ThisisIt606 Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 I went on a first date last night and did not enjoy it. Just no chemistry (on my end) and he was being too handsy for my liking nothing in appropriate but just too many times touching my shoulder, trying to hold my hands , trying to dance with me ( in an art gallery with no music), and just many tries to make contact for contact sake. Anyways, at the end of the date he said something to the effect of " we should do this again sometime, I'd like to see you again" If I like a guy this would be a GREAT way to end the date in my eyes, I would accept and really mean it. However, if you are NOT into the guy... do you normally just give the o' " yeah, sounds good" and be on your way, OR do you say in the moment Sorry, I'm not really feeling the connection. Is honesty the best route here or just a standard "yeah sure" with no really commitment of a future date?
angel.eyes Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 My standard response is: Thanks so much for taking the time to arrange this date. You have many great qualities, but we aren't a match. Best of luck with your search. 1
Simple Logic Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 I went on a first date last night and did not enjoy it. Just no chemistry (on my end) and he was being too handsy for my liking nothing in appropriate but just too many times touching my shoulder, trying to hold my hands , trying to dance with me ( in an art gallery with no music), and just many tries to make contact for contact sake. Anyways, at the end of the date he said something to the effect of " we should do this again sometime, I'd like to see you again" If I like a guy this would be a GREAT way to end the date in my eyes, I would accept and really mean it. However, if you are NOT into the guy... do you normally just give the o' " yeah, sounds good" and be on your way, OR do you say in the moment Sorry, I'm not really feeling the connection. Is honesty the best route here or just a standard "yeah sure" with no really commitment of a future date? I would give the standard " oh sure" and then when he sent the standard follow up text I would politely thank him for date and opt out for anything in the future.
angel.eyes Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 That's so uncalled for! Just get to the point since he brought it up--no thank you.
SwordofFlame Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 You could flat out lie and say "ok sure" or you can let him know what you honestly thought. Either way is fine because it's his fault for putting you on the spot like that. That is why I absolutely don't believe it's a good idea to ask for the second date at the end of the first.
Erik30 Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 A similar thing happened to me on a date, at the end she said "next time we'll go do something in your town.." I wasn't into her, but I automatically just blurted out a "yeah sure." It's difficult to reject someone in person right after a date, and I didn't really expect her to say something like that. I think it depends on the person you're with, it can be a pretty uncomfortable situation. Ideally you should just decline, but it's not always that easy. I guess you can be honest later on if the guy tries to ask you out again 2
basil67 Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 All the posters are saying that you should simply give a simple "not feeling it". But if I had a dollar for every poster here who couldn't figure out what they were doing wrong, I'd be a rich woman. I think that for a guy who's doing stuff which would put off most women, it's kind to give him a heads up. He's probably read some PUA or dating advice which advises to use touch to bring attraction, but is seriously over doing it.
OatsAndHall Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 Well, he's risking a lot by asking you out on the spot so I see no issue with placating him with a vague answer and then shooting the date down later. Honestly, I have had dates that didn't go very well but I needed some time to go home, chill out and think about whether or not it was THAT bad. 1
Dis Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 he was being too handsy for my liking nothing in appropriate but just too many times touching my shoulder, trying to hold my hands , trying to dance with me ( in an art gallery with no music), and just many tries to make contact for contact sake. Omg, lmao People are cracking me up lately! The ideal thing to do would be to tell him (in a very nice way) that you're not feeling it right then and there but come on people...thats super awkward and uncomfortable for both parties When this has happened to me in the past I just said a simple, "Ya sounds good" and then when I got home or after I gave it some thought, I'd text him and let him know I wasnt interested and thanked him for the drinks or whatever I honestly think it would be more painful to tell the guy in person (after he's all exicted thinking the date went super well) than it would be over text 2
angel.eyes Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 Well, as someone who has had to deal with guys who debate you about how you're mistaken in your judgement when you tell them on the date, I would still pick that over having the guy continue to try for weeks, months, and in one case, a year later. Usually if you're firm but nice and gracious about it in person, they don't continue to hope you might change your mind, come to your senses, or whatever. They may argue with you in the moment, but they stop wasting their time trying with a dead end (me) once we get through that conversation in person. The other way around is just painful and dreadful. 1
Tressugar Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 Be as gentle and straight to the point via text message. Some men can't handle rejection in person. 1
todreaminblue Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 I normally dont give anything...good or bad illl thank them and say i had a good time...when they ask for another date by text or phon4e call..... ill say what i feel if I wasnt feeling it i reiterate that the date was nice, because they normally are, until,they grope me or give me a french kiss with a bucket of saliva..... which is why i am normally saying no to another.....and ill say im sorry im not right for you.....im not interested in sex until marriage.....which is normally the case.....i can tell that they will escalate the touching ...and im not about that...and they actually appreciate the honesty..deb 1
TheBathWater Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 I went on a first date last night and did not enjoy it. Just no chemistry (on my end) and he was being too handsy for my liking nothing in appropriate but just too many times touching my shoulder, trying to hold my hands , trying to dance with me ( in an art gallery with no music), and just many tries to make contact for contact sake. Anyways, at the end of the date he said something to the effect of " we should do this again sometime, I'd like to see you again" If I like a guy this would be a GREAT way to end the date in my eyes, I would accept and really mean it. However, if you are NOT into the guy... do you normally just give the o' " yeah, sounds good" and be on your way, OR do you say in the moment Sorry, I'm not really feeling the connection. Is honesty the best route here or just a standard "yeah sure" with no really commitment of a future date? The real question is, do you spare his feelings or yours? Honesty doesn't hurt as much as people expect it will, but dishonesty always hurts the world more than people can imagine. 3
angel.eyes Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 (edited) Eggs-actly! Not being honest is really about sparing yourself. That's why people pull a disappearing act or come up with a million excuses to avoid another date, instead of being direct but diplomatic in their rejection. Being direct is ultimately kinder to the person being rejected. They don't waste their time and feel like a total fool for repeatedly trying to set something up again. Edited April 7, 2017 by angel.eyes 2
TheBathWater Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 Eggs-actly! Not being honest is really about sparing yourself. That's why people pull a disappearing act or come up with a million excuses to avoid another date, instead of being direct but diplomatic in their rejection. Being direct is ultimately kinder to the person being rejected. They don't waste their time and feel like a total fool for repeatedly trying to set something up again. I always find honesty is harder on me than on the woman. Anytime I say, "I'm just not feeling this" on a date, it sucks. It never gets easy or feels good. But it's the right thing to do. Even if in the rare occurrence someone gets upset, I think remembering that this person's strong reaction to rejection has to do with someone they've been hurt by in the past, not you, is the most mature stance you can take. Be honest, and be compassionate. But when we avoid the truth, we really do hurt people in the exact way we claimed we wanted to avoid and get out of it scratch free. 1
todreaminblue Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 I always find honesty is harder on me than on the woman. Anytime I say, "I'm just not feeling this" on a date, it sucks. It never gets easy or feels good. But it's the right thing to do. Even if in the rare occurrence someone gets upset, I think remembering that this person's strong reaction to rejection has to do with someone they've been hurt by in the past, not you, is the most mature stance you can take. Be honest, and be compassionate. But when we avoid the truth, we really do hurt people in the exact way we claimed we wanted to avoid and get out of it scratch free. when you do the right thing even if you feel crap about having too....its the path to the least hurt.....long term for both parties...its less damaging.....i think there are always ways to deliver truth..gently......and with respect for the person you are telling it too... i have had guys become stalkerish and harrassing after em being truthful and really really mean.....abusive .....i am so glad i told the truth....even though what they did after ...made me really upset...long term...i am blessed to have told the truth...good guys always treat you with respect if you do give them that respect in the first place.... when you tell the truth...deb 1
TheBathWater Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 when you do the right thing even if you feel crap about having too....its the path to the least hurt.....long term for both parties...its less damaging.....i think there are always ways to deliver truth..gently......and with respect for the person you are telling it too... i have had guys become stalkerish and harrassing after em being truthful and really really mean.....abusive .....i am so glad i told the truth....even though what they did after ...made me really upset...long term...i am blessed to have told the truth...good guys always treat you with respect if you do give them that respect in the first place.... when you tell the truth...deb 100% agree. I'd imagine if the person was going to be a stalker, they would have especially done so if things were left unclear or they were led on. 1
todreaminblue Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 100% agree. I'd imagine if the person was going to be a stalker, they would have especially done so if things were left unclear or they were led on. hmmm....i think if things were left unsaid that would be a potential abusive relationship that could have ended with me in a suitcase at the bottom of a river..he hated me..because that is how psychopaths roll...i think i made a lucky escape/....he only stopped because my boyfriend at the time...said he would find him....and that i had support.....deb
Arieswoman Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 (edited) What used to really hack me off about guys was the "I'll give you a ring" line, because they invariably never did. Why not just say "Thanks for the date but I don't want to take this any further" and then everyone knows where they are? I met one guy on a blind date and when we met he said "You're not what I expected" So I said "I presume that means you don't want to continue with this date?" He said "Yes" turned on his heel and walked away. At least the guy was honest. I laughed about it for quite a while afterwards... Edited April 7, 2017 by Arieswoman
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