Miss Spider Posted April 8, 2017 Posted April 8, 2017 I met a guy on a dating app awhile back (mistake number 1). We went on one date, one. We met at a coffee shop. He was nice enough, but I just wasn't into him. He almost flaked I think (but I attributed it to him saying he was a doctor) he gave me a strange vibe. . Anyway, he continued sending me a lot of text. I started to fade(bad, I know) and he eventually started to send me unsolicited pictures and videos. One night he called me 3 times. This was after I had not responded to his pic texts. I finally blocked/ deleted him. Two days later, I get a new text and it's a pic of him and it says "this is my new number, in case you're interested -his name" Now I'm getting really weirded out, but I feel bad for ghosting and I'm trying to get better at being direct so I say, "I am no longer interested in continuing this. I'm sorry" Him: Aw, why not..? was it something I did? I said "no it was nothing you did, I just don't think we're a match. I'm sorry " So it should be done, right? Wrong. Him: Why not..? I felt like we had a lot in common. Him: Art, medicine, animals, humor and interesting question responses on x Him: You're cool as hell. Him: Your mind and personality. I mean of course I'm attracted physically too but I thought you weren't interested in dating at this time anyway. I wanted to get to know you better for your neat points of view, laid back attitude and interests, Xxxxx Him: Like, I'm super curious about your drawing and painting, and especially music interests! Now I'm sad. I've never gotten both sociopath vibes and felt bad at the same time. Sure it's creepy...but it's nice. I'm going to try to avoid being in the same vincinity of this person for the rest of my life, but I feel bad for saying nothing ? But what else can I say. I was clear enough, right? He's still sending texts as I type this.
KBob Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 He sounds VERY creepy! It looks like he changed his number to get through to you, which is probably a learned tactic from being blocked so much. You're not wrong. This guy is weird. 5
Sharzi Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 This is too creepy. You should give his information to a friend. Just in case something happen to you. I would do that if I were you. Don't feel bad, he is not normal guy. 2
Medsop Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 Only one way to handle someone creepy put them on the spam list put their number on call reject That way you won't get a text or a phone call coming through 2
Author Miss Spider Posted April 9, 2017 Author Posted April 9, 2017 (edited) Thank you guys!!! I didn't know if I was being harsh. Ty Edited April 9, 2017 by Cookiesandough
act00 Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 Block and block away. You stated you are not interested, and it is done. You aren't ghosting. You TOLD him it's not a match. You shouldn't have to tell him again, two times, three times. I would feel really bad too, but you did your due diligence. Don't respond Block and block. I hope he doesn't have your home address. 2
todreaminblue Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 (edited) i actually think it wasnt sociopathic at all i feel he was being honest...and fighting for you....most guys who go out with me ...figth for me.... to be honest if it were me i would have given the guy another chance for guts and eloquence....and curiosity......because with what he said i would be wondering why I didnt give it a shot..i woudl pnder my reason for calling it off carefully.........i know not many would agree ewith me if any cookiesand dough..but i would if it were me give it a shot.....not for the compliments but for his interest in me..it would be a pffft to them ...they are however...:0)..nice..and i woudl appreciate them......i would be interested in him....and wanting to explore the connection and his interest in me....i would reciprocate his interest....most guys ..who hav ehad serious intent in courting me ...come on strong.....because i dotn take disitnerst ...its confsuing...i need a guy to show me his interest....to determine if it is for the right reasons.......deb Edited April 9, 2017 by todreaminblue 2
preraph Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 If he was courteous enough to you that you would want to spare him two weeks of wondering, then text him I'm sorry, enjoyed meeting you, but we're not a good match. 2
JuneL Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 I think there are two possibilities: either he's a creep or he completely lacks social cues and is extremely inexperienced with OLD or with such situations. Since you already told him you're not interested, I don't think it's necessary to engage in further conversations with him. 2
JuneL Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 If he was courteous enough to you that you would want to spare him two weeks of wondering, then text him I'm sorry, enjoyed meeting you, but we're not a good match. She already did 1
Shining One Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 (edited) It's not ghosting if you've already told him you're not interested. He's simply not accepting the message. Edited April 9, 2017 by Shining One 2
OatsAndHall Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 First of all, I would explicitly tell the guy to STOP contacting you as his behavior isn't just creepy, it's obsessive. Don't take this behavior lightly. Send this in a text message and save it along with all of the other texts he has sent you. Call the police if he continues to text you after you have asked him to stop. They will contact him and tell him to knock it off. Be prepared to press charges if he continues to contact you. I dated a woman for a month or so after my divorce and she ended up stalking me. I didn't take this stance until things were too late. She continued to text and call me after I broke it off with her and it all came to a head when she tried to break into my house in the middle of the night. 2
Erik30 Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 It's fine to ghost/block him, you already told him you're not interested. I think this is pretty much the reason why some women ghost, bad experiences in the past with guys who just can't let it go and who try to convince you to give them a shot. Don't feel bad, you were nice enough to give him an honest answer. Guys like him ruin it for the rest of us 3
CptInsano Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 I don't get it. How can you ghost somebody who you've very explicitly told that you are no-longer interested? Now it's just a question of blocking him. 2
SevenCity Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 It's fine to ghost/block him, you already told him you're not interested. I think this is pretty much the reason why some women ghost, bad experiences in the past with guys who just can't let it go and who try to convince you to give them a shot. Don't feel bad, you were nice enough to give him an honest answer. Guys like him ruin it for the rest of us Yea they really do. This behavior is prompted from being brainwashed by media and society. In the movies it always works. In real live it never does. 1
Redhead14 Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 I met a guy on a dating app awhile back (mistake number 1). We went on one date, one. We met at a coffee shop. He was nice enough, but I just wasn't into him. He almost flaked I think (but I attributed it to him saying he was a doctor) he gave me a strange vibe. . Anyway, he continued sending me a lot of text. I started to fade(bad, I know) and he eventually started to send me unsolicited pictures and videos. One night he called me 3 times. This was after I had not responded to his pic texts. I finally blocked/ deleted him. Two days later, I get a new text and it's a pic of him and it says "this is my new number, in case you're interested -his name" Now I'm getting really weirded out, but I feel bad for ghosting and I'm trying to get better at being direct so I say, "I am no longer interested in continuing this. I'm sorry" Him: Aw, why not..? was it something I did? I said "no it was nothing you did, I just don't think we're a match. I'm sorry " So it should be done, right? Wrong. Him: Why not..? I felt like we had a lot in common. Him: Art, medicine, animals, humor and interesting question responses on x Him: You're cool as hell. Him: Your mind and personality. I mean of course I'm attracted physically too but I thought you weren't interested in dating at this time anyway. I wanted to get to know you better for your neat points of view, laid back attitude and interests, Xxxxx Him: Like, I'm super curious about your drawing and painting, and especially music interests! Now I'm sad. I've never gotten both sociopath vibes and felt bad at the same time. Sure it's creepy...but it's nice. I'm going to try to avoid being in the same vincinity of this person for the rest of my life, but I feel bad for saying nothing ? But what else can I say. I was clear enough, right? He's still sending texts as I type this. You told him "no thanks". You would not be ghosting him. Ghosting would be if you dated him for some time and then dropped off the face of the earth without saying a word. 2
OatsAndHall Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 Yea they really do. This behavior is prompted from being brainwashed by media and society. In the movies it always works. In real live it never does. Unfortunately, I see this as something much worse than a guy who doesn't understand the words "no thanks". Yeah, you have the idiots who beg and plead after things not working out but he takes it to a whole new level. This guy went on a date, went overboard with texts and phone calls, was politely told that it wasn't a match, was blocked and then took the time and energy to set up a new phone number to contact her. As I posted before, I would have the police involved at this point. It's a matter of protection at this point. He has gone to great lengths to keep in contact with the OP and it doesn't take much to gain an incredible amount of detailed information on a person these days. I have a much clearer understanding of how women operate in the dating world after reading some of these stories. 1
Popsicle Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 It's not creepy. He's not creepy. He just liked you. This is how people act when they like you. But you didn't like him back. Oh well, that's life. So you did the right thing and TOLD him that it's not working for you. Although it's uncomfortable, it's reasonable for him to ask why and what happened. Anyone would do that if they liked someone. But you have ALREADY answered him that it's not working out for you and you don't want to continue. You don't owe him anything more. He has to move on now. Ghosting means disappearing and not saying a word, not what you did. You can just ignore him from now on or block him if you want. You don't have to keep emotionally coddling him. 2
caringsister Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 Either way, creepy or not ... you weren't interested and you let him know you didn't feel a connection. Block and be done with it.
Spring23 Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 I met a guy on a dating app awhile back (mistake number 1). We went on one date, one. We met at a coffee shop. He was nice enough, but I just wasn't into him. He almost flaked I think (but I attributed it to him saying he was a doctor) he gave me a strange vibe. . Anyway, he continued sending me a lot of text. I started to fade(bad, I know) and he eventually started to send me unsolicited pictures and videos. One night he called me 3 times. This was after I had not responded to his pic texts. I finally blocked/ deleted him. Two days later, I get a new text and it's a pic of him and it says "this is my new number, in case you're interested -his name" Now I'm getting really weirded out, but I feel bad for ghosting and I'm trying to get better at being direct so I say, "I am no longer interested in continuing this. I'm sorry" Him: Aw, why not..? was it something I did? I said "no it was nothing you did, I just don't think we're a match. I'm sorry " So it should be done, right? Wrong. Him: Why not..? I felt like we had a lot in common. Him: Art, medicine, animals, humor and interesting question responses on x Him: You're cool as hell. Him: Your mind and personality. I mean of course I'm attracted physically too but I thought you weren't interested in dating at this time anyway. I wanted to get to know you better for your neat points of view, laid back attitude and interests, Xxxxx Him: Like, I'm super curious about your drawing and painting, and especially music interests! Now I'm sad. I've never gotten both sociopath vibes and felt bad at the same time. Sure it's creepy...but it's nice. I'm going to try to avoid being in the same vincinity of this person for the rest of my life, but I feel bad for saying nothing ? But what else can I say. I was clear enough, right? He's still sending texts as I type this. Of course you can "ghost him." He's interested you're not. Cut him out ASAP. You can send him a quick "look I'm not interested in anything romantic but it was nice meeting you message." I know if feels yucky to reject somebody but chatting with him further is just leading him on.
OatsAndHall Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 It's not creepy. He's not creepy. He just liked you. This is how people act when they like you. But you didn't like him back. Oh well, that's life. So you did the right thing and TOLD him that it's not working for you. Although it's uncomfortable, it's reasonable for him to ask why and what happened. Anyone would do that if they liked someone. But you have ALREADY answered him that it's not working out for you and you don't want to continue. You don't owe him anything more. He has to move on now. Ghosting means disappearing and not saying a word, not what you did. You can just ignore him from now on or block him if you want. You don't have to keep emotionally coddling him. We're going to have to agree to disagree on this one... Things hit a whole new level of crazy when he changed his phone number right after she blocked him and started getting a hold of her again. I had been chatting with a woman via POF, her and I set up a date and even added each other on Facebook. She told me she would call me at a specific time time one night as we hadn't talked over the phone and we were going to solidify plans over the phone. Long story short, she didn't call me and didn't respond to my "are you alright" text afterward. I got on Facebook as I had a message from another friend and saw that she had blocked me on Facebook. So, I logged into POF and she had blocked me there too.. I was absolutely floored by this as the last conversation between us involved setting up this phone call and me saying that I looked forward to it. She hadn't blocked my phone number so I was tempted to shoot her another text but I just said the hell with it as it was such strange behavior and I wanted nothing to do with it. 1
Author Miss Spider Posted April 9, 2017 Author Posted April 9, 2017 (edited) We're going to have to agree to disagree on this one... Things hit a whole new level of crazy when he changed his phone number right after she blocked him and started getting a hold of her again. I had been chatting with a woman via POF, her and I set up a date and even added each other on Facebook. She told me she would call me at a specific time time one night as we hadn't talked over the phone and we were going to solidify plans over the phone. Long story short, she didn't call me and didn't respond to my "are you alright" text afterward. I got on Facebook as I had a message from another friend and saw that she had blocked me on Facebook. So, I logged into POF and she had blocked me there too.. I was absolutely floored by this as the last conversation between us involved setting up this phone call and me saying that I looked forward to it. She hadn't blocked my phone number so I was tempted to shoot her another text but I just said the hell with it as it was such strange behavior and I wanted nothing to do with it. Sorry to hear you dealt with stalking. Yea I agree. The number thing freaked me out. I think it goes way passed "I like you" and crosses well in to " I have boundary issues and can't take no for an answer in general" territory. It felt bad because he kept asking "what do think?" "Let's give it a shot" and nice things after I told him no so I felt I was leaving him hanging/being mean. Yours and other posts here really helped put my doubts to rest TY Edited April 9, 2017 by Cookiesandough
Popsicle Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 I missed that he did that. I thought he just asked why and that was it. If he went that far, then yes, he has boundary issues, especially if you have already told him that it's not working out for you. 1
OatsAndHall Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 Sorry to hear you dealt with stalking. Yea I agree. The number thing freaked me out. I think it goes way passed "I like you" and crosses well in to " I have boundary issues and can't take no for an answer in general" territory. It felt bad because he kept asking "what do think?" "Let's give it a shot" and nice things after I told him no so I felt I was leaving him hanging/being mean. Yours and other posts here really helped put my doubts to rest TY You're welcome. Again, I recommend being overly cautious with this guy. Tell him point blank that you do not want him to contact you again and that you'll take legal action if he does. Most states don't take this kind of behavior lightly anymore, even if it's just text messages. Getting the police involves sucks but it's better to be safe than sorry. My stalker situation sucked but I learned from it. I now Google a woman's name before I go on a date with them. I Googled hers after I called the cops on her and with one click of a button I saw that she had been arrested for stalking and harassing her ex and his girlfriend. I plugged in her name and there it was, right in front of me.. 1
Dis Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 Omg! A guy did the same thing to me awhile ago. He texted me from a new number, started insulting me saying, "Are you really this immature? I'm giving you another chance to make things right before I delete your number, what do you say? " ....I had never even met him!!! Lmao The unsolicted pictures and videos though??? Omg! When you got those wouldve been the proper time to block. Thats gross, perve Block his new number and always trust your gut 1
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