fiskadoro Posted April 8, 2017 Posted April 8, 2017 Hi, Recently I have received several texts from women in my past - two I wanted to date and they kind of strung me along, one who took me out once and we had a blast, but she was seeing someone so it never went anywhere. I would like to know how to inquire what they want in a polite but firm way. Sometimes I think that there might actually be something there, but I acted thirsty(?) when they showed up, and as a result nothing has really happened. maybe I should have proceeded with more caution? I don't want to be an ego boost for anyone, but I also want to make sure I am not missing out on a changed person. I imagine many people will say that all texts from people in your past should be ignored, but I am currently involved in a pretty lucrative side gig, and it kind of fell into my lap because I answered a text from an old flame who had disappeared, but came back into my life and also turned me onto the aforementioned gig, and potentially others. Another former ex (I lived abroad for work for several years and my ex's are somewhat scattered around the globe) came to visit me last year from Asia, so I am not sure what to do on this front.
MoreThanThat Posted April 8, 2017 Posted April 8, 2017 Every man I've been in a relationship with or went out with on more than a handful of dates eventually came back. Some more than once. Sometimes it means nothing. Sometimes they are feeling lonely. Sometimes they are interested in reconnecting. People change and circumstances change so you can't have a blanket opinion for all such cases. Rather you need to look at each one individually. 1
SoulCat Posted April 8, 2017 Posted April 8, 2017 Hi, Recently I have received several texts from women in my past - two I wanted to date and they kind of strung me along, one who took me out once and we had a blast, but she was seeing someone so it never went anywhere. I would like to know how to inquire what they want in a polite but firm way. Sometimes I think that there might actually be something there, but I acted thirsty(?) when they showed up, and as a result nothing has really happened. maybe I should have proceeded with more caution? I don't want to be an ego boost for anyone, but I also want to make sure I am not missing out on a changed person. I imagine many people will say that all texts from people in your past should be ignored, but I am currently involved in a pretty lucrative side gig, and it kind of fell into my lap because I answered a text from an old flame who had disappeared, but came back into my life and also turned me onto the aforementioned gig, and potentially others. Another former ex (I lived abroad for work for several years and my ex's are somewhat scattered around the globe) came to visit me last year from Asia, so I am not sure what to do on this front. Generally when referring to 'dearly departed' you refer to people who are sadly no longer with us, e.g. those who have passed away. To get appropriate feedback, consider changing your thread title. 2
phineas Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 Hi, Recently I have received several texts from women in my past - two I wanted to date and they kind of strung me along, one who took me out once and we had a blast, but she was seeing someone so it never went anywhere. I would like to know how to inquire what they want in a polite but firm way. Sometimes I think that there might actually be something there, but I acted thirsty(?) when they showed up, and as a result nothing has really happened. maybe I should have proceeded with more caution? I don't want to be an ego boost for anyone, but I also want to make sure I am not missing out on a changed person. I imagine many people will say that all texts from people in your past should be ignored, but I am currently involved in a pretty lucrative side gig, and it kind of fell into my lap because I answered a text from an old flame who had disappeared, but came back into my life and also turned me onto the aforementioned gig, and potentially others. Another former ex (I lived abroad for work for several years and my ex's are somewhat scattered around the globe) came to visit me last year from Asia, so I am not sure what to do on this front. Easy. I ask women who do this "what do you want with me?" i'm a straightforward man and have no more time for women who wasted it in the past.
act00 Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 I would think if they're contacting you, they're interested in giving it another shot. For whatever reason (probably met someone else) they couldn't pursue you in the past, but now they can. Go for it if you're still interested in them. If you're not interested in them, then ignore. You could ask them what happened. Why did they disappear, or just leave it alone. I have had a few that contact me after weeks or months of no contact. I just go for it. Why not? There are a couple that I have just ignored. I was dating one for a couple months, and he ghosted me. He's the only one I asked what happened. After contacting me again, saying he missed me and wanted to go out, he never actually made any arrangements to go out with me, so that one ended again. Another was just interested in texting, not actually meeting, so I grew tired of that. I've had a couple start texting and expressing interest, even arranged a date or two, one cancelled, and then drop off again. It hurts a little, but of course I haven't been that invested in someone I never met or only met the one time. I figure it's worth a shot if the spark was there. I don't necessarily want to ask what happened because I don't want to hear that he was dating someone else, even though that was probably the case...so I don't want to hear it out loud. I can be jealous. As stated above, you could ask "What do you want with me?" but surely that will come out in your texts if you ask them if they'd like to go out (local women), but the foreign women, pen pal? I never thought of the ego boost. I suppose it could be. But does that really matter? Enjoy some conversation, possibly a date, and don't get yourself too invested unless the relationship continues, but if you feel you need to know so you don't waste your time, like you're worried you're just a filler until someone else comes along, just ask, "What do you want from me? You disappeared. What happened?"
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