DoubleAJ Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 I'll break this down as simply as possible but have had a lot on my mind so some help would be really appreciated. In August last year i met a girl, we started dating things were going great, really happy. it got to december & we talked about living together i'm 32, she is 28. i was happy with that because we got on really well. Then we found out she was pregnant. at the time she said "you are the man, make the decision for us (to abort or keep). I said it was unfair to put it all on me, but i said one day i want kids with you, but right now i feel like we should enjoy each other's company. She didn't speak to me for a week, then called me and said i'm having our baby it's upto you whether you want to be with me. Obviously i love my girl & respected her decision so i said of course i'm right here. A week later & she decides she wants to move back to south america so she can be close to her family for when baby arrives so we will have help ( understandable) So end of Jan we moved & are living with her mum & dad. Here is where it's complicated... She still hasn't told her parents she is pregnant, it's almost 5 months now pregnant and she says she is scared to tell them because i don't have a job and we live with her parents. The reason i don't have a job is because i don't speak spanish, i had a good job before but gave it up to follow this life raising a baby with my girl. She keeps involving me in the lies she tells when we have to go appointments for the baby because she is working for her parents. & i hate it because i don't like lying at all & i have to lie to my parents when they ask me if her parents are excited for the baby coming. We keep getting in arguments because i think we should tell them & she won't. I said it's going to be so obvious soon when she starts showing & then what?... on top of this, i am self learning spanish which is very difficult, and i keep telling her if i learn spanish quickly i can get a job and earn money and support us. But she keeps finding reasons for me not to study , like expenses & she needs my help at her parents shop where she works. i am getting very frustrated, because i am constantly trying to make the best of this situation for us and our baby but i feel like she is trying to hold me back and i don't know why. If anyone has any tips for me of any perspective i would appreciate it
DrReplyInRhymes Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 To me it's simple. She wants to move to South America with you and her upcoming baby. Regardless of if you love her or not, you have a decision to make. Go with her, or stay. What do you want to do? 1
Author DoubleAJ Posted April 6, 2017 Author Posted April 6, 2017 perhaps i should of been more clear, i did move with her here to South America at the end of January
DrReplyInRhymes Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 Oh, neat. I should have read that more carefully.
kidm Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 Seems like you made a rush decision without thinking it through. I don't get how she moved to be closer with her parents so they can help with the baby but 1) her parents don't know she is pregnant and 2) she was only about a month pregnant when you moved? Why the rush? What was your girlfriend's status in the U.S. (assuming you were the U.S.)? Do you know? Something seems off with the whole situation. Are you sure you are the father? You would think she would want a man who can support her and the baby once he/she arrives but it looks like she wants you to be dependent on her and her family indefinitely. Weird. You need to grow a backbone, put your foot down and set a time to let her parents know. If you plan on staying in the country, you should take serious steps to learn the language so you can find a job. What is your immigration status there? Also do you know what your parental rights would be if things go awry once the child is born? 1
Author DoubleAJ Posted April 6, 2017 Author Posted April 6, 2017 i made a rush decision based on that if i am to have a child in this world i would be there with them always. It seemed sensible given that in the states we had no support system i don't have close family and couldn't afford to raise a child in states without some form of help. And she was illegal in the states, illegal before we met so also made sense to move. Am sure am father, according to conception date we were alway together on a weeks holiday and was together the whole time. I tried the whole put my foot down and she got angry and told me it's her parents and she wants to do it at the right time & she is scared at how they will react. But like i keep telling her better to tell them now so we can prepare whatever their reaction than for them to see a bulging belly and deal with it that way. i haven't got the slightest on how to start studying i found one place that speaks english on teaching spanish and they were charging a lot. which i couldn't afford, it's almost impossible to communicate when nobody here speaks english. my immigration status is i have 6 months but she said we will get married so i can stay. i got no idea on parental rights, no idea how i would find out. Everything here is very unofficial
preraph Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 She sounds crazy. You need to make your own decisions and not let her push you around. If you have to support this child, you'll have to get a job, and I don't see how you'll do that in South America with second language. Plus obviously she knows her parents are going to be very mad at her.
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