Ex has resurfaced after breaking up nearly 2 years ago.

[Mattyt]

Hey guys, long time reader (started dissing the forums around my time of breakup nearly 2 years ago) first post!

I'll try and keep this as short as I can.

Nearly 2 years ago my ex and myself called it off after 7 years together. At that time she was 27, I was 26.

She couldn't really go be me an answer as to why she initiated it but I nailed it down to GIGS. Even if there isn't a so called gigs, she was hoping to find something better I believe.

This hit me hard, probably harder than it should have and it took me a long time to get over, in the past 2 years I have spoken to her maybe 4 or 5 times, the most recent befor our run in at her mums funeral.

In the past couple years I have worked on myself something shocking, I have done a complete 180 and am twice the man I once was, if I could even call myself a man back then. And I am over our breakup and have dated a handful of women in that time.

 

Last week I ran into her, unintentionally, for the first time in a year. I asked her to stick around with me and my friends for a casual drink, which she didn't even hesitate to say yes to. After catching up on things that are happening in each others lives, she then spilt the beans and told me how unhappy she is with life in general and her new partner (which I and a lot of people around us assume that he is only with her for visa purposes). This went on for quite a bit and it almost sounded scripted, like she has been wanting to tell me for a while.

I ended up giving her a ride home, that's when she said to me directly, "you can laugh at me now but I made a big mistake" in regards to ending our relationship. She then proceeded to send me a few Facebook messages after I had dropped her off. Now from where I am standing it looks like she wanted me to give her a reaction to which I didn't. I'm not sure if she is going to reach out again, one part of me wants her too and the other part is not too sure. I'm not sure what she was hoping to get out of all of this, but I read that in a lot of cases they usually own up to their mistake. And in this case she has. Any input would be great.

[jamili]

Hey guys, long time reader (started dissing the forums around my time of breakup nearly 2 years ago) first post!

I'll try and keep this as short as I can.

Nearly 2 years ago my ex and myself called it off after 7 years together. At that time she was 27, I was 26.

She couldn't really go be me an answer as to why she initiated it but I nailed it down to GIGS. Even if there isn't a so called gigs, she was hoping to find something better I believe.

This hit me hard, probably harder than it should have and it took me a long time to get over, in the past 2 years I have spoken to her maybe 4 or 5 times, the most recent befor our run in at her mums funeral.

In the past couple years I have worked on myself something shocking, I have done a complete 180 and am twice the man I once was, if I could even call myself a man back then. And I am over our breakup and have dated a handful of women in that time.

 

Last week I ran into her, unintentionally, for the first time in a year. I asked her to stick around with me and my friends for a casual drink, which she didn't even hesitate to say yes to. After catching up on things that are happening in each others lives, she then spilt the beans and told me how unhappy she is with life in general and her new partner (which I and a lot of people around us assume that he is only with her for visa purposes). This went on for quite a bit and it almost sounded scripted, like she has been wanting to tell me for a while.

I ended up giving her a ride home, that's when she said to me directly, "you can laugh at me now but I made a big mistake" in regards to ending our relationship. She then proceeded to send me a few Facebook messages after I had dropped her off. Now from where I am standing it looks like she wanted me to give her a reaction to which I didn't. I'm not sure if she is going to reach out again, one part of me wants her too and the other part is not too sure. I'm not sure what she was hoping to get out of all of this, but I read that in a lot of cases they usually own up to their mistake. And in this case she has. Any input would be great.

 

Awesome! This is good! Sounds like you both grew. Honestly, 2 years of separation and growing.. a lot can change. What didn't work out the first time, could be fixed by now. Any negative feelings from the breakup, are surely all gone now. I would say, if you both wanted it, giving it another go wouldn't be a bad idea. However, she's currently with someone - right? So it's going to have to be her move on that one.

[Pumpingiron34]

Call jet blue book a flight to panama, throw your social devices in a lagoon. Run.... na honestly idk. I have a strong feeling im going to end up in your exact situation one day and it will prolly mess my head up but, right now my head is semi clear id say run. Idk handing some one a gun to shoot me twice is just crazy. Also, a good rule i invented when coming to girls in general dated or not is if the situation does not only have an A or B answer and Theres a C involved than C your way out of it. To me this is a giant C

[Marc878]

If you want this to work she has to come to you. You don't chase her!!!

 

If it were me and I wanted to see if something was there I'd call her up and say.

 

"Bring a bottle of wine and come over for dinner Friday night".

 

Don't screw around and act wishy washy. Strong men are direct and up front. Strength is attractive.

 

If she doesn't you have your answer. Don't call her back again.

 

If she's interested she'll take the bait.

[Sweetfish]

Hey guys, long time reader (started dissing the forums around my time of breakup nearly 2 years ago) first post!

I'll try and keep this as short as I can.

Nearly 2 years ago my ex and myself called it off after 7 years together. At that time she was 27, I was 26.

She couldn't really go be me an answer as to why she initiated it but I nailed it down to GIGS. Even if there isn't a so called gigs, she was hoping to find something better I believe.

This hit me hard, probably harder than it should have and it took me a long time to get over, in the past 2 years I have spoken to her maybe 4 or 5 times, the most recent befor our run in at her mums funeral.

In the past couple years I have worked on myself something shocking, I have done a complete 180 and am twice the man I once was, if I could even call myself a man back then. And I am over our breakup and have dated a handful of women in that time.

 

Last week I ran into her, unintentionally, for the first time in a year. I asked her to stick around with me and my friends for a casual drink, which she didn't even hesitate to say yes to. After catching up on things that are happening in each others lives, she then spilt the beans and told me how unhappy she is with life in general and her new partner (which I and a lot of people around us assume that he is only with her for visa purposes). This went on for quite a bit and it almost sounded scripted, like she has been wanting to tell me for a while.

I ended up giving her a ride home, that's when she said to me directly, "you can laugh at me now but I made a big mistake" in regards to ending our relationship. She then proceeded to send me a few Facebook messages after I had dropped her off. Now from where I am standing it looks like she wanted me to give her a reaction to which I didn't. I'm not sure if she is going to reach out again, one part of me wants her too and the other part is not too sure. I'm not sure what she was hoping to get out of all of this, but I read that in a lot of cases they usually own up to their mistake. And in this case she has. Any input would be great.

 

 

You have to come to term with a reality and here is this reality... After 7 years another man came along and caught her attention and she left you.

Its hard to give input because you have not confirm to us as readers if she is still with this man, because if she is, she is monkey branching.

Now your entertaining her and driving her home and it really should be the reverse...

[Mattyt]

She started seeing this guy probably 3-4 months after we split. And she is still seeing him but hates the situation she is in, that's why I think it's best I don't contact her and if she contacts me then I go from there. I only offered to drive her home because it was dark and she'd have to walk 15 mins thru 2 parks, otherwise I would have let her walk.

[Sweetfish]

She started seeing this guy probably 3-4 months after we split. And she is still seeing him but hates the situation she is in, that's why I think it's best I don't contact her and if she contacts me then I go from there. I only offered to drive her home because it was dark and she'd have to walk 15 mins thru 2 parks, otherwise I would have let her walk.

 

 

Well, she hates the situation she is in...but she left you with no problems.

Nothing is keeping her from being with him...other than her.

[Altair0770]

If you want this to work she has to come to you. You don't chase her!!!

 

If it were me and I wanted to see if something was there I'd call her up and say.

 

"Bring a bottle of wine and come over for dinner Friday night".

 

Don't screw around and act wishy washy. Strong men are direct and up front. Strength is attractive.

 

If she doesn't you have your answer. Don't call her back again.

 

If she's interested she'll take the bait.

 

God damn Hunk what have you started??? :laugh:

 

I'd do the same probably. She owned up to her mistake. Ask her for drinks one night. Catch up. Whatever you do don't become a beta that talks on the phone for hours. Attract her in person, not with words. She obviously has regrets about leaving you.

 

You say you talked to her 4 or 5 times. How spread out were those times?

 

I'd also probably avoid her completely. Being a rebound is likely worse than being dumped. Not saying it'd be the case, but I wouldn't take chances. Just something to watch out for.

[Mattyt]

Probably 3 times in the 2 months after breakup stage, then twice in 10 months, including the time last week.

[EmilyJane]

She got GIGS in her relationship with you and now she's got GIGS in her relationship with the new guy.

 

That's a pattern.

[Mattyt]

Also I wished her best friend a happy birthday and she replied with dinner and drinks soon? I am tipping she wants to play messenger....

[Mattyt]

She got GIGS in her relationship with you and now she's got GIGS in her relationship with the new guy.

 

That's a pattern.

 

I don't think that's the case, I think she has realised the grass is definitely not greener.

[EmilyJane]

Guys are so naive.

 

If this was a genuine attempt to apologise and make amends she'd be doing it when single.

 

She's using you as an emotional parachute for safely exiting the current relationship.

 

While she might be genuinely regretful, there's a definite ulterior motive.

[Bromeo]

Well, she hates the situation she is in...but she left you with no problems.

Nothing is keeping her from being with him...other than her.

 

Usually sweet is pretty much on point. I didn't listen, and wish I had.

 

This time he is too.

[Maldives]

Guys are so naive.

 

If this was a genuine attempt to apologise and make amends she'd be doing it when single.

 

She's using you as an emotional parachute for safely exiting the current relationship.

 

While she might be genuinely regretful, there's a definite ulterior motive.

 

I love ur honesty about woman it's an eye opener and beli3ve me this dude really listens here

[Bromeo]

Also I wished her best friend a happy birthday and she replied with dinner and drinks soon? I am tipping she wants to play messenger....

 

No. No. No. No. No.

 

Matt, you do what you want, but you are setting yourself up for heartache again.

 

Whatever her reasoning is, if I read the OP correctly, she wanted greener pastures. Let her find them.

 

Imagine conversations about what transpired while you all were apart.

 

Its not the job of the dumpee to court the dumper, despite what a recent post said to the contrary.

 

If you choose to return to a relationship, just protect yourself and your feelings. Two years is a very long time to be apart.

[Mattyt]

I don't know what I'll do, until the time comes, if it comes. I have the feeling I will hear from her but if I don't, no biggie.

[Mattyt]

I don't know what I'll do, until the time comes, if it comes. I have the feeling I will hear from her but if I don't, no biggie.