Scouselad Posted April 9, 2017 Share Posted April 9, 2017 Basically me and the ex have been finished for two weeks now, we have been together for 9 months, loved together for 8 due to her having an ectopic pregnancy. She says she loves me and misses me but doesn't want me/ doesn't know what she wants. I tried countless times to sort it with no avail, I'm not a person that begs or pleads but I did many times, but we have been meeting up for sex still etc because she's says it's the best sex she's ever had but the relationship turned ****. Last night i was out with a friend, and went out around her work place which a few clubs etc, so I ask her does she fancy coming out for a few drinks because it's her bday today she said she couldn't due to going out today, but was asking me all night where I am, that she wants to meet me etc but then goes home ? Shes home and she asks me to go to hers and I'm like no, She then says come out tomorrow( for her bday) so I message her this morning saying happy birthday etc and ask her am I coming out with her and her friend (mutual friend) and she basically says no and i went out last night isn't she allowed out on her own even tho she asked me? Is she playing games, what is the end game for her, she wants sex, She doesn't want me to be with anyone else, says she loves me and misses but doesn't commit or willing to try and fix stuff Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 9, 2017 Share Posted April 9, 2017 The ectopic pregnancy probably really threw her for a loop. You have to factor the loss of your baby into the equation because it's coloring a lot of her world view. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Knix Posted April 9, 2017 Share Posted April 9, 2017 I think you're just way too available for her. Like she ended things, but still gets a good roll around in the hay. Whenever she contacts you to meet, you jump to it. Believe it or not, it's more attractive to feel like someone is just a little out of reach, that you're so busy and consumed in your own life, you might be able to respond to her text a day later... but you definitely are too busy to give her hot sex. (Because, maybe you're having hot sex with someone else ?) Pull back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scouselad Posted April 9, 2017 Author Share Posted April 9, 2017 I think you're just way too available for her. Like she ended things, but still gets a good roll around in the hay. Whenever she contacts you to meet, you jump to it. Believe it or not, it's more attractive to feel like someone is just a little out of reach, that you're so busy and consumed in your own life, you might be able to respond to her text a day later... but you definitely are too busy to give her hot sex. (Because, maybe you're having hot sex with someone else ?) Pull back. Basically I finished her due to her not making any time for me, she recently started working a month ago and was suppose to work 16 hours max due to benefits etc, but instead started working extra off the books so the speak which meant she wouldn't spend much time with me or her daughter, on the Monday we finished we bascially told me to go back home for the night and said it was her and her daughter's time, Mondays is when my son's stays aswell which meant taking my son to my mum's, so I thought I've had enough of this **** Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scouselad Posted April 9, 2017 Author Share Posted April 9, 2017 The ectopic pregnancy probably really threw her for a loop. You have to factor the loss of your baby into the equation because it's coloring a lot of her world view. This was months ago and i don't think she really thinks of it anymore Link to post Share on other sites
Altair0770 Posted April 9, 2017 Share Posted April 9, 2017 Disappear and she'll be likely begging for you in a month or two. You gotta make a decision, do you love her or just love the sex? Also who broke up with who? If you're okay with having a FWB relationship then more power to you. If this is someone you see yourself marrying, then disappear for a bit. It'll drive her crazy to the point she'll have to take you back if she wants that sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scouselad Posted April 9, 2017 Author Share Posted April 9, 2017 Disappear and she'll be likely begging for you in a month or two. You gotta make a decision, do you love her or just love the sex? Also who broke up with who? If you're okay with having a FWB relationship then more power to you. If this is someone you see yourself marrying, then disappear for a bit. It'll drive her crazy to the point she'll have to take you back if she wants that sex. Yeah I've already messaged her today saying I can't be bothered with the games anymore and that I'm gonna leave her to it, so I'm in the road now to NC. I do love her and i do love the sex, also I finished her but I think she wanted it too, She started working recently and enjoys the time after work to go drinking and what not!! So she has freedom even tho she would of got that freedom with me :/ This is the only girl I've ever actually loved and wanted to marry, and I had 8 year relationship before her!! I'm not really into the fwb with her but I genuinly can't see myself with another girl. But she's pushing me away with her games. Link to post Share on other sites
Knix Posted April 9, 2017 Share Posted April 9, 2017 Basically I finished her due to her not making any time for me, she recently started working a month ago and was suppose to work 16 hours max due to benefits etc, but instead started working extra off the books so the speak which meant she wouldn't spend much time with me or her daughter, on the Monday we finished we bascially told me to go back home for the night and said it was her and her daughter's time, Mondays is when my son's stays aswell which meant taking my son to my mum's, so I thought I've had enough of this **** I'm really sorry you're hurting :/ It sounds like your concern for her far outweighs her concern for you. I'm really glad that you told her you've had enough, who could blame you? Do not be surprised when she reaches out after some time apart with no contact. I can't tell you what to do there, but take the time to think about a couple of things: 1. After a few weeks, are you still feeling that longingness? 2. Go out with friends, online dating, are you STILL missing her terribly? 3. If she does contact you and you still miss her and want a relationship, what boundaries will you set this time around? A lot of people that thought they couldn't live without their ex, through taking some time a part realize that they're A-Okay and don't feel the attachment. Sometimes we get hung up in the chemical reactions to a person and feel hooked. Take the time to discover if it's just an attachment or if you love her. Also, love yourself. She needs to respect you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scouselad Posted April 9, 2017 Author Share Posted April 9, 2017 I'm really sorry you're hurting :/ It sounds like your concern for her far outweighs her concern for you. I'm really glad that you told her you've had enough, who could blame you? Do not be surprised when she reaches out after some time apart with no contact. I can't tell you what to do there, but take the time to think about a couple of things: 1. After a few weeks, are you still feeling that longingness? 2. Go out with friends, online dating, are you STILL missing her terribly? 3. If she does contact you and you still miss her and want a relationship, what boundaries will you set this time around? A lot of people that thought they couldn't live without their ex, through taking some time a part realize that they're A-Okay and don't feel the attachment. Sometimes we get hung up in the chemical reactions to a person and feel hooked. Take the time to discover if it's just an attachment or if you love her. Also, love yourself. She needs to respect you. The first week was awful, but this week I've been ok and getting on with it, I have lost my appetite tho, be that a good or bad thing haha. The worst thing is my son totally adores her and her daughter so him asking for both all the time is a killer. Was out with friends last night and she kept texting where am i etc, but that's only because I asked her if she fancied a drink after work for her birthday. She said to me via text that I can come out with her and her friend who is also my friend but she said decided she didn't want me to go today I do miss her but I think I miss her being there. But I'm only going to respond to her now if she says she wants me back!! Shes not awful person and I did think she was perfect at one point but lifes goes on i suppose. I also said to her in the car that i can do better than her and she was Like you can't yeah ok love Link to post Share on other sites
Knix Posted April 9, 2017 Share Posted April 9, 2017 The first week was awful, but this week I've been ok and getting on with it, I have lost my appetite tho, be that a good or bad thing haha. The worst thing is my son totally adores her and her daughter so him asking for both all the time is a killer. Was out with friends last night and she kept texting where am i etc, but that's only because I asked her if she fancied a drink after work for her birthday. She said to me via text that I can come out with her and her friend who is also my friend but she said decided she didn't want me to go today �� I do miss her but I think I miss her being there. But I'm only going to respond to her now if she says she wants me back!! Shes not awful person and I did think she was perfect at one point but lifes goes on i suppose. I also said to her in the car that i can do better than her and she was Like you can't ��yeah ok love Yeah, with this situation the no contact rule is absolutely necessary. She's just toying with you now. In this time a part really think long and hard about whether this person and their seemingly mean behavior is what you want in your life. I also highly suggest seeing other people. Getting your needs met by someone else may help you to see things differently. Perhaps when she texts you that she wants you back you'll respond "eh....I'm busy" not only will you become very attractive to her, but you will become very attractive to all women and gain some self esteem. Link to post Share on other sites
Knix Posted April 9, 2017 Share Posted April 9, 2017 I'm so happy that you are taking your space. This will be a great time to discover if this is what you really want Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 9, 2017 Share Posted April 9, 2017 Tell her that you find yourself surprisingly unflattered to be used by her for sex and if you don't want to deal with her, then don't. If you want her back, then you have to stop feeding her the part she wants and see if she wants you bad enough to take the whole package, no pun intended. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted April 9, 2017 Share Posted April 9, 2017 Basically me and the ex have been finished for two weeks now, we have been together for 9 months, loved together for 8 due to her having an ectopic pregnancy. She says she loves me and misses me but doesn't want me/ doesn't know what she wants. I tried countless times to sort it with no avail, I'm not a person that begs or pleads but I did many times, but we have been meeting up for sex still etc because she's says it's the best sex she's ever had but the relationship turned ****. Last night i was out with a friend, and went out around her work place which a few clubs etc, so I ask her does she fancy coming out for a few drinks because it's her bday today she said she couldn't due to going out today, but was asking me all night where I am, that she wants to meet me etc but then goes home ? Shes home and she asks me to go to hers and I'm like no, She then says come out tomorrow( for her bday) so I message her this morning saying happy birthday etc and ask her am I coming out with her and her friend (mutual friend) and she basically says no and i went out last night isn't she allowed out on her own even tho she asked me? Is she playing games, what is the end game for her, she wants sex, She doesn't want me to be with anyone else, says she loves me and misses but doesn't commit or willing to try and fix stuff worse thing you can do. She's playing you and you're obviously to weak to go your own way. So you'll get played like a puppet on a string until you wake up to where you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scouselad Posted April 10, 2017 Author Share Posted April 10, 2017 worse thing you can do. She's playing you and you're obviously to weak to go your own way. So you'll get played like a puppet on a string until you wake up to where you are. Yes I know, already told her if she didn't want me, I didn't want her and also said I can do better aswell which didn't go down to well!! Second day of NC is going well, last text was yesterday asking me to stop texting are mutual friend whilst they was out, the text has nothing to do with her but I ignored it Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scouselad Posted April 10, 2017 Author Share Posted April 10, 2017 Yeah, with this situation the no contact rule is absolutely necessary. She's just toying with you now. In this time a part really think long and hard about whether this person and their seemingly mean behavior is what you want in your life. I also highly suggest seeing other people. Getting your needs met by someone else may help you to see things differently. Perhaps when she texts you that she wants you back you'll respond "eh....I'm busy" not only will you become very attractive to her, but you will become very attractive to all women and gain some self esteem. Was out Saturday and I could of easily met other women but I didn't have it in me due to me still being emotionally attached to her still, and I still feel the same way now plus I'm having problems down there after the break up but it's fine when we are meeting up for sex etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Knix Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 Was out Saturday and I could of easily met other women but I didn't have it in me due to me still being emotionally attached to her still, and I still feel the same way now plus I'm having problems down there after the break up but it's fine when we are meeting up for sex etc. While I understand that, TRY to talk to other people. If you don't try, the attachment isn't going to fade. Have you ever done online dating, like tinder or OkCupid? Those apps are fun because you have such a big pool. A lot of people think you need to take time to mope but I disagree. Not saying jump into a relationship, but go out to the movies, grab drinks, late night rendezvous! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scouselad Posted April 11, 2017 Author Share Posted April 11, 2017 Got rid of Facebook and messenger today as I keep checking **** out :/ so annoying 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scouselad Posted April 11, 2017 Author Share Posted April 11, 2017 Also Friday when we seen each other she said to me if I didn't get her anything for her birthday she wouldn't get me anything for mine, as we would be probably sorted out by then :/ It's weird how loving she was and how much she has changed in a week or two Link to post Share on other sites
warpingmind Posted April 11, 2017 Share Posted April 11, 2017 Also Friday when we seen each other she said to me if I didn't get her anything for her birthday she wouldn't get me anything for mine, as we would be probably sorted out by then :/ It's weird how loving she was and how much she has changed in a week or two If I were you if she eventually contacts you back,don't respond in anyway.She looks like a really spoiled brat. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scouselad Posted April 12, 2017 Author Share Posted April 12, 2017 Blocked her on whatsapp and got a message two minutes later asking me why did I block her and that her daughter adamant she's seeing me on Easter Sunday, asking me If I am or not :/ do I respond Link to post Share on other sites
fromheart Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 Basically me and the ex have been finished for two weeks now, we have been together for 9 months, loved together for 8 due to her having an ectopic pregnancy. She says she loves me and misses me but doesn't want me/ doesn't know what she wants. I tried countless times to sort it with no avail, I'm not a person that begs or pleads but I did many times, but we have been meeting up for sex still etc because she's says it's the best sex she's ever had but the relationship turned ****. Last night i was out with a friend, and went out around her work place which a few clubs etc, so I ask her does she fancy coming out for a few drinks because it's her bday today she said she couldn't due to going out today, but was asking me all night where I am, that she wants to meet me etc but then goes home ? Shes home and she asks me to go to hers and I'm like no, She then says come out tomorrow( for her bday) so I message her this morning saying happy birthday etc and ask her am I coming out with her and her friend (mutual friend) and she basically says no and i went out last night isn't she allowed out on her own even tho she asked me? Is she playing games, what is the end game for her, she wants sex, She doesn't want me to be with anyone else, says she loves me and misses but doesn't commit or willing to try and fix stuff She sees you as weak and is controlling and using you for sex. This is how insecure women treat weak men. The rare noble women out there, will walk away so as not to treat the man badly. What you have to do is man up and kick her out of your life. You're accepting scraps from the table here, and this will lead you to a dark place if you are not careful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scouselad Posted April 12, 2017 Author Share Posted April 12, 2017 She sees you as weak and is controlling and using you for sex. This is how insecure women treat weak men. The rare noble women out there, will walk away so as not to treat the man badly. What you have to do is man up and kick her out of your life. You're accepting scraps from the table here, and this will lead you to a dark place if you are not careful. I know mate, I have never been weak in past relationships, It's like I've put her on a pedestal Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scouselad Posted April 13, 2017 Author Share Posted April 13, 2017 So the ex text me yesterday saying why have I blocked her on whatsapp and am I seeing her daughter on Easter Sunday or not. Should I respond? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scouselad Posted April 16, 2017 Author Share Posted April 16, 2017 Update: me and the ex went out last night for a talk and we both decided that we would give us a chance and to sort things out, patience is key Link to post Share on other sites
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