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Is it a turn off to women if a man is brutally honest and can have a short-temper?


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Posted
Of course this does not mean he will not![/b]

 

You say you disagree with what I said that he can't be sure he wouldn't hit a partner yet you said the above.

It's the same thing, we actually agree.

Posted
You say you disagree with what I said that he can't be sure he wouldn't hit a partner yet you said the above.

It's the same thing, we actually agree.

 

I can not be sure because i do not know him or his issues.

 

But as a individual we know ourselves better than anyone. So if the man says he would never hit a woman in a relationship then i do believe he deserves the benefit of the doubt that he would not.

 

Back in my teen days i used to be extremely bad and had very little control over my temper. After getting into my first serious relationship i settled down lots and learned to control myself more.

 

Its all about how you can control it i suppose. If a situation comes along that requires a violent response and a girl who i was dating was with me then i would just laugh and avoid conflict at all costs. If i was on my own it would turn very differently :laugh: The reason for this different response is because i would care about the girls emotions and safety just as much if not above my own. Hence the difference in handling the situation.

 

I am not saying any of this applies to the OP what i am basically saying is lets not assume he will turn out to be a woman abuser simply because he has a temper.

 

Hope you don't take this as offensive GemmaUK because i have read and like most of your posts its just after reading this thread some of the responses assume so much. I find its best to draw a conclusion from previous facts e.g has this man ever hit a woman? has he ever hit a man? Because most men don't have a problem with showing a violent response to other men.

 

But i do agree he needs to sort his issues and come to terms with them. I would have thought the brutal honesty would be more of a turn off. Although its good to be honest i have found you need plenty of tact in a relationship.

Posted

I am not saying any of this applies to the OP what i am basically saying is lets not assume he will turn out to be a woman abuser simply because he has a temper.

 

He doesn't actually need to hit anyone to be deemed abusive.

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Posted
I ask because I'll admit do have a bad temper, especially since I used to get emotionally, sexually and physically abused by my parents, causing me PTSD from that.

 

You need to stop justifying your bad temper on your childhood and change it. Statistics are loud and clear, little boys that have been abused will in turn become abuser and you are definitely on that path. When you have children this is most likely what in store for them as you have never known what it is to grow up in a healthy environment and you have never learn to control your emotions and never learn self-control. Fixing yourself is your priority before considering entering a relationship.

 

No, I would never 'again' be with a man that has a short fuse. When I go back home I want to be with a man that is patient and forgiving

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Posted

If someone is interested in a person that they have to walk on eggshells around, they have issues of their own and it will easily become a toxic relationship... almost immediately there will be problems.

 

Also a lot of men think their temper tantrums are manly, but women see them as childish.

 

Sounds like you need to go seek help for those issues before you get into a healthy relationship.

Posted
He doesn't actually need to hit anyone to be deemed abusive.

 

You're the one assuming that he would hit her, actually.

 

Abuse isn't only physical. Theres verbal, emotional, financial, etc... I almost got into something with an abusive guy that would try to gaslight me. (Gaslighting is making someone think they're crazy)

 

He'd ignore my calls and say I never called, then he'd say he had called me over and over even though I had no calls. If he did call I'd panic and run to my phone. Once I snapped out of it I realized what he was doing and I told him I was done, then he drove by my house and I had to call the police.

Posted
If someone is interested in a person that they have to walk on eggshells around, they have issues of their own and it will easily become a toxic relationship... almost immediately there will be problems.

 

Also a lot of men think their temper tantrums are manly, but women see them as childish.

 

Sounds like you need to go seek help for those issues before you get into a healthy relationship.

 

I don't necessarily disagree, but in many cases, the abuse comes on slowly and gradually, and before you know it, you're knee deep in it, and you don't even recognize it because you have been slowly broken down over time. You can look back and see the red flags, because hindsight is 20/20, but it's really not this cut and dry, "they have issues of their own." The OP sounds like he's a pleasant person, and then blows up out of nowhere, so it's really hard to get your bearings around that. Mine was a gaslighter or "water torturer," a descriptive label from a book I read when, after 3 years, I finally made the connection that this was abuse. He would explode from time to time, and it was scary and expensive. I remember asking him "Was it worth it?" as we were shelling out a few hundred dollars to fix the temperature control box he punched in frustration, on a Saturday, when it was 115 degrees outside. The insidious emotional abuse is the worst kind because you just don't recognize it, like the frog boiling in water parable.

Posted
You're the one assuming that he would hit her, actually.

 

I think you have me mixed up with someone else...

I never mentioned he was capable of hitting anyone.

I just said he doesn't need to hit anyone to be abusive...

Posted
I ask because I'll admit do have a bad temper, especially since I used to get emotionally, sexually and physically abused by my parents, causing me PTSD from that. I do a very good job at bottling it up somehow. However, I'm one of those people who blow up in one big flame rather than blowing up in constant little flames, meaning you do NOT want to test my patience. It'd be the very last thing any person would want.

 

Once a person figures out how to piss me off pretty good, it becomes very ugly. However, I'd certainly never physically abuse my future girlfriend or violently lash out with no control, no matter how scary I may sound but I do my best.

 

As for brutal honesty, I'm usually only brutally honest to people judging by their attitude and if they come off as jerks to me. If I'm in a bad mood, then I'll just be full on brutally honest towards everyone if they ask me a question they expect an honest answer from.

 

Listen speaking as a man, I am brutally honest too but I don't blow-up into anyone face I don't take rejection too well though. If I see that happening I usually do "get the heck out here mode" that's right I would get up and leave and don't say a word. But being so good nature I might do a 180 and go back but rarely do I do that. To push me to my limit would have to be the worst of the worst. Meaning a woman would have to be so verbal abuse or some sort of comment where she thinks I didn't hear her say it. But she knew I did. So like I say we have to do what we have too do. Whatever it takes to keep our inner self locked. Otherwise I am cool and down to earth. I can tolerate a lot, and let a lot go. But there are some really mean nasty women I've met that don't give a dam. But my advise it just walk away and let them be, never fight or argue in a public place. Just go back to your car/truck/suv and drive home. Let them get themselves their own ride home. You can text them and say "they blew-it".. Your done goodbye..

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