Swan89 Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 I'm really frustrated about this, I haven't had a girlfriend in 3 years. I get told a lot that I'm handsome and I would say I'm humble and mature, romantic, passionate about my hobbies and interests. I have a decent sense of humour but my only 'pitfall' (if it is one) is that I'm a little reserved, not too outgoing. I don't excessively message girls and act needy, just interested. But every time I find a girl that is attractive to me, is my physical type and they seem interested, they show interest and then disappear. Tinder is awful, the conversations die out very quickly even if I'm unique and funny, but they never make an effort to get to know me. An attractive girl on a dating site said I didn't need to be on there, but I got her phone number and wanted to call her, she was too shy and so I tried to set up a date by text, she claimed she was 'busy' for an entire week, and I told her to let me know when she was free, but I never heard from her again. She's still on the website, and still single after 4/5 years. I rarely approach girls in bars, its not my style, I'd rather meet a girl by circumstance or through friends. Everyone I meet is either not that attractive to me, taken or emotionally unavailable/unstable and have a bad attitude. Can anyone give me some tips or even constructive criticism?
Mkn1010 Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 I think that you sound really lovely and, I'm guessing from your username, born in 89 so a couple years younger than me. So I'll tell you what I know about dating in our generation, from a woman's perspective..... A recent study on Tinder for millennials is that only 4% of users are seeking a relationship. Therefore, when girls fade out/flake/stop responding or don't want to meet up, it's really NOT YOU! It's the nature of modern day dating apps. When I used Tinder about a year ago, I was in a transitional phase of my life emotionally and I was not ready to actually date with any meaning, even though I totally thought I was. So hence I was flaky as all hell. There then comes a time when you feel okay/healed/not insecure anymore etc etc and that's the point where you don't need Tinder (and send the app into the abyss), if you catch my drift! I even heard a convo recently among a group of late 20's guys and girls at a café where they described their friend as "hitting tinder hard, so in a very bad place". That pretty much sums it up!! The difficulty is you're shy, like me! So starting up convos in real life can be very hard. But that's even more reason why Tinder is not right for you, shy people don't really belong there as generally we're also sensitive and thoughtful and that realm just beats it all out of us, leaving you utterly exhausted. I also get told by a lot of people that they don't know why I'm single, that I'm very attractive and have a cr*pload to offer and I believe them! And it seems you also have a full life so please don't take the rejections personally. I also want to point out that Tinder is very overwhelming for a woman with substance, as you get objectified again and again by hundreds of matches and it leaves you jaded and hence why the women would be burnt out in giving a guy like you a decent shot. So... what to do! Well I'm still working on that part myself haha but I actually think love (if that's what you want) hits when you least expect it, as cliché as that sounds. And do you really want to meet your significant other on Tinder? Most people I know in serious relationships met at work, through friends or at Uni. They are the top 3. Option 2, through friends, is the best way in my opinion so try and increase your friendship network. Whenever someone asks you to do something socially, always accept as you never know who might be there even when you think you already know all the other guests attending. I have also recently downloaded the app 'meetup' (it's not a dating app but a social app for joining all different groups that are catered towards your individual interests). So that could be an option, particularly if you're in a big city. I don't have a great deal of faith in finding a partner through that means though, but it's something to do in the meantime. Just be patient. Enjoy your life in the meantime. And know that some girls love shy guys so be yourself too and be proud of your uniqueness and good things will come right back at you!! 4
avvril3000 Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 Tinder is good for hook ups. it's impersonal and easy to flake. You should try to seek people in the same hobby interests as you. Are you part of any clubs, can you join any to do with your hobbies? do you wanna start learning about something? take a class? the good thing about those hobby orientated events/clubs is that you already have a subject to talk about, so its makes meeting people less awkward, and more like a natural conversation which is ALWAYS better for everyone in the end. you meet people in person and enjoy the same like for something. these are good beginning foundations for anything potential. 2
hercules22 Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 i feel like im in the same boat as you with the females i meet
Chilli Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 lt's weird bs how people say why are you single isn't it. l mean it doesn't matter what you look like you still need the right person and that ain't easy to find. Never get people saying that sh@t. But yeah , don't whatever you do let the date site crap get you down or take it personally. lt's another world and full of bs and lots of dreamers. l've had gf's and then married nearly my whole adult life and always get noticed but when l went on them , holy hell, what a fkg insult . l did finally find the knack though , eventually, and ended up talking to heaps of women in the end but l only met up with a few , not my types at all in RL though. Mind you , pickings are pretty fkd where l live, talking even a 2hour radious, on those things anyway , very slim. A bit better out in RL though thank God. But l have met guys in better areas that have met some great women on them. l met gf now in a forum, just accidentally really, so anything can happen.
Larryville Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 I'm really frustrated about this, I haven't had a girlfriend in 3 years. I get told a lot that I'm handsome and I would say I'm humble and mature, romantic, passionate about my hobbies and interests. Lose the desperation persona, because you start to wear it like a neon sign and and women you come in contact with will see that from a mile away. Does not matter what you are "told" by people, it is how do you see yourself. We don't know you, nor can we see you, so whatever you are doing of course is not working reinvent yourself, work on yourself and stop "trying" to get a girlfriend, they are not a car or property they are human beings so figure out how to connect with someone and be clear on the type of woman you seek. Peace 3
joseb Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 work on yourself and stop "trying" to get a girlfriend, they are not a car or property they are human beings Exactly. I see so many posts on hear from guys who seem desperate to "get a girlfriend". Lose that mentality. I'll bet good money that once you stop the frantic search and just chill out you will find women more willing to want to see you long term. 2
CptInsano Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 I'm really frustrated about this, I haven't had a girlfriend in 3 years. I get told a lot that I'm handsome and I would say I'm humble and mature, romantic, passionate about my hobbies and interests. I have a decent sense of humour but my only 'pitfall' (if it is one) is that I'm a little reserved, not too outgoing. It seems you have a lot of decent qualities, but what you describe as a pitfall is indeed one. It's often not about what you are but what you do, about having fun, a good time with another person, and not about the list of qualities. Being reserved is going to work against you in this regard. I don't excessively message girls and act needy, just interested. But every time I find a girl that is attractive to me, is my physical type and they seem interested, they show interest and then disappear. Tinder is awful, the conversations die out very quickly even if I'm unique and funny, but they never make an effort to get to know me.That is Tinder. What about IRL? An attractive girl on a dating site said I didn't need to be on there, but I got her phone number and wanted to call her, she was too shy and so I tried to set up a date by text, she claimed she was 'busy' for an entire week, and I told her to let me know when she was free, but I never heard from her again. She's still on the website, and still single after 4/5 years. That is a single girl on a dating website. What is happening offline in your daily life? I rarely approach girls in bars, its not my style, I'd rather meet a girl by circumstance or through friends. Everyone I meet is either not that attractive to me, taken or emotionally unavailable/unstable and have a bad attitude.Either something is wrong with the way you are meeting women, or you are pushing them away. I can assure you that there are plenty of women out there who have their act together. The question becomes why you don't meet them. Can anyone give me some tips or even constructive criticism?Somewhat hard from afar, but it would help to know about your circle of friends, how you prefer to meet people, and the last couple of connections with women you made IRL.
OatsAndHall Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 My blunt two cents: 1. I think you need to be more self-reflective. You've provided us with about a dozen positive attributes, one minor "flaw", and a lot of negativity towards women. We all have more than one character flaw that we need to work on; we're all human. Some of these drive women away. I'm an extremely black and white thinker and I lose empathy very quickly when I feel someone isn't living in the same little box I am. 2. You claim to be reserved and that will kill nine out of ten dates. Quality dates are all about good, fun conversation which requires communication skills and the ability to read people. If I have learned one thing from dating it is this: women can smell a lack of self-confidence from a mile away and they run from it. You don't have to date anyone to get over being reserved; humdrum conversation with other people will help. Get out and be more comfortable in social situations. 3. I would strongly suggest that you broaden your dating horizons and prospects. Use several of OLD sites if you're going to go down that route but try to meet women out in the real world as well. I can understand not enjoying the bar scene (I hate it..) but it's a good place to start meeting women and asking them out. I used to be incredibly awkward when it came to asking women out but I had to rip off the band-aid and do it. Remember, the worst that can happen is they say "no". That's it: they decline the offer and you move on. 4. You mentioned having a "type". I don't know how specific you are being here but I know many folks hamstring themselves by being picky, especially if it comes down to a physical "type". I love redheads and blondes but I'd really be cutting down on potential dates if I tossed women with a darker complexion out of the mix.
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