many guys you have overlooked while you had a BF.

[AOC]

You say that you started off as FWB, so maybe he needs time to learn that that’s not how real love works. No one finds lifelong happiness that way (most don’t even find short-term happiness. I’ve found for myself that “pleasure” things usually actually take away from my happiness just hours later most of the time…) Anyway, I’m glad to hear that you’re in counseling. When your thoughts go to your former BF, try to bounce them to something else. Your counselor can help you with some DBT/CBT skills (types of therapy - you can Goggle them for more) to do this. Your HS BF may be back, maybe not, but don’t accept him back unconditionally. He needs to be a respectable worthy guy, too. 50-year marriages require more than chemistry. He needs to financial sense, good fatherly characteristics, be a hard worker, etc. Single is way better than lonely stuck married.

 

You don’t say what your college major is or what your interests are, but get excited about your future! You’ve got your whole life ahead of you! I agree with the former post that it’s time to get out in the beautiful spring weather, the hubbub of activity that picks up in the summer, etc. If you’re a small group person find a small group that does crafts, art, outreach, enviro causes (HFH, etc.) and join in. Also, even if you’re not super devout (or even sorta devout), you might try some local church college groups. I’ve found the people there to be pretty genuine if you find the right one. A smaller one where the people are closer is nice. And at the very least they have hope, energy, and vision that contagious, and that’s worth a lot in itself. Let me know how things go!