swim808 Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 After a mutual breakup because I was moving about 6 months ago, my ex and I have started to be in contact again. At the time of the breakup, we both still really liked each other and discussed getting together again in the future if that ever became a possibility. However, a lot of drama happened between then and now and I don't know if that's still the case. I still have feelings for him and although he’s said he still cares about me, it’s unclear to me if it’s as a friend or as more. Yesterday we video chatted in the morning for about an hour and I was super nervous because it was the first time we’ve communicated outside of texting since the breakup. A few things I noticed: 1. His roommate was there…inhibiting any private conversation. I’m guessing that was on purpose to keep it pretty casual but I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad sign. 2. He asked me if I’ve met any cute guys where I am. Totally threw me for a loop that he just straight up asked it. I’m not sure whether to interpret it as he was scoping out if I’m moving on and trying to see other people, or if he was trying to make sure I knew he wouldn’t care that much if I was because he has moved on. I just completely ignored the question and made it clear that it made me uncomfortable. I just didn't know how to respond. 3. He was telling me about the place he’s moving to in a few months which is somewhere I’ve always wanted to visit, and he suggested I visit him there. Not sure if that was just a joke or a serious invitation. 4. At the end of the conversation, he told me he’d just be chilling all night so I could text him if I wanted, but then when I did afterwards he was just answering with pretty short responses and not doing much to keep conversation going so I gave up. I just don’t know why he would say that if he didn’t want to text? He also told me I should text him on Sunday and now I'm not sure if I actually should or not? 5. He told me in a text the other day that he’s glad we’re friends. Not sure if that was meant to be a very clear friendzone, or if he was just trying to say he’s glad we’re talking again (because we were NC for almost 4 months). In the past I had problems with always making him initiate because it was the only way I felt secure in our relationship. I know it was something that got on his nerves because it came up during the break up, so I’m trying to be better about it by reaching out to him more this time around. It just makes me so anxious because I can’t tell if he’s just humoring me or if he genuinely likes to hear from me. He most likely knows that I still have romantic feelings for him. What’s the move now? Keep initiating until he gets comfortable with me again or should I read the signs above as a friendzone? Also, just to clarify, I do hope that we will get back together in the future. I’m trying to read if we’re on the same page about that.
GemmaUK Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 Yes, it sounds like he is friend zoning you. He said he was glad you were friends. It would be unwise to read any further into it than that. 1
basil67 Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 You're an ex, so he can't really friendzone you. What he can do however is move on. And this is what he's doing.
todreaminblue Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 (edited) im not sure it could be either way....my ex gives me real direct signals.....for starters i have a really full house.....so he will say to me are you alone.....(sounds sort of creepy huh) i normally am but not for long..because my room has a revolving door....people flop on my bed a lot....they need to talk....i am nearly room bound....if i say no...he tells me to call when i am or he will call me back......and then its pretty much he calls back....and he will call on his mobile...i know this guy like the back of my hand ...i know his modus operandi....how he operates...how he thinks what he thinks.....he wants intimacy with me....privacy...... when i call or text its immediate answers almost as soon as he sees my message he always wants to know everything...i mean everything.....he wants to know how im feeling if im not sleeping.....what my plans are... where im going.....what i ate for dinner what i ate for breakfast....how the kids are yes we have kids....how i feel they are going what we talk about......the only real thing he doesnt show an interest in is my church...so i talk about it...alot..... he tells me he misses me......wants to see me .....cant wait to visit.....eh looks up hotels on the internet...close to me...... he calls me every day....this is how i know he is interested.....more than once....much more than once.....they are goofy phone calls quite short...silly little questions that make me laugh....he chuckles and tries to think of what to say......and i know its made up.he is inventive and funny..... his interest sadly.....is not the right interest that i need.....but .....for you have no clear cut signs......my ex and i have been friends for a very long time he was with a someone else...and i still knew him.....and i respected their relationship...i saw he was happy(or i thought he was) i left them alone as he would with me.....if i was with someone ..but i am not...and he wants me back..... if i were you be straight up ..its the only way to truly know tell him how you feel......tell him what you have been feeling and what you would like to happen be honest...he will say no or yes......i am erring on the side of friendship.....for you two......if he wanted you ..he has already had you before...the confidence he would feel ...would be more palpable than a new guy first trying to date you...in my experience as you can see...they go for it.....and they do so quickly....if you are single.....i have god on my side though keeping me honest.........and god is keeping him quite broke.....smilin...look i love the guy..truly care.......he is the father of my kids....and i care for him...want him to be happy ... I do forgive him for all the crap .in fact i feel bad fro him when i brign i tup as i hav elately on loveshack..it doesn tfeel right and im stopping.......but i can not forget...and im different now.....i think i deserve a guy who would marry me.....not just use me.....and i dont feel strong enough yet to have that talk with him....because i know he will admit....his intentions are purely sexual and it will hurt me......make me feel worthless all over again.....the talk needs to be had before he comes up here.....eh needs to see his girls not me..... exes are normally exes for a reason ...search your heart and then be honest with him,......good luck...deb Edited April 7, 2017 by todreaminblue
ExpatInItaly Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 What was the drama that happened between the breakup and now?
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