She said I don't have game

[Titanll]

I'm probably going to get burned for this and maybe I deserve it but you can't be very attractive or average. If you are attractive or even average, you must live near a convent or something. I'm average and the only problem that I have is staying monogamous. And no, I don't live in an area that is swimming in beautiful women.

 

To be honest, most men punch way above their weight so there's hope. I have seen some, to me anyway, horrendous looking dudes with some very attractive women.

 

So, to me, it seems that you are trying to jump into a literal battlefield and you have zero training hours. What to do? Do you know any women that will give you honest advice about your appearance, dress, personality? If so, start with that.

 

I honestly don't know why some guys have no clue about something that seems so basic. It's like a guy that says that he can't fry a friggin egg...you have to eat, learn to cook. Extrapolate that out to relationships and you're golden.

 

I know that you never blamed anyone but keep in mind that it is your responsibility alone to "find" someone. Don't fall into the trap of labeling women as hard to get, picky, etc. It's like any excuse, the more you have, the more that you will use when things don't go your way. Learn to move on quickly if necessary and don't attach yourself so easily, at least initially.

[OatsAndHall]

Ah, ouch! That did it.. She figured you had some sort of plan in action to get her to the next level. But I guess that's wasn't your intent at all. Remember you both are strangers at first encounters. Never touch her until she allows it, you should have asked her fir you could touch her on her shoulder. If she was okay with it? Now all you can do is learn from this mistake. Next time with the next woman you don't do this ever again. Each woman will be different. They're all not the same in thinking but with all sorts of goings on today you just never know where you stand.

 

Yeah, this is always a pain in the a-- on dates. I went on a date with a woman who planted herself right next to me on a park bench within the first half-hour. I mean, she practically sitting in my friggin lap. It made me kind of uncomfortable at first but I put my hand over hers. Later on in the date, she asked me if I had "trouble with physical contact..".

 

Another woman and I went out to the movies on a second date and we we sitting next to each other. We'd hugged after the previous date so I reached out half-way through the movie and tried to hold her hand on the arm-rest between us. Wrong move apparently as she pulled her hand away. I'm glad it happened in the theater as I got over the awkwardness quickly and just enjoyed the flick. No hugging at the end of that date, lol.

[stillafool]

Actually it's kind of something you are born with - a gift if you will. I saw a 3 year old that you just knew already had it and could wrap women around his little finger already. I don't think it is a learned behavior because then it doesn't come off as authentic.

[Danger]

What does that even mean? What I have in a good job, nice house, good car bought with cash, good teeth, average looks.

 

It means she senses you are beta and not alpha.

 

Do yourself a favor and read about hypergamy. Even visit some PUA sites to get a better idea of what she is talking about.

[d0nnivain]

I'm easy to catch since I don't have many options. My last date with another woman was a year ago and that was just a 30 minute coffee date.

 

I'm very very poor at flirting or hitting on women. So poor I don't dare try which is why I have to do online dating to even get a date.

 

 

You have actually answered your own Q.

 

 

She is looking for somebody confident & suave who gets her motor running. You are probably a great guy but because you aren't charming & romantic, the type that sweeps a woman off her feet this woman is not interested.

 

 

While a lot of PUA is garbage, do as somebody suggested & read up on it. Don't fall for the misogynistic woman hating power play junk but find a technique or two that speaks to you & gives you some confidence. You need a fake it 'til you make it approach to "up your game." If you were a poor free throw shooter you'd spend hours on the court practicing. It's similar here. You need to be more confident & poised. You can learn to do that.

[Rex 71]

It means things like, you're socially adept, not awkward. You can joke around and be witty in conversation. Those 2 fit together, by knowing social workings you can play/joke with those concepts. That's what leads to socially acceptable flirting and innuendo.

 

It's a mental dance that women want you to take them on. She wants to know that you're sexual and can rock her in bed; but you slide your sexual intentions under the crack of the door, not smash the whole door down, nor do you noisily rattle the handle in an unsuccessful attempt to get the door open.

 

edit: FYI, plenty of women have no game either. Date one of them who is on your level.

How many of these women with no game are actually above 18 and how many are close to 45?

[Danger]

How many of these women with no game are actually above 18 and how many are close to 45?

 

 

Are you suggesting that game is only relevant with children?

[Rex 71]

Actually it's kind of something you are born with - a gift if you will. I saw a 3 year old that you just knew already had it and could wrap women around his little finger already. I don't think it is a learned behavior because then it doesn't come off as authentic.

 

I figured this. Unless there's a woman as inept as I am it's hopeless.

[Rex 71]

Are you suggesting that game is only relevant with children?

 

No I'm not. It means a lot unfortunately even for older women.

[Danger]

No I'm not. It means a lot unfortunately even for older women.

 

 

 

Yes, unfortunately you cannot run from hypergamy.

 

The only answer is to read up on game and improve your life.

 

When I first read " The Game" by Neil Strauss, I could not believe how much I had learned.

 

And for what it is worth, women do not need game, only men do.

[Rex 71]

You have actually answered your own Q.

 

 

She is looking for somebody confident & suave who gets her motor running. You are probably a great guy but because you aren't charming & romantic, the type that sweeps a woman off her feet this woman is not interested.

 

 

While a lot of PUA is garbage, do as somebody suggested & read up on it. Don't fall for the misogynistic woman hating power play junk but find a technique or two that speaks to you & gives you some confidence. You need a fake it 'til you make it approach to "up your game." If you were a poor free throw shooter you'd spend hours on the court practicing. It's similar here. You need to be more confident & poised. You can learn to do that.

 

This is not encouraging. I'm not good at faking things.

[preraph]

I think expecting much game when you're two full grown adults old enough to have grown children is a little extreme of her. I think maybe she has too much game.

 

Rex, some women like swag, maybe most, but that's not the number one thing on the top of every woman's list, especially around age 40, when many have learned to appreciate someone who would just be considerate and attentive. Anyway, you could be good in bed for all she knows. You might be the wrong type for her, but you could be just the right type for someone else.

 

She was in her rights to pull away if she didn't want to be touched after meeting you for a date, but she really had bad manners for attacking you and telling you you had no game. The right woman would move more at your pace. So I would just ask you to examine who you are choosing in online dating and not choose women who look fast and loose and are showing a lot of skin because they probably are looking for a lot of sexual confidence. So don't pick those women showing off their bodies like that. Choose someone more modest and who just seems responsible and genuinely like she is looking for a relationship. Read the profiles, of course. Be sure there is something in your own profile to make people know you are not just looking for a hookup and are only interested in finding a nice genuine person to have a relationship with.

[Hoosfoos]

She is s#it testing you. It is something women do deliberately do to see how you will respond. It is important to fail any and all s#it tests, better yet, kick her to the curb.

[Mumbles]

Never touch her until she allows it, you should have asked her fir you could touch her on her shoulder. If she was okay with it?

 

Goodness me...chuckle ... talking about 'no game'

 

How would that play out?

 

"You're lovely, can I touch you on your shoulder in a non sexual way for a moment please?"

 

The 'no game' bit here was definitely because he touched her and flinched at doing so. Thus, no game, no swagger.

[Rs777]

I wouldn't overthink it, just let it go. First off, that's a rude thing to say.

 

Just be yourself, don't put your value on what you have and can offer a woman, at your age a majority of women are already independent. There is a woman out there who will appreciate you for who you are, not for your things or "lack of game" Hell a woman seeking a man with better "game" clearly just wants to play games. And is that what you're looking for?

[d0nnivain]

This is not encouraging. I'm not good at faking things.

 

Let me rephrase. I am not suggesting you be insincere or someone you are not. I am suggesting that even when you feel nervous you fake it by acting confident. Good self talk -- "I can do this" -- is key.

[CptInsano]

Ha! Almost forty years old and using the same lingo of a fifteen year old. IMO, this is a high-maintenance woman that wants to be wined, dined and chased. Some guys don't mind doing that but it's not my cup of tea. I'd move on and not worry about it.

 

I couldn't agree more.

[OatsAndHall]

Woman 1: "I'm sorry, but you just don't seem self-confident enough for me. This won't work."

 

Woman 2: "You ain't got swag or game!".

 

I'd listen to the first woman and learn the ins and outs of dating. I'd get the second one a seat on Dr. Phil.

[Versacehottie]

I'm very very poor at flirting or hitting on women. So poor I don't dare try which is why I have to do online dating to even get a date.

 

This is pretty much what "having no game" means. You got work on creating tension and desire. You aren't just what you are on paper so you have to:

a. have confidence

b. be able to flirt and create interest.

[ImComplicated]

GAME has nothing to do with your job, house, car or looks. in fact, you can have none of that and still have GAME. It has to do with your personality, your natural ability to charm, your raw sex appeal. some men have it, apparently, you don't, or at least not in her eyes.

[ImComplicated]

I tried to touch her on the shoulder lightly but did it awkwardly and she pushed me away.

 

there we go, that's exactly what she means. LOL. you try too hard/you're awkward when trying to pick up girls, you're not smooth or natural about it.

[ImComplicated]

Yes. Too easy, present no challenge. She needs the thrill of the chase, but you're already caught. Some women are just like that. This mentality is typically one that women have, believing that men don't value them unless they're a challenge... but obviously it can swing both ways. I think you just need to find a woman who doesn't need head games to be enthusiastic about a new relationship. But the other side of that is, don't be too easy.

 

not even! he doesn't need to be a super challenge, just act natural, make me feel comfortable, be confident and don't try so hard or act so awkward or try to force the moment and don't act desperate. .

[OatsAndHall]

Successful dating comes down to one skill and that's holding a conversation. This is where it all starts; keeping a casual, fun, open dialogue going back and forth with a woman on a date. This does take practice and you'll need to learn to read people but it's not difficult. I'm no Lothario but here's how I approach it:

 

1. Assuming it's a Friday or a Saturday, I ask them how their week was. This is a great opener as many people are stressed out from their week and can open up and vent a little bit to a stranger on a date. I listen intently and try to find ways to relate to their week. Or, even better, I find ways to relate to their work itself. Again, this is an opener so be ready to find a subtle chance to change the subject as you don't want to spend the entire night b-tching about work.

 

2. Ask them about their hobbies if they have already divulged a few of them earlier in the conversation. Run with it if you have an interest or two in common. If not, tell them that you don't know much about -insert hobby- and ask them more about it. Once again, listen to what they are saying and jump in when you can. They don't want to feel like their being interrogated but I have yet to find a woman that doesn't mind having me lead the conversation by asking questions and then inserting my own experiences here and there.

 

3. Have a few funny stories lined up to toss into the mix when you get a chance. I have a few where I can make fun of myself a little bit and they're golden. I have to be careful because I have a dark sense of humor so many things that I find hilarious are off-putting to women. You may have to practice telling these stories to friends to make them more entertaining.

 

4. I am usually relieved when a woman wants to the reigns of a conversation straight off of the bat, assuming their not asking uncomfortable questions ("So, you're divorced, how are you handling that?"). But, this is only the case in a few of my dates so my overall goal is to lead the conversation to a point where their comfortable enough to start asking questions of their own. Just be honest with your answers and be yourself.

 

5. I take any chance I can to get a laugh out of a woman. Even if it's completely irreverent and strange. I recommend that you learn to do this with friends first and not on a date as it's easy to screw up if you're not careful. I had a date the other night and the woman knew that I had worked at a mental health facility for kids. So, I told her some of my funny, PC stories from my time working there. I had to maneuver carefully around this one though as I think many of my experiences there are a riot but woman doesn't want to here me laughing about how I got stabbed with a shard of glass.

 

6. Have a list of unique, appropriate things about yourself to mention when you get a chance. Just small, details about yourself that show some self-confidence without being boastful. I used to compete in the Highland Games (throwing heavy sh-t in a kilt) and I like to mention that in a date. BUT, I only talk about enjoying it and never bring up any successes I had in the sport. And, it's another good chance to be funny as, well, I wore a dress and tossed logs for fun.

 

7. Asking about a person's family seems completely normal but this can be dangerous waters. Some women have had bad experiences with their family so I don't approach this topic. I'll let them talk about it if they want but I axe-murdered a good date awhile back when I asked a woman about her family and her mother had died three weeks earlier.

 

8. Three topics that you never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever (get the point?) bring up: exes, politics or religion. I don't want to talk about my ex or hear about theirs, I am agnostic and I have strong political views. These topics rarely go anywhere positive, even if you have the same views. It can be intellectually stimulating but I find that it brings down the fun of the date.

Edited April 9, 2017 by OatsAndHall