Grey40 Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 (edited) New girl. Asked her out for tomorrow, she said, "that sounds awesome! what time tomorrow?" so I say, "I was thinking 1pm, how does that sound?" No response. Been a few hours, but it's a date request for tomorrow, what the hell. I totally get lack of interest and saying no or "im busy sorry" but no reply is just baffling. AND I can't explain why people show extreme interest and seem really into it and then literally fall off the face of the earth in less than an hour later. Am I scaring these women off or something? Edited April 9, 2017 by Grey40
Sharzi Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 Maybe her phone broke, maybe something happened to her. Maybe she doesn't feel good.
Author Grey40 Posted April 9, 2017 Author Posted April 9, 2017 I've never been into calling women on the phone prior to the first date, but I may start doing that because at least they have to give you an answer even if it's a flakey "I'll let you know". Even that is better than no response to me. I guess in this case she had second thoughts or something.
Author Grey40 Posted April 9, 2017 Author Posted April 9, 2017 Maybe her phone broke, maybe something happened to her. Maybe she doesn't feel good. Very unlikely her phone broke and also very unlikely that something happened to her. We were talking back and forth and was responding within 10-15 minutes to each text and then when I drop the time she disappears. Coincidence? I doubt it. What you're saying is probably like 1% probability. She's probably on the fence and doesn't want to respond until she decides yes or no, or she's no longer interested and by not responding thinks I'll get the hint.
The Urbanyst Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 Girls do this all the time. Usually testing to see how desperate you are and if you will blow up their phone. Once the ball is in her court just relax and get back to your normal life. She will respond eventually. If she waits too long, make other plans. Your entire life should not stop over making plans with a new girl.
Miss Spider Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 She's debating whether she wants to go or not. In her defense, that is kind of short notice and I'd be debating it too even if I thought I might like the guy. I think she thought you were gonna say closer to evening.. 1
reeseyummy Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 She's debating whether she wants to go or not. In her defense, that is kind of short notice and I'd be debating it too even if I thought I might like the guy. I think she thought you were gonna say closer to evening.. I agree! If you say okay to a short notice, it's like you lose the power-battle. It's silly but it's true. I'm curious did you tell her what are you guys doing on the date? You can be the bigger man by msging her again like, you are taking her to a blah blah blah restaurant, it'll show that you are eager to ask her out, and if she has ideas about the date, you can discuss together too. It'll help her decide.
SevenCity Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 I agree! If you say okay to a short notice, it's like you lose the power-battle. It's silly but it's true. I'm curious did you tell her what are you guys doing on the date? You can be the bigger man by msging her again like, you are taking her to a blah blah blah restaurant, it'll show that you are eager to ask her out, and if she has ideas about the date, you can discuss together too. It'll help her decide. Jesus please do not do any of this. It's not about being the bigger man. You hit the ball over the net and you MUST wait for her to hit it back. And don't talk about where. She should want to meet you. It doesn't matter where you are meeting if she hasn't confirmed. Uninterested women and women who are testing do this. It's almost like "Ok it's real now" so they freeze like a dear in headlights. I agree with the other poster - make other plans if she doesn't get back to you. 1
Miss Spider Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 ^ it's interesting that you're a guy who knows why women do things better than we do. Maybe you're speaking in generalities, but I can't count the times I've been interested in a guy and didn't want to see him that night or the the next afternoon (like 12 hr or less after he asked) First, I like to stay up late on a Saturday. I don't want to be getting up at 11am to freshen up and prepare for a date (yes it can take that long. We don't just roll out of bed, slap on some mascara and lipgloss, and say I'm ready!!!) Dates are a lot like job interview lol. Need to prepare a bit. I'd be a little put off by guy suggesting a first date so short in advance, maybs not completely put off. Spontaneous dates are fine, just not the 1st ones, IMO 2
Gaeta Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 New girl. Here is your problem right here. Stop dating 'girls' and start dating 'women'. Next time make your invitation by phone. If the woman doesn't like getting phone calls than dump her. If she cannot handle a phone call than she won't be able to handle real life anyway so you don't want her.
SevenCity Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 (edited) ^ it's interesting that you're a guy who knows why women do things better than we do. Maybe you're speaking in generalities, but I can't count the times I've been interested in a guy and didn't want to see him that night or the the next afternoon (like 12 hr or less after he asked) First, I like to stay up late on a Saturday. I don't want to be getting up at 11am to freshen up and prepare for a date (yes it can take that long. We don't just roll out of bed, slap on some mascara and lipgloss, and say I'm ready!!!) Dates are a lot like job interview lol. Need to prepare a bit. I'd be a little put off by guy suggesting a first date so short in advance, maybs not completely put off. Spontaneous dates are fine, just not the 1st ones, IMO What women say they want isn't what they often respond to. So in your hypothetical scenario after I've asked you out for a date tomorrow afternoon and you didn't respond, I should follow up with more text / calls trying to convince you that you should go because the place is so great??? In this case you are agreeing with me and don't realize it. What I'm saying is he should back off and wait for her to respond. I agree that a first date is like an interview - I go through the same (though perhaps not as much prep time). But if the guy asking you out was <INSERT CURRENT HOT MOVIE STAR DUDE YOU FIND HOT> you would respond. If you are interested you would not stop responding. It's one thing to take some time, but you will respond if interested. If that next day didn't work you would offer an alternative. Edited April 9, 2017 by SevenCity
act00 Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 I think it's great that you tried to plan something sooner over later. She enthusiastically wanted to meet you and then fell off the planet. Why?? I suppose the timing could be a bit difficult, mid day, on a Sunday, and she needs to get laundry done and other stuff ready for the week. I'm not terribly fond of Sunday dates, as I stay up later on weekends, and it's kind of my day to recover and get ready for the week. A date at 1 really just throws everything off. Maybe she's lagging in getting back to you because she doesn't want to say the time is not going to work for her, while she's trying to figure out if she can make the time work for her. I don't know. Personally, I think it would be fine if you texted her again. "Hey, I haven't heard back from you. If 1 o'clock isn't a good time, is there something that would work better for you?" No response? Okay then, no plan. You tried. I do agree, she could have and should have gotten back right away, especially if she was so enthusiastic about meeting you. She should have shot a text, "1 is great" or "I'm not sure 1 is going to work. Let me get back with you on that," or "do you think we could meet earlier/later? 1 is really not going to work. Maybe <insert time>?" Today is the big day - have you heard back from her?
Popsicle Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 I can't handle it when guys ask me out online so quickly, even when I'm interested in them. And I don't talk to guys I'm not interested in. It's just too soon and I will go from enthusiastic and interested to silent when that question is blurted out after 1 or 2 messages. The reason is because I don't want to say no, because I AM interested in him and don't want to reject him, but I also don't want to say yes, because it's just too soon for me and I'm not comfortable. I may stumble with what to say to them next and come up with nothing. So many guys online are in such a rush and so paranoid about fakes and flakes because of the unique and awkward online experience that gridlock ends up happening between two people trying to see if something could be budding. For me, I have decided that I want the guy who has a tad bit of patience. They do exist, I've seen them in the past and am talking to one now. He has to wait one week to have a date with me (I'm busy this weekend) and he's been nothing but extremely communicative with me both online, over text and by phone calls. His patience and attentiveness puts me at ease and makes me like him more. I just hope he doesn't end up being married or some other crazy thing.
Popsicle Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 I've never been into calling women on the phone prior to the first date, but I may start doing that because at least they have to give you an answer even if it's a flakey "I'll let you know". Even that is better than no response to me. Grey40, I recommend a phone call first just to talk and get to know each other a little bit. It's a warm up.
SevenCity Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 I can't handle it when guys ask me out online so quickly, even when I'm interested in them. And I don't talk to guys I'm not interested in. It's just too soon and I will go from enthusiastic and interested to silent when that question is blurted out after 1 or 2 messages. The reason is because I don't want to say no, because I AM interested in him and don't want to reject him, but I also don't want to say yes, because it's just too soon for me and I'm not comfortable. I may stumble with what to say to them next and come up with nothing. So many guys online are in such a rush and so paranoid about fakes and flakes because of the unique and awkward online experience that gridlock ends up happening between two people trying to see if something could be budding. For me, I have decided that I want the guy who has a tad bit of patience. They do exist, I've seen them in the past and am talking to one now. He has to wait one week to have a date with me (I'm busy this weekend) and he's been nothing but extremely communicative with me both online, over text and by phone calls. His patience and attentiveness puts me at ease and makes me like him more. I just hope he doesn't end up being married or some other crazy thing. It's tough to know when to ask. A lot of women complain that guys become "text buddies" if they don't ask to meet soon enough. Fact is, OLD is to meet people. It's better to meet as soon as you can so you don't make a false impression online. I get that you like to be made comfortable, but a lot of women will bypass you if you don't ask them out within 5-10 messages.
coolheadal Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 New girl. Asked her out for tomorrow, she said, "that sounds awesome! what time tomorrow?" so I say, "I was thinking 1pm, how does that sound?" No response. Been a few hours, but it's a date request for tomorrow, what the hell. I totally get lack of interest and saying no or "im busy sorry" but no reply is just baffling. AND I can't explain why people show extreme interest and seem really into it and then literally fall off the face of the earth in less than an hour later. Am I scaring these women off or something? Dates start during the evening hours. Did you think she would be free for late lunch date? Rule of thumb never take any date out for lunch. This one is gone now. You need to keep looking, if you don't get anything signs of contact from her by today? 1
Miss Spider Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 What women say they want isn't what they often respond to. So in your hypothetical scenario after I've asked you out for a date tomorrow afternoon and you didn't respond, I should follow up with more text / calls trying to convince you that you should go because the place is so great??? In this case you are agreeing with me and don't realize it. What I'm saying is he should back off and wait for her to respond. I agree that a first date is like an interview - I go through the same (though perhaps not as much prep time). But if the guy asking you out was <INSERT CURRENT HOT MOVIE STAR DUDE YOU FIND HOT> you would respond. If you are interested you would not stop responding. It's one thing to take some time, but you will respond if interested. If that next day didn't work you would offer an alternative. I agree with you don't keep badgering her to ask her out. In my case, there is no game playing and that won't make any difference. Might even be annoying. I don't know if this specific girl is playing games and wants the guy to "fight" for her. I'm just saying that may not be the case. I also agree that if she's interested, she will respond. It might just take time while she debates whether she wants to go. Even if he is a hot movie star. Maybe especially if he is a hot movie star. I would rec to OP that it's on her to get back to you. Don't send her another text. Not one. If you never hear from her again, you got your answer from her. If she gets back and says she can't make it and wants to reschedule, I'd give her one free pass. Try not to plan dates with such short notice if you can avoid it. In addition to being inconvenient, it can come off either over eager or inconsiderate. If she does get back, enjoy your date!
Popsicle Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 It's tough to know when to ask. A lot of women complain that guys become "text buddies" if they don't ask to meet soon enough. Fact is, OLD is to meet people. It's better to meet as soon as you can so you don't make a false impression online. I get that you like to be made comfortable, but a lot of women will bypass you if you don't ask them out within 5-10 messages. You and I rarely agree on anything so I won't argue with you. You can do whatever you want. I know what works for me.
TheAntiHero Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 Meh, if she doesn't respond within a couple of hours, I'd write her off. If she doesn't suggest another day, I'd write her off. If you have to "fight" for her this early on, think what you'll have to do down the road, probably kill for her, haha. Women seem to believe they're worth their weight in gold when we don't even know them on the first date.
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