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Have strong feelings for a lady who i have only been on a handful of dates with?

SWIPE_ME_NOT

By SWIPE_ME_NOT
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SWIPE_ME_NOT Member

SWIPE_ME_NOT

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I have dated more women than i can count but very occasionally i have felt strong feelings towards them in a matter of weeks probably less. This has only ever happened once until i met the current woman i am dating now :love:

 

With my last long term relationship that lasted 2 years i felt that i practically fell in love with her in a matter of weeks and it never changed over the 2 years.

 

I have dated plenty of women in between and never felt that same feeling with any of them.

 

Until i met this girl who i am dating now. I feel like im basically in love with her after 2 months of dating although i felt this after 2-3 weeks of us meeting.

 

She says that she really likes me, but this is a huge liability to feel this way so soon is it not?

 

No i have not mentioned these feelings to her :laugh:

SevenCity Established Member

SevenCity

Posted
Posted

That's what love is. Sometimes it just happens and it doesn't happen every day.

 

Keep it to yourself - let her be the one to bring up the L word. Go at her pace.

 

Yes, you can get hurt but if love is what you're after that's part of the risk.

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SWIPE_ME_NOT Member

SWIPE_ME_NOT

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Posted
That's what love is. Sometimes it just happens and it doesn't happen every day.

 

Keep it to yourself - let her be the one to bring up the L word. Go at her pace.

 

Yes, you can get hurt but if love is what you're after that's part of the risk.

 

Thanks for your post :)

 

Is it normal to fall in love with someone after only seeing them 3 times though? now we have been on plenty of dates but i did feel this way after just the first couple!

 

I have felt lust for most of the attractive women who i have dated but this feels unique (only felt like this twice as stated). So i can tell the difference.

 

You are right though i certainly will not be the one to mention the L word!

Mkn1010 Established Member

Mkn1010

Posted
Posted

I think I'm exactly the same, I have known that a person has the potential for me to fall in love with them after only meeting them once/twice! And it's only happened very few times in my 30 years of existence. But real love takes time, while they may show that potential straight away, you grow to love the real person ONCE you know them. So keep in mind that you don't know the real her just yet.

 

 

I think you're really lucky to find someone you feel this way about that likes you back. I hope it keeps going well and don't freak yourself out haha.

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act00 Established Member

act00

Posted
Posted

I don't think it's odd, but I do think it's best to keep it to yourself until more time has passed. You still don't know the "real" her, and you don't know if something might change. If the feelings are genuine and they are mutual, it will just get better. Just sit back and enjoy the ride.

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TheBathWater Established Member

TheBathWater

Posted
Posted
I have dated more women than i can count but very occasionally i have felt strong feelings towards them in a matter of weeks probably less. This has only ever happened once until i met the current woman i am dating now :love:

 

With my last long term relationship that lasted 2 years i felt that i practically fell in love with her in a matter of weeks and it never changed over the 2 years.

 

I have dated plenty of women in between and never felt that same feeling with any of them.

 

Until i met this girl who i am dating now. I feel like im basically in love with her after 2 months of dating although i felt this after 2-3 weeks of us meeting.

 

She says that she really likes me, but this is a huge liability to feel this way so soon is it not?

 

No i have not mentioned these feelings to her :laugh:

 

Nothing wrong with feeling awesome things for someone who rocks your world, and bonus points to you for tempering expressing your feelings to her. Sounds like you know what you're doing. Let her feelings marinate and hopefully she'll be the one to push for something more meaningful emotionally.

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todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted (edited)

love comes when its ready cant really dictate ok i will feel love now...and poof you are loving someone the same with you can tstop love either...and believe me i have tried to stop feeling love ....doesnt work...but what i am is respectful of others and theri feelings so i reign in on my declarations fo love and i can choose not to act on them......what id though is acknowledge my feelings and say yeah ok i love him............

 

 

so what you do is you accept your love..its normal for you in this situation...this woman.......yes its possible for you to love her...and its possible she isnt there yet at this same place you are...so what you do is keep moving froward and let things progress as they will...not your will ...as the developing relationship will progress ..dont try and control it.....or her..let it be as god wills it to be...or the universe whatever you believe ...i believe in god....i do believe true love is spiritual in nature....

 

 

...dont manipulate her...let her get to where you are on her own ..through knowing you...let her feel your growing love for her...and she will ...........

 

 

accept you love her and hope for the best and be the best you can be..thats all we can do.....is jump...and commit to jumping in spite of the unknown..its part of the beauty of finding your love for someone smack you in the face...and you go oh dear....lol....it is the jump you take after that makes that love so ...special...you could fall...but what if you fly...;)....trust me....i am fearful of heights...never stopped me jumping.....im still alive and kicking......good luck....deb.....

Edited by todreaminblue
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OatsAndHall Established Member

OatsAndHall

Posted
Posted

I'm going to be the contrarian in this situation. I have been in your shoes: I have dated my fair share of women over the years and felt a strong connection to a few of them early on. You have to remember that a portion of this a physiological reaction. You meet someone you click with, your body floods your brain with "feel good" hormones and it is easy to ignore red flags and lose sight of the big picture.

 

I have had this happen to me four times in my life and all four women fell into the "big three" category for me. They were my "type" (blonde or red-head with blue or green eyes), we shared the same dark sense of humor, and they were all extremely intelligent. The combination of those three qualities had me head-over-heels almost immediately. But, I didn't see the "forest for the trees" with any of them. There were serious red-flags with three of them that I blew off because I was in this state of Hollywood bliss with them. One of them screwed around on me, the second one was insanely jealous and keyed my car when I broke up with her and the third was a pre-med student who's life obviously revolved around her schooling and it just didn't work.

 

The fourth one and I could have had a potential future together but she moved and decided that she couldn't be in a LDR. I knew she was going to be moving two months into the relationship and she was off and on about committing to a LDR but I completely ignored it.

Mkn1010 Established Member

Mkn1010

Posted
Posted
love comes when its ready cant really dictate ok i will feel love now...and poof you are loving someone the same with you can tstop love either...and believe me i have tried to stop feeling love ....doesnt work...but what i am is respectful of others and theri feelings so i reign in on my declarations fo love and i can choose not to act on them......what id though is acknowledge my feelings and say yeah ok i love him............

 

 

so what you do is you accept your love..its normal for you in this situation...this woman.......yes its possible for you to love her...and its possible she isnt there yet at this same place you are...so what you do is keep moving froward and let things progress as they will...not your will ...as the developing relationship will progress ..dont try and control it.....or her..let it be as god wills it to be...or the universe whatever you believe ...i believe in god....i do believe true love is spiritual in nature....

 

 

...dont manipulate her...let her get to where you are on her own ..through knowing you...let her feel your growing love for her...and she will ...........

 

 

accept you love her and hope for the best and be the best you can be..thats all we can do.....is jump...and commit to jumping in spite of the unknown..its part of the beauty of finding your love for someone smack you in the face...and you go oh dear....lol....it is the jump you take after that makes that love so ...special...you could fall...but what if you fly...;)....trust me....i am fearful of heights...never stopped me jumping.....im still alive and kicking......good luck....deb.....

 

 

 

 

I so love your posts Deb, you think the exact same way as I do about love and spirituality! They make me smile :)

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
Posted
I think I'm exactly the same, I have known that a person has the potential for me to fall in love with them after only meeting them once/twice! And it's only happened very few times in my 30 years of existence. But real love takes time, while they may show that potential straight away, you grow to love the real person ONCE you know them. So keep in mind that you don't know the real her just yet.

 

 

I think you're really lucky to find someone you feel this way about that likes you back. I hope it keeps going well and don't freak yourself out haha.

 

 

Yep I am the same.

 

I always know right away.

 

I have mistaken lust for live a few times but it only took true love to come knocking for me to remember ahh so this is the difference.

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todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted
I so love your posts Deb, you think the exact same way as I do about love and spirituality! They make me smile :)

 

 

you make me smile so we are even stevens...smilin...see.... stop it.....lol...dont stop...i love your posts too.....deb

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SWIPE_ME_NOT Member

SWIPE_ME_NOT

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I'm going to be the contrarian in this situation. I have been in your shoes: I have dated my fair share of women over the years and felt a strong connection to a few of them early on. You have to remember that a portion of this a physiological reaction. You meet someone you click with, your body floods your brain with "feel good" hormones and it is easy to ignore red flags and lose sight of the big picture.

 

I have had this happen to me four times in my life and all four women fell into the "big three" category for me. They were my "type" (blonde or red-head with blue or green eyes), we shared the same dark sense of humor, and they were all extremely intelligent. The combination of those three qualities had me head-over-heels almost immediately. But, I didn't see the "forest for the trees" with any of them. There were serious red-flags with three of them that I blew off because I was in this state of Hollywood bliss with them. One of them screwed around on me, the second one was insanely jealous and keyed my car when I broke up with her and the third was a pre-med student who's life obviously revolved around her schooling and it just didn't work.

 

The fourth one and I could have had a potential future together but she moved and decided that she couldn't be in a LDR. I knew she was going to be moving two months into the relationship and she was off and on about committing to a LDR but I completely ignored it.

 

Very interesting post :)

 

Honestly though on the first few dates she did not tick all my 'perfect' boxes. She is very tall and slim both things that wouldn't have made me approach this woman in the street. She really is beautiful though so i can not say that isn't true. Now i really don't care about her having some features that would usually put me off and i have grown to love it all including her height :love:

 

I don't think we have any red flags currently accept for distance, but we both drive so its not really a limiting factor.

 

Sorry to hear about your bad experiences! i have had a fair few myself

 

love comes when its ready cant really dictate ok i will feel love now...and poof you are loving someone the same with you can tstop love either...and believe me i have tried to stop feeling love ....doesnt work...but what i am is respectful of others and theri feelings so i reign in on my declarations fo love and i can choose not to act on them......what id though is acknowledge my feelings and say yeah ok i love him............

 

 

so what you do is you accept your love..its normal for you in this situation...this woman.......yes its possible for you to love her...and its possible she isnt there yet at this same place you are...so what you do is keep moving froward and let things progress as they will...not your will ...as the developing relationship will progress ..dont try and control it.....or her..let it be as god wills it to be...or the universe whatever you believe ...i believe in god....i do believe true love is spiritual in nature....

 

 

...dont manipulate her...let her get to where you are on her own ..through knowing you...let her feel your growing love for her...and she will ...........

 

 

accept you love her and hope for the best and be the best you can be..thats all we can do.....is jump...and commit to jumping in spite of the unknown..its part of the beauty of finding your love for someone smack you in the face...and you go oh dear....lol....it is the jump you take after that makes that love so ...special...you could fall...but what if you fly...;)....trust me....i am fearful of heights...never stopped me jumping.....im still alive and kicking......good luck....deb.....

 

Thanks deb, excellent response! I am not a religious man. But i do consider love to be a spiritual thing. I mean right now i would not swap her for any woman on earth if i could be with anyone. So i think what i feel has much more involved than simple attraction. Finding someone sexy and attractive is a completely different gut feeling.

 

I will let events take the course of action that they naturally take i won't force her and would never dream of manipulating. As i see it my goal now is just to try my best to keep things moving forward smoothly without hassle and hope that she comes to the same point as me eventually.

 

I don't think it's odd, but I do think it's best to keep it to yourself until more time has passed. You still don't know the "real" her, and you don't know if something might change. If the feelings are genuine and they are mutual, it will just get better. Just sit back and enjoy the ride.

 

I certainly will not be mentioning the word love any time soon. I have been expressing my feelings to her in subtle ways such as the way i treat her but i have not and will not tell her directly how i feel until much more time passes.

 

It is surprising how much you can get to know the real someone in under 3 months of dating. And the more i find out the more my feelings seem to get stronger. I admit its inevitable that i will find out things that i don't like but honestly it would have to be something seriously sinister to put me even remotely off lol.

 

Thanks all :)

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Chilli Established Member

Chilli

Posted
Posted (edited)

You can know much sooner than that, a day , two. The real stuff. You love everything about them , even the bad things .

 

But l'd just be cautious with my heart for now if l were you bc l noticed you talked about her only physically when you were saying you loved her.

Might be nothing but real in love in gulfs their all, their being, even their bads .

So even if she looks like Monroe that'd be in there yeah sure but more like a bonus in a long list.

But funny how you talked about that first and that's all you talked about in that post.

 

Not saying it ain't so , just saying get to know her better ,see what happens. Good luck .

Edited by Chilli
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SWIPE_ME_NOT Member

SWIPE_ME_NOT

Posted
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Posted
You can know much sooner than that, a day , two. The real stuff. You love everything about them , even the bad things .

 

But l'd just be cautious with my heart for now if l were you bc l noticed you talked about her only physically when you were saying you loved her.

Might be nothing but real in love in gulfs their all, their being, even their bads .

So even if she looks like Monroe that'd be in there yeah sure but more like a bonus in a long list.

But funny how you talked about that first and that's all you talked about in that post.

 

Not saying it ain't so , just saying get to know her better ,see what happens. Good luck .

 

Sorry if i gave that impression but it couldn't be further from the truth. As already mentioned she is not the usual type of girl i would go for in looks and her physical features. But this quickly did not mean much in how i felt towards her.

 

I believe that i fell in love with her personality and soon after everything else just fit into place. I mean it changed within about 5 hours after the first date of not being the sort of type i would usually go for to me thinking she was the most beautiful lady i had ever seen in personality and looks.

 

We have done a range of sexual things but not had sex yet and im in no rush too. She has religious beliefs which mean waiting until she is ready and i have no problem with that. Heck if she wants to wait a year i would not be any less interested. As i care far more about how she makes me feel.

 

Everyone has bad points yes, but i could not even name one that she has because even the bad points are good to me :love:

 

And now i sound like a love struck teenager lol :D

Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
Posted

Usually, these kind of intense feelings so soon are about endorphins and vision/hope and excitement about the possibility of a long-term partner. While it's OK to have these feelings and enjoy them, it's important to balance all that with logic, objectivity, observation and patience. You have not seen "all of her" yet . . . there are so many things that go on "behind the scenes", so to speak, with a dating partner that don't come to light for quite some time.

 

Enjoy this time with her, be objective and relaxed and remember, that dating is process, not an event. Enjoy the process, but don't plan the event yet :)

Chilli Established Member

Chilli

Posted
Posted
Sorry if i gave that impression but it couldn't be further from the truth. As already mentioned she is not the usual type of girl i would go for in looks and her physical features. But this quickly did not mean much in how i felt towards her.

 

I believe that i fell in love with her personality and soon after everything else just fit into place. I mean it changed within about 5 hours after the first date of not being the sort of type i would usually go for to me thinking she was the most beautiful lady i had ever seen in personality and looks.

 

We have done a range of sexual things but not had sex yet and im in no rush too. She has religious beliefs which mean waiting until she is ready and i have no problem with that. Heck if she wants to wait a year i would not be any less interested. As i care far more about how she makes me feel.

 

Everyone has bad points yes, but i could not even name one that she has because even the bad points are good to me :love:

 

And now i sound like a love struck teenager lol :D

 

 

Ahhh , sounds all good then to me man that's exactly how it is, good luck eh.

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