LJayCoolade Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 (edited) Hello Guys/Girls So im 24 years old and split up with my ex 6 months ago or so. She ended it with me after 2 years and half. Im pretty confused at the moment as the last few months i have been doing fine just getting on with my life trying to make myself happy with myself before i make any more commitments.Two months after we broke up i had a little fling with an old school friend but it soon fizzled out. Recently though i have tried to start dating again mainly on dating apps but i have met up with a few people whilst at the pub or what not. My problem is i have now started to compare dates or future dates with my ex like im never going to find anyone as good or will never feel like i did when i was with my ex. I have NC with my ex but she is still on my friends list on FB and i have started to be nosy to see whats she up to i feel like im going back to how i felt when we first split up. I guess my question is am i putting my EX on a pedestal and if so how do you over come that because i felt fine last month but now its got worse again? I wouldn't say i love her or anything but i do still feel for her i guess. Any feedback is welcome even negative Edit* Just to add that i am not really sure why we broke up, went up to see her at uni and she ended it with me. I never really asked why nor have i tried chasing her. Was pretty unexpected as everything was fine well it seemed that way from my point of view. Edited April 5, 2017 by LJayCoolade
Telemachus Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 I'll make this simple. Comparing others to your ex is bad. Having high standards is good. Why is comparing someone sitting in front of you to someone you used to have a relationship with bad? Because the person sitting across the table from you or in the theater seat next to you is real. If you place your ex at another seat at the table or in the theater seat on the other side of you, she's a ghost, a nostalgic fantasy. How can you say that a woman who enjoys your company right now isn't as good as another woman who dumped you for no stated reason? That's crazy. You're cherry-picking the qualities you enjoyed and admired in your ex, and forgetting all of the negativity that went with it. You know the saying: "Nostalgia's not what it used to be." Think about it. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 When you find yourself doing the comparing, it's a sign that you might not be ready to date yet. You can over come this by reminding yourself that a new person will be different. Different is not better or worse, just different. If you have positive self talk you will get past the comparisons. 1
Author LJayCoolade Posted April 5, 2017 Author Posted April 5, 2017 How can you say that a woman who enjoys your company right now isn't as good as another woman who dumped you for no stated reason? That's crazy. You're cherry-picking the qualities you enjoyed and admired in your ex, and forgetting all of the negativity that went with it. You know the saying: "Nostalgia's not what it used to be." Think about it. This is a really good way to look at it, i must admit i did not think about it like this. Your right really your comparing future dates or what ever with a ghost. Ghost being the ex of course. Thanks for those words of wisdom. I saw this you quoted on another post spot on "Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened." (Dr. Seuss) Thanks again
Author LJayCoolade Posted April 5, 2017 Author Posted April 5, 2017 When you find yourself doing the comparing, it's a sign that you might not be ready to date yet. Thanks i think you are right, maybe im not ready yet. On the right path though Thanks
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