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Asking a man out

mortensorchid

By mortensorchid
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mortensorchid Established Member

mortensorchid

Posted
Posted

I know this a great topic of debate, but I was wondering what others thought of a woman asking a man out.

 

I've had some pretty bad luck with men in the past, be it OLD or otherwise. I have asked a few women acquaintances how they met their bf or husband, some have said that they met under a circumstance and then she asked him out, and they've been together ever since. Now they might be the exceptions to it, but I'm not sure. Last time I asked this guy if he wanted to hang out he said "I am not interested in you romantically". I texted back "Well love makes you fat, doesn't it?" No contact since with him, I was cut to the bone and after that I said "Well I'll never do that again will I?" And haven't, even if I encountered someone that I had the slightest bit of interest in which hasn't been much, but that's coincidence not a pity party.

 

It's kind of embarrassing, I'm 42 and I feel like I'm still in 8th grade or something. Opinions? I'm curious.

  • Like 2
Arieswoman Established Member

Arieswoman

Posted
Posted

Personally I wouldn't advise doing it.

 

I only ever asked one guy out. We dated for 9 months and then I initiated the "where do you think we are?" conversation, and he dumped me for "trying to hem him in" ( ! )

 

IMO a man will value something more if he has to work for it :)

  • Like 7
divegrl Established Member

divegrl

Posted
Posted

I will let a man know I find him attractive. " hey I really like you". And then see how he responds.

 

If he pursues you, great.

 

If not, his loss.

 

Good luck!

  • Like 6
SevenCity Established Member

SevenCity

Posted
Posted

Wow one rejection and you throw in the towel? Perhaps you can imagine being a guy and going through this dozens or hundreds of times in your life.

 

Anyway it's simple. If the guy likes you he'll love it. If he doesn't like you he won't. Rarely will any guy hold this against you. It's so rare we don't have a statistically valid sample size :D.

 

The real question is who will pay for the date???

  • Like 14
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mortensorchid Established Member

mortensorchid

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Personally I wouldn't advise doing it.

 

I only ever asked one guy out. We dated for 9 months and then I initiated the "where do you think we are?" conversation, and he dumped me for "trying to hem him in" ( ! )

 

IMO a man will value something more if he has to work for it :)

 

That's the impression I have with that. Or experiences past have told me that, based on mine as well as other women's I have seen. You want something to happen, of course, and ... It doesn't. Or it could happen and ... It doesn't. I guess you have to keep at other things in life and just hope against hope it will happen.

  • Like 2
Shining One Established Member

Shining One

Posted
Posted

Within my circle of friends and exes, all of the women who have asked men out on a regular basis say it's very effective. The women who say it's not a good idea have tried it once or not at all. Six women have approached me first. Four of them received positive responses.

 

I just don't understand how some of you are drawing conclusions from a sample size of one. It seems like confirmation bias to me. A woman who approaches and is open to approaches is going to have more opportunities than a woman who just waits for approaches.

  • Like 2
Shining One Established Member

Shining One

Posted
Posted
"Well love makes you fat, doesn't it?"
Is there some reference or inside joke I'm not getting? This seems like a random non sequitur to me.
  • Like 2
Chilli Established Member

Chilli

Posted
Posted

l must admit , l tend to go with some of the girls on this and l dunno. She could be as forward as she wants in other ways but l do respect a girl that expects him to come after her.

In saying that though l don't really see a guy minding so much as such but l do know as a guy, if you want her you'll go after her.

Well , unless she gives you the vibe that she's just not interested anyway.

But yeah true too, that if he likes you he might well love it.

But he also might just say yes bc you offered so it's convenient . He might even stick around same reasons. One of my brother has, doesn't like her very much but bc she won't go away they've been together 18yrs

 

But for me , well my gf for example is by no means old fashioned she's actually one of the coolest girls l've ever known.

But there are things with her and one of them is that she expects me as she puts it, to conquer her. Maybe it's her Italian that makes her use such a term in this day and age but l dunno , it turns me on to all hell and l just think it's so cool and very self respecting.

Simple Logic Established Member

Simple Logic

Posted
Posted
I know this a great topic of debate, but I was wondering what others thought of a woman asking a man out.

 

I've had some pretty bad luck with men in the past, be it OLD or otherwise. I have asked a few women acquaintances how they met their bf or husband, some have said that they met under a circumstance and then she asked him out, and they've been together ever since. Now they might be the exceptions to it, but I'm not Last time I asked this guy if he wanted to hang out he said "I am not interested in you romantically". I texted back "Well love makes you fat, doesn't it?" No contact since with him, I was cut to the boneand after that I said "Well I'll never do that again will I?" And haven't, even if I encountered someone that I had the slightest bit of interest in which hasn't been much, but that's coincidence not a pity party.

 

It's kind of embarrassing, I'm 42 and I feel like I'm still in 8th grade or something. Opinions? I'm curious.

 

Now you know what men go through a lot of times. The key to asking a man out is to let him know you are open to his invitation, not neccessarily asking him out. Even if it is as simple as asking what he is doing this weekend and making the comment you would enjoy that. Mentioning an event you would like to go to, but don't have a date. Ect.

  • Like 1
Simple Logic Established Member

Simple Logic

Posted
Posted
I know this a great topic of debate, but I was wondering what others thought of a woman asking a man out.

 

I've had some pretty bad luck with men in the past, be it OLD or otherwise. I have asked a few women acquaintances how they met their bf or husband, some have said that they met under a circumstance and then she asked him out, and they've been together ever since. Now they might be the exceptions to it, but I'm not Last time I asked this guy if he wanted to hang out he said "I am not interested in you romantically". I texted back "Well love makes you fat, doesn't it?" No contact since with him, I was cut to the boneand after that I said "Well I'll never do that again will I?" And haven't, even if I encountered someone that I had the slightest bit of interest in which hasn't been much, but that's coincidence not a pity party.

 

It's kind of embarrassing, I'm 42 and I feel like I'm still in 8th grade or something. Opinions? I'm curious.

 

Now you know what men go through a lot of times. The key to asking a man out is to let him know you are open to his invitation, not neccessarily asking him out. Even if it is as simple as asking what he is doing this weekend and making the comment you would enjoy that. Mentioning an event you would like to go to, but don't have a date. Ect.

  • Like 2
CptInsano Established Member

CptInsano

Posted
Posted
Now you know what men go through a lot of times. The key to asking a man out is to let him know you are open to his invitation, not neccessarily asking him out. Even if it is as simple as asking what he is doing this weekend and making the comment you would enjoy that. Mentioning an event you would like to go to, but don't have a date. Ect.

 

I would agree with that, meaning that most of the women who seemed interested in me dropped a remark that they "got canceled on by their friends for Friday night", "really had nobody who would see XYZ concert with them", or such. Sometimes it's fairly subtle, at other times it's blatantly obvious, but it doesn't matter. (The other method is outright affection, all accidental of course.)

 

I think I've only been directly asked out on a date by woman once. That makes it exactly as likely as a woman trying to bite my ass while I stand at a stoplight, waiting to cross the street.

The411 Member

The411

Posted
Posted
Personally I wouldn't advise doing it.

 

I only ever asked one guy out. We dated for 9 months and then I initiated the "where do you think we are?" conversation, and he dumped me for "trying to hem him in" ( ! )

 

IMO a man will value something more if he has to work for it :)

 

Do not listen to this. One time ancedotal evidence is a terrible way to make decisions. Woman can certainly ask men out, but it's better to bombard a guy with body language that suggests that you are interested in him. Don't play games and don't send mixed signals. Just don't invest too much emotional energy in anyone until you get some in return.

  • Like 1
5x5 Established Member

5x5

Posted
Posted
Now they might be the exceptions to it, but I'm not sure. Last time I asked this guy if he wanted to hang out he said "I am not interested in you romantically". I texted back "Well love makes you fat, doesn't it?"

 

I like your response.

 

I think there's nothing wrong with asking men out, when you're interested in them.

 

The majority of the women I have dated, asked me out in the first instance. One of those women who asked me out almost 21 years ago, will have been married to me for 18 years in a few weeks time.

 

That said back when I was dating others, I did turn down quite a few women during that time as well.

curiouslysearching Established Member

curiouslysearching

Posted
Posted
I will let a man know I find him attractive. " hey I really like you". And then see how he responds.

 

If he pursues you, great.

 

If not, his loss.

 

Good luck!

 

I am with Dive on this one. Let him pursue you but give him enough

indication that you are into it....

  • Like 2
TheTraveler Established Member

TheTraveler

Posted
Posted

To the women of loveshack and the lurkers, just be direct and stop beating around the bush and dropping hints. If there's a guy you like, just ask him out.

 

You're only on this planet once so make the most of it

  • Like 2
minou23 Member

minou23

Posted
Posted

There's a way to show interest without "pursuing" since men want to be the pursuers. I agree with the other commenters that you should just tell him you're interested in him or think he's attractive. Then leave the ball in his court. He has the confidence that you will agree to going out so if he wants to go out with you he'll ask you on a date and will still feel like "the man".

  • Like 1
smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

Before I met my husband, I got fed up with guys being too lame/scared to ask me out, so I simply started asking guys out. I only got rejected once because I was a smoker at the time. It didn't deter me at all because it's just part of dating. I didn't have any issues with it, and the guys didn't seem to be "emasculated" by it either.

 

If I was single today, I would sure as $%^& ask men out on dates again.

 

It may work for some, and may not work for others. IMO it all depends on your attractiveness and your confidence level. Sound familiar?

 

If you are having trouble finding the right man you may want to take a closer look at yourself and see where you can make changes, whether it be appearance, attitude, what type of men you are attracted to, etc.

  • Like 5
Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted

Call me old fashioned, but I'm against women making the first move!

 

It's fine to ask out after, but he needs to make the first move!

 

I don't think you'll necessarily be rejected, but you might get a guy who feels 'meh, but she really likes me, so why not until something better comes along' and might not know the difference until way later.

 

Give sufficient green light and if he is interested enough, he WILL take the initiative and ask you out, in my experience.

  • Like 1
reeseyummy Member

reeseyummy

Posted
Posted

I've only asked a guy out once, we went on a lot of dates for like a month, until we were finally familiar enough to kiss. But, after the kiss, the very next day, the guy said that he's not ready for a relationship yet. He probably wasn't ready in the start, but only stringed along because I kept knocking on his door. I don't blame the guy.

 

Now I wait for guys to approach me. If I like the guy, I might say hello first, but then sees if he makes initiate contact afterwards.

 

Most guys needs the chase. Especially in relationships.

It's just human nature, girls are like that too, you got to work to acknowledge the value.

 

Don't give yourself out for free, when you're worth a million.

  • Like 2
curiouslysearching Established Member

curiouslysearching

Posted
Posted
I've only asked a guy out once, we went on a lot of dates for like a month, until we were finally familiar enough to kiss. But, after the kiss, the very next day, the guy said that he's not ready for a relationship yet. He probably wasn't ready in the start, but only stringed along because I kept knocking on his door. I don't blame the guy.

 

Now I wait for guys to approach me. If I like the guy, I might say hello first, but then sees if he makes initiate contact afterwards.

 

Most guys needs the chase. Especially in relationships.

It's just human nature, girls are like that too, you got to work to acknowledge the value.

 

Don't give yourself out for free, when you're worth a million.

 

I have been asked out quite a few times and in every instance aside from

one I can say that it was totally unsolicited.....it seems to be more and more common

  • Like 1
SwordofFlame Established Member

SwordofFlame

Posted
Posted

I would say go for it, but be weary in the sense that the guy might think you're easy and doesn't put in sufficient effort afterwards.

harrybrown Established Member

harrybrown

Posted
Posted

so now you know what it feels like when guys ask out the ladies.

 

If she says yes, great.

 

 

But if she says she has to work that night, she might really have to work that night.

 

But since that was the answer, never asked her out again. this was a while ago. then later, she had her friend invite me to some party.

 

But lucky for me, I was engaged by this time to someone that said yes.

 

If the first answer was not positive, I never asked again.

 

I think if you are interested, go ahead and ask. too many games and i like honesty.

 

Lousy at reading minds.

Lilyana76 Established Member

Lilyana76

Posted
Posted

I have no problem asking a guy out for a cup of coffee or something...

 

The only time I questioned if I should ask them or not was when it was a customer of mine. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable in the establishment if he thought I was hurt, or whatever if he turned me down. So I never asked him.... Speaking of, I no longer work there, I should look him up and ask him now lol

 

I have never had a guy tell me it was a turn off if I asked them out, although, here I am still single soooooo.....

  • Like 1
Miss Peach Established Member

Miss Peach

Posted
Posted

I'm all for women showing interest but I don't actually ask men out. I've found if they really want me they will figure it out and ask. Even my shy and inexperienced BF managed to give me a card where I have him my number right back and he still managed to ask me out. When I've gone over that line or seen other women do it to my guy friends, they tend to say yes initially due to convenience more than interest.

  • Like 1
CptInsano Established Member

CptInsano

Posted
Posted

As much as some guys complain about having to ask a woman out, it also gives you the power to make the initial selection or talk to women who are not very social, or simply cold aporoach a woman. Of course, there is rejection, but once you've had some success, what does it really matter?

 

So if a woman has the nerves to ask a guy out, then by all means do it. I would still think that most interested guys would approach a woman if she smiles at them. And many women will initiate a conversation without asking a guy out directly. You'd have to be somewhat dense as a man not to get that.

 

And no, not all guys like the chase. I personally really don't. My longest relationship was with a woman I had sex with even before the first date. But I think it says a lot about the men who insist on a chase.

  • Like 1
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