maro Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 (edited) Ehhhhh..... Soon, it will be 3 months of no contact, I ended it because I wanted to, I was really tired of the situation, I caught strong feelings for him. There was a guy that showed an interest in me, he tried so hard that I finally accepted his invitation for a dinner. It was nice, he was nice, well put together and so on. We eventually had started dating. I liked him, all was good and I actually forgot about MM. But not for long, I miss him, I can't stop comparing this guy I'm currently seeing to him, I want to message and see him so bad... Please help. Edited April 5, 2017 by maro 1
Telemachus Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 Not being in contact isn't a thing. It's simply the absence of contact. If you want to reach out, do so. "Hello" is free and easy. A wave of the hand from across the street is even easier. I also don't see what would hold you back or why you're posting this. It's up to you to act, and I don't see the dilemma or difficulty. If you haven't been in contact becasue one or both of you said clearly that you never wanted to speak again, and it was agreed, then breaking such a commitment would be a mistake. Again, I don't see the dilemma or difficulty - if you'd be breaking a commitment, you shouldn't do it.
lostgirl87 Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 I'm actually nobody to give any advice given the situation I am currently in/getting out of. But I feel like if you have been able to go 3 months without speaking to him, doesn't that also mean he has been able to go 3 months without speaking to you? It sounds like you were strong enough to make the right decision for you which was to get yourself out of that relationship. Don't go back now. Making that decision and sticking with it in the first couple of days has to be the hardest part. There's a chance that he is missing you in his life. It's possible that reaching out will make him happy and he will want to continue speaking. Eventually, you may end up exactly where you were. That place you didn't want to be in anymore. The only way anything could ever work with a MM is if he is single and he comes back to you. All that said, nobody can tell you not to do something. You're the one that has to live with the decision. Be honest with yourself about why you want to talk to him. What you want him to say or where you want the conversation, if there is one, to go. Once you have those answers you'll know exactly what you need to do. 1
FoundMyStrength Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 I'm actually nobody to give any advice given the situation I am currently in/getting out of. But I feel like if you have been able to go 3 months without speaking to him, doesn't that also mean he has been able to go 3 months without speaking to you? It sounds like you were strong enough to make the right decision for you which was to get yourself out of that relationship. Don't go back now. Making that decision and sticking with it in the first couple of days has to be the hardest part. There's a chance that he is missing you in his life. It's possible that reaching out will make him happy and he will want to continue speaking. Eventually, you may end up exactly where you were. That place you didn't want to be in anymore. The only way anything could ever work with a MM is if he is single and he comes back to you. All that said, nobody can tell you not to do something. You're the one that has to live with the decision. Be honest with yourself about why you want to talk to him. What you want him to say or where you want the conversation, if there is one, to go. Once you have those answers you'll know exactly what you need to do. Also be honest with yourself about all the possible outcomes. It may be that xMM is happy to hear from you. It may also be that he doesn't miss you at all, or has a new OW by now, or that your email will unintentionally spark a D-Day. Are you ready to emotionally cope with any of those things? To deal with dead silence, casual dismissal, or the absolute sh*tstorm of a DDay? If you're not, don't do it. Come here for support instead. Hang in there...NC is really really hard. But if you can do it 3 months, you've got this.
Jezebel4 Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 Three months is awesome. You should be so proud of yourself. I think you should continue NC. And I think you should let yourself be happy. Enjoy dating available people, the idea that no one will compare is only because of addiction to MM
Author maro Posted April 5, 2017 Author Posted April 5, 2017 It really helps. During those 3 months, he messaged me asking how I am and that he hopes all is well and that I'm safe. His last message from about two weeks ago was "I know you won't probably reply but I am just checking on you as I always do, I hope you're happy, if you want please just let me know if everything is ok", well I have messaged him "thank you for your concern, but I'm perfectly fine" and that was it. He just replied: "then I'm not worried, thank you for letting me know, remember I'm always here". I know that by replying him to this message was kind of breaking NC, however, it was only this one message and at that time I didn't think about pushing it forward. And it wasn't anything new because I know he cares about me somehow. I just really, truly miss him. I know we could still be friends but I'm not sure if I'd be able to separate my feelings, 99% I wouldn't be that's why no contact is better for us all. "...To deal with dead silence, casual dismissal, or the absolute sh*tstorm of a DDay?" I'm not ready for it and I know that for sure. That's why I have to remain NC. It's hard, it really is.... I was able to go on for 3 months only because I'm seeing this guy and at the beginning, I was all excited but the excitement has gone.
Author maro Posted April 5, 2017 Author Posted April 5, 2017 Three months is awesome. You should be so proud of yourself. I think you should continue NC. And I think you should let yourself be happy. Enjoy dating available people, the idea that no one will compare is only because of addiction to MM This is the hardest, how can I enjoy dating other people as I still miss MM... I wish it could just disappear, just like that, in a click of a finger. I know, it's a hard work... but like they say "you made your bed, so now sleep in it". An addiction to him..., hmm this is very interesting I must say.
Starswillshine Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 Remember how hard it was to get to this 3 month mark. Do you want to go through that pain again? You are hurting right niw, but as you have shown over the last 3 months, you will get through it. It is only temporary. No contact= no new hurts. Sorry you are going through this. 1
Author maro Posted April 5, 2017 Author Posted April 5, 2017 . Sorry you are going through this. Well, I asked for this.
Starswillshine Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 Well, I asked for this. As a BS myself, it would be too easy for me to just say, yes, you asked for it. But you are also human with real emotions. Can you call over a girl friend and watch some sappy movies? Or some sexy man movie? Ha 1
Author maro Posted April 5, 2017 Author Posted April 5, 2017 As a BS myself, it would be too easy for me to just say, yes, you asked for it. But you are also human with real emotions. Can you call over a girl friend and watch some sappy movies? Or some sexy man movie? Ha Oh yeah this could be good Actually, I might do that. )
freengreen Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 He isnt yours despite of what ever he says. He knows it too. Dont waste your life like this. There are men out there who will give much more than your MM. Dont you think you deserve much more?
Author maro Posted April 6, 2017 Author Posted April 6, 2017 Of course he isn't mine and probably never will be. I know this is just stupid... I'd like to believe that I'll find a man better than him. Actually no, he doesn't have to be better (this guy I'm currently seeing is much better in so many ways, but still there's not that special bond and connection). What I don't understand is why I've never felt like this about anyone except him. He really isn't perfect and I was dating maaaany, maaany different guys. Never felt so good.
Starswillshine Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 Of course he isn't mine and probably never will be. I know this is just stupid... I'd like to believe that I'll find a man better than him. Actually no, he doesn't have to be better (this guy I'm currently seeing is much better in so many ways, but still there's not that special bond and connection). What I don't understand is why I've never felt like this about anyone except him. He really isn't perfect and I was dating maaaany, maaany different guys. Never felt so good. Affairs are a different beast and makes the emotions much stronger. It has only been 3 months, so right now, you are not in a place to be able to move on and date someone with a clear mind. Doesn't mean it won't happen. I'm separated. I know I am at best 2 years before I am in a place to date anyone else. Some fun distraction may come along, but I know I won't be able to give my heart to someone for awhile. And the feelings won't be there for a long time. Don't beat yourself up. It has only been 3 months.
freengreen Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 Of course he isn't mine and probably never will be. I know this is just stupid... I'd like to believe that I'll find a man better than him. Actually no, he doesn't have to be better (this guy I'm currently seeing is much better in so many ways, but still there's not that special bond and connection). What I don't understand is why I've never felt like this about anyone except him. He really isn't perfect and I was dating maaaany, maaany different guys. Never felt so good. Hm I dont want to sound wrong or mean but... affairs sometimes feel good BECAUSE the man pins you despite having a wife. You do feel special because you think the man is going 'out of his morals' for you. That you are so good, a married man who wasnt supoosed to get attracted, did. You might not be this at all but an affair can turn you into a lot of things you arnt. Just know that its all his agenda, FOR HIM, not for you. I dont know how many APs truly loved their APs but usually it so happens that they just need the movie to run, nevermind who the actress is... My own thoughts. 1
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