yhwh90 Posted April 8, 2017 Posted April 8, 2017 Hi guys, just want some opinions to make sure I'm doing things correctly. A close girl friend of mine convinced me to try out her class at her gym (she's an instructor) and so I did and met a friend of hers who attends her classes, just a simple handshake "nice meeting you" kinda thing. My friend told me later on that day that the girl thought I was really attractive and I thought she was too so the following week after the same class I saw her and I simply asked for her number for a date to which she didn't hesitate, and quickly gave me her number. So we establish a date and go out. I take her to a restaurant that I really like (quite expensive and I hoped afterward that she didn't think I was trying too hard to impress, I honestly just love the food there, lol) and it was great the entire time; not a single moment was there awkward silence, lots of joking, some flirting, lots of compliments, deep eye contact, intellectually on the same level during convos, spoke about family, passions, goals, etc. She even said that when I first appeared at the class her jaw dropped, told me I made her nervous when I spoke to her, etc. When we were wrapping up to leave the restaurant she said she had a really great time. All positives obviously. At the end of the night we share a cab and I have her dropped off first, we cheek-to-cheek kiss (which is common culturally for us to do when saying hi and goodbye) but no lip to lip kiss, although I'm sure I could have gone for it successfully, but that's awkward in the backseat of a cab, lmao. Then I went home myself. The next morning my friend asked me how it went and recommended I text her to say that I enjoyed myself etc, so I took the advice and texted her midday the day after the date to let her know I enjoyed myself and that I look forward to setting something up again in a week or two, and again she said she had a great time etc. My plan is to not text her, and to only text to arrange dates in order to allow some mystery/anticipation to buildup and also because I'm genuinely busy as hell lately so I can focus on the things I need to do. We also didn't get to this point by texting often either, we actually very very rarely texted, so why begin now? I also don't want to come off as clingy or anything tbh. Is my approach sound? Just looking for different opinions to make sure I'm on the right track here. 1
mortensorchid Posted April 8, 2017 Posted April 8, 2017 I don't know about the cultural thing (kissing on the cheeks), but I think texting after a first date is not right. That is, if you LIKE her and WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, do not text the woman. Texting is a passive way of communication and not a very effective one in terms of making your intentions known. It's like sending an email. Impersonal and not aggressive. If you like her and want to see her again CALL HER. Even if you get her voice mail, this implies that you are interested. Also, during a phone call, you will ask during the conversation when the best time is to see her again. I've been on many an OLD in the past where I meet someone in a bar/restaurant/coffee shop and they text me immediately after or the day after the get together. Eventually it tapers off and I never hear from the guy again. So pick up the phone as soon as possible and call her. If you wait longer than 48 Hours it will imply that you are not that excited about her. Fact.
Sara1989 Posted April 8, 2017 Posted April 8, 2017 You will turn some women off with this approach. I have ended it with men over lack of contact as to me it shows a lack of interest. Like another poster said, if your not going to text at least phone to show interest and get know her better.
SevenCity Posted April 8, 2017 Posted April 8, 2017 Women often get butt hurt when you wait to reach out too long. Those who would leave you for this aren't that interested in you to begin with (and tend to be a pain in the RL too). You reached out the next day which is good. But you should have followed your own advice and setup the date then. There was no point in saying you want to set something up and not actually do it. So call or text her and setup a definite date with a time and place. And watch the expensive dinners lest they become expected. And I'm not buying the cab no kiss story. I had my last first kiss on a train platform with a hundred people around! Set it up and get to gettin'! 1
FoundLove Posted April 8, 2017 Posted April 8, 2017 No, please don't have her wait for you. If you tell her you're too busy to text, she'll think you're not that interested. Seriously how long does it take to send off one text? Just one text saying "Hope you have a lovely day and I can't wait to see you again" will tell her she is on your mind. 1
todreaminblue Posted April 8, 2017 Posted April 8, 2017 (edited) ummmno ....mystery is for women to create...and weave..... men should be men......isnt austin powers the man of mystery......doesnt work in my opinion unless you are austin powers...and i dont believe he is actually...real.........be honest text her dont make her wait...she will think you arent interested..... i would not appreciate the build up i like to know where i stand with a guy and that he reciprocates my excitement.....im not really a game player...it would be disappointing ...to wait..i would prefer a guy say ok im free in two weeks or even a months time and when is good fro you...its honest...shows interest.....then he can text me any time he wants..even the night before to confirm......but have that date set.....the build up till then will be enough of a build up for me to look forward to seeing a guy i am interested in.....deb. Edited April 8, 2017 by todreaminblue
OatsAndHall Posted April 8, 2017 Posted April 8, 2017 I had a date last night that went well and I we planned a second date next weekend. I proceeded to ask her if she preferred text or a phone call this next week to set plans in stone. She told me either was acceptable so I'll be calling her today to thank her again for the fun date and then again next week to confirm this weekend. Unfortunately, I have learned to ask this as some folks are put off by phone calls during those first few dates. But, then again, she's not a millennial so I don't think I'll have to worry about the strange behavior when it comes to communicating. 1
act00 Posted April 8, 2017 Posted April 8, 2017 It's good that you texted her to let her know you had a great time the next day. You should have done that without having to be prompted. A phone call would have been good too. You should keep up communication during the next week or so, if you're too busy to actually go out. She needs to know you're still interested, and if she's interested in you, she needs to feel that she can reach out to you as well. Life gets in the way sometimes, and you need to maintain that connection. I'm on the phone all day long and not one that really wants to talk much on the phone outside of that. I love texting for that reason. Everyone has their preferences, and you can work out what works best for you. Completely going silent (building up anticipation) is really not the best choice. She'll think you're not interested, and personally, I want to know a guy is as excited about seeing me again as I am seeing him. I don't see it as clingy. Maintain some communication. Plan a day and time for your date, even if it's a week or so from now, and let her know you're looking forward to it. Ask her how her day is going during the week. It doesn't take a lot of time to shoot off a text. Ask if she's free for a phone call later on, during a time you have some time. You don't have to talk/text all day, every day, or blow up her phone, or change your communication to a huge degree, but you might need to turn it up a slight notch. You don't want to appear indifferent, and women appreciate knowing where they stand and you're into them. 1
Author yhwh90 Posted April 8, 2017 Author Posted April 8, 2017 (edited) Tooootally get it! I'm honestly not sure if she's comfortable with phone calls, would it be better to go for it anyway and call her or just continue to utilize texts as the means for communication and maybe after the next date ask her if she prefers phone calls or text in person? Also, I reached out to thank her for the date and let her know I had a great time three days ago, the last two days I didn't text and neither did she. I'm fine with reaching out but if she's not texting either what do I take from it? Does it mean that maybe she's not interested or is she simply waiting for me to make these moves to reach out? And the kiss in the cab is true, kissing with 100 people around you is fine with me, I've done that many times, as most people won't even be paying attention but a passionate first kiss in the back of the cab where there's one driver sitting awkwardly in the front seat makes it more awkward imho... or maybe it's just me! Lmao. Edited April 8, 2017 by yhwh90
todreaminblue Posted April 8, 2017 Posted April 8, 2017 Tooootally get it! I'm honestly not sure if she's comfortable with phone calls, would it be better to go for it anyway and call her or just continue to utilize texts as the means for communication and maybe after the next date ask her if she prefers phone calls or text in person? Also, I reached out to thank her for the date and let her know I had a great time three days ago, the last two days I didn't text and neither did she. I'm fine with reaching out but if she's not texting either what do I take from it? Does it mean that maybe she's not interested or is she simply waiting for me to make these moves to reach out? And the kiss in the cab is true, kissing with 100 people around you is fine with me, I've done that many times, as most people won't even be paying attention but a passionate first kiss in the back of the cab where there's one driver sitting awkwardly in the front seat makes it more awkward imho... or maybe it's just me! Lmao. a passionate first kiss....no ..warm sweet light.....and thats what you did.. even if it was a cheek kiss....im a cheek kisser cheek to cheek ..its warm...itsw friendly...I can cheek to cheek for women and men friends........but the kissing has to progress to lips and again warm sweet and light...for dates..........cheek to cheek is for friends......but understandable in the backseat of a cab...deb
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