Cocosan Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 Hello, my name is Cos, I'm a guy and I need to tell you my story maybe I will find help from you. I am from an estern European country, and in 2015 I started to work in UK, London, where I met a woman, lets say her name is I. Her nationality is Argentinian. Me 36 years old, she 24 years old. We worked in the same place, that's how we met. In the beginning I just saw her like a colleague, nothing more.. she invited me to some tango lessons, and I said yeah why not..after that, we became just friends and we were friends for like a month, I didn't try anything with her, although she gave me signals that she wants more...to be honest, I didn't find her very attractive at that point...until one day in a park when she kissed me...everything changed from that moment... I saw her like the most beautiful and sensual female in the world and believe me, I had a lot of woman's in my life, I never felt like this..anyway, we started a so called relationship, I mean we have had sex, was amazing, and an awesome connection between us. I asked her at some point what kind of relation we have and she said that we are just sexfriends. And I accepted this, at that point I didn't want more too. We continued like this for about six months, in that time we saw each other like 3-4 days per week, not only for sex but for spending time together, we travelled, going theatre , clubs, hanging around like normal couple. I started slowly to fall in love deeply ... at some point I asked her if it's someone else in her life, and she said very easy that yes is someone else too and not just one guy, more than one. But also she told me this from beginning, not to make hopes or anything because even she likes me a lot and care about me, she don't want to be in a couple, she was honest at least.. ok, I accepted this too, because we didn't yet made official that we are in a couple.. btw, in all that time she said to me the same things that I felt , that we have a great connection, that the sex is wonderful, that she care about me and I am very special for her etc.. After another month or so, I wanted more, I wanted to be in a couple with her.. and I talked with her about this, and she said yes, she wants too and she will try. After 3-4 days, she went to a "friend" and after that she confessed to me that she had sex with him, she couldn't resist, this was her excuse. When I heard that, I said ok, it's time to finish this, better now than later.. so I left.. she came after me, crying, asking me to give her another chance, that she made a mistake, and after I left she realised what she lost.. anyway, because I loved her very much , I gave her another chance... and from that moment she made it official that we are in a couple, she introduced me to her family (we traveled in Argentina) everything was "OK". Another thing that I want to say is that she have only men friends. And she kept to visit her male friends, to sleep sometimes overnight at them and I asked her about this and she said that now she is in a couple and she don't cheat when she's involved. I believed her, because she was always very honest with me. Ok, we continued like this for another six months, being in a couple. Let 4 months I had to return to my country, so the relation transformed in a distant one...we spoke everyday for hours at phone, we saw each other every two weeks, she came to my country to visit me.. anyway, she kept going to male friends to sleep, she told me that. Meanwhile every day she told me that she loves me , miss me etc.. I tried to understand her, I tried to trust her , I accepted to sleep over at male friends, until she told me a bout a particular male friend who she started to go at him very often, like 3 nights per week to "hang around" she motivate this because she was living outside the town and was hard for her to go home in the night. I asked her about this friend, and she again was honest and told me that she had sex with him in the past, but now because she is in a couple she don't do sex with him. Anyway i trust her again, because she was honest, ( she could tell me that she sleeps at a relative or any other lie, I wasn't there). until at some point , when I couldn't resist anymore, and I made a jealousy scene, and I asked her not to sleep over at him anymore.. and she said he's just a friend, she is who she is and she won't gave up at her friends and I have to accept her like this, and to trust her. She said something like this: "Look if I cheat you, if I don't want anymore to be with you I will tell you" and I said again ok , and keep going ... anyway the relation between us all this time was amazing..she behaved very good with me.. Anyway, last month, after I said to her at phone that I'm down a bit and I miss her,(I was still in my country) she said don't worry we see each other soon, and she told me that she go to her "friend" because he is a little sick and she wants to take care of him. i said ok, and next day morning I called her, she had the phone off, after that she called me back, I had a breakdown, and said to her very calmly that I want to break up, because I can't get over the fact that she sleeps at this guy so often. Her answer was: "Really? Fine!" And she closed the phone... I started to send her messages, to discus calmly about this, she didn't answer me, I started to get pissed of, I sent her again some messages nacusing her that she don't care about me, that she accepted this breakup so easy, that she cheat on me with this guy bla bla .. after 3 days she sent me an email saying that I'm too jealous, and I hurt her being like this and she don't want to be with me anymore. I asked her to call me, and she called me and told me that is not only my fault but she realised that she don't want to be in a couple. I said ok then let's be at least friends. She said no, because she don't trust me anymore, and always I will want more tgeb friends. And she said good bye and blocked me. And that is how it ends the story. Now all I want is to move on.. I keep thinking of her everyday, every single minute.. I love her like I never loved in my life.. I want you to know that moments that we spent, the relationship, everything was perfect.. anyway I cannot move on because my brain is messed up.. I don't know who's fault was.. mine, because I didn't trust her and hurt her? Hers, because she cheated on me or she didn't loved me enough? I don't know from where to start.. to forgive myself, to forgive her? Usually when a relation ends, you know that was love that at some point we loved each other, in my case I don't know if she really loved me or I was just a guy with who she had fun and great memories and that's it.. for that is very hard to move on, because I keep asking myself all this questions... was love or not? I made a good decision to break up or not? It's my fault or hers? How can I exit from this situation? If you want I can give you more details about our relation, but please help.. with an advice, or with your opinions ... thank you!
Jagged100 Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 Firstly you did the right thing by breaking up with her. This girl sounds immature and incapable of being in a committed relationship. She cheated on you once and never took in to consideration that you may rightfully have had trust issues. You were made to compromise and feel like an ass when you explained your understandable concerns. If I'm dating a guy, I'd never go stay over at a male friends house alone. That's disrespectful to my bf. I wouldn't give up my friends but you have to boundaries in any relationship. I'm sorry you're hurting and I really do hope you'll be okay. Just know you did what's best for you, and please don't try to get her back, she'll hurt you again
LJayCoolade Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 If I'm dating a guy, I'd never go stay over at a male friends house alone. That's disrespectful to my bf. I wouldn't give up my friends but you have to boundaries in any relationship. Agreed you shouldn't give up your friends for anyone as they will be there for life (Most the time) but if i was dating a girl i would not be sleeping round another girls house kind of hurtful on the other half. I think you did the right thing, it does hurt but your probably better off without her if you can't trust her. Good luck
Author Cocosan Posted May 6, 2017 Author Posted May 6, 2017 Thank you for your answers! Well it passed another month and my grief is still here, cannot move on...I tried to contact her on email, asking her help to explain what was between us, I didnt ask her to be together again, just to be frineds, to finish this in good relation and she answered me back that Im like a a vampire, sucking her energy and that i dont have self respect, that I am a begger etc.. and i dont even ask her to get back...only to tell me what was our relation for her...she said that she loved me in her own way, and if i contact her more it is a shame because i could be a good memory... and thats it she blocked me again... Problem is that I started to date another woman, but it doesnt help at all...I am still thinking at this girl every minute of my life, I dont want to do anything, not sports, no hobbies nothing...I am just thinking of her... I am still thinking that one day we will be together..I am so confused about me, never been in a situation like this...I loved in my life, I broke up with girls in my life, I was hurt too but always I moved on...now I cant...I dont know why
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