jonathan29 Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 Story: Her and I were madly in love. That's all I can say for the beginning. Our downfall began when I caught her flirting with a guy she used to have a crush on. I knew she was flirting because she's my girl and she was teasing him and what not. He flirted back. Since that event, my trust in her had been shattered. She claimed she wasn't aware she was flirting (this was over social media). I told her to stop talking to him. She claimed that the guy and her were strictly friends, and that she was deeply in love with me and that I shouldn't worry. About a month later, he chats her again. She ignores him (good!). However, I could tell she didn't want to. During this month, some of her behaviors began to change. She'd respond more slowly, appeared less interested, and we'd talk less. At one point I was upset with her and she said "Maybe you should just break up with me" and I said no, then she asked if I ever wonder if I can do better than her. I reassured her. Fast forward another month, and the guy chats her again. He played on her guilt, and she replied to him, despite knowing what I said about him. This was disrespectful and we got into a huge fight which led to her revealing that she no longer valued our relationship in the same way and didn't like me as much as she used to. She said she liked me more when I was "cold", which made me think I was being too clingy. A few days passed and the comment she said just couldn't get out of my head, so I tried to break up with her. Then, I regretted my choice and said maybe a break would be better. I told her to text me in a week. During this week, the guy chats her again, but she doesn't respond (which I took as a good sign). The week passes. The day we're supposed to talk comes. She doesn't text me at all, and I get impatient so I text her late in the day. We hit it off and she says she wants to stay together. We stayed together for a few days, then she told me that she doesn't know if she can pay attention to me and school at the same time. She says she feels bad for neglecting me. Then, directly after asking "why are you dating me when you can do so much better", she broke up with me. I reacted rather calmly and told her it's the best choice because over the course of the last few months, my feelings have changed. She asked how my feelings changed, and I just said over the course of the last few months the neglect was pushing me away. Then she said it was her last text, and basically said good luck in life. Haven't spoken to her since. The only observable move she's made was responding to that guy again (to the message he sent during the break). Don't know much else. I admit that my mistake in this relationship was getting too clingy and paranoid of her. I became paranoid because my trust was shattered and I thought she'd do the same thing with other guys. She thought I didn't trust her. My question is, what are the chances she contacts me again? How can I fix things? I'm a wreck because I really love this girl and all I can think about is her. The thought of her with that guy really hurts, knowing how many issues he caused in the relationship. There are so many unanswered questions. I just want to talk to her but I'm resisting the urge to text her. I know that if I text her I will appear desperate and only further turn her off. What should I do, loveshack? I really want her to text me, but I don't know if she will. What's your opinion?
DrReplyInRhymes Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 Give her what she wants man. You can't make anyone love or want you. It's also the other way around. Love doesn't ask for anything in return. It doesn't doesn't require reciprocation, albeit it's certainly motivational. Love is unconditional, relationships are not. Leave her alone. If she misses you, or wants your company, she'll contact you. Invite her out to do something, see what she has to say. Either way, don't get your hopes up because a woman who wants to be with you doesn't agree to a break/breakup that smoothly.
Author jonathan29 Posted April 6, 2017 Author Posted April 6, 2017 Give her what she wants man. You can't make anyone love or want you. It's also the other way around. Love doesn't ask for anything in return. It doesn't doesn't require reciprocation, albeit it's certainly motivational. Love is unconditional, relationships are not. Leave her alone. If she misses you, or wants your company, she'll contact you. Invite her out to do something, see what she has to say. Either way, don't get your hopes up because a woman who wants to be with you doesn't agree to a break/breakup that smoothly. So are you saying she doesn't love me?
DrReplyInRhymes Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 So are you saying she doesn't love me? No, I didn't.
Author jonathan29 Posted April 6, 2017 Author Posted April 6, 2017 No, I didn't. But you're saying that you can't make someone love you...as if I'm trying to make her love me. And she hasn't contacted me in a week, so does that mean she doesn't miss me?
DrReplyInRhymes Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 But you're saying that you can't make someone love you...as if I'm trying to make her love me. And she hasn't contacted me in a week, so does that mean she doesn't miss me? Why are you hung up on if she's missing you? You both broke up and she's talking to another guy. Does that sound like she misses you?
Author jonathan29 Posted April 6, 2017 Author Posted April 6, 2017 Why are you hung up on if she's missing you? You both broke up and she's talking to another guy. Does that sound like she misses you? Because I still love her...
DrReplyInRhymes Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 Because I still love her... But loving someone IS NOT relevant to being hung up on someone. It's your choice to move on or not. Moving on and still having love for her are not mutually exclusive. You can still love her, and move on at the same time. **** man, life is short. If you want her back, tell her that. Tell her that you were WRONG about being neglected in attention, and HELP her with school. The faster you help her finish her studying, the more time you get to spend doing the things you two actually want to do. Tell her you can't live without her. If she wants you back, then great! If she doesn't like you back, or doesn't want to talk to you, or doesn't respond to you, then let it go. Love doesn't ask to be loved in return. Yeah, it sucks, but falling in love is easy. Falling in love with someone who loves you back? That's the hard part. Good luck, everyone looks for that kind of connection. (generally speaking)
Author jonathan29 Posted April 7, 2017 Author Posted April 7, 2017 But loving someone IS NOT relevant to being hung up on someone. It's your choice to move on or not. Moving on and still having love for her are not mutually exclusive. You can still love her, and move on at the same time. **** man, life is short. If you want her back, tell her that. Tell her that you were WRONG about being neglected in attention, and HELP her with school. The faster you help her finish her studying, the more time you get to spend doing the things you two actually want to do. Tell her you can't live without her. If she wants you back, then great! If she doesn't like you back, or doesn't want to talk to you, or doesn't respond to you, then let it go. Love doesn't ask to be loved in return. Yeah, it sucks, but falling in love is easy. Falling in love with someone who loves you back? That's the hard part. Good luck, everyone looks for that kind of connection. (generally speaking) If I come back begging, as the dumpee, that will essentially ruin any chance I have with her in the future. It would make me look pathetic in her eyes.
preraph Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 I guess you both are a little at fault. I don't think you're wrong about her and this guy. If she had some crush on him, I mean, unless something about him changed to where she wouldn't have it anymore, then she is still interested in him, though that doesn't mean more than you. If you have had an ongoing problem with jealousy and insecurity not just with her but others, then of course, that is something you will need to work on. But in this instance, I don't think it was misplaced. If I were her and wanted to stay together with you, I would write that guy and tell him, Hey, me and my bf agreed to both stop contacting people of the opposite sex and give our relationship every chance, so hope you understand. If it falls apart down the line, I'll holler at you.
jamili Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 If I come back begging, as the dumpee, that will essentially ruin any chance I have with her in the future. It would make me look pathetic in her eyes. Correct, don't beg! Don't chase. Don't do anything. If you have any chance with her in the future, it will be much, much further in the future. Don't worry about it right now. Cross that bridge if and when you come to it. Keep NC, stay the course.
Author jonathan29 Posted April 7, 2017 Author Posted April 7, 2017 I guess you both are a little at fault. I don't think you're wrong about her and this guy. If she had some crush on him, I mean, unless something about him changed to where she wouldn't have it anymore, then she is still interested in him, though that doesn't mean more than you. If you have had an ongoing problem with jealousy and insecurity not just with her but others, then of course, that is something you will need to work on. But in this instance, I don't think it was misplaced. If I were her and wanted to stay together with you, I would write that guy and tell him, Hey, me and my bf agreed to both stop contacting people of the opposite sex and give our relationship every chance, so hope you understand. If it falls apart down the line, I'll holler at you. I don't believe I have an issue with jealousy or insecurity, because I let her freely talk to other guys. No issue with that. It's just this one particular guy because I can just sense the romantic vibe between them. Unfortunately, that is not the move she took. When we got off our break, I told her it was okay for her to talk to him if she made it clear she had a boyfriend. She just said "okay" and changed the topic immediately, like she brushed it off.
Marc878 Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 If I come back begging, as the dumpee, that will essentially ruin any chance I have with her in the future. It would make me look pathetic in her eyes. You got it. If you chase they always move farther away. Give it a break and go your own way. Needy, clingy says you're worth more than me and I'm insecure. Read up "No More Mr Nice Guy" free pdf download If you put up with disrespect you'll just get more of it. The other guy is hitting on her and she lines it so take yourself out of the equation and go your own way. If not you lose anyway so it's all good. You may find the woman of your dreams. When one door closes another opens. Always!!!!!
Author jonathan29 Posted April 7, 2017 Author Posted April 7, 2017 Correct, don't beg! Don't chase. Don't do anything. If you have any chance with her in the future, it will be much, much further in the future. Don't worry about it right now. Cross that bridge if and when you come to it. Keep NC, stay the course. Much further down? Why's that? I definitely plan on staying NC. After gaining some perspective on this situation, I think she has some sort of unresolved feelings for this guy and she lost feelings for me because I was becoming too attached and "warm" to her.
Author jonathan29 Posted April 7, 2017 Author Posted April 7, 2017 You got it. If you chase they always move farther away. Give it a break and go your own way. Needy, clingy says you're worth more than me and I'm insecure. Read up "No More Mr Nice Guy" free pdf download If you put up with disrespect you'll just get more of it. The other guy is hitting on her and she lines it so take yourself out of the equation and go your own way. If not you lose anyway so it's all good. You may find the woman of your dreams. When one door closes another opens. Always!!!!! Very correct my friend. What's your outlook on my situation? Do you think there's a chance she'll break no contact? Some more information about when we returned from the break that I forgot to mention: We were hitting it off when we came back and she was double texting me and what not. She'd flirt, still send me hearts and stuff. She also told me she had a very emotional week and that it was "BAD". The reasons for the emotional week may have had to do with other things though. While upset, I asked her if she felt any sadness during the break and she just said "yeah", and I also asked if she missed me (because she didn't outright say it) and said "yeah I missed you" which didn't seem sincere at the time. Personally I have doubts she'll contact because she didn't contact me during the break but I also have hope because the love appeared to still be present the few days before the breakup.
Marc878 Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 If you'd have been texting flirting with another woman how would she have taken it? IMO you should have said up front "him or me" you don't get both. The thing is she has an interest in him obviously and she's not some special snowflake that can't get replaced. Why have to worry about looking over your shoulder. That life isn't worth living. Suck up the broken heart. It won't last forever and find someone worthy of you. They are out there. Just as sure as the sun will come up in the am. Do not break NC!!!!!
Marc878 Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 Ask yourself this? Do you really want someone you can't trust?
Author jonathan29 Posted April 7, 2017 Author Posted April 7, 2017 If you'd have been texting flirting with another woman how would she have taken it? IMO you should have said up front "him or me" you don't get both. The thing is she has an interest in him obviously and she's not some special snowflake that can't get replaced. Why have to worry about looking over your shoulder. That life isn't worth living. Suck up the broken heart. It won't last forever and find someone worthy of you. They are out there. Just as sure as the sun will come up in the am. Do not break NC!!!!! At some point I did give her an ultimatum. I said if she responded to him again I would leave her. My love for her is still strong but it is waning.
Author jonathan29 Posted August 9, 2017 Author Posted August 9, 2017 Updates to this situation; The best possible outcome occurred. I waited about 3 months and she had not contacted me once. I went my own way during those 3 months, had a short fling with another girl, and improved my life in many ways. I still loved her throughout this entire time period. I thought I'd move on maybe a month later or so, but that didn't happen. So I decided one day that I'd contact her. It was successful. She immediately formed a crush on me. Just a few weeks later, she told me about the real reasons behind our breakup. She said she was depressed, and isolated herself from everyone. She said her feelings never went away and she never moved on. This makes sense because during the breakup, when I said my feelings changed, she immediately asked how. If she didn't care about me anymore, she wouldn't have asked. We basically got back together. She fell head over heels in love with me. More in love than we've ever been. I made her fall for me harder than she ever was. Everything I ever wanted when I posted this thread. Not sure why she fell for me so hard this time around. I think & hope I have a long future with this woman, as I'm wildly in love with her and she's wildly in love with me too. Thanks for reading and I hope this helps someone.
doyathinkso Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 Oh poor johnny. You are not getting the whole story. What happened to the guy she was flirting with? The one who caused your breakup? Did she give him a test drive or two? Did she not find him satisfactory? Or did he not find her to be satisfactory? Sorry to say but you are now her Plan B, her fallback position.
Author jonathan29 Posted September 21, 2017 Author Posted September 21, 2017 Oh poor johnny. You are not getting the whole story. What happened to the guy she was flirting with? The one who caused your breakup? Did she give him a test drive or two? Did she not find him satisfactory? Or did he not find her to be satisfactory? Sorry to say but you are now her Plan B, her fallback position. You're wrong. They talked like once or twice throughout those 3 months. I overreacted the first time they talked, although it was definitely a redflag.
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