DrReplyInRhymes Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 Ah well, if you've been best friends for years, then maybe there's a connection there you should nurture. If you really love him, go after him. Best wishes!
OatsAndHall Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 There are many parallels between your relationship and my former marriage so this may be a biased opinion but I feel that it is helpful. I deal with depression and anxiety and I have my entire life. It runs like wildfire through my family and I have it under control. My ex-wife has a plethora of issues that I attributed to her being in a bad relationship previous to ours along with her having MS. However, several mutual acquaintances contacted me when we first met and told me to be careful with her as she has issues. I ignored them and honestly spent six years regressing in my life, physically and emotionally. I always understood that my ex-wife has issues but I tried to play the "fixer" and it completely drained me. Long story short, it became very clear in the end that she was dealing with problems much deeper than anxiety and depression and probably has a personality disorder. Things ended very badly.. So, beware.
kendahke Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 He spends all day talking to me, making sure Im ok, shows a lot of physical affection and always makes me feel good. If he was lying about loving me, I dont think he would waste his time trying to make me know he loves me. You know, Ted Bundy was charming, too...
Author thanks4nuffin Posted April 7, 2017 Author Posted April 7, 2017 I'd also like to add that my dad talked to his grandfather, and he blatantly said that he is going to break my heart and leave. I just wish this wasnt the case since he says Im different from people he's dated.
kendahke Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 Here's why I see red flags all around this--despite you "knowing him" for years, which I tend to doubt how well you know him because you wouldn't have needed his ex coming to you to tell you about him: it would have fallen out in experience at your feet long before she came to you with her laundry list: My boyfriend has a HORRIBLE relationship with his parents and he abuses drugs, which I want to help him with. Unless you've got your PhD or MD is psychiatry/psychology, you can't help him. What can you do to get his symptoms and personality issues under control? If a girlfriend being there worked on his problems, he'd not have gone through the lot of them like Grant took Richmond. He goes from girlfriend to girlfriend to girlfriend like a drowning man trying to keep his head above water. What do they end up doing if you have no training in saving one? They're going to end up drowning you, too, while you're trying to save them. All I'm saying is that you have enough on your plate with your bipolar issues---don't be so desperate for a boyfriend that you settle for someone whose got a boat load of issues you're not equipped to deal with.
act00 Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 This man is a train wreck and you are on unstable footing. You asked advice. The advice is to run, and run fast. Now you're backtracking. But we loooove each other, and he's really nice and affectionate and, and... What you need is some therapy to work on your own stuff because you have to be happy all by yourself. Anyone that comes into the picture after that is frosting, and I'm talking about a stable individual, not someone who is unraveling at every turn. You've been good friends for a couple years, so maybe this has long-term potential, but let me ask you this? With your bipolar and his addiction and other mental health issues, how do you think things will pan out in the future, after the babies enter the picture, and he's squandering your housing and food money on drugs and can't hold down a job? How will that help your mental well-being when you can't afford to buy your prescription, let alone feed your children and make sure they have warm coats in the winter? Can you think long, long term here? Even without babies, you'll work your fingers to the bone while he puts you in deeper and deeper debt, which will not help your bipolar, and you'll break, and you'll go on a bender, as bipolars tend to do with no meds and/or high stress. But he treats you real nice and gives you hugs and kisses, so... 1
kendahke Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 I'd also like to add that my dad talked to his grandfather, and he blatantly said that he is going to break my heart and leave. I just wish this wasnt the case since he says Im different from people he's dated. He's a compulsive liar, too.
Author thanks4nuffin Posted April 7, 2017 Author Posted April 7, 2017 This man is a train wreck and you are on unstable footing. You asked advice. The advice is to run, and run fast. Now you're backtracking. But we loooove each other, and he's really nice and affectionate and, and... What you need is some therapy to work on your own stuff because you have to be happy all by yourself. Anyone that comes into the picture after that is frosting, and I'm talking about a stable individual, not someone who is unraveling at every turn. You've been good friends for a couple years, so maybe this has long-term potential, but let me ask you this? With your bipolar and his addiction and other mental health issues, how do you think things will pan out in the future, after the babies enter the picture, and he's squandering your housing and food money on drugs and can't hold down a job? How will that help your mental well-being when you can't afford to buy your prescription, let alone feed your children and make sure they have warm coats in the winter? Can you think long, long term here? Even without babies, you'll work your fingers to the bone while he puts you in deeper and deeper debt, which will not help your bipolar, and you'll break, and you'll go on a bender, as bipolars tend to do with no meds and/or high stress. But he treats you real nice and gives you hugs and kisses, so... He doesnt like kids.. I do, but we're way too young to think about stuff like that. Im not so naive to think highschool relationships will work but I think we'll work.. I am keeping your guys' advice in mind and his ex's advice. It'll literally crush me if I leave him now, after thinking I finally found someone to make me happy and support me.
preraph Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 I just want to point out that you cannot help him with his abusing drugs. He has to do that himself or through a long rehab. You say he lies. Well he said he loved you right away, and that was a lie, certainly. If he's saying you can help him stop drug abuse, that is like handing the responsibility over to you when you have zero power over that. The longer you're with him, probably the more the relationship will degenerate, but good luck. He better be in therapy at least.
Author thanks4nuffin Posted April 7, 2017 Author Posted April 7, 2017 I just want to point out that you cannot help him with his abusing drugs. He has to do that himself or through a long rehab. You say he lies. Well he said he loved you right away, and that was a lie, certainly. If he's saying you can help him stop drug abuse, that is like handing the responsibility over to you when you have zero power over that. The longer you're with him, probably the more the relationship will degenerate, but good luck. He better be in therapy at least. Sometimes I just think hes in love with the idea of being in love... sometimes Im so confused on how he said he loved me so quickly. :/
Redhead14 Posted April 8, 2017 Posted April 8, 2017 (edited) Sweetie, you need to be thinking about whether or not you are actually doing the same thing . . . you don't love HIM, you love the idea of him. His history indicates your premise pretty well. He jumps into relationships quickly. And you are calling him your boyfriend after only a month of dating. Yeah, you've been friends for 2 years, but that is entirely different than being in a romantic/committed relationship. You are diagnosed as bi-polar. You say he supports you. It's not clear to me what you mean by "support". Perhaps he's tolerates your symptoms at least. But, he is depressed and has ADHD. He is no more suitable/qualified to provide effective support for a partner with a diagnosed condition like yours, than a lamp post. Do you know what some of the main symptoms of ADHD combined with depression are? In addition to symptoms of inattention and/or impulsiveness, adults with ADHD may have other problems, including: Chronic lateness and forgetfulness Anxiety Poor organizational skills Low self-esteem Estrangement from friends and family Employment problems Short temper Difficulty finishing a task Unthinking and immediate response; difficulty controlling behavior Restlessness The last two symptoms alone explain a lot about his relationships. He gets restless and when the going gets tough . . . he's out. Your symptoms combined with his on an ongoing/daily, live-in basis would be like someone bringing gas to a bonfire. Unthinking and immediate response; difficulty controlling behavior -- The two of you share this reactionary response issue. The arguments would be epic!!! You need to thing about and focus on the bigger picture here for yourself. There is a whole lot more that goes into a committed relationship than you realize. Just to educate yourself, see if you can get into a pre-marital counseling course. I know you're not there yet, but the experience will be eye opening for you. It's also a good thing for individual insight and goals planning. Edited April 8, 2017 by Redhead14 1
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