NEB01 Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 Hi all, sorry to sign up as a new member and come right on here with my sob story. I am currently 24. I was dating a girl for a little over a year who I honestly thought I'd be with for the rest of my life. I was never great at showing her how much I cared for her and she could never see it regardless of how many times I told her I loved her or whatever. Anyways, a couple times she threatened to break up with me throughout our relationship and I just blew it off and thought nothing of it. Two months ago she broke up with me and I just said okay and walked out the door, I took it as another threat and thought we'd be back together the next day. I noticed that I had no desire to talk to her after the breakup, in two months I really never even got tempted to text her or make her jealous or anything. So I ran into her this weekend at a weekend event, she came up and talked to me when she first saw me and although we were at the same place all weekend she never really made an attempt to talk to me much and I'd say I really didn't either after the first time we talked. Sunday we didn't talk at all. Anyways, yesterday I decided to text her, I felt like I had all feeling back for her??? Our conversations went well, just made some small talk and never really got into anything serious, I fell asleep mid conversation and she texted me saying goodnight! This morning rolls around and I texted her and we got back into a very good conversation that flowed well and everything seemed normal. When I freed some time up at work I thought I'd quit beating around the bush and just get to the point. I brought up a couple memories and asked if I could have my lazy weekends back with her, basically lightly begging for her back telling her when I promised her a permanent future I meant it etc. etc. She just keeps saying stuff like idk right now. She keeps telling me the fact that I didn't text her for 2 months until I saw her really shows I didn't care and that was her sign to start trying to get over it. She says she really misses me but theres some things she doesn't miss about me (which are extremely petty reasons like I didn't clean up after shed make dinner or I would stare at my phone sometimes we were together) All things very easy to change. So finally I'm just like okay, can we just get back on track I promise I will change and she says "You know I love you and i will for a long time but I think us being apart for now is good and it shouldn't change for now atleast" So I say would you like me to stop talking to you or keep chatting and see where it ends up and she responded "I like talking to you but I understand if you don't want to" I just said screw it after that and carried on a normal conversation and now we have been talking all night, just not about "us" A couple important notes: -I gave her vaginal herpes (I believe it was given to her by me from oral sex) and she has outbreaks so I've really screwed her over. This never caused trouble in our relationship because I promised her I'd be with her forever. -I am 24 and doing very well, have a good secure future have a strong desire to start my adult life early. (Marriage, kids, etc) -She says she isn't seeing anyone else which I completely believe. -Our conversations are very good over text right now, both of us are putting great effort in. So the questions... -Why did I go from not having any trouble with the breakup from the minute I walked out the door to wanting her back so bad after seeing her two months late. -If she is really into keeping the conversation going and talking and giving a lot of unsure answers like "atleast right now" "I dont know right now," is she maybe just seeing how hard I will beg and how bad I want it. I may have left some important noted out but I didn't want to give you all a wall of text so feel free to ask questions!
Altair0770 Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 My assumption is you felt a sense of relief when you walked out. Seeing as you had no real emotions from it, you didn't really become the dumpee. Seeing her brought back a lot of good memories. What she's doing is asking for space, but trying to eat her cake and eat it too. If you want her back, I think your best bet is to be honest and say "I'm looking for a romantic relationship. Let me know if you decide you'd like that with me as well" and enter NC. If she keeps stringing you along eventually you may be friendzoned.
Simple Logic Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 You both are playing a foolish game. She is getting off on the prospecy you want her back, you are getting off on the prospect of her wanting you back.
Marc878 Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 Tell her to come over for dinner. See how it goes. If she doesn't tell her you're open to seeing her again and if she changes her mind to give you a call. Put the ball in her court. Let her do the contacting afterwards.
Author NEB01 Posted April 6, 2017 Author Posted April 6, 2017 My assumption is you felt a sense of relief when you walked out. Seeing as you had no real emotions from it, you didn't really become the dumpee. Seeing her brought back a lot of good memories. What she's doing is asking for space, but trying to eat her cake and eat it too. If you want her back, I think your best bet is to be honest and say "I'm looking for a romantic relationship. Let me know if you decide you'd like that with me as well" and enter NC. If she keeps stringing you along eventually you may be friendzoned. Problem is I'm confusing myself, if I didn't care for two months, I'd honestly say I almost didn't care one bit. But as soon as I see her once I get feelings back. Could this just be temporary and I will be back over it in a day or two? I'm going to do as you have suggested. I'm going to say do you see this goin anywhere soon. And if she says no or says I don't know or whatever I'm going to say "Okay, well as I said I'm really looking for something serious and as much as I would love it to be with you, continuing to talk isn't going to get either of us anywhere if there is no interest. You can get in touch with me any time if you change your mind" Ignore my terrible sentence structure, spelling and grammar - I'm on my phone
Author NEB01 Posted April 9, 2017 Author Posted April 9, 2017 Just an update if anyone cares, we talked until Friday. I had asked her Thursday if she wanted to go to Florida with me and a couple friends at the end of April and she said possibly.. Whatever that means. Friday was more random talk and finally I just said something like "This is the last time I'm gonna ask, whats going on as im getting mixed signals, are we talking again or not" After a couple hours she just responded with "Nooooo, sorry. I think for now I'm just happy being alone" (she is an extremely independent person and is more than happy just hanging out with her brother or whatever) So I just responded with, well there is no point in talking if it isn't going to go anywhere and she said I know, I agree. And then I didn't respond and haven't said anything to her since (she hasn't either) I'm really having mixed emotions, I know she is the one I want to settle down with but I'm also feeling like maybe there is someone a little more fun out there.
mikeylo Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 It's as clear as sky , only if you want to see. She doesn't want to be with you. It doesn't matter anymore what you think or believe. It's too late. Go no contact, completely.
Been Posted April 9, 2017 Posted April 9, 2017 you want her because you don't have her. Once you get her you'll revert back to how you were. Simple as that. And she knows. 1
Author NEB01 Posted April 9, 2017 Author Posted April 9, 2017 you want her because you don't have her. Once you get her you'll revert back to how you were. Simple as that. And she knows. This is exactly what I'm thinking and many other have told me the same.
Author NEB01 Posted April 10, 2017 Author Posted April 10, 2017 She texted me today... I just said why the change in tone? And she says I miss talking to you. I don't feel very interested and haven't been going along with the attempt to bring up memories. I feel like we changed shoes over the past couple days.
Author NEB01 Posted April 25, 2017 Author Posted April 25, 2017 Okay back to this again! Sorry to annoy. So the last time I posted in this group she texted me and wanted to hang out. I kind of blew it off because I didn't want to drive when I had quite a few things to do, so we planned for that Friday (April 14). She made up some excuse that she wouldn't be able to leave without her mom asking her where shes going. So she said let's do breakfast Saturday morning. That night she says her mom asked her to help them move into their new house before their easter lunch/dinner at 4, so I said whatever another day and she said Sunday morning. Communication fell off the face of the earth Saturday and things were really awkward and she was taking hours to respond. She said she brought me up to her mom and got a big lecture. I said if you really wanted it youd find an excuse to leave, stop stringing me along, Sunday or never. She didn't respond and haven't heard from her since and I haven't tried to communicate with her. Between April 10th and the 14th she talked to me as if we were dating, saying she loved me and missed me, missed our weekends together and blah blah. Asked if I wanted to do a couples massage and asked if I wanted to travel this summer. This past weekend I was with a mutual friend (a girl) and she found out I guess and blocked her on all social media. Me and this girl are nothing just friends and have been forever. Could her mom actually be playing this much of a game with her head? The mom is really manipulative and apparently said "we weren't right for eachother" and would more than likely threaten to take stuff away from her etc. (For no reason, I never did anything bad to her)
RocketQueen Posted April 25, 2017 Posted April 25, 2017 I'd advise you both just stay apart. You didn't care for two months once you had broken up. You saw her again and almost over night felt the feelings rush back- she acted cold which caused you to put in a bit of effort...it worked a little and she started dropping her guard and whether you're aware of it or not it was mission accomplished for you...then you lost interest- again. I suspect she cares a lot more than she actually revealed and wanted you to prove what she meant to you. I think it's probably time for you both to move on and let each other go. Good luck
Author NEB01 Posted April 25, 2017 Author Posted April 25, 2017 I'd advise you both just stay apart. You didn't care for two months once you had broken up. You saw her again and almost over night felt the feelings rush back- she acted cold which caused you to put in a bit of effort...it worked a little and she started dropping her guard and whether you're aware of it or not it was mission accomplished for you...then you lost interest- again. I suspect she cares a lot more than she actually revealed and wanted you to prove what she meant to you. I think it's probably time for you both to move on and let each other go. Good luck You mean shes trying to see if I keep chasing her? I literally spilled my heart out to her, I actually ran out of cheesy stuff to say.
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