FrancoStacy Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 Didnt know if anyone feels this way or happen to them. But let me say I hate facebook. I have turned my off and it was 2 1/2 years ago and I dont miss it....but it just keeps on hurting me in other ways. My x likes to post on there how happy she is, but in private she wasnt. She likes to post how she is mom of the year and how happy the kids make her and how they are the center of her life....she left us and the kids. She left the kids with me while she went partying. She told us and the kids that being a wife and mom doesnt make her happy anymore She would post pictures of her partying and drinking which was so different than how we use to be. My one daughter posted how her mom was the most influencial person in her life and how she is the best mom in the world. Even got a tattoo in honor of her. It was me that kept us and the kids together that loved them through all their down times. THat paid for them. THat was at all their functions, but my x gets honored on Facebook So I got off of Facebook because it hurt me. But people come to me and say ...seems like you wife and new husband sure like to drink ...boy you x sure like beer, NASCAR and football ...saw your kids with their mom, they sure look happy ...saw your x got married, happy for her ...looks like the kids are close to their mom ...its great she never quit being their mom ...wow, that guy she married is so different than you are ...saw your kids on FB for Christmas, Easter...birthday...mothersday ...I saw your wife on FB talking about a party and a hangover, I feel sorry for your kids ...people will tell me that so and so was on your X facebook telling her how happy she is for her and I thought if they only knew the struggles your kids went through Back in the past I would go look when I would hear things and it was sickening and hurful to me. I would see a lot of women support her and 95 percent of them were also divorced. They didnt care how she betrayed us, or how she lied and wrecked us financially or that she even left her kids with me and walked away....and now takes care of another man's kids while ours still hurt at times and miss out on things. I saw CHRISTIAN women telling her that God wants us happy...I was like really? So God doesnt care what it did to the kids, to the family, to their faith, to me? So like I said I turned it off....but people wont let me totally escape it. They tell me things that I would NEVER tell someone else. I mean if that other person would want to see it, they are free to go out there and see it, so I would never bring it up. I would never say to one of my friends. Just wondered if anyone encounters this like me? Of it anyone dispises Facebook like I do?
Knix Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 Facebook can be life consuming, as well as completely FAKE. She might be posting pictures of her fabulous life, but at the end of the day, more than likely things are not as they appear. As far as your friends are involved, you have to set some boundaries. Say something along the lines of "if you want to be friends with my ex, that's up to you, but I'd rather not hear constant updates" Also what are you doing with YOUR life? I'm sure if you met someone you were really happy with, started a new hobby, traveled a bit, all this stuff about your ex would hardly matter. Then you can let HER friends tell her how fabulous your life is But it actually will be!!
d0nnivain Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 You may be too young to remember but back in the day people used to send holiday cards filled with these upbeat newsy letters about how great their year has been. The recipients often resented the idea that their friends lives were so perfect especially because the letter didn't always match reality. It only included the good stuff but not the bad. Now we have FB & you get bombarded with this fake happiness & perfection 24/7 Everybody posts vacation pictures; nobody posts a selfie the day they get fired. Good for you for getting off FB. Now when people come up to you & mention that your kids look happy, be grateful that is the view others see. Let statements like that go as inconsequential. Change the subject. If you get upset every time somebody mentions social media you will make yourself nuts. 1
Author FrancoStacy Posted April 9, 2017 Author Posted April 9, 2017 Also what are you doing with YOUR life? I'm sure if you met someone you were really happy with, started a new hobby, traveled a bit, all this stuff about your ex would hardly matter. Then you can let HER friends tell her how fabulous your life is But it actually will be!! I have made my life to be centered on the kids. I feel a need to compensate for her so I have no social life. I can not leave my kids behind to pursue someone. I met some women on Facebook but that was another reason I got off there. They too were fake and I didnt want that to distract me from my vocation of fatherhood. Is that life I imagined for msyelf, no but it is the cards I was dealt. My life is good, not fabulous by the standard of today. I dont have pictures of me doing those things that most would consider to be boring. I dont post pictures of my family and I never have and never will. I work in a situation that requires security and I dont want the extra risk of exposing my family names, birthdays, locations....that is per the request of my job. But even if I was to suddenly marry Eva Mendez, I would not post those pics. I know what I like, if I am happy or not. I dont need to seek approval or confirmation from others. Not judging ones that do or want to share, its just not me.
Author FrancoStacy Posted April 9, 2017 Author Posted April 9, 2017 You may be too young to remember but back in the day people used to send holiday cards filled with these upbeat newsy letters about how great their year has been. The recipients often resented the idea that their friends lives were so perfect especially because the letter didn't always match reality. It only included the good stuff but not the bad. Now we have FB & you get bombarded with this fake happiness & perfection 24/7 Everybody posts vacation pictures; nobody posts a selfie the day they get fired. Good for you for getting off FB. Now when people come up to you & mention that your kids look happy, be grateful that is the view others see. Let statements like that go as inconsequential. Change the subject. If you get upset every time somebody mentions social media you will make yourself nuts. Oh I am not too young to remember. But in that situation you sent out cards to close ones, not blasting it out for thousands to see and approve of. I guess I was always honest in those cards. I was thinking of the season, such as Christmas and spoke about that. I shared some things but mostly asked about them. Thats not Facebook world to me. I didnt send out birthday cards of myself to others, or birthday cards to my friends. I didnt send pictures of my last meals or what i am drinking. I didnt send out post cards of my vacations to me friends because I didnt want to seem like I was bragging. I would be more likely to post on Facebook the day I got fired. Beause I need support. I dont need support in my happiness but that is me. You are right about making myself nuts. I did that for a while. Sorry to say I learned that the hard way. I am sorry to say that it does bother me when they say your kids look so happy. I bite my tounge. I wanted to say well....my one child has considered suicide. One child wanted to quit high school. Two have been in couseling and that wedding....two of the cried on teh spot and not because of happines.... but I dont...I just smile and say, yeah 1
BC1980 Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 I'm pretty much off FB. I only check it to see pics of my cousin's kids and to have a link to a few people that I knew from college and high school. FB is 90% fake, and it can really do a number on people. I got off it completely for a few months, and it was great. After my last breakup, I didn't go on FB much at all. I do go on Instagram, which I like a lot better. I think the best thing to do is just stay off FB. That way, you won't even know what nonsense and lies people are posting. There is a lady at work that is always posting about how much she loves being a nurse, how it's a calling, all these nursing memes. You would think she is super nurse, but this person is so lazy. She literally sits at the computer all day and does nothing. A lot of FB is how we want to see ourselves or who we think we are, not reality.
Knix Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 I have made my life to be centered on the kids. I feel a need to compensate for her so I have no social life. I can not leave my kids behind to pursue someone. I met some women on Facebook but that was another reason I got off there. They too were fake and I didnt want that to distract me from my vocation of fatherhood. Is that life I imagined for msyelf, no but it is the cards I was dealt. My life is good, not fabulous by the standard of today. I dont have pictures of me doing those things that most would consider to be boring. I dont post pictures of my family and I never have and never will. I work in a situation that requires security and I dont want the extra risk of exposing my family names, birthdays, locations....that is per the request of my job. But even if I was to suddenly marry Eva Mendez, I would not post those pics. I know what I like, if I am happy or not. I dont need to seek approval or confirmation from others. Not judging ones that do or want to share, its just not me. I think you maybe missed my point. I'm not saying you need to have nice things to go brag about, I'm saying you need to enjoy your life so whatever your ex does on Facebook, and whatever your friends tell you she's doing on Facebook doesn't bother you. Because clearly, it does.
Author FrancoStacy Posted April 9, 2017 Author Posted April 9, 2017 FB is 90% fake, and it can really do a number on people. I got off it completely for a few months, and it was great. After my last breakup, I didn't go on FB much at all. There is a lady at work that is always posting about how much she loves being a nurse, how it's a calling, all these nursing memes. You would think she is super nurse, but this person is so lazy. She literally sits at the computer all day and does nothing. A lot of FB is how we want to see ourselves or who we think we are, not reality. I agree 100%!!!
Author FrancoStacy Posted April 9, 2017 Author Posted April 9, 2017 I think you maybe missed my point. I'm not saying you need to have nice things to go brag about, I'm saying you need to enjoy your life so whatever your ex does on Facebook, and whatever your friends tell you she's doing on Facebook doesn't bother you. Because clearly, it does. I appreciate your comments and I think I understood, but I think you partly misunderstood my point. 90 percent of me cares less of what she does or that she posts on it. That 10 percent that remains I hate to say it does bother me when it I see my kids hurt and that people support her. Because in my mind if they support her, in turn they are supporting the person that hurt the kids more than anyone else in this world. It really causes me to lose faith in mankind when I see people congratulate her on new found happines. They either dont care of the pain she caused for that happiness or they are ignorant and if they are ignorant its because of the fake news she puts on social media... She is looking for public opinion to agree with her, to justify what she did simply because it makes her happy and I saw prior to me exiting, many other divorced women came to support her. For that reason, I am ashamed to say...it bothers me. I wish people would say truth about situations. If someone asks me about divorce, my first question is, "are there kids and how old?" Then my next question is, "is there addiction or physical abuse?" If not, then I say go back and fix it, if for nothing else but out of love for your kids. Dont force your kids to suck up a mess you made and one that you dont want to suck up. My experience shows me just how nasty it is for kids. Cant say about everyone's experience, but that is mine and I will always tell the truth about it. Things like Facebook propagate a lie that in this case hurts people. In my case, if there was no kids or perhaps the kids had been grown, I could care less what or when or how she posts. It has no impact on me. As far as enjoying life, I do. I enjoy it, but not as much as I could or hoped for. Its not becuase her facebook buts its because I see my kids miss out and be hurt. That I will admit I have a hard time getting over and moving on. Its like a sick kid at home, but you had plans to go out that night. Do you go....I dont, but lets say you do. How many parents can enjoy their night out knowing their kid is at home sick and want their parent there to make it better.
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