PNaw Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 Hey! Lately, I have had a problem which is very similar to problems I've had in the past. The main different is that I want to do something about this and I want to hear what you think. There is this girl I have seen in the bus since January with whom I've had long and deep eye contact with (even though most of the time I basically just looked away because of nervousness). But let's talk about me for a second. I'm 22 years old and I study chemistry in one of the more decorated schools here in my home country. I also exercise around 6 times a week. After all, I have never ever been in a relation with someone - just a consequence of me being unsocial and not having paying attention to that during my life. But lately I have sensed this lonely feeling where I just want someone to share my problems and thoughts with. Back to the "dilemma". Now, even though I have looked away the majority of the times when she looks at me, I have recognized strange things; she sits close to me in this, not next to me really but either behind or in front of me. She fixes her hair and (100% sure about this) fake coughs. But the weirdest thing, that made me confident that she actually may like me is this one time when she basically turned her back and stared at me for maybe 4-5 seconds. And what did I do? Nothing, just sat there like a retard. There was this time too, when we waited for the bus in the same bus stop and went on the bus. I was basically a foot from her and she turned her back to look at me for a second. And what did I do? Did I say hello or something? No I just waited for her to go on the bus like a retard. Now, you readers understand this hell that I'm in where my shyness prevent me from doing whats in my best interest, which is just to talk to this beautiful girl. Why am I shy? Well I'm just afraid somehow that she'll not be interested, and I don't want history to repeat itself in that sense. It's kinda funny, because unfortunately I haven't seen her in the bus for the last two weeks and even though this sounds weird, I have felt very alone and angry for not having talked to her. This loneliness and anger really makes me to do something about this. I will most likely not see her at the same bus stop again, but most definitely will I see her in the bus. Do you guys think it's creepy to write my number on a piece of paper, and just before I get out of the bus I walk to her, smile and give her the paper with my number&name on it? My plan is to do this after seeing her a couple of times in the bus to see if she is still interested. Or maybe I should just give her the piece of paper the first time I see her in the bus? This **** is killing me and affects everything else in my life such as studies and so on. And I know that this should not be this hard, especially for someone like me who is ambitious and have plans for my life.. Best thing would be to see her at the bus stop so I can initiate a conversation, but chances are not high that will happen. I have only seen her at the bus stop maybe two or three times. She goes on the bus on a different one.
basil67 Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 When she looks at you, just smile back. If she returns a smile, then you know you can go and talk with her. 2
RecentChange Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 Ahhh love on public transportation (I am laughing because meeting a man on a train was the start of my affair - trouble!) No no no, don't just slip her your number. She as looked at you, never talked to you, so that would be really award. You said she sits on the same bus as you, and then said she didn't - so does, or doesn't she? Any way, you need to muster up some courage and T A L K to her! Next time you are waiting for the bus comment on the weather, or how crowded these dang buses are, or ask her if she has been doing this commute for a long time, or tell her you love the color of her sweater - SOMETHING. Ya gotta talk to her. You could even say that you have been seeing her around, and then ask again, about her - where is she headed, is this commute new for her, is she off to work or school etc. 2
preraph Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 If you were forced to think of a solution to this situation, what would it be? You need to stop living in your head and obsessing and overthinking and make yourself get out of your comfort zone. The solution to this is so very simple. Say "Hi." If you can't do that, time to get some help for your paralyzing anxiety. If you are still a teenager, then maybe you'll mature out of it some, but really, I advise just getting help with it now so it doesn't affect your life during what should be the best and most social years when you meet people and make friends. If you don't do something, you'll still be like this at 40. So do something. Good luck. 4
d0nnivain Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 Try saying hi the next time you see her. See where it goes from there. 3
spiderowl Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 Try saying 'hi, how are you?' when you next find yourself near to her. She'll probably say 'hi' back, if nothing else. If she has looked directly at you a few times, she is not too shy. She probably think you are not interested in her. I would not give her your number without having had a conversation at least. If she does not phone you, you will not know if it is because she is not interested, because she is shy, or because she feels it is the guy's job to take the initiative and phone at first.
Sweetfish Posted April 8, 2017 Posted April 8, 2017 Try saying hi the next time you see her. See where it goes from there. OMG... please don't just say Hi and than next thing you know its awkward silence... just bring up something... just bring up a topic that hopefully she will be receptive of and your comfortable with.
Author PNaw Posted April 8, 2017 Author Posted April 8, 2017 Yeah, even though that I'm not the most social person, I know how to talk with people. Just as I mentioned, I hate it when you try to talk with a girl and she doesn't show any interest at all. Happened to me a couple of years ago and that affected me for years - in both a positive and negative way. The negative aspect was obviously that she didn't even like me at all or even wanted to have that thought for a second, but the positive aspect was that her "disinterest" for me created this anger which I used to study as a maniac during my high school years and have ambitions. I guess I will pray from now on that I'll see her at the bus stop or in the bus. As I mentioned before, I haven't seen her for weeks now. But we'll see, obviously I have stalked her on Facebook and found out that she also "runs" or "works at" this web store that sells paintings. Maybe I should give the store a call and order a painting or two just so I can meet her irl and talk to her or something.
ImComplicated Posted April 8, 2017 Posted April 8, 2017 YES it's creepy to just write down your number and hand it to a perfect stranger on the bus, whose name you don't even know! 1
curiouslysearching Posted April 8, 2017 Posted April 8, 2017 YES it's creepy to just write down your number and hand it to a perfect stranger on the bus, whose name you don't even know! Creepy as well as somewhat COMPLICATED 1
basil67 Posted April 8, 2017 Posted April 8, 2017 OMG... please don't just say Hi and than next thing you know its awkward silence... just bring up something... just bring up a topic that hopefully she will be receptive of and your comfortable with. True. If you're in her proximity, then you need further conversation. But I was imagining this happening on a crowded bus where they weren't sitting together. With the "hi" or "hey" being as you squeeze past her.
preraph Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 Your past experience will also be your future experience, but only with women who don't want to waste your time. It's much better they freeze you out right away than lead you on and let you make a fool of yourself and THEN tell you they're not interested. You have to learn that it's not always about you. Everyone has different likes and dislikes and if you sampled 100 random women in your age range, chances are that only half of them would be interested, and that's random women you're not handpicking because they're cute. It's something we all have to get used to. So say hi and if she wants to, she will then pick up the conversation. if not, you've lost nothing. Walk away and forget about it. But the problem here now is that you are overinvesting in this one you don't even know so that you feel you have a lot at stake if it fails, which it may. But the truth is you don't even know her. She could be just like your meanest bully cousin and you wouldn't know. 1
todreaminblue Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 i am at times paralyzed by shyness where i go back to being the girl who was too shy to stand in line for food.....or ask someone could i play with them i would get this lump in my throat and i couldnt speak at all i was silenced by my shyness...but what i would do ...was smile........it is what i could do an open warm smile.......and mostly people start talking to me when i do ..over the years i would give that open warm smile and my smile developed into more..........and i could stand up and speak.....lost people find me adn would find me and its me they ask for directions..... have a smile that never wavers even when you are down or shy ...smile.......one that is heart felt and true...and you will find the strength you need to speak up......might take you a while..but you arent an abused child..if you were ...you arent now..... you are a young man who can get things done...if you just open up a bit..the smile is the first place you can open up......and the place where people you dont know look first even before the eyes....is your smile...the eyes then come second.....so make that smile reach your eyes....then say.... hi... my name is pnaw i have seen you around always wanted to introduce myself....and go from there......she is as human as you....remember that....no higher no lower........deb
Author PNaw Posted April 11, 2017 Author Posted April 11, 2017 Thank you all for the replies. I will definitely try to make a move when I see her. However I have one more question, as I mentioned before I would not say that I'm the awkward type that can not follow up on a relevant conversation with a stranger. But there are some things that I feel are different when talking to someone that you "are invested into". For instance, would it be awkward in any sense to ask for a walk some other day or something provided that we have a very nice and long first conversation? Obviously I would ask for her number and not only for the "walk" and I would ask such question before dropping out of the bus or something. And again, these retarded questions are a consequence of me not talking to anyone of the opposite gender in circumstances like this for the last... what... 8-9 years maybe...
preraph Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 I want to just add in response to your recent question that you can't just ask someone to walk off with you the first time you talk. There is no way out of this except for you to start saying hi to her and seeing if a conversation eventually happens, and once it does and she seems to not mind you talking to her, then you can ask her to walk or whatever.
Author PNaw Posted June 11, 2017 Author Posted June 11, 2017 Hey! Been too busy too lately with studies. But actually things happened for a couple of weeks ago. I contacted this little web-business that she works at and surely it turned out it was her number. I met her, bought a painting from her and even complimented her look. A couple of days after that, I met her on the bus and smiled, and she actually smiled back. What can I say, nothing about me meeting her was that awkward. Now I regret that I never approached her before... Question is what I should do next. I will probably never take the bus no more now that I basically have no studies. I could buy a new painting, or just send her a text. Sending a text would be awkward af, right? I only talked to her once, however there may be interest from her? Help me here pls. And again, thanks for the help before. It really made me acknowledge the fact that it really is not that scary talking to someone....
LivingWaterPlease Posted June 11, 2017 Posted June 11, 2017 You've bought a painting from her and there are more paintings where she works. Why not go in and just look at the paintings and discuss them with her? Before you go, though, find out where there are paintings on public display (museum, gallery, etc.) and then while you're discussing the paintings at her place of business if things seem to be going well you can: 1. Invite her to go see the paintings at the museum or gallery or 2. Tell her about the paintings you've seen at the museum or gallery. If you do this, keep it short, just mention something about them and then you can come back another time and invite her to the museum or gallery if you need to move a little slower. You could tell her you'll meet her there just in case she isn't ready to get into a car with someone she doesn't know that well. Then afterwards you can take her for ice cream, a coke, or something if there's a place nearby you can walk to. At that time you should let her know where you work, or something else about you so that she can feel safe with you. Not sure if you live in a large or small city but if small you may know some mutual people. After that you're set for inviting her on a real date!
Author PNaw Posted June 11, 2017 Author Posted June 11, 2017 Oh, maybe I wasn't clear enough. It is a web business where you call/send an email and youll meet her or her colleagues to buy the particular painting. It'S not a store is what I'm trying to say.
LivingWaterPlease Posted June 11, 2017 Posted June 11, 2017 Oh, I get it! You can't just go in and browse around. You have to make an appointment with her to meet you? In that case why not call her and suggest having lunch, coffee or a coke nearby to wherever it is you met her to buy the painting? Just tell her you enjoyed talking with her when you bought the painting and it would be fun to visit with her a little more so would she like to grab a coke somewhere close by to where she works?
Author PNaw Posted June 11, 2017 Author Posted June 11, 2017 (edited) Oh, I get it! You can't just go in and browse around. You have to make an appointment with her to meet you? In that case why not call her and suggest having lunch, coffee or a coke nearby to wherever it is you met her to buy the painting? Just tell her you enjoyed talking with her when you bought the painting and it would be fun to visit with her a little more so would she like to grab a coke somewhere close by to where she works? Exactly, I basically have to meet her if I want to buy something. I'm planning of putting a new order this coming week, meet her and just ask her out for a lunch or something like that. We'll see how this goes I guess. I wonder however if I really have to put a order and be "political" in that sense, or maybe I should just get down to brass tacks and ask her out by calling her/texting her. I have tried the latter with other girls before and the results haven't been that good, and this is what makes me nervous. Edited June 11, 2017 by PNaw
LivingWaterPlease Posted June 11, 2017 Posted June 11, 2017 You could ask to meet with her to discuss: 1. framing of the painting you bought (if it's not framed) 2. bring swatches of the colors in a room you want to hang the painting and just ask if she can meet to see if she thinks the colors you have in there will look good with the painting, or colors from several rooms, or photographs of two or three rooms at your place to ask her where the painting should be placed, something like that, not necessarily those things but related to those things... Then again, you could just ask her for lunch or coffee or something...the simpler the better...keep us posted!
Author PNaw Posted June 12, 2017 Author Posted June 12, 2017 You could ask to meet with her to discuss: 1. framing of the painting you bought (if it's not framed) 2. bring swatches of the colors in a room you want to hang the painting and just ask if she can meet to see if she thinks the colors you have in there will look good with the painting, or colors from several rooms, or photographs of two or three rooms at your place to ask her where the painting should be placed, something like that, not necessarily those things but related to those things... Then again, you could just ask her for lunch or coffee or something...the simpler the better...keep us posted! Well, I got an email today from them and all of a sudden some witch from there wanted to meet me instead of the dimepiece I'm interested in. What should I do now? I basically have no other choice than sending her a text or giving her a call and ask her out which in itself is pretty creepy if you ask me. And again I find myself in hell again. Sometimes I wish that there was no politics involved in finding someone interesting, but thats how the world works unfortunately. Or maybe I should reply the email by suggesting to meet the dimepiece instead?
LivingWaterPlease Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 Well, I got an email today from them and all of a sudden some witch from there wanted to meet me instead of the dimepiece I'm interested in. What should I do now? I basically have no other choice than sending her a text or giving her a call and ask her out which in itself is pretty creepy if you ask me. And again I find myself in hell again. Sometimes I wish that there was no politics involved in finding someone interesting, but thats how the world works unfortunately. Or maybe I should reply the email by suggesting to meet the dimepiece instead? you lost me on witch and dimepiece...whatever does that mean?
Author PNaw Posted June 13, 2017 Author Posted June 13, 2017 you lost me on witch and dimepiece...whatever does that mean? Used those terms in frustration. Basically I sent the girl I'm interested in a message a couple of days ago saying I'm interested in making a new order. She told me that I should contact the companys email itself - not unsure if this means she likes me or not beacause I'm sure that she could place the order herself... however, I did place the order by sending the email to the company itself and someone else than the girl I like replied and would like to meet me with the painting. And I don't want this, I want to meet this dime piece I like instead. Now, I still have her number. What should I do? This is getting really silly here. But nonetheless we see progress. Feels like I should go straightforward and text the girl I like that I would like to see her again or something...
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