hew Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 So this may be a little confusing, especially because I don't fully understand how Im really feeling. I was hoping someone could help me out, or if you have been through these emotions before... I have been with my boyfriend now for 7 months. We have pretty much lived together from the start. We live together great for the most part, aside from minor bickering or arguments but nothing physical or mentally hurtful. I live close to our university and he had about an hour commute from his hometown, so when we first started dating I was obviously okay with him staying with me to reduce travel time/gas on going to school. I love my boyfriend but I feel like I love him as a best friend or just as a person. We don't really have sex anymore because I just don't feel interested in it or it grosses me out. I know this sounds bad, and it probably means I should break up with him but at the same time I enjoy his company and would feel lonely without him. That must sound selfish though I'm sure. I know he loves me and wants to be with me because when I have sort of brought up my feelings he gets very sad and down. Then I feel guilty for saying i don't think I'm in love with him and I just tell myself it must be cause I'm having an off day. Before my current boyfriend I was in a very abusive relationship which I did manage to escape from, thanks to my family. So I wonder sometimes if I tell myself this is every thing I ever wanted just because I no longer am with someone who wants to physically and mentally hurt me. My boyfriend plays a lot of video games, I mean all day and all night. He doesn't have a job right now, although he says he plans on getting one with summer. We really have no common interests. He likes to play a lot of card games at the comic book store, and I'm not into the beauty industry as that is my career. We are really different people and I get frustrated having him in my apartment everyday playing video games and not having a job. It really is hard to explain everything and how Im feeling. But I hope this provides some basic background info. I know it might come down to me being strong and asking him to move home. Maybe we can still date but not be together every single moment of every day (aside from me being at work or out of the apartment) I hope this makes some sense, and if anyone has anything to offer please do. I like hearing other peoples experiences similar or even completely different and I appreciate it all. Thank you guys!!!
Knix Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 I never like to encourage people to break up, because I don't know the full story. It sounds like you know the answer but you're too afraid to take action. It's 100% normal to be afraid that you will be alone forever if you're not with him, but if that's the only reason you're staying, you need to get over that fear and get out. There will always be people that you can be in a relationship with, you never have to be lonely in this day and age with online dating. On the other hand, it sounds like you really care about him as a person, I think you're probably starting to feel used at this point as well, I mean what's cute about a guy that's living in your place, no job, mooching off you, and no goals? That's a major TURN OFF. You should have a talk with him that he needs to get a job and look for his own place/move in with family members, etc. Don't feel bad about this because you aren't his mommy and you shouldn't have to mother him.
smackie9 Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 You have zero in common and he is sucking the life out of your soul. Don't use him to fill the void of your loneliness. You are unhappy for a reason....the cure it to get rid of him and move on. 2
preraph Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 (edited) Women often are told by their bodies first when the relationship is not working, because unlike most men, we're not down for sex with a guy on a regular basis unless our heart is in it and conditions are right, and yes, that means sustained attraction. You have gotten into a platonic relationship with him. It happens many ways. It can happen if one of you is parenting the other, and he certainly sounds more like a little boy than a man. It can just happen because the new wears off and the attraction goes with it. I don't know how old you are, but you should keep looking since this isn't the one. I think most of us still like someone we break up with if it was a decent relationship with no terrible behavior while we were together. But that's not enough for him and it shouldn't be enough for you. You should let him go and not try to hang onto him as a friend since you already know that isn't what he wants. And before you let him guilt you into staying, remember what you wrote in that paragraph about all he does is play video games, because he isn't putting forth enough effort to maintain anyone's interest. Good luck. Edited April 10, 2017 by preraph
Miss Spider Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 Sounds like you were never really over the moon about him and was more comfort and emotional security than anything else. It's been 7 months.. Still difficult to break up, but I think it's best in the long run. Doesn't look like there was much to start from to be repaired here.
reeseyummy Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 I never like to encourage people to break up, because I don't know the full story. It sounds like you know the answer but you're too afraid to take action. I agree... if you are disgusted to have sex with your bf, I don't think there's any other way. Is there any chemistry left in the relationship? I would suggest maybe talk to him about your feelings, it may end things, but I think he deserves to know, at least part of your feelings.
Kamille Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 What kind of birth control are you using? I've had a similar issue in the past. A part of me not having a sex drive was caused by the fact I started the pill at the beginning of the relationship. It killed my sex-drive. I want to start by saying that if you are not feeling it, it's totally acceptable for you to end this relationship. My sister was with a man who wasn't sure he was in love with her for years. It did a number on her self-esteem. That said: you're both students right? It doesn't really surprise me that he doesn't have a job during the school year. He's lucky that he gets to focus on school. What are his long term goals? How good is he at school? It sounds, however, like you are footing the bill for the living arrangement. Does he help with rent, groceries, chores, etc?
Larryville Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 Sorry but will be blunt, because even remotely encouraging this (relationship?) disaster is just wrong. We have pretty much lived together from the start. There is another thread about someone wanting to move in with bf/gf can’t remember this is exactly why (unless you are getting married for sure) it is a horrible idea, especially for younger couples. We don't really have sex anymore I just don't feel interested in it or it grosses me out. When another human being grosses you out, that is a major red flag I know he loves me I’m sorry but that is complete BS…. wants to be with me because when I have sort of brought up my feelings he gets very sad and down. Either mental illness or depression... And this is because he is a freaking leach and dudes like this NEED their gravy train. I was in a very abusive relationship Which is why you tolerate this dude… My boyfriend plays a lot of video games He doesn't have a job right now We really have no common interests. He likes to play a lot of card games at the comic book store I get frustrated having him in my apartment everyday playing video games and not having a job. aside from minor bickering or arguments is hard to explain everything and how Im feeling. No, you did just fine. Get the strength kick his worthless @$$ out. It kills me how many seemingly good women here post about deadbeat, unemployed worthless men. How do you ladies find these dudes? Craigslist!? Free yourself, soon. Life is just too damn short to put up with this crap. The unfortunate thing is the number of worthless, jobless dudes will rise and will be looking for meal tickets. Women's role in the job market and those pursuing advanced degrees are now outpacing men in many areas. 1
Larryville Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 What kind of birth control are you using? Oh crap ladies please stop reproducing with deadbeats. Good thing she is grosses out by him... 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 Why would you list all of the negative attributes of your boyfriend and ask strangers on a forum to help you make a decision on whether to stay with him? Do you think anybody is going to say yes? That's like me saying, "Heroin has cost me everything, my saving, my job, my wife, and family. Should I quit?" At least post some positive qualities. There must be some if you are with him. 1
Lilyana76 Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 You know what you should do, the fact that you are on here posting about it suggests you know what you should do. You don't need a bunch of random strangers telling you that he is not good for you, and this relationship will not work out. Bite the bullet already, get on with life. Good luck. 1
curiouslysearching Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 You have zero in common and he is sucking the life out of your soul. Don't use him to fill the void of your loneliness. You are unhappy for a reason....the cure it to get rid of him and move on. I really enjoy reading Smackie's posts....she is cut and dry plus she tells it like it is.....refreshing 1
kendahke Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 I don't know Rule #1 to a happy life: stop lying to yourself. You DO know--you don't want to do it because you're afraid of not having a boyfriend for a long time or becoming the "mean girl" if you kick him out. You have two choices: do nothing and keep experiencing the same or Do what needs to be done and don't down yourself for looking out after your own best interests. This guy isn't a part of that. Recognize that and stop squandering your youth with eff-boys. Take a look at my tag line and go look up his videos on youtube. 1
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