MarkV Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 Hi everyone Me and my girlfriend have been broken up now for just over a month. Our relationship over the three years was fantastic. There was no defining factor for the breakup apart from the fact that we just bought a beautiful house which she found stressful, she doesn't enjoy her job anymore and is under pressure all the time etc. We broke up because the way she deals with pressure is bottling it up and ploughing herself into seeing her friends and working. Her friends are all work colleagues who are single, care free and all socialise together. She has moved back to her parents who are upset too as she is usually so close to them and her sister but she has shut herself off from everyone. Over the past month I haven't bugged her or pressured her but she knows how I feel about her. The two times that I have seen her she has cried and says that she loves me but feels so flat and lost and needs something good to happen to get her out of this low place she's in. She said she misses the house and has even paid me her share of the mortgage as usual with no questions asked. She has applied for a new job (as she knows her current one is dragging her down) which I am sure she will get as I know the manager and he wants to employ her. She always tries to please and be there for everyone but in return she has put so much pressure on herself and is in a weird place. I've kept myself busy with work and spent a lot of time with all my friends and just done my usual things. Last week she asked if I was home so she could come 'home' to see me but I was working. The last thing she said to me was that she is scared to try again because we 'broke up' and she never thought that would happen as in her eyes we don't fight or know how to fight. I've re-assured her without sounding needy or pushy but it's all a bit confusing as to what she wants. The last time I saw her she wouldn't let go of me when we left and she was sobbing her eyes out..advice needed.
fromheart Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 There's no easy way to put this... She doesn't want the home that is there for her. The only way to positively solve this is to walk on by yourself and tell her to give you a shout if she changes her mind. Move forward, look after yourself and date other women if you're up for it. Its not fair that she has all the options and can do as she pleases, while you are left in the dark. That might seem harsh but the longer you leave yourself as somebodies option instead of priority, the more unattractive you become in her eyes. Moving on will rekindle attraction, but doesn't necessarily mean she's coming back. It might be best to part ways now then have this reoccur futher down the line, I speak from experience. 3 years is still getting to know someone really, always best to be very detached during this time. 2
Marc878 Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 Hmmmm, so every time she gets stressed she's going to walk out on you? Better go your own way here. She's not Mature enough for a relationship. I would not wait around or put my life on hold for two reasons. 1. If you chase or let them know you're on hold for them they will move farther away. Plus it makes you look weak and passive which is unattractive. 2. Your future and life should be under your control no one else's. If you are codependent (doesn't sound like you are) it will inhibit your life and growth. She moved out so let her do the chasing. Don't contact her. 2
spiderowl Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 Whatever her reasons for the split, she broke up and does not think it would work if you/she got back together. She might have a million and one 'reasons' for why things are not as usual, but the bottom line is she is not living with you and is not trying to come back. I think you have to assume she is gone but dithering because it is an upsetting stage to be in. You can feel a relationship has ended but still be grieving its loss. I'm sorry.
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