theLonelyRanger Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 Hi All, Not sure if this is the right place to post this. I'm looking for some peer support here. I dated a girl for about 7 months who works at the same place as me. Things were great for a few months, miserable for a few months, and then she broke up with me after Valentines Day. So, it didn't work out. She had a child and an ex-husband where there was a lot of conflict in her life, she hates her job, and despite honestly putting my best fourth emotionally, sexually, physically, cooking dinner all the time and pleasing her in bed -- none of it was enough to keep her satisfied. She was unhappy with her life, maybe her decisions in the past, and I was just never good enough. She constantly misrepresented who I was, what my thoughts are, what my intentions are, and stopped laughing at my jokes. The love was gone before it could even blossom and I am very upset about that. Now I have to continue working with her after this experience. When we broke up I told her, now let's not be weird because I really like you a lot and would do anything in the world for you and want to continue being a friend there for you if you ever need anything, etc. etc. Skip forward it's now been almost 2 months and I miss her if I'm being honest. I'm dealing with that in therapy and trying to get out there to meet someone new... but I can't help but feel like I'm the bad guy. I still have to interact with her and I am super helpful, ask her how she is, super nice and super responsive to her, but she is NOT NICE TO ME. In fact, I get the feeling she is talking a lot of crap about me with her work friends and it's sad because I really like them too. Looking back, she was not ever very nice to me except for maybe when we first started dating. I just hate feeling like I did something wrong -- but I would have done anything to make things work. I would do anything for her to this day. I would spend every night she could at her side cooking for her and pleasing her and it was just never, ever enough.. and now she doesn't respond to e-mails, gives 1 word responses like she doesn't even want to be talking to me. I just don't understand how anyone can be SO COLD it's like she has absolutely no empathy and hates herself and everyone in her life whether outwardly or secretly. I'm just a really nice person with a big heart and it really hurts when I'm constantly giving 100% and someone treats me like I have never done anything for them. What the hell is that? What should I do if anything? I feel like the whole company treats me differently right now since the relationship and I'm trying to repair those relationships.. but her work buddies who I like a lot and interacting with her is just absolutely ****ing miserable. I guess I should count my blessings that she's not my problem and maybe I'm being overly sensitive but god damn it gets old getting treated like dirt. I have to see this person on a regular basis you would think she could just act decently towards me.
harrybrown Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 You are too nice of a guy. Read up on how to not be such a nice guy. and from what I hear, the ladies do not respect or like nice guys. They want action guys . At least that is what I get told. Maybe the ladies will tell you different. good luck but read up on it and make some changes. and no more mr. nice guy at work.
Marc878 Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 You do too much in any relationship you get taken advantage of and lose respect. Relationships should be balanced @ 50/50. Read up "No More Mr Nice Guy" free pdf download
Author theLonelyRanger Posted April 7, 2017 Author Posted April 7, 2017 You are too nice of a guy. Read up on how to not be such a nice guy. and from what I hear, the ladies do not respect or like nice guys. They want action guys . At least that is what I get told. Maybe the ladies will tell you different. good luck but read up on it and make some changes. and no more mr. nice guy at work. Don't you want to be nice to girls you like though? I hate the idea of being an ******* just to gain attraction. Sounds like a super unhealthy relationship to me.
preraph Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 Unless you catch her red-handed and in writing spreading crap about you, here is all you can do: Be polite and professional and don't talk to her about anything personal or unless you have to do business with her. Be smiling, relaxed, professional, for all to see. Do not act like this is bothering you at work. Do not show that you are tense or unhappy or whatever she says will be assumed to be true. On the other hand, if you are the smiling happy go lucky work professional and that is obvious to everyone at work, people will judge her for spreading crap, which is what you want.
Altair0770 Posted April 8, 2017 Posted April 8, 2017 Man, I gotta be honest with you. I'm reading this thing and seeing how much you miss someone that treats you like you are literally garbage she dumped. Not meaning to disrespect you, but here is my advice. Go to the gym, look good, and go do stuff you want to do. This chick treated you terribly and for some reason you miss the abuse. Stop worrying about what she thinks about you, and start worrying what you think about you. You aren't the bad guy here. She sounds like a narcissist, and even if you miraculously got back together, you just gonna be treated like crap until she gets bored beating the dog. Sorry if that sounds brutal, I'm just trying to be blatantly honest here. Sounds like you could use a much better girlfriend than her. 1
Maldives Posted April 8, 2017 Posted April 8, 2017 Hi All, Not sure if this is the right place to post this. I'm looking for some peer support here. I dated a girl for about 7 months who works at the same place as me. Things were great for a few months, miserable for a few months, and then she broke up with me after Valentines Day. So, it didn't work out. She had a child and an ex-husband where there was a lot of conflict in her life, she hates her job, and despite honestly putting my best fourth emotionally, sexually, physically, cooking dinner all the time and pleasing her in bed -- none of it was enough to keep her satisfied. She was unhappy with her life, maybe her decisions in the past, and I was just never good enough. She constantly misrepresented who I was, what my thoughts are, what my intentions are, and stopped laughing at my jokes. The love was gone before it could even blossom and I am very upset about that. Now I have to continue working with her after this experience. When we broke up I told her, now let's not be weird because I really like you a lot and would do anything in the world for you and want to continue being a friend there for you if you ever need anything, etc. etc. Skip forward it's now been almost 2 months and I miss her if I'm being honest. I'm dealing with that in therapy and trying to get out there to meet someone new... but I can't help but feel like I'm the bad guy. I still have to interact with her and I am super helpful, ask her how she is, super nice and super responsive to her, but she is NOT NICE TO ME. In fact, I get the feeling she is talking a lot of crap about me with her work friends and it's sad because I really like them too. Looking back, she was not ever very nice to me except for maybe when we first started dating. I just hate feeling like I did something wrong -- but I would have done anything to make things work. I would do anything for her to this day. I would spend every night she could at her side cooking for her and pleasing her and it was just never, ever enough.. and now she doesn't respond to e-mails, gives 1 word responses like she doesn't even want to be talking to me. I just don't understand how anyone can be SO COLD it's like she has absolutely no empathy and hates herself and everyone in her life whether outwardly or secretly. I'm just a really nice person with a big heart and it really hurts when I'm constantly giving 100% and someone treats me like I have never done anything for them. What the hell is that? What should I do if anything? I feel like the whole company treats me differently right now since the relationship and I'm trying to repair those relationships.. but her work buddies who I like a lot and interacting with her is just absolutely ****ing miserable. I guess I should count my blessings that she's not my problem and maybe I'm being overly sensitive but god damn it gets old getting treated like dirt. I have to see this person on a regular basis you would think she could just act decently towards me. U shld read my thread on here about working wth my ex to add some context. A lil different as we were together 6 yrs please read it. It is very challenging g we been broken up over 6 mths now and it its been very challenging working wth her. It'll make more sense if u read my thread. Anyway cut to the chase 2 weeks ago I learnt she's seeing a couple worker killed at 1st but somehow it set me free to some extent. She did wat ures is doing however I never ever chased and went NC. Lets just say 25 yrs of relationships chasing etc has really drummed it in to me that NC is the best way to go. To answer why she's cold towards u it's because it's a dumpers wayou of processing the guilt. They don't wanna see or know how badly they hurt u so acting this way helps them wth guilt. My advice to u is to totally ignore her and create distance in the work place. It's so u can heal. Wether she then misses u and regrets it it is anyone's guess but it certainly sets the stage for such a scenario. But would u really want someone wth so much baggage? My ex had kids and now that I'm lifting out of that fog I see it for wat it was a lot of hurdles and hard work. Don't get me wrong I would rather not work wth her as it can still be painful seeing her interact wth this guy and given a choice and better job ID leave. For the time being i hav to sit with it as i live in a regional area and this is a big company. She had made it Gary hard for me and her behaviour like ures is very bad. She had talked bad about me to come workers I can tell they always do and ures is doing the same thing. Best thing to do is ignore her say nothing about her because people like her become exposed in the end. Definately ignore and create distance wth me its hard because my team has to sit near hers and it's just one single level open plan office so very challenging. It's helped me see her true colours and I guess I'd imagine strengthened me psychologically I hope lol. I would never do it again meet someone at work unless it's a very big building lol. Anyway wat i do even tho im near her team is sit where my view is blocked of her and put music on so I can't hear her. Every opportunity she gets to laugh loud to get my attention she will so ignoring her is the best retaliation. Ignore ignore ignore dude and u may not see it now but these woman like mine and ures wth kids and baggage u will see that u dodged a bullet. Believe me the challengers I had wth her and the kids custody battles court lol u will see one day it was for the best I kno that's hard to hear cause we still miss them but the feelings will fade and u and I will meet someone much better suited. We will kno better and choose better
Author theLonelyRanger Posted April 8, 2017 Author Posted April 8, 2017 @Goodguy05 Thank you for your post! I really appreciate the response. Best wishes to you in finding that right person as well and navigate that drama at work. I know I am better off I just have to keep rediscovering that until I find someone new.
Maldives Posted April 8, 2017 Posted April 8, 2017 @Goodguy05 Thank you for your post! I really appreciate the response. Best wishes to you in finding that right person as well and navigate that drama at work. I know I am better off I just have to keep rediscovering that until I find someone new. Thx dude keep us all posted on ur progress. If u guys do happen to reconnect all i can tell u is be prepared wth someone else's kids its very hard. Not impossible just depends on ur goals etc good luck personally I wouldn't go down that path again lol once was enough
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