RavishingTemptress Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 (edited) I've been out of the dating game for ages. Met someone and we have all the same interests. I believe this was two weeks ago? We've seen each other four times. One was a group gathering and two were at his place to watch a movie. (We are in our 40s.) I know I have kind of closed off body language and I'm not very "touchy," and I am working on that. However, there has been no romance at all. I've just had hugs from him, although the last one was a pretty long hug. He knows I haven't been with anyone for a long time, and he's a few years out of a rough divorce. It's good to take it slow. However, after the FOURTH time, I feel like that window has closed now? It's also true that both times I left almost immediately after we watched a movie; I'm shy. He seems reserved. He's not someone I want to lose from my life because I'm so grateful to meet someone who has the same obscure interests as me and we have plans going out a ways. I'm so glad I met him. I got felt electricity with the last hug, but I'm thinking it's time to shut down that side of me and move on to a good friendship? Despite my age, I feel inexperienced (just a few relationships and a long time ago) and I don't really understand how this works. But if it's not moving along, I want to change the way I think so I don't get hurt. I can't really understand how he operates. TBH, I've only been out with guys who are handsy before (usually end of first date) so this is throwing me off a lot. I would have liked to have a sexual relationship, as I am attracted to him, but I feel like it's been too long. I'm not sure if he's being a gentleman, or if it's a friendship now. Edited April 7, 2017 by RavishingTemptress
smackie9 Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 IMO a man that is looking for romance and something solid wouldn't be having hang outs at his place, he would be wining and dining you...holding hands, touching you, letting things build before inviting you to stay the night. I have a feeling he's just looking for sex, but is finding you too closed off and not getting you into the sac like he was hoping..... To get you up to date, Netflexing and chill means having sex.
Author RavishingTemptress Posted April 7, 2017 Author Posted April 7, 2017 IMO a man that is looking for romance and something solid wouldn't be having hang outs at his place, he would be wining and dining you...holding hands, touching you, letting things build before inviting you to stay the night. I have a feeling he's just looking for sex, but is finding you too closed off and not getting you into the sac like he was hoping..... To get you up to date, Netflexing and chill means having sex. With another guy I'd think that. But he's very intellectual and I kind of am too (I'm not as sophisticated as him. He's a guy who goes to the symphony for FUN.) So our movies are more art-house movies that we both like, but not many other people like. I've been pumped about his rare movie collection. So it's been, "Woah, I have someone to discuss this now!" Instead of, "Let's just poke around Netflix and watch something." Also, he cooked me dinner. I'm not sure that means anything. At first I thought it did, but now with him, I don't know.
Jiveballer Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 Seems like you don't know him very well despite your common interests. Is he introverted or shy, which, coupled with your body language, could be holding him back? Maybe he's asexual to some degree? Do you have mutual friends you can seek the advice of if you can't bring yourself to talk directly to him about it? I don't think that two weeks is a very long time in terms of developing a physical relationship, and I'm a "mature" (old) dude. I also think you should be willing to make a move on him if that's how you feel for him. Next time you hug, try a little kiss and see what happens. 1
coolheadal Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 With another guy I'd think that. But he's very intellectual and I kind of am too (I'm not as sophisticated as him. He's a guy who goes to the symphony for FUN.) So our movies are more art-house movies that we both like, but not many other people like. I've been pumped about his rare movie collection. So it's been, "Woah, I have someone to discuss this now!" Instead of, "Let's just poke around Netflix and watch something." Also, he cooked me dinner. I'm not sure that means anything. At first I thought it did, but now with him, I don't know. I bring them to my house, and cook them a better meal then you can get dining out. Then watch a movie here. Nothing up my sleeve just a huge smile and affection. Romance and a good night sitting on my sofa/couch. In the dark listening to my True 7.1 HD Surround Sound coming from all directions in 8 speakers. That's what I call a interesting time. I don't do Netflix no need anymore. But he's being nice too you also. Enjoy this because guys like him and me don't come around too often. 4
Author RavishingTemptress Posted April 7, 2017 Author Posted April 7, 2017 Seems like you don't know him very well despite your common interests. Is he introverted or shy, which, coupled with your body language, could be holding him back? Maybe he's asexual to some degree? Do you have mutual friends you can seek the advice of if you can't bring yourself to talk directly to him about it? I don't think that two weeks is a very long time in terms of developing a physical relationship, and I'm a "mature" (old) dude. I also think you should be willing to make a move on him if that's how you feel for him. Next time you hug, try a little kiss and see what happens. I think he's one of those guys who really has to get into someone's mind to be attracted to her. It seems like we haven't talked as much as I would like to. Watching a movie isn't a lot of time to talk. That might be some of the hold up. It just seems like I come on here and people are having sex by the third date; so I feel like this guy is an odd duck and I can't understand what's going on in there. I haven't met a guy like this before. 1
KBarletta Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 IMO, as a 40-ish guy, if he is attracted to you, the "window" never really closes, he just may be one of those guys who takes time to get around to the physical part of things especially because he's been hurt in the recent past. I am kind of that way, been through a divorce, dated off and on for the past year or so and now am with a woman I really like but am deliberately taking it slow because it's been a while and I am trying to build something real and make sure I don't screw up and turn it into a one-night stand or something that doesn't last. That may not be the best way to go, but it's working for me at the moment. I'm only speaking for myself, but I need a woman to give me some physical clues before I just make a move, so if you are able, maybe start with a little touching, get close to him, make sure he knows that you are open to something happening, then if he doesn't do anything, try giving him a little kiss the next time you hug goodnight and see how he reacts. If he is receptive, then you should be good to go. If not, you have your answer then, too. Either way, I'd suggest taking a little bit of initiative and giving him some physical clues. Sometimes guys like this (or like he sounds) need a little encouragement, especially if they've been out of the game a while and their confidence may be lacking. 8
Author RavishingTemptress Posted April 7, 2017 Author Posted April 7, 2017 IMO, as a 40-ish guy, if he is attracted to you, the "window" never really closes, he just may be one of those guys who takes time to get around to the physical part of things especially because he's been hurt in the recent past. I am kind of that way, been through a divorce, dated off and on for the past year or so and now am with a woman I really like but am deliberately taking it slow because it's been a while and I am trying to build something real and make sure I don't screw up and turn it into a one-night stand or something that doesn't last. That may not be the best way to go, but it's working for me at the moment. I'm only speaking for myself, but I need a woman to give me some physical clues before I just make a move, so if you are able, maybe start with a little touching, get close to him, make sure he knows that you are open to something happening, then if he doesn't do anything, try giving him a little kiss the next time you hug goodnight and see how he reacts. If he is receptive, then you should be good to go. If not, you have your answer then, too. Either way, I'd suggest taking a little bit of initiative and giving him some physical clues. Sometimes guys like this (or like he sounds) need a little encouragement, especially if they've been out of the game a while and their confidence may be lacking. Good advice. He's MUCH taller than me so I thought about giving him a quick kiss, but it hasn't quite worked that way yet, ha ha. I'm going to try touching him more.
CloudyHead Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 I agree with KBarletta in the sense that if he is looking for something to last, he may not rush sex. I'm in my 40's. I actually asked the guy I am seeing if he was interested in sex at all when we first started dating as he didn't seem to be. He responded that he was looking for a relationship that was not based on sex as he had done that in the past. Once our relationship became more serious, we had sex more often. Just ask him . . . 1
rushed Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 When me and my guy started dating (we're both 42), we didn't have sex until some time after 5 dates (I only remember because I remember telling my girlfriends that we'd be out 5 times already but hadn't had sex yet). If he keeps asking you out, I say he's interested and to just enjoy your time with him. They physical intimacy will come when you're both ready.
OatsAndHall Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 I'm only speaking for myself, but I need a woman to give me some physical clues before I just make a move, so if you are able, maybe start with a little touching, get close to him, make sure he knows that you are open to something happening, then if he doesn't do anything, try giving him a little kiss the next time you hug goodnight and see how he reacts. If he is receptive, then you should be good to go. If not, you have your answer then, too. Either way, I'd suggest taking a little bit of initiative and giving him some physical clues. I'm the same way. I will initiate holding hands, hugging, etc.. But I want to feel some reciprocity before I move things forward by kissing a woman. So, I would suggest that you initiate more physical contact with the guy: grab a hold of his hand, put your hands around his waist, rub his back, kiss him on the cheek, etc.. It's a pretty awkward feeling when you have a few good dates with a woman and then have them turn their cheek to you when you try to give the a little kiss. It's happened to me a few times and I just walk away feeling like creepy..
act00 Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 I'm going to agree with the group in that you have to give out the signals. You have to initiate some of the touching, closeness. When you're watching the movie, do you snuggle up against him and maybe put your head on his shoulder, put your hand on his thigh, hold his hand, or anything? You could push this forward by extending yourself a little.
reeseyummy Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 I can relate to this... I just am not that comfortable with physical intimacy. And I certainly don't know how to "give the hint". I find guys think girls are cute with they tug their sleeve and say "walk slower", but I don't know if that counts as a green light though... I'm too shy to put my head on his shoulder during a movie. All I can do is to walk really close, and sort of point at stuff for him to see.. gosh I'm really bad at this. haha Any good advice about how to give the green light?
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