marky00 Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 Thank you so much for your advice. When is the right time.Would there ever be time when she will contact me correctly? I want her back but I want her to work for it. Well nobody really knows but I will say this. Ironically, you need to allow the dumper to fully heal and move on and drop all those guilty feelings they have. How long that takes depends on how long the relationship was. I'd say at least a year would be necessary. If a dumper reaches out after a year or so, the chances of the contact being from a better place are higher because if they are healed, they aren't looking to relieve guilt and also know they can't contact you for an ego boost. Sure, there are a dumpees on here who say they would never go back to a dumper if they took a year to come back. That is fine. But my point still stands. A dumper who "lost feelings" and comes back too soon is always a massive RED FLAG. Link to post Share on other sites
jorgeg3d Posted April 11, 2017 Share Posted April 11, 2017 Good. See? She didn't want to reconcile. Not 100% anyways. It was all BS to probably get an ego boost. If you truly meant anything to her, she would most likely have tried more than "Hi". I don't understand why dumpers have such difficulty expressing their feelings or being direct. Perhaps if they had better communication skills, the relationship wouldn't have ended in the first place. People like to say the most important part of any lasting relationship is attraction, and I disagree. I think it's communication. Bad communication WILL destroy a relationship, and will outright prevent a reconciliation. Until people like this learn how to communicate effectively, then I don't see them ever having a healthy, lasting relationship. I guarantee you dumpers like this will suffer through more and more breakups throughout their lives. They will dump and dump and dump and dump, because they can't communicate with their partners. They will never have a successful LTR or a marriage, until they work on themselves. Dumpers NEED to work on themselves too after a breakup, not just the Dumpee. I agree with Marc, you likely taught her a lesson here about communication. I'm sure she's all butthurt that you didn't respond to her "Hi" like a good, thirsty little puppy. The good thirsty little puppy she probably pegged you for when she lost respect for you and decided to dump you in the first place. She will probably pout for a bit about it lol, that's true. But, ultimately she will respect you more for this, in the long run. If you ever truly want reconciliation, I think it's better that she respects you. So this was ultimately a good thing, IMO. I agree with you 100% man. This is why we live in an age of selfishness. People that don't have a clue how a relationship actually works. One of the last things I said to my ex was, our communication was very poor towards the end and it was a vicious cycle of neither of us getting our needs met,(even though I always communicated with her) and her reply was to throw the blame back at me, and not taking responsibility for her own actions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenheart199 Posted April 13, 2017 Author Share Posted April 13, 2017 I need immediate suggestion guys please help me. There was something bad happened in her city and I wanted to know if she is okay. So, I texted her if she is okay. I texted that "I saw in news that there is unrest situation in your city. Hope you are okay. How are you?" I am not sure if this going to mess up the whole purpose. Please, help me. She haven't read the message yet. Was this a mistake sending her this message? I am feeling really guilty right now that my action could cost me whole chance of getting her back. Please, suggestion me something. :(:( Link to post Share on other sites
trustyourself Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 I need immediate suggestion guys please help me. There was something bad happened in her city and I wanted to know if she is okay. So, I texted her if she is okay. I texted that "I saw in news that there is unrest situation in your city. Hope you are okay. How are you?" I am not sure if this going to mess up the whole purpose. Please, help me. She haven't read the message yet. Was this a mistake sending her this message? I am feeling really guilty right now that my action could cost me whole chance of getting her back. Please, suggestion me something. :(:( You are checking on her well being. If she responds that she is ok, just respond with I am glad you are ok, and leave it at that. short, to the point. Do not continue to text back and forth. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 In reality you jumped at a chance to contact. You chase they move farther away 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenheart199 Posted April 13, 2017 Author Share Posted April 13, 2017 In reality you jumped at a chance to contact. You chase they move farther away I kind of feel that way now. What should I do please suggest me? For real there is really bad situation in her college. There was a protest between cops and students and it is all over the news. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenheart199 Posted April 13, 2017 Author Share Posted April 13, 2017 You are checking on her well being. If she responds that she is ok, just respond with I am glad you are ok, and leave it at that. short, to the point. Do not continue to text back and forth. I get it. Thank you so much. What if she won't respond back? Link to post Share on other sites
jbp005 Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 Then you continue no contact 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jamili Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 Then you continue no contact Yes, and never break it again for anything short of the apocalypse. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 I need immediate suggestion guys please help me. There was something bad happened in her city and I wanted to know if she is okay. So, I texted her if she is okay. I texted that "I saw in news that there is unrest situation in your city. Hope you are okay. How are you?" I am not sure if this going to mess up the whole purpose. Please, help me. She haven't read the message yet. Was this a mistake sending her this message? I am feeling really guilty right now that my action could cost me whole chance of getting her back. Please, suggestion me something. :(:( Yes, it was a mistake. Part of breaking up is realizing that you don't have a relationship with her anymore. So you don't check up on her about things. It no longer concerns you. Sometimes, events trigger you to think of her, but you have to get through those. As far as getting her back, less contact is better. It increases her curiosity about you. See, at 2 months, she contacted you because she was curious. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenheart199 Posted April 13, 2017 Author Share Posted April 13, 2017 Yes, it was a mistake. Part of breaking up is realizing that you don't have a relationship with her anymore. So you don't check up on her about things. It no longer concerns you. Sometimes, events trigger you to think of her, but you have to get through those. As far as getting her back, less contact is better. It increases her curiosity about you. See, at 2 months, she contacted you because she was curious. Alright, if she text back I will just say cool and take care. I won't take the conversation any further. Link to post Share on other sites
jamili Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 Alright, if she text back I will just say cool and take care. I won't take the conversation any further. Now that i think about it, you said she blocked you right? So she probably didnt even get the message at all anyways. So, that worked out in your favor. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 Alright, if she text back I will just say cool and take care. I won't take the conversation any further. That's a good idea. Think of it this way. Something happened in her town, and she didn't contact you about it. So why contact her? It makes no sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenheart199 Posted April 16, 2017 Author Share Posted April 16, 2017 Now that i think about it, you said she blocked you right? So she probably didnt even get the message at all anyways. So, that worked out in your favor. She just blocked me on whatsapp. She didn't block me on IG and Facebook. So, I texted her on Facebook. Big problem now it that she read my message, but didn't answer to that. She left me on read. Now I realize that it was so wrong to text her. I started stalking her again because of this. I really need help now. What should I do to get the situation in my hand again? It was going so well and everything just feel like fell apart. Also, her bday is on 24th April. I think I should not wish her. Suggest me what to do next and what to do about her bday. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenheart199 Posted April 16, 2017 Author Share Posted April 16, 2017 I want to take a minute to thank everyone single one of you who helped me in this hard time. I really really really appreciate that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 She just blocked me on whatsapp. She didn't block me on IG and Facebook. So, I texted her on Facebook. Big problem now it that she read my message, but didn't answer to that. She left me on read. Now I realize that it was so wrong to text her. I started stalking her again because of this. I really need help now. What should I do to get the situation in my hand again? It was going so well and everything just feel like fell apart. Also, her bday is on 24th April. I think I should not wish her. Suggest me what to do next and what to do about her bday. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/620326-everything-you-need-know-about-exes-let-s-discuss-7.html#post7287276 read this Link to post Share on other sites
Bromeo Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 She just blocked me on whatsapp. She didn't block me on IG and Facebook. So, I texted her on Facebook. Big problem now it that she read my message, but didn't answer to that. She left me on read. Now I realize that it was so wrong to text her. I started stalking her again because of this. I really need help now. What should I do to get the situation in my hand again? It was going so well and everything just feel like fell apart. Also, her bday is on 24th April. I think I should not wish her. Suggest me what to do next and what to do about her bday. What you have to is love yourself, and want to feel better more than you love her. When that happens, you will go nc and really begin to heal. It sucks, and you will what if yourself to death, but you will heal. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted April 17, 2017 Share Posted April 17, 2017 She just blocked me on whatsapp. She didn't block me on IG and Facebook. So, I texted her on Facebook. Big problem now it that she read my message, but didn't answer to that. She left me on read. Now I realize that it was so wrong to text her. I started stalking her again because of this. I really need help now. What should I do to get the situation in my hand again? It was going so well and everything just feel like fell apart. Also, her bday is on 24th April. I think I should not wish her. Suggest me what to do next and what to do about her bday. Sometimes you have to make a mistake to learn. Just don't make it a habit. You've learned from your mistake, so you know not to contact her again. I would suggest you commit to NC, which includes blocking her on all social media platforms and her phone number. That's the only way forward at this point. The only other option is to keep on in this cycle of checking her social media. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenheart199 Posted May 8, 2017 Author Share Posted May 8, 2017 Hi Guys, I thought should update everyone. It has been 3 months since the breakup. She contacted me once saying hi which you guys know and I didn't contact her back. After that I texted her few days after if she is okay, but she didn't text me back. That was like 1 month ago. Let's talk about whats going on now. I am missing her so much for last few days. I am not sure if I should text her or not. For past few days, every small thing is reminding me of her. I really need a advice. Should I text her? It has been 3 months now. If not when should I contact her. I don't think so she will ever contact me again because I didn't text her back. So, should I text her? or How can I make her text me? Like what should I do at this point. I haven't moved on yet. Although, I am not in as bad condition as I was 3 months ago, but she is still love of my life. Please, suggest me to get through this. Thank you so much for all of your efforts and help. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
jamili Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 Hi Guys, I thought should update everyone. It has been 3 months since the breakup. She contacted me once saying hi which you guys know and I didn't contact her back. After that I texted her few days after if she is okay, but she didn't text me back. That was like 1 month ago. Let's talk about whats going on now. I am missing her so much for last few days. I am not sure if I should text her or not. For past few days, every small thing is reminding me of her. I really need a advice. Should I text her? It has been 3 months now. If not when should I contact her. I don't think so she will ever contact me again because I didn't text her back. So, should I text her? or How can I make her text me? Like what should I do at this point. I haven't moved on yet. Although, I am not in as bad condition as I was 3 months ago, but she is still love of my life. Please, suggest me to get through this. Thank you so much for all of your efforts and help. Thank you! 3 months is still the veryyyyy early stages of your healing process, so its normal to be feeling this way. To answer your question: you should never contact her, for the rest of your life. And you should ignore her forever too, UNLESS she starts coming back in which case it will be more than "hi". You shouldnt have written back to that, btw, not even a few days later. Sheknows now that she can get you to text her by fishing around and that really loses you even more points. You have to be a GHOST man, as if you are dead and she cant get you to respond. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 How old are you two ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenheart199 Posted May 14, 2017 Author Share Posted May 14, 2017 How old are you two ? We both are 21. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenheart199 Posted May 14, 2017 Author Share Posted May 14, 2017 I am thinking that I should send her Hi and if she answer me back then see what happens if not then I will never contact her ever again. Right now I am in the stage where I am thinking like what if I move on and she come back to me. I have so many presents that she gave me I can't get rid of all of them they are so many. I am not sure what to do. I want her back. How can I get her back? Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 You can't. Time to accept it, as hard as that is. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 I am thinking that I should send her Hi and if she answer me back then see what happens if not then I will never contact her ever again. Right now I am in the stage where I am thinking like what if I move on and she come back to me. I have so many presents that she gave me I can't get rid of all of them they are so many. I am not sure what to do. I want her back. How can I get her back? You can't win someone back. It has to come from them. Usually, the harder you push, the more they pull away. It's tough for the first 3 months at least. That's a tough part of NC, and you really just have to power through it because you are going to feel bad. The thing to remember is that contacting her doesn't help you. It might make you feel better for a day or so, but, after that, you are going to go right back to feeling crummy. The only way to move on is to move forward and not contact her. Are you still looking at her social media? Link to post Share on other sites
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