Author Usename12 Posted April 6, 2017 Author Posted April 6, 2017 Some posters are defending or explaining the woman's actions but in the first post, I already said she did nothing wrong. That's not really the point of the post. The question is simply this: If a person you messaged for a couple of weeks and was about to meet said "I want to focus on someone else I'm dating, good luck" then a few weeks later contacts you again probably because that didn't work out, would you respond to the person or just move on to other people? The funny thing is I'm currently messaging another woman and we're closing to setting up a date. If I respond to the first girl...that would be ironic.
alphamale Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 The question is simply this: If a person you messaged for a couple of weeks and was about to meet said "I want to focus on someone else I'm dating, good luck" then a few weeks later contacts you again probably because that didn't work out, would you respond to the person or just move on to other people? it depends on how much you enjoyed messaging her. there is nothing wrong in playing second fiddle as long as you get the girl
Kamille Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 (edited) I would give the person a chance. I've been in that woman's shoes, where I had to cancel a date because I decided to become exclusive with another guy. Things didn't work out and I considered getting back in touch with that other guy. Never did. I didn't think this other guy was second best. The timing was just off for our dates. The guy I had met in person asked for exclusivity and I said yes because we had enough promise. Perhaps I should have waited, but at the same time I didn't want the guy I was actually seeing to become insecure. And I also didn't want to lead that other guy on. All that to say, it had absolutely nothing to do with the guy I hadn't met. It wasn't me ranking by preference. It was about timing and making sure that I gave the one budding relationship a good chance to succeed. Edited April 6, 2017 by Kamille 1
Author Usename12 Posted April 6, 2017 Author Posted April 6, 2017 I appreciate all the advice but has anyone actually picked one guy/girl over another and weeks later when things go sour then go back to the rejected guy/girl and have that relationship work? -- My friend, you are looking for a crystal ball. then go back to the rejected guy/girl and have that relationship work? -- What you want to know is if you decide to date this girl, will it work out even though you appear to be her second choice. There's no way in the world anyone can tell you that. She was honest with you. That's good thing . . . If you're interested in her, ask her for a date and let things play out as they will. Nothing ventured nothing gained. Do you drive your car everyday assuming or worrying that you might get into an accident? Dont' date people you're interested in with an eye to the possibility of it not turning into a relationship. Date them with some hope and objectivity and weigh each person/scenario on it's own merits and based on actual/intrinsic, and empirical experience. I get what you and others saying but I just want to make sure you'd follow your own advice. If someone you felt you had good rapport with for a week or two messaging, had a lot in common with on paper, were attracted to their pictures, and were close to setting up a meeting said, "hey had a date last night and want to focus on that person so thanks our chats and good luck out there" then contacted you a few weeks later, you'd be open to set up a date and see how things go? Also, not directed specifically to Redhead14, but I'm not bent or upset on this as some posters seem to say, nor have I ever said she handled things the wrong way. It's an interesting thing that happens in our modern online dating world that I wanted to put out there. Not sure why some people just assume there's a ton of drama.
Chilli Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 Since you haven't met it's at least worth a shot. But if my experience is any indication, you are just filler until the next one. That said, I did end up dating one girl who put me on ice for a month. She turned out to be extremely selfish, psychotic, and an alcoholic so it didn't turn out great. She sounds like a beauty, what's her number
todreaminblue Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 I'm one who sees if someone is relationship material by trying to have a relationship with them. IMO, this simply can't be done if either of us are splitting our time between multiple potential partners. What this woman did was exactly what I would have done under the same circumstances; took her best guess and gave it a shot. So she guessed wrong, it happens, and a guess is all anyone can take at such an early point. If she were interesting enough to meet in the beginning, I wouldn't hesitate to meet her now. yeah not a fan of multiples..i like to focus and get to know one person.....that means not bailing...when another person says yeah i like you or want to date you...but seeing it through with the person you are already dating.....i have had this happen with guys...... they ring me up out of the blue when i am dating someone..and i say sorry already dating......and i wish them well...its hard enough coordinating quality time with one guy let alone anymore...i cant do it.....i have family commitments, church commitments i have activities and a guy i am dating takes as much importance as family to me..if that is what he is going to be part of my family, i have to integrate him slowly so he wont have a heart attack especially if he isnt used to closeness.........that takes quality time...and effort ...work...........so nah..one guy.....is all this little b lack duck can handle.....deb
Redhead14 Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 (edited) If someone you felt you had good rapport with for a week or two messaging, had a lot in common with on paper, were attracted to their pictures, and were close to setting up a meeting said, "hey had a date last night and want to focus on that person so thanks our chats and good luck out there" then contacted you a few weeks later, you'd be open to set up a date and see how things go? -- Yeah, why the hell not? You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. If it were someone I had met in person and this happened, I definitely would not go there. For now, it appears that she is not a multi-dater and is upfront. And, have you not swiped over some women and then gone back for a second look yourself? That's why some sites have "favorites" lists . . . And, the first time you meet someone from OLD, you don't have a "date", you arrange a short meet up just to confirm that they are who they say they are, look like their pictures and whether or not there is "enough" there to want a real date. You don't spend a lot of money or time, so not much investment yet. To me, it's not different than if you went to a bar or some public place, and met someone for the first time and had some chit chat which then sparked asking for their number, etc. Dating is a process, not an event. It's one date/meet up, not a commitment to date them forever. And, if everyone is sitting at that screen/keyboard and dismissing possibilities because of the "what ifs", no one is going to be going on dates. Yeah, she could turn out to be a flake or a psycho or whatever, but she could turn out to be a really nice woman who is struggling with the dating world . . . just like you and a lot of other people. If you are having so much success with dating that you can afford to be so discriminating based on perceived slights and and projections based on what you think could happen or might be the case, then by all means dismiss this one. Edited April 7, 2017 by Redhead14
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