Usename12 Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 I met a woman online and we exchanged a few messages and I was about to ask to meet her, but she ended it when she said she wanted to concentrate on another guy. Totally fair. She was the one I was most excited meeting of the women I was communicating with at the time so that was disappointing. Very attractive and intelligent and witty and probably got tons of messages. Anyway, it didn't work with the guy so she contacted me. Now we haven't met yet, but I'm on the fence investing in this since it sort of feels like a second choice. Had we met casually or gone on a date and she picked the other guy then came back to me, I definitely would not go for that, no matter how attracted I am to her. I'd feel like she only came back because she couldn't do better. But since we haven't met, I'm more lenient. So what would others do?
central Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 Please stay on the line. Your date is important to us, and will be processed in the order in which they are received. Heck, may as well meet her. She was likely already dating (or had at least met) someone else first, so of course they will take priority before meeting someone new - i.e., you. There's no reason she should ditch a reasonable prospect she's met in favor of someone she hasn't. Now you have your chance. 4
CryForNoOne Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 You're delusional if you think any attractive and intelligent woman you message online doesn't already have a man lined up before and after your interview slot. If you can't take the heat don't stay in the kitchen... 2
smackie9 Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 I'm sure if you were in her position you would do the same thing.
SevenCity Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 On one instance the girl reached out to me a month later (no explication). I setup the date and she stood me up. Another one I reached out to. She profusely apologized and said she was soo busy but would love to meet for a drink. Never heard from her again. (Edit - I remember 4 who did the same now) I agree that you want to be first choice, not second. If she wasn't interested enough to make room for you before, she will likely ditch you for the next better prospect. That said, at least she was honest and one of the rare OLD women who try one guy at a time. Might be worth a shot but don't make it a fri or sat unless you have nothing else going on. 4
coolheadal Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 I met a woman online and we exchanged a few messages and I was about to ask to meet her, but she ended it when she said she wanted to concentrate on another guy. Totally fair. She was the one I was most excited meeting of the women I was communicating with at the time so that was disappointing. Very attractive and intelligent and witty and probably got tons of messages. Anyway, it didn't work with the guy so she contacted me. Now we haven't met yet, but I'm on the fence investing in this since it sort of feels like a second choice. Had we met casually or gone on a date and she picked the other guy then came back to me, I definitely would not go for that, no matter how attracted I am to her. I'd feel like she only came back because she couldn't do better. But since we haven't met, I'm more lenient. So what would others do? Listen you are both strangers, she made her choice and you got left behind. Now her choice has fallen and your are the second runner up? What should you do accept it or drop her? Well you have nothing to loose here you can get to know her and see where it goes. I say this because you now have way to show who you are and if she accepts you for you then it might just work out. You have nothing to loose either way you can go. You know your the best guy she'll be happy with. If you back down it shows weakness on your part. Don't let anyone push you around nor let them take advantage of you. But you can take advantage of this situation and take control of it! Good Luck and lets us all here know how you made out with her?
SevenCity Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 On one instance the girl reached out to me a month later (no explication). I setup the date and she stood me up. Another one I reached out to. She profusely apologized and said she was soo busy but would love to meet for a drink. Never heard from her again. (Edit - I remember 4 who did the same now) I agree that you want to be first choice, not second. If she wasn't interested enough to make room for you before, she will likely ditch you for the next better prospect. That said, at least she was honest and one of the rare OLD women who try one guy at a time. Might be worth a shot but don't make it a fri or sat unless you have nothing else going on. Meant to say she MIGHT be a rare OLD girl who does not multidate.
smackie9 Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 Take a look at it this way....everyone is actually the "next choice", not second, third or even first...just the next one. It's dating, what do you expect? 6
Author Usename12 Posted April 5, 2017 Author Posted April 5, 2017 On one instance the girl reached out to me a month later (no explication). I setup the date and she stood me up. Another one I reached out to. She profusely apologized and said she was soo busy but would love to meet for a drink. Never heard from her again. (Edit - I remember 4 who did the same now) I agree that you want to be first choice, not second. If she wasn't interested enough to make room for you before, she will likely ditch you for the next better prospect. That said, at least she was honest and one of the rare OLD women who try one guy at a time. Might be worth a shot but don't make it a fri or sat unless you have nothing else going on. I don't know the timing of the other guy, but we were messaging for a couple of weeks so either way, there was some overlap between me and him and she decided on one over the other. This was a few weeks ago. The highlighted above is the part that I'm hesitating with. And yes, I've had this happen before and they don't seem as excited if they rejected you once then came back. You can't go back to the well twice. In that case, we actually met IRL so because in this case we hadn't met, it is not exactly the same. I don't want to waste my time, and there are other prospects currently I'm talking with.
Author Usename12 Posted April 5, 2017 Author Posted April 5, 2017 I'm sure if you were in her position you would do the same thing. I've actually never had the urge to return to someone I've felt no spark with or chose another over. 1
todreaminblue Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 Meant to say she MIGHT be a rare OLD girl who does not multidate. they do exist.......deb 3
smackie9 Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 I've actually never had the urge to return to someone I've felt no spark with or chose another over. No no, if you really really liked two women but already was on a 3rd date with one and was stuck between which one to pick... If she felt no spark she wouldn't have kept messaging you....she simply liked the both of you, but felt already invested in other guy probably because they have already met. 1
JuneL Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 You guys were just at the messaging stage and had not even met, so it's a bit much to say you were her second choice then. Plus, it's likely that she was quite a bit further along with the other guy (e.g., having met a few times)!
Author Usename12 Posted April 5, 2017 Author Posted April 5, 2017 You guys were just at the messaging stage and had not even met, so it's a bit much to say you were her second choice then. Plus, it's likely that she was quite a bit further along with the other guy (e.g., having met a few times)! Yes, I stated that in the first post. I have no idea how far along they were. If we had met and she chose another guy over me, I'd definitely not go back to the well. But because we were in the messaging stage, I'm more open to it. I agree that you want to be first choice, not second. If she wasn't interested enough to make room for you before, she will likely ditch you for the next better prospect. This is what gives me pause. And there are other women I'm currently messaging with and don't want to waste time. I appreciate all the advice but has anyone actually picked one guy/girl over another and weeks later when things go sour then go back to the rejected guy/girl and have that relationship work?
phineas Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 Get over it. It's not like she flaked then came back. However, don't act like you just won the lottery. If it were me, i'd agree to meet but i'd put VERY LITTLE into it until she is actually in front of me and she'd have to make an effort to convince me she was legit interested and not just bored. 1
CryForNoOne Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 I appreciate all the advice but has anyone actually picked one guy/girl over another and weeks later when things go sour then go back to the rejected guy/girl and have that relationship work? I met a girl on Tinder, agreed to meet for a second date but we both started dating someone else before that. Several weeks later, I guess she broke up with him and hit me up again. We slept together and dated for a little while and are still friends. So you never know. It's OLD, by nature everybody is shopping, and they don't owe you anything until you've been on SEVERAL dates. You haven't even met and you're getting all bent. At least she has the decency to be upfront which is better than most multi-daters... 1
hercules22 Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 yep i throw that out the window if she didnt want to date me at first cause of that reason above if u havnt found someone else why not see what happens now that she making herself available to you . females get hit up more then males anyway when it comes to dating
Popsicle Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 Yes, but they are rare. Here I am. I don't multidate and I want a man who doesn't multidate either. The minute I get a sign that he's multidating, I'm out. And to the OP, she may have liked you both but the other guy was first. 1
Chilli Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 lt's probably the wrong attitude but if it was me , sorry , GFY , l'll never be the back up.
todreaminblue Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 Yes, but they are rare. rare is much tastier than well done......deb 2
OatsAndHall Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 She was honest with you about seeing this other guy. That would be a huge bonus in my book. I would absolutely giver her another shot. It's better than chatting, setting up a date and then being ghosted. Its dating natural selection, my friend, and you can walk out on top if you ditch your ego. 1
Redhead14 Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 I appreciate all the advice but has anyone actually picked one guy/girl over another and weeks later when things go sour then go back to the rejected guy/girl and have that relationship work? -- My friend, you are looking for a crystal ball. then go back to the rejected guy/girl and have that relationship work? -- What you want to know is if you decide to date this girl, will it work out even though you appear to be her second choice. There's no way in the world anyone can tell you that. She was honest with you. That's good thing . . . If you're interested in her, ask her for a date and let things play out as they will. Nothing ventured nothing gained. Do you drive your car everyday assuming or worrying that you might get into an accident? Dont' date people you're interested in with an eye to the possibility of it not turning into a relationship. Date them with some hope and objectivity and weigh each person/scenario on it's own merits and based on actual/intrinsic, and empirical experience.
SevenCity Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 Yes, I stated that in the first post. I have no idea how far along they were. If we had met and she chose another guy over me, I'd definitely not go back to the well. But because we were in the messaging stage, I'm more open to it. This is what gives me pause. And there are other women I'm currently messaging with and don't want to waste time. I appreciate all the advice but has anyone actually picked one guy/girl over another and weeks later when things go sour then go back to the rejected guy/girl and have that relationship work? Since you haven't met it's at least worth a shot. But if my experience is any indication, you are just filler until the next one. That said, I did end up dating one girl who put me on ice for a month. She turned out to be extremely selfish, psychotic, and an alcoholic so it didn't turn out great. 1
WaitingForBardot Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 I'm one who sees if someone is relationship material by trying to have a relationship with them. IMO, this simply can't be done if either of us are splitting our time between multiple potential partners. What this woman did was exactly what I would have done under the same circumstances; took her best guess and gave it a shot. So she guessed wrong, it happens, and a guess is all anyone can take at such an early point. If she were interesting enough to meet in the beginning, I wouldn't hesitate to meet her now. 1
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