Sango118 Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 It's been over a month since my partner of several years broke up with me. He's changed as a person afterwards; partying a lot, drinking more, different social media habits and the way he acts in general. He's a completely different person. I miss the person that he was towards everyone when we were together. it's like that person had died and has been replaced. I also wonder if he ever thinks about me when he's got this new very busy schedule. Do dumpers ever think about their exes at all? especially ones that they've spent many years with?
stillafool Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 Not really because they have already move on emotionally before they break up with you. They usually feel free if they haven't already started to see someone else. 1
keiji Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 Do dumpers ever think about their exes at all? especially ones that they've spent many years with? Try to remember how you felt when you dumped someone in the past, if you ever did it. I doubt they forget us completely, but that doesn't mean anything for the dumpee.
Bromeo Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 This type of thinking will lead to additional pain. While I loathe to say, the redpill community actually has direct, solid advice, saying: This person should be considered dead to you. Whether or not they think of you is of no concern, and the only direction is forward. I did the same thing, and it hurt for months. Now its a stab once a week or so. But, she is dead to me. Be safe. 1
EmilyJane Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 (edited) I think about the partner I left two months ago every day. I've only just stopped crying. It was a horribly hard thing to do and I miss him. However I broke up with him for a good reason and that reason still remains. So I don't contact him or try to see him. There is no such thing as a "dumper", this borderline sociopathic type touted on here. Thst is an overly simplistic and emotionally immature concept. Especially when discussing committed partner ships of several years duration. Attempts to do so alleviate the need of the person who was left to take responsibility for their role in the break down of the relationship and thus reduce the pain. Relationship break downs are rarely if ever one sided, the fault all on one partner. Just as every person is different so is every relationship and every break up. If your ex felt nothing he would not need to go to such lengths to fill up his life and appear on social media that he is doing fine. It takes time to heal from a relationship break down regardless of if you're the one who pulled the trigger or not. Edited April 7, 2017 by EmilyJane 2
Bromeo Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 I think about the partner I left two months ago every day. I've only just stopped crying. It was a horribly hard thing to do and I miss him. However I broke up with him for a good reason and that reason still remains. So I don't contact him or try to see him. There is no such thing as a "dumper". Thst is an overly simplistic and emotionally immature concept. Especially when discussing committed partner ships of several years duration. Just as every person is different so is every relationship and every break up. If your ex felt nothing he would not need to go to such lengths to fill up his life and appear on social media that he is doing fine. It takes time to heal from a relationship break down regardless of if you're the one who pulled the trigger or not. There is very much a thing called the dumper. It is the person that chose to walk away from the relationship, whether for good reason or not. There is nothing immature about it. What is immature is how the breakup is handled, often with zero communication, breadcrumbs, or similar nonsense, else we, the dumpees wouldn't be here, soliciting advice from the greater LS community. 2
keiji Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 There is no such thing as a "dumper", this borderline sociopathic type touted on here. Thst is an overly simplistic and emotionally immature concept. Especially when discussing committed partner ships of several years duration. Attempts to do so alleviate the need of the person who was left to take responsibility for their role in the break down of the relationship and thus reduce the pain. Relationship break downs are rarely if ever one sided, the fault all on one partner. The decision to end the relationship is very often one-sided and, therefore, there is such thing as a "dumper". It's empirical. That doesn't mean that both parties didn't contribute to the death of the relationship, though. Also, dumpees may put most of the blame on dumpers when they're still hurting, as we've all seen here, but dumpers usually hold dumpees responsible of their own final decision, which is not always fair, particularly when they do it to justify and/or hide less than praiseworthy actions. 1
Bromeo Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 The decision to end the relationship is very often one-sided and, therefore, there is such thing as a "dumper". It's empirical. That doesn't mean that both parties didn't contribute to the death of the relationship, though. Also, dumpees may put most of the blame on dumpers when they're still hurting, as we've all seen here, but dumpers usually hold dumpees responsible of their final decision, which is not always fair, particularly when they do it to justify and/or hide less than praiseworthy actions. This made me smile. I'd love in another life to hear how mine justified some of her bs. Maybe because after two years together, I didn't understand her ghosting me and I wouldn't "just go away". LOL 3
keiji Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 This made me smile. I'd love in another life to hear how mine justified some of her bs. Maybe because after two years together, I didn't understand her ghosting me and I wouldn't "just go away". LOL Well, mine cheated on me and left without ever looking back "because I'm a difficult person". Apparently, she realized this overnight after 9 years of relationship and seven living together. Some people would be hilarious if their actions didn't have devastating outcomes 2
Bromeo Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 Some people would be hilarious if their actions didn't have devastating outcomes Agreed. I look back and wonder why I put up with all that bs. One joke I frequently make is out of all the stable, professional, intelligent, beautiful women I've dated, boogerface is who I spent my time with. That makes me smile. lol
airborne3502 Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 dumpers usually hold dumpees responsible of their own final decision, which is not always fair, particularly when they do it to justify and/or hide less than praiseworthy actions. That is exactly what I feel happened to me. Especially the not always fair part. 1
Altair0770 Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 My first NC that involved me just not contacting my ex but keeping tabs on her, she ended up worse than me after 1-2 months of not talking to her. Came back and pulled her out of her own hell. Then she got so happy to have me back in her life that she felt she could move on to someone else. Doesn't matter if they think of you or not. Maybe they're crying their eyes out. Maybe they're regretting their decision. It doesn't matter, and is not your concern anymore. It only matters if they come back looking for reconciliation. As far as dumper vs dumpee... it's hard to say. Some people deserve to be dumped because they were the problem (Cheating, abuse, laziness, ect). Then there are the cases where the dumper doesn't lift a finger to make a relationship work because they hit a rough patch. There's no other word I'd use besides dumper in that situation because they commonly treat their dumpee like they are disposable garbage because the dumper wasn't willing at all to make a relationship work.
preraph Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 It just depends on the situation. But thinking of you doesn't mean they are thinking they want to get back together with you. If that were the case, they would simply contact you and say they made a mistake. Most dumpers are relieved to break up, but there are a few who do it rashly in the heat of an argument and then regret it.
Altair0770 Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 OP, just a friendly tip - don't follow what you're ex is doing. Nothing good will come out of it
Maldives Posted April 8, 2017 Posted April 8, 2017 I think about the partner I left two months ago every day. I've only just stopped crying. It was a horribly hard thing to do and I miss him. However I broke up with him for a good reason and that reason still remains. So I don't contact him or try to see him. There is no such thing as a "dumper", this borderline sociopathic type touted on here. Thst is an overly simplistic and emotionally immature concept. Especially when discussing committed partner ships of several years duration. Attempts to do so alleviate the need of the person who was left to take responsibility for their role in the break down of the relationship and thus reduce the pain. Relationship break downs are rarely if ever one sided, the fault all on one partner. Just as every person is different so is every relationship and every break up. If your ex felt nothing he would not need to go to such lengths to fill up his life and appear on social media that he is doing fine. It takes time to heal from a relationship break down regardless of if you're the one who pulled the trigger or not. Man i worship u Ms Emily jane brilliant advice as usual 1
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