scotty1993 Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 Hey! I'm 24 and a guy. I've never had a girlfriend/boyfriend. I've always wondered about my sexual orientation though so I think that's why, but I definitely know now that I'm bisexual. I never really told/discussed it with anyone, but last September, a guy from work (also my best friend) was messaging me. I think he sort of suspected I wasn't straight, and I think he was trying to get me to admit it. He then told me he was bisexual, and that he had feelings for me. We've known each other for a long time - it wasn't like I just met him. He asked me if I'd like to go to his house. We were both a bit sort of 'confused' still what we liked/didn't like, so I agreed to it. We ended up kissing. This went on until January... about once a week, I'd go over. He said he'd always been too afraid to 'come out' to his Mum, although he said to me one day, he wanted to be in a relationship with me. However, in January, I found out he was already seeing a guy for the past year. So basically, although we weren't together, he was 'cheating' in a way. I was upset about it all. His boyfriend forgave him. He has done loads for me, and made me so much happier and confident as a person too (I don't mean seeing him), and maybe I was too nice (some say) but I forgave him too. I think it was more nothing really was going to happen between us. I didn't want to lose him as my best friend. I came out to my Mum as bisexual (just because I got upset over everything) but he still hasn't yet. But basically, we went to town last night. We didn't plan to go. We just went to the local, and then went for it. We got there quite late, so the only club still open was a LGBT club. People kept looking over at me. I was a bit drunk, and my best mate was too. He said to me (as he didn't want people going over to him) "lets pretend we're together". It worked, but it brought my feelings back. We were dancing a few times, and hugging loads and I just couldn't help it but I got turned on by it. I still have feelings for him and after everything that's happened, I don't know why. What can I do? This sounds so bad of me, but I met up with a guy on tinder (after I knew my best friend had a boyfriend already). We've met 5 or so times. We're not 'together', but we kissed a lot the last time I seen him. When I was kissing him, I just kept thinking about my best mate and how much I liked it (and preferred it) with him. What can I do? I need to move on, but my feelings are still there. I miss all the times we had. I'm an idiot I know, but I just can't help my feelings :'( Thank you and sorry for the essay but I had to explain it all! x
preraph Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 Hey, it's rare that feelings in a relationship are equal on both sides. It sucks no matter which end of it you're on though, because the one who isn't as invested feels plagued by pressure from the one who wants more. And of course, it's hurtful when someone isn't taking you seriously, and this is your first relationship, so of course your feelings are tender. I say you just do whatever makes you feel best, whether that's being friends and sometimes lovers with him or whether that's putting a boundary and not having sex or whether that's seeing other guys. And really, what I hope you'll do because it will probably be what you need is look for a guy who does want a relationship. So do date, but at least try to attract a guy whether in person or online who knows you would like a relationship. It's okay to just have fun, but it's not ultimately what I know you want at this time. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Just take it day by day and ask what feels like the right thing for you to do that will give you some joy and won't bring on more problems. Good luck.
Author scotty1993 Posted April 9, 2017 Author Posted April 9, 2017 Hey, it's rare that feelings in a relationship are equal on both sides. It sucks no matter which end of it you're on though, because the one who isn't as invested feels plagued by pressure from the one who wants more. And of course, it's hurtful when someone isn't taking you seriously, and this is your first relationship, so of course your feelings are tender. I say you just do whatever makes you feel best, whether that's being friends and sometimes lovers with him or whether that's putting a boundary and not having sex or whether that's seeing other guys. And really, what I hope you'll do because it will probably be what you need is look for a guy who does want a relationship. So do date, but at least try to attract a guy whether in person or online who knows you would like a relationship. It's okay to just have fun, but it's not ultimately what I know you want at this time. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Just take it day by day and ask what feels like the right thing for you to do that will give you some joy and won't bring on more problems. Good luck. Hey, Thank you for your message. We're not together/seeing each other anymore. We just "pretended" to be in a relationship so we wouldn't get approached. But doing that just made me realise how much I miss him as more than just a friend. We never did anything more than kiss, but I just loved it and I'll always remember him as my first kiss in life. He messaged me thanking me for such a good night out, and he told me he was "turned on" by us dancing/hugging in the club and it just gives me mixed messages. He has a boyfriend but I just feel like I love him and have feelings for him and it's upsetting me.
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